Paragraph One (a new poem)

[Guest guest]

Paragraph OneI awoke with you not beside me,though still totally inside me.Flowing through my bloodand captivating my senses.The thirty second dreamwhich gave the illusion of forever.The moon went downand the sun never again came up.So strange it is;my need for youand the impossibilityof forgetting or letting go.When my Mother died,me still in my youth,it took three daysfor me to finially register the loss.I grieved and grew up quickly.She would have been proud.When news found my earsthat my never there Fatherput a gun in his mouthbecause his life and whiskey bottle became empty,I could recall no happy memoriesnor find any tears.When my sister died,she was freed from her sicknessand from an abusive marriage.I loved her so

dearlyas she did me.I could not even attend her funeral.Wishing to remember onlyour happy times sharedlaughing and perking a pot of coffee.No more mental picturesof now gone family memberslying peaceful in their coffins.When a bullet found meunexpectedly at work,my life was sparedbut my livelihood taken.Stealing my long walks in the park.I was shaped into gratitudefor all I still hadinstead of what all I lost.Smiling, I labeled it a grand teacher.Now having plenty timefor spiritual growth.Shoot me again!(just joking)When my wife of many yearsdecided a now injured and poor husbandwas boring,and then walked out the door.A month passed in confused contemplation.The initial thought was whyI fell victim to such a chain of events.Praise to the wisdom which showed meand reminded methat I married her through empathy.Such a

horrid filth she called homeand her hungry stomach growling.How could I not be the knight in shining armor?So many years came and went,filled with mutual caringbut never love.I was true and bound my my vow.Unbreakable, for better ans worse.The universe dispelled it,giving me the gifts of beautiful silence,serenity, and life I never lived.Freedom.Thinking back,I never once wrote her a poem.When my daughter lost her morals,her dignity and her self respect.Giving away her child by an unknown fatherbecause it cramped her life,as well as the lives of those who sheltered herin exchange for meaningless sex.This troubles me deeply if I think on it.My flesh and blood so opposite of me.There was no reason to rebeland my door was and is always openthough she prefers the streets.I must conclude,there is nothing moreI can say or do. Only pray.When

my two precious dogshad to be taken to a shelterbecause through poverty I lost my home.For them, I think I wept the most.Two dogs who were emanations of unconditional love.Who brought me happiness and joywhen the rest of the world was screaming at meor had more important things to do.They were there always,with care lit eyesand slobbery licks of reassurancethat they were there and everything would be fine.The thirty day clock ran out of time.They were killed and creamatedby some heartless WWll reincarnationof a gas chamber nazi.Though, part of me blames myselfand pointing the finger at another repells farther tears.Oogie and Tara,I miss you both so much.All of this,yet here I am.Now back to you paragraph one.For a brief moment in time,you were love absolutewith a smiling face and a name.The necessity of lifeI had never before

experienced.During that moment I felt aliveand it was wonderful.Even traffic jam car hornsbecause beautiful music.If I forget or let go of your name,I loose the Heaven I feltwith it's association.So much has already been sacrificedin the name of; Oh well, it cannot be changedor it happened for a reason.I have let go or buried so many things.Yet if you become totally lostthen this, I will also become.For I know, or have convinced myselfthat love's prophecycould never be recreated through anyone elseas it was through you.Yes my body perseveres,yet you hold the fate of my soul.Life and death, here and now,and I am too weary to begin anewif even there's a carbon copy somewhere.You were loveand still remain love.Return to the arms, my armswhich at one time you found.I saw in your face brightlythe certainty,your approval,of what my

heart represented.Your farewell I will never understand.Holder of roses.Holder of my grave digging shovel.I will never understand.The skies are fillingwith churning black cloudsand my pencil lead has broken,thus ending... -Randy