Re: Tired of pretending, anger, and tears

[Guest guest]

The good thing is that now fibro is becoming more 'known about.'

I used to tell people I had it and they would not believe me or they

would question me or tell me it was depression. Now when I tell

strangers I have this, every single time they reply with " oh, my friend

has that " or " so and so's Mother had that " or nowadays it is " I do too! "

It's just getting to be more talked about, which makes life a little bit

easier for us.

We owe hubby's Mom money, and last year she asked if he was going to

start paying her back. That is when he told her about my fibro and that

is why I haven't worked in nearly eight years. She has been very

sympathetic and hasn't asked for that money since. I do hope to pay her

back, it just isn't easy.

And the make up topic got me thinking just now. Today I am piling it

on! I usually dust powder on but today I'm putting on some mineral make

up to hide it all. I look awful. NO sleep, plus I had me good cry so my

eyes are dark circles and puffy. My rosacea is flaring and I just can't

hide it! That Prosacea just does not do the job. I hate it.

The mineral make up I use looks all stupid and cakey, so I don't

recommend it. It's the Avon kind, and it's okay for me to say that

because I sell it. LOL. I can't wait to try one of those infomercial ones.

Okay gotta go, gotta deliver two Avon orders.

Angie wrote:

> Debra,

> I'm so sorry. This is what I have been saying about what I went through.

People don't care. For the most part they look for anything to talk bad about

you. I don't know what the hell happened to compassion, but it is sure hard to

find anymore. I was so sick the last few months I was at work I didn't wear

makeup anymore and my hair was in a ponytail most of the time because that way I

didn't have to fuss with it.

>

> They all knew I had Lupus for 2 years and all they did was berate me behind my

back. I'd drag in there looking so bad and being so sick and I still worked

circles around them. So they badmouthed me because of that. Then they tell me

to take it easy and not work so hard and then they'd badmouth me because I

wasn't doing everyone's job anymore.

>

> The truth is that we start to believe that its because of our illness, but its

not. It's the nature of the environment and unfortunately its very common

today. We just become extra sensitive to it because we have something for them

to sink their teeth into. When we are absent we aren't there to defend

ourselves. However, if it wasn't our health it wouldn't make them stop. They

would find something anyway.

>

> So try not to let it get to you like it did me. I was devastated by it. It

damn near killed me; and it damn near killed at least 5 other people at my place

of employment that I know of. People that did NOT have any chronic diseases.

It DID kill one guy that I know of; at 38. ly, I wasn't even diagnosed

with Lupus when I went to work there; and my blood pressure was normal without

medication.

>

> The disease is hard enough to live with. The backbiting isn't because of your

disease; its there anyway. You just worry about you and not what people are

saying.

>

> Angie Harley Mama Double-D

> Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 4 cats, snow

skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High Sierra Thong

Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated, outspoken, and open

minded.

>

> " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey, new one here. Actually I have been lurking for a couple of weeks. I

felt too lousy to even jump in and say hello. WOW, I do know exactly

how you feel. I arrived in this condition from an auto accident….

Some young man used the back of my car to stop is car….abruptly I

might say. I look fine other than a closed head injury, herniated disks

and a really bad back now! To make matters worse this FM set in and has

taken up permanent residence had to ½ my neck fused together, my

thyroid then developed nodules (too many x-rays or possibly from the

surgery) my gall bladder came out this spring. I am on more meds than I

can remember to list and am seeing a pain management doctor. Oh did

forget to mention I will be seeing an endocrinologist in a couple of

weeks or as soon as I can get an appointment because the doctor keeps

having to increase my thyroid medication….I guess they might yank

that out too depending on what they find again.

But hey I look great! It's terrible how we are treated for having

this monster! So sorry you have to be treated like that. I couldn't go

back to work because I am permanantly disabled. But I do know of friends

who have to go through that at work. I give all of you credit who are

still trying to make it to work everyday. It takes great strength on

your part..... you should know in your heart they would crumble should

they try to walk a mile in your shoes! God bless all of you!

P.S And it snowed 6 inches last night….I HURT!

T.R.

>

> Debra,

> I'm so sorry. This is what I have been saying about what I went

through. People don't care. For the most part they look for anything to

talk bad about you. I don't know what the hell happened to compassion,

but it is sure hard to find anymore. I was so sick the last few months I

was at work I didn't wear makeup anymore and my hair was in a ponytail

most of the time because that way I didn't have to fuss with it.

>

> They all knew I had Lupus for 2 years and all they did was berate me

behind my back. I'd drag in there looking so bad and being so sick and I

still worked circles around them. So they badmouthed me because of that.

Then they tell me to take it easy and not work so hard and then they'd

badmouth me because I wasn't doing everyone's job anymore.

>

> The truth is that we start to believe that its because of our illness,

but its not. It's the nature of the environment and unfortunately its

very common today. We just become extra sensitive to it because we have

something for them to sink their teeth into. When we are absent we

aren't there to defend ourselves. However, if it wasn't our health it

wouldn't make them stop. They would find something anyway.

>

> So try not to let it get to you like it did me. I was devastated by

it. It damn near killed me; and it damn near killed at least 5 other

people at my place of employment that I know of. People that did NOT

have any chronic diseases. It DID kill one guy that I know of; at 38.

ly, I wasn't even diagnosed with Lupus when I went to work there;

and my blood pressure was normal without medication.

>

> The disease is hard enough to live with. The backbiting isn't because

of your disease; its there anyway. You just worry about you and not what

people are saying.

>

> Angie Harley Mama Double-D

> Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 4 cats,

snow skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High

Sierra Thong Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated,

outspoken, and open minded.

>

> " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner

>

>

>

> " While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to

allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit,our creativity, or

our glorious uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner

>

> http://360.yahoo.com/lovinglifeinnv

> http://www.myspace.com/amkg

> http://doripost.agrato.info/

>

> http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592316375

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/LupusSurvivorsU/

> http://www.revolutionhealth.com/blogs/angiemg

>

>

>

>

> Tired of pretending, anger, and tears

>

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>

>

> I just have to vent today. I am just feeling do down. I am so tired of

pretending I am fine when I am not. Yesterday was like trying to run a

marathon just going to work. They could not see under the makeup and the

" cheerful attitude " that I felt like $hit. What is worse is they don't

give a damn. I know it too.

>

> Things come back to me when I feel this bad. I remember the comments

my supervisor has made to me about a sister in law of hers with FM. She

depicted her to me as lazy. She said " she slept all day " .... what she

does not understand is that this damn crap comes with sleep disorders on

top of it all. And she had made a comment that " she did not work like

you do " . And said " she is a prescription drug addict " . Well, I am not

able to freaken work. Damn it! Not a person on earth gives a crap but

the people here.

>

> I also remember what the nurse that I work with said one day. When she

told me about her friend who has fibro. She said she does not talk to

that friend anymore because " she just wants people to feel sorry for

her " .. and made comments about her pain meds and how she can hardly stay

awake. (It is probably from the damn fibro fog and not her pain meds).

>

>

>

> I am fed up with people just not believing this shit. It hurts me

greatly. If I have larnyngitis or a cold, I get " oh, I can tell you feel

so bad " . Then they acknowledge that I am sick. But not with the fibro. I

know that any comment I make about it probably makes them roll their

eyes.

>

>

>

> I am angry, pissed, and so fed up. I just don't know how much longer I

can take the " don't give a shit " attitude of these people. I don't

expect any special treatment, but I don't want to be considered an idiot

either. And if I call in and say " I am sick... It is the fibro " .... they

will just talk about me then the next time I come in NO ONE will even

ask how I am.

>

>

>

> I am just so angry. Thanks for listening. Guess what? They get me

today without makeup. I don't care. Let them see how I look and feel

every day of my life without me trying to hide it.

>

>

>

> love ya all,

>

> Debra V.

>

>

>

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