Re: Jane

[Guest guest]

Jane

I think one of the basic problems is we are so use to absolutes and we

compare one person's speed at something to another. Eddie sees it as if

she can't do things at the speed he would or things she should then she

is totally incapable. We all have different capabilities in everything

we do. I could never in my life draw anything recognizable. Yet, I

always did things fast. I even did the most menial task at some stupid

rapid pace. It was hard for me to be patient of others moving slower.

There is no such thing as acceptable or reasonable or average or normal.

There is this is the way each of us is. To push someone to go faster

than they are capable (and that capability changes throughout life) will

only slow them down. If the standard you set is too high, they'll get

worse because they are always failing anyway so why even try hard.

Think of the simplest comparison I can make. If you were ever doing a

task such as cooking or cleaning or washing the dishes and your mother

told you to hurry up, you were too slow. How often did that just cause

anxiety and it actually took you longer. will find her pace and

place in the world. But, she's going to require support rather that

pressure. She also has to be allowed to fail and learn. No one else can

learn her lessons for her. Right now she'll probably have some job not

as she wishes, but thats a lesson too. Each experience prepares us a

little better for the next one. Some of us were independent much too

young in our lives, being adults while we should have been kids. Others

take longer. There is no magic number. I know people older than me with

not an ounce of maturity.

Last, she needs it reinforced that while something may not have worked

out that doesn't in any way diminish her value as a person. Even if we

fail at a task, that doesn't make us failures. She can do graphic

design. I can't draw a straight line.

Now, I know I'm preaching to the choir. However, Eddie needs to hear

some of it and ultimately if he can't deal fairly and constructively

with her he needs to just hug and love and let you handle issues such as

these. Plenty of other things you can assign him. If it was a son, I'm

sure Eddie would be handling some things you would be of no help in,

whether sports or mechanical or whatever.

The last thing she needs is to be reminded of the way things turned out

in Nashville. She knows that all too well. In today's world there is not

a single person who won't have some bad job experience. Sometimes it's

poorly matched situations as many companies no longer train as they

should, lack loyalty to employees or put people in the wrong positions

for their particular skills. I, for instance, in my prime, could have

gotten any sales position I wanted and could have been great in the

classroom setting as I presented to fellow students. But, send me out to

sell and I couldn't sell a $1.00 bill for $0.50.

> >

> > Jane.....thanks for your post! No worry, this gal ain't havin' no

lung

> bio!! When I was asked to join a trial my first impression was

> good....until the requirement for the bio. I'm just too old....not

that

> nearly 70 is " so old " but it's too old for ME to have a bio. Life is

> fairly steady for me right now and I'm not wanting to make waves. I

have

> other chronic health issues that have to be considered as well.

> > Yes, I've had HRCTs and everything else you mention you are going to

> have. More than once. Hence my decision not to have a bio. I/Dr.

thinks

> we can tell by my tests what is happening. At least right now. Just

like

> when my dx was changed from IPF to NSIP. By watching tests/scans and

> having only about a 5% change in about 2 years, IPF didn't appear to

be

> a correct dx. Yes, it's still PF but a different strain, as you know.

> Also my echo was " normal " but there are some things in the results

that

> bear watching....I will see Dr. soon.

> > I understand the necessity for to come home AND to have a job.

> Eddie can only do so much, he's not a machine. I'm sure WANTS a

> job and then she can be close AND work. It would seem if she is close

> by...or in the home...she can be so much help for you. Maybe a good

> " trade off " for now....you can all help each other!

> > Sad story about your sister's FIL. Crying while in a coma really

tugs

> at the heart!

> > Hope your appt. goes well today. Keep us posted.

> > Hugs.

> > Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR.

> > Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

> >

> > Mama-Sher

> >

> >

> >

> > Mama-Sher, I don't want you to have a lung bio. There are many

trials

> that are ongoing at the present time and surely, they will find some

> relief for all of us! CT scans are good detectors of scarring,

> especially if you have an HRCT. Have you had a scan? Kerry did not

have

> a lung bio and she doesn't have to. Judy had a lung TX and she did not

> have to have one either. I am sure different medical facilities have

> their own requirements. In the STEP Trial, part of the protoccol is to

> examine the biopsy slides and I have no idea what they want to look

for

> in connection with the trial. That in addition to HRCT, echo, EKG,

lots

> of blood to give them, PFTs, 6MW(at MY rate of speed) I am going this

> Friday for all of the above. Except I will be signing for them to get

my

> biopsy slides. (I think they should just keep them, I have taken them

> there TWICE!)

> >

> > came home last Thursday because she had a doc appointment on

> Friday. We made a decision this weekend. is going to move back

> home. Eddie & I cannot afford to have two households. Her doctor

brought

> this up because I had said it was getting hard for us. is to

find

> a temporary job until she can find a graphic design job. She has a hot

> prospect in Chattanooga at the Times/Free Press newspaper. My brother

is

> calling someone he knows there and his best friend is calling someone

> else. Also, his son-in-law is in charge of the design department.

> has put in applications at two stores in the Outlet Mall at I-75 and

has

> been to the temp agency that helped my niece. She also applied at a

> hotel next to I-75. 's lease is over at the end of June. We have

to

> pay rent for for May & June. This is going to be tricky because

> Eddie & I are going to San . Since we are paying rent to the

end

> of the lease, we don't really have to rush and move her back to

Dalton.

> The past weekend has been hard & upsetting. A lot of me wants

> close around to be with me. But I want her to have a job. Eddie wants

to

> cut back on the hours of his second job because he is absolutely

pooped!

> >

> > My sister's father-in-law finally passed away. Yes, I said finally

> because he has been so pitiful. Last August, he had a stroke, and put

on

> hospice. He went to the nursing home. He started doing better at the

> nursing home, taking care of himself somewhat and then he falls out of

> the bed. At first, he is ok, then they find him unconscious. He's back

> in the hospital. He rallies around, seeming alert, but then he goes

into

> a coma. The hospital wants him to leave now and he's still living. He

> goes back to the nursing home last Monday, and he died this morning.

The

> funeral is Wednesday afternoon and that is my exercise day. I really

> don't want to give up my exercise day because I am going to Emory on

> Friday. Well, maybe I will. If I don't exercise, I can't stay stable.

I

> will quit agonizing and then it will all work out. The agony that this

> man went through really got to me. My sister told me that he would cry

> (while he was in a coma) and then they would give him morphine. It

took

> him a very long time to die.

> >

> > Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment at my rehab doctor in

> Chattanooga, Siskin Rehab Hospital.

> >

> > Toodles!

> >

> > Jane UIP/IPF 12/1998 Dalton, Georgia aka pianolady_musicgirl

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I surely needed the reminder of letting achieve and mature at her own rate of speed. I KNEW that, because of all her years in school. But my problem is Eddie. I am just going to tell him (once again) to let me handle it During 's years in school, I was the one who went to all the conferences and handled everything basically. Eddie was at work. Eddie's parents told him after graduating from high school that they could not afford to send him to college and he had to go to work and pay rent to live at home. He has battled those "demons" for years but they sometimes sneak back in. I look back and see that I encouraged Eddie, too, who went back for more education after we were married. One of his nicknames is "Fast Eddie" that's just him! (LOL). So Eddie thinks that he has to do to what his parents did to him. NOT! My final conclusion is: Eddie is my problem "child" not !

Toodles!

Jane UIP/IPF 12/1998 Dalton, Georgia aka pianolady_musicgirl> > >> > > Jane.....thanks for your post! No worry, this gal ain't havin' no> lung> > bio!! When I was asked to join a trial my first impression was> > good....until the requirement for the bio. I'm just too old....not> that> > nearly 70 is "so old" but it's too old for ME to have a bio. Life is> > fairly steady for me right now and I'm not wanting to make waves. I> have> > other chronic health issues that have to be considered as well.> > > Yes, I've had HRCTs and everything else you mention you are going to> > have. More than once. Hence my decision not to have a bio. I/Dr.> thinks> > we can tell by my tests what is happening. At least right now. Just> like> > when my dx was changed from IPF to NSIP. By watching tests/scans and> > having only about a 5% change in about 2 years, IPF didn't appear to> be> > a correct dx. Yes, it's still PF but a different strain, as you know.> > Also my echo was "normal" but there are some things in the results> that> > bear watching.... I will see Dr. soon.> > > I understand the necessity for to come home AND to have a job.> > Eddie can only do so much, he's not a machine. I'm sure WANTS a> > job and then she can be close AND work. It would seem if she is close> > by...or in the home...she can be so much help for you. Maybe a good> > "trade off" for now....you can all help each other!> > > Sad story about your sister's FIL. Crying while in a coma really> tugs> > at the heart!> > > Hope your appt. goes well today. Keep us posted.> > > Hugs.> > > Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR.> > > Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!> > >> > > Mama-Sher> > >> > >> > >> > > Mama-Sher, I don't want you to have a lung bio. There are many> trials> > that are ongoing at the present time and surely, they will find some> > relief for all of us! CT scans are good detectors of scarring,> > especially if you have an HRCT. Have you had a scan? Kerry did not> have> > a lung bio and she doesn't have to. Judy had a lung TX and she did not> > have to have one either. I am sure different medical facilities have> > their own requirements. In the STEP Trial, part of the protoccol is to> > examine the biopsy slides and I have no idea what they want to look> for> > in connection with the trial. That in addition to HRCT, echo, EKG,> lots> > of blood to give them, PFTs, 6MW(at MY rate of speed) I am going this> > Friday for all of the above. Except I will be signing for them to get> my> > biopsy slides. (I think they should just keep them, I have taken them> > there TWICE!)> > >> > > came home last Thursday because she had a doc appointment on> > Friday. We made a decision this weekend. is going to move back> > home. Eddie & I cannot afford to have two households. Her doctor> brought> > this up because I had said it was getting hard for us. is to> find> > a temporary job until she can find a graphic design job. She has a hot> > prospect in Chattanooga at the Times/Free Press newspaper. My brother> is> > calling someone he knows there and his best friend is calling someone> > else. Also, his son-in-law is in charge of the design department.> > > has put in applications at two stores in the Outlet Mall at I-75 and> has> > been to the temp agency that helped my niece. She also applied at a> > hotel next to I-75. 's lease is over at the end of June. We have> to> > pay rent for for May & June. This is going to be tricky because> > Eddie & I are going to San . Since we are paying rent to the> end> > of the lease, we don't really have to rush and move her back to> Dalton.> > The past weekend has been hard & upsetting. A lot of me wants > > close around to be with me. But I want her to have a job. Eddie wants> to> > cut back on the hours of his second job because he is absolutely> pooped!> > >> > > My sister's father-in-law finally passed away. Yes, I said finally> > because he has been so pitiful. Last August, he had a stroke, and put> on> > hospice. He went to the nursing home. He started doing better at the> > nursing home, taking care of himself somewhat and then he falls out of> > the bed. At first, he is ok, then they find him unconscious. He's back> > in the hospital. He rallies around, seeming alert, but then he goes> into> > a coma. The hospital wants him to leave now and he's still living. He> > goes back to the nursing home last Monday, and he died this morning.> The> > funeral is Wednesday afternoon and that is my exercise day. I really> > don't want to give up my exercise day because I am going to Emory on> > Friday. Well, maybe I will. If I don't exercise, I can't stay stable.> I> > will quit agonizing and then it will all work out. The agony that this> > man went through really got to me. My sister told me that he would cry> > (while he was in a coma) and then they would give him morphine. It> took> > him a very long time to die.> > >> > > Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment at my rehab doctor in> > Chattanooga, Siskin Rehab Hospital.> > >> > > Toodles!> > >> > > Jane UIP/IPF 12/1998 Dalton, Georgia aka pianolady_musicgirl> > >> >>