Introducing myself (long back story)

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm Eileen, 51 years old, living in Portland OR, weigh roughly 265. I am

coming at IE from a slightly different place than many of you I think. I first

came across the book when I was looking for diet books to help me with " Syndrome

X " a collection of symptoms indicative of a metabolic problem related to weight,

similar in some ways to insulin sensitivity.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome). This was several years ago

after many years of yo-yo dieting, since about the age of 10.

I remember thinking that I needed to really lose weight this time " for my

health " and being in a bookstore and reading title after title of weight-loss

strategies and just feeling depressed and overwhelmed and hopeless when I saw

the title " Intuitive Eating " . Something inside me said YES! I read the book and

began implementing some of the ideas. Legalizing food was a major hurdle since I

had years of yo-yo-ing. I still had weight loss as my goal. Finally I determined

that the two were not compatible. I wasn't quite ready to listen to my body at

that point and I couldn't both want to lose weight and legalize food so I let go

of losing weight (temporarily!).

I started to eat what I wanted when I wanted. After doing this for several years

(and gaining a little bit of weight but really not a whole lot) I started trying

to implement the other aspects of IE. I have been relatively binge-free for the

past few years. Lost a little weight when I became a vegetarian and have been at

a stable weight for the past two years. Although I had changed my outlook from

wanting to lose weight for my looks to wanting to lose weight for my health, I

was still convinced that my weight was putting my health at risk. I even

considered lap-band surgery but after reading about it decided that it was not

worth the risk. So where did this leave me? I knew diets didn't work. Eating

healthy and exercising had not left me significantly thinner. I couldn't risk a

surgical option. My self-esteem and future plans were all tied up with being

thinner.

I felt like once again I had to let go. I started investigating the SA (size

acceptance)movement. I had investigated it in the past but could not get past

being ok if I never lost the weight. This time I made myself stay put and really

explore. I read a couple of size acceptance blogs including Shapely Prose

http://kateharding.net/ Fatshionista http://www.fatshionista.com and Musings of

a fa(t)shionista http://blog.musingsofafatshionista.com/. I still wanted to lose

weight but it did help my self-esteem to see proud, fat, beautiful women who

weren't putting life on hold until they lost weight. Some of the SA concepts

were still hard for me to embrace and sometimes I would wince at bravado I

couldn't feel yet. One thing that I immediately liked the sound of was HAES,

Health at Every Size, which incorporates IE but also debunks alot of mythology

about weight and health. I am currently reading the book and I think that I am

finally ready to permanently divorce the concepts of health and weight from each

other. This is making me feel incredibly free and happy.

I'm curious if there are others here who are looking into HAES?

This seems like a very supportive group and I'm happy to be here.