You Are Still Here (a poem) 8/23/08

[Guest guest]

You Are Still Here

All that I amand all that I haveis that which I never will beand all I will never have.A moment in timewhich we sharedin harmonious intimacy.The now, this now,existing becausethe circumference of my love for youreaches into yesterday,regardless the distance or time.Keeping it in focus.Front and centerin the deliriumI wear within my eyes.I know everyone sees you thereand when I turn my backI wonder if they laugh or cry.

My heart,somewhere after goodbye,cried itselfto the pointof a suicidal death.Yet even with this,still I hear a screaming voiceand an emotion unknowntelling me,reassuring methat you are not truly gone.You are still heresomewhere physically.

You fill the skieswith your radiant aura.The waves withinthe tiniest of pondsand the largest of seas;The flowing laughter.The ecstasy embellished sounds,proportionatewith the Biblical rapture.I am not reminded, I know!I know you are here,in all I can grasp and perceive.Rain or shine.High noon afternoonsand midnight dreams.You are not forgotten. Never.Even blinking finds you,as does breathing.Your taste still filling the air.

Such a confusion;Loving you stillwith so much of metaken or stripped away.What should be marked as a tombstonestruts throughout my beinglike a noble peacock,displaying all of youand all of everything.Everything which never was,yet I experiencedand still do.

This terminal extentof just how badlyI need your embraceand it's fireplace warmth.The glowing embers...If only I could cry.If only.Oh what did I say or door didn'twhich led to this?This very solid nothingnesswhich createsmy spinning thoughts.So much hopenestled in the hopeless.The impossiblewhich cannot be sweptunder the rug.

If need be,I would sacrifice my souland my eternityto have you here.Yes, sitting herefully dressed,legs crossed,and sitting in eloquence.Mutual thoughts keptabove the neck.I only need to hold your hand.Fingers locked into mine,and it's reassurancethat you are still youand I am me again.

Perhaps I have alreadysacrificed my entiretyand my eternity.All this,still not enoughto recapture the mirage,so convincingly real.The sand so quenching and coolto me, dying of thirst.The unraveling mindstill searchingfor even more to offer,just to hold your hand.Your hand.Only your hand.

-Randy