Re: To Melody... Hope-- I am so sorry and to Debra V.

[Guest guest]

Hi Debi, I'm 36. When I was 25 I was very very sick and wondered if I

might not make it. It's been a long road and somehow, some way I've

come to where I am now. Not to say I didn't get better, then worse,

then better, then worse. I just blamed things for why I got worse. I

was at my worst in 2000 and I'd sit at my work desk and cry from the

pain, my hands would shake because the pain was so intense and I was

nauseous from the pain. Hubby worked hard to convince me to quit my

job, and once I did I had a good run where I felt better there for a

while. I got worse when I didn't go to my chiro for six straight

months. I flared and stayed flared til I went back. I got worse when I

hit a depression after 9/11 and had social phobia and wouldn't leave the

house much, wouldn't get out of my pj's, and didn't really do much of

anything at all. My body seemed to get mad at me with more pain, I

don't know if it was just all in my head or real but it is how it happened.

I got better in 2003 when I quit smoking and went into a remission and

thought I never had fibro at all or that it was all in my head.

Then 2004 brought the worst sinus infection ever and full on fibro flare

for months. After six months of various meds I finally got better from

that, but all those antibiotics wreaked havoc on the digestive system.

I got on probiotics and those seem to really help the ibs type symptoms.

The last few years vary depending on weather and allergies. I flare up

based on that. 2007 I had more flares because it rained most of the

summer, but 2006 I only full on flared twice and they only lasted a few

days. This year I mini flared with a little virus like bug, but that

went away and now I'm doing pretty okay. I have pain every single day,

I don't know what no pain feels like so if I have a low pain day I

consider that a good day. I guess I wouldn't know what to do with

myself if I had a no pain day ever. I haven't had that in thirteen

years so I guess I don't know what that is like. I also do not know if

my level of pain is worse but maybe I'm used to it? If it has

progressed, I can't tell perhaps? Or maybe I am in less pain, it sure

feels like it compared to years ago. I have fewer days when I need

meds, but I honestly don't know if it is because I'm more used to the

pain or if I hurt less.

Anyhow, when I get a low pain day, I got nuts house cleaning and doing

chores to make up for lost time, then I am in a bad way the next day.

That is just something that has remained the same all these years, but

it seems the recovery time is quicker than it was five years ago. I

don't know why, maybe my chiro really does a good job, maybe something

else, or maybe just nothing. Maybe just my body. I hate not knowing

and I tend to study, to speculate, to try to research and figure out

why. I always want to know why but sometimes it is what it is, I just

have a hard time with that. I'm a weird one that way.

Anyhow I got so scared worrying things would get worse, and frightened.

Terrified. I hit a low I haven't hit in years and I don't want to go to

that place again. I may sometimes have to live in a fantasy world and

not accept that maybe it will progress, because I cannot bare the

thought just yet.

DebiAC012553@... wrote:

>

> Melody, I'm sorry that you felt so out of the loop, by not being one of us

> who has had the stupid fibro thing to progress. I praise the Lord that yours

> hasn't and that it is feeling better. You are in my prayers that you will

> never have to go through what so many of us here have had to go through and

> that is the same prayer that I have for my daughter who was also diagnosed

with

> it. As a teenager, she was also dx'd with myofascial pain syndrome and has

> had to contend with horrific headaches because of it.

>

> You are an important part of this group, so don't feel like there is

> something wrong because your fibro isn't progressing. By the way, how old

are you?

> Just curious.

>

> Debra, my dear friend, you have been a true to me ever since I joined this

> group and you serve so well to keep me going as much as my family does. You

> got me through the worst flare in my life and I don't know what I would have

> done without your phone calls. Please don't feel guilty about anything you

> say here amongst friends.

>

>

> Love and gentle hugs,

> Debi/Central Cal.-55

>