Tired of pretending, anger, and tears

[Guest guest]

I just have to vent today. I am just feeling do down. I am so tired of

pretending I am fine when I am not. Yesterday was like trying to run a marathon

just going to work. They could not see under the makeup and the " cheerful

attitude " that I felt like $hit. What is worse is they don't give a damn. I

know it too.

Things come back to me when I feel this bad. I remember the comments my

supervisor has made to me about a sister in law of hers with FM. She depicted

her to me as lazy. She said " she slept all day " .... what she does not

understand is that this damn crap comes with sleep disorders on top of it all.

And she had made a comment that " she did not work like you do " . And said " she is

a prescription drug addict " . Well, I am not able to freaken work. Damn it!

Not a person on earth gives a crap but the people here.

I also remember what the nurse that I work with said one day. When she told

me about her friend who has fibro. She said she does not talk to that friend

anymore because " she just wants people to feel sorry for her " .. and made

comments about her pain meds and how she can hardly stay awake. (It is probably

from the damn fibro fog and not her pain meds).

I am fed up with people just not believing this shit. It hurts me greatly.

If I have larnyngitis or a cold, I get " oh, I can tell you feel so bad " . Then

they acknowledge that I am sick. But not with the fibro. I know that any

comment I make about it probably makes them roll their eyes.

I am angry, pissed, and so fed up. I just don't know how much longer I can

take the " don't give a shit " attitude of these people. I don't expect any

special treatment, but I don't want to be considered an idiot either. And if I

call in and say " I am sick... It is the fibro " .... they will just talk about me

then the next time I come in NO ONE will even ask how I am.

I am just so angry. Thanks for listening. Guess what? They get me today

without makeup. I don't care. Let them see how I look and feel every day of my

life without me trying to hide it.

love ya all,

Debra V.

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