Guest guest Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 , I remember being at home with Dylan as a newborn - rocking him and singing - grieving that he would not enjoy music, which is the language of my soul. But then it hit me that music was the language of my soul, not Dylan's - his would be different! I had wanted a third child for 5 years and knew Dylan would be my last and I was so happy to have him, that I decided that I would not waste that precious baby time on anticipatory grief of all that he would not experience, but would instead enjoy him, and then if and when he grieved something, I could grieve it with him. This helped me a lot. Of course we all have our own losses that we do grieve, the loss of our own hopes and dreams, but I did not need to compound it by adding to the pile by imagining what he might grieve as well. He was happy and so was I! As yet, he is happy with himself and his world and we are happy with him. Kim >> As parents, we have great dreams for our children, and we >grieve the losses >> when the dreams don't go as planned. But, >I've learned that because our >> kids were born with the >vision/hearing/health they have, they haven't " lost " >> anything.....It's NORMAL for them. No, not our idea of >Normal - but a new >> normal. Please keep this in mind, it's >helped me tremendously! > > You know, Sally, this is the philosophy that has helped me so much in the > last few years, too. I remember when we first got the news that was > deaf and was likely blind in her left eye, all within a week, and I sent out > an email to family and friends sharing our news. A good friend of mine wrote > me back a nice message, and toward the end he told me that at least it was a > blessing that was like this from birth and so this would be " normal " for > her. I really didn't get what he was saying at that time--I was so wrapped up > in grief, I almost thought it was a cruel statement. But it stuck with me, > and as I've gone through the past four years, I've always kept that statement > in my head and have come to realize what my friend was telling me. Often we > grieve for things our kids can't or don't do and we think it is so sad, but > we're looking at the situation from our world, not our kids'. To , her > world is a great place and she's as happy as she can be in it. What a > blessing to be that at peace with your world--we should all be so lucky! > > , mom to (4) > > > --------------------------------- > > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 , this is beautiful. pam Pamela J. , M.A., CAGS Licensed Educational Psychologist Perkins School for the Blind, Deafblind Program 175 North Beacon St. Watertown, MA 02472 > ---------- > From: CHARGE on behalf of Kauffman > Reply To: CHARGE > Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2006 9:07 AM > To: CHARGE > Subject: Re: Losses > > >As parents, we have great dreams for our children, and we >grieve the losses when the dreams don't go as planned. But, >I've learned that because our kids were born with the >vision/hearing/health they have, they haven't " lost " > >anything.....It's NORMAL for them. No, not our idea of >Normal - but a new normal. Please keep this in mind, it's >helped me tremendously! > > You know, Sally, this is the philosophy that has helped me so much in the last few years, too. I remember when we first got the news that was deaf and was likely blind in her left eye, all within a week, and I sent out an email to family and friends sharing our news. A good friend of mine wrote me back a nice message, and toward the end he told me that at least it was a blessing that was like this from birth and so this would be " normal " for her. I really didn't get what he was saying at that time--I was so wrapped up in grief, I almost thought it was a cruel statement. But it stuck with me, and as I've gone through the past four years, I've always kept that statement in my head and have come to realize what my friend was telling me. Often we grieve for things our kids can't or don't do and we think it is so sad, but we're looking at the situation from our world, not our kids'. To , her world is a great place and she's as happy as she can be in it. What a > blessing to be that at peace with your world--we should all be so lucky! > > , mom to (4) > > > --------------------------------- > > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 This perspective is really helpful. When I have a down day, it's because I feel that I am working so hard with and for Carmen to become or achieve something. One day as I was laying her down for her nap, I just started crying by her crib because I felt like I was failing her--that nothing I tried was helping her to achieve more. Then, I fell to my knees and just started praying and what I came to realize in that moment is that Carmen is such a brave warrior! I was so caught up in moving forward and helping her overcome that I didn't celebrate who she is and how far she's come--and how brave she has been to deal with all the surgeries and hospitalizations. I felt humbled by her miraculous ability to be strong and so happy despite all she has to deal with. She is happy and she hasn't had any losses--she's only had gains from where she started. So, YES, YES, YES--this is so the way I need to look at her world!! Thanks to everyone! , mom to Zachary 4.5 and Carmen 20 months (CHARGE) > > , > this is beautiful. > pam > > Pamela J. , M.A., CAGS > Licensed Educational Psychologist > Perkins School for the Blind, Deafblind Program > 175 North Beacon St. > Watertown, MA 02472 > > > ---------- > > From: CHARGE on behalf of Kauffman > > Reply To: CHARGE > > Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2006 9:07 AM > > To: CHARGE > > Subject: Re: Losses > > > > >As parents, we have great dreams for our children, and we >grieve the losses when the dreams don't go as planned. But, >I've learned that because our kids were born with the >vision/hearing/health they have, they haven't " lost " > > >anything.....It's NORMAL for them. No, not our idea of >Normal - but a new normal. Please keep this in mind, it's >helped me tremendously! > > > > You know, Sally, this is the philosophy that has helped me so much in the last few years, too. I remember when we first got the news that was deaf and was likely blind in her left eye, all within a week, and I sent out an email to family and friends sharing our news. A good friend of mine wrote me back a nice message, and toward the end he told me that at least it was a blessing that was like this from birth and so this would be " normal " for her. I really didn't get what he was saying at that time--I was so wrapped up in grief, I almost thought it was a cruel statement. But it stuck with me, and as I've gone through the past four years, I've always kept that statement in my head and have come to realize what my friend was telling me. Often we grieve for things our kids can't or don't do and we think it is so sad, but we're looking at the situation from our world, not our kids'. To , her world is a great place and she's as happy as she can be in it. What a > > blessing to be that at peace with your world--we should all be so lucky! > > > > , mom to (4) > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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