hi Marti

[Guest guest]

Hi Marti,

I am new to the group and just read one of your blogs. I am sorry that you are a

having a tough time right now.I will keep you in my prayers and touhgts. I cant

begin to understand how you must feel. Tell me I how I can help from nc. I do

wish you all the best hope that the major cocktail does the job right the first

time and that you will not get to sick from it.Good Luck and God bless and keep

you in His arms.

della

sheparddella@...

Re: Marti - your chemo

Hi Jeanne,

My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was supposed

to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or my cousin who

isn't available next week either). So it will start Wednesday 2/20, Thursday

2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi will be in Atlanta (I'm in

Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society Convention, which is where she works.

She has to go because she is in charge of the workshops and lectures so can't

cancel and I wouldn't want her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to

believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay

with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is

closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better

than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail

(the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it

becomes stage 4 which

it is

dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever

I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time.

I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular

symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all over

achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I think I may

be worse today because of my emotional state.

I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the best I can

to support people and speak up for people, but instead of appreciation I get

shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts in a couple of days. I've

evidently done something wrong by not always being a cheerleader and for

standing up for what I believe when things that don't seem fair are going on.

It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it

wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now and no

one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and treatments coming up.

I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my

life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck,

shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about

someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by

my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips

and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back.

I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that things will

change and how we should look at the day to day things that matter in our lives

instead of projecting way into the future, because we don't know what is going

to happen in the next few minutes, and surely not the next few years. I heard

nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of

answers.

I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not all

cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a downer and

I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it lately and other than

you don't get it.

Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been here

before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out to a world of

people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I don't belong here

either.

Marti

Jeanne and Dave <djgraves9497@ sbcglobal. net> wrote:

What did you find our about your treatments? You can reply privately if you

prefer.

Jeanne in WI

> Hi Angie and Debra,

> It is amazing how few people there really are who care about others and

> what they are going through. Several years ago I had Leukemia (well I

> guess I still do, but it's in remission and I am fine) and went through

> two rounds of chemotherapy. I was still working at the time and really

> didn't get any sympathy at all, after the beginning well wishes. People

> there and everywhere, including my family, really did not want to know

> about it. I think people get scared of having cancer themselves and can't

> talk about it or something - the same happens with Fibromyalgia. There

> are also those who say they don't know what to say. (My mother says

> that's the way the cookie crumbles.)

> Now I'm starting chemo again next week for the bone cancer and the few

> people left that haven't already fallen out of my life because of Fibro

> don't want to talk about it. At least I'm not working now, so I don't

> have to look at the faces of the people I worked with like I did the other

> time. That was terrible. Seeing the uncaring faces look away really

> fast.

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