Re: SHER, I lOVE YOU./SHARING TIME For May too

[Guest guest]

Lou...As I said earlier, I'm glad you "got that out". We have a wonderful combination of love and anonymity here.

I can 'hear' the hurt and betrayal you feel and also the anger. You've kept this bottled up a long time.....Maybe, just maybe, you can begin to heal now.

Is there a chance that your son's leaving really had nothing to do with YOU? (My son and I were estranged for years and guilt on my part allowed me to let him blame and abandon me at his pleasure.)

You went through an unexpected divorce (I also had that happen to me) and your son left...I know the betrayal and pain that brought to your life. When people we love and depend on leave us, we are left with a huge gut-hole.

Lou, I could gently lead up to what I'm going to say, but I'm just going to ask you ..... can you consider forgiving your son? Forgiving doesn't mean what someone does to us is ok, it simply means we had/have no control over another person and if we continue to rehearse it and anger gets deeper and festers longer, we are the ones who stay sick. I'm not preaching. I'm talking what I have had to do in order to have some peace in my life.

As you describe your son, he does sound very troubled and perhaps it is a good thing you don't have to deal with him directly. Especially if he made your lives a living hell. It's obvious you tolerated unacceptable behavior because you love him and wanted to help him.

I know the anger you feel because he 'left you' will disappear if you can truly forgive him. Let him go. Turn him over to God as you believe in God and have some peace in these remaining years of your life.

I'm so sorry you still have no contact with him and I know it still hurts, after all these years.

Lou, let go of the anger....let us help you. Write me at bofus@... if I can personally help. I've been where you are and today I have peace. Sadness of course, because my son is dying.....but I will add to this, what hurts most is my son has carried anger at me all of his life and we have been estranged for many years...no contact at all.....and even now, I can't go see him. I send him cards but I'm "not allowed" in the hospital or his home. He'll carry his anger to his death. Don't you do that. It's a long story and really has nothing to do with him being gay.

You say your son is sick and you cannot help him anymore....then let go of him so you can begin to heal.

I will pray for you too dear family-sister.

Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR.

Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

SHER, I lOVE YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too

My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I have "AND" am and probably will for the rest of my life.First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it. Second of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to May that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous ache in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are, choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I mean forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he left me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going through a divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4 year service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle it, couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the facts of life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after I got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me and said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find him. Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years to find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had committed suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my immediate family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need to vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10 years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my son, yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed and prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name it, on the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not divulge how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments in every city on the west coast trying to find him. One day I got a call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had located my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before I saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter what he did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I got home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl and said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we were living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love to me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His father had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes. yeah right! I think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling this, maybe I should stop.To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the Northwest, Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was dead or alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA, he came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in socks and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would never see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's time and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at my daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug, he came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need help, so off he goes, and I still don't hear from him. I know his address in Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in the ...Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more tears for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN seperate them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made our lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I were afraid of him. He loves guns. So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is not here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole family was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine, PA Dutch/german/French.Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this was the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends of mine.Love, Lou

[Guest guest]

that's a very touching response, Sher. 2 things.........1st I saw an interview with Desmond Tutu a while back on PBS. I can't say I'd ever seen the man before, knew vaguely who he is. He is a Christian minister. He spoke of forgiveness in a way that I'd never heard before. I regret that I cannot remember what he said. It was awesome. I'll see if I can't find it. And 2nd............now this is delicate so I want to say it right. I'll just talk about my experience. I came from a non-nurturing family....mom believed some wierd stuff, like if she hugged me I'd become gay.......and it was a strict fundamentalist home, very strict. When I was young I blamed my folks for lots of stuff.....then the 70s came and the parents got blamed for everything. BUT I GOT OVER IT. I'm not proud of the way I was. But, in my experience, there are lots of adults that never give it up. And I mean "give it up". It's a crutch, an excuse, an inability or

unwillingness to take responsibility for one's self. My brother is 60....he still blames mom for the fact that he's a dope smokin' cult member. and she's been dead since '78. He blames dad for re-marrying. Here's a 60+ year old man that has found love a second time, I was so thrilled, made the last 25 years of his life wonderful.......except for this punk snot judgemental brat........adult brat. My brother and I are estranged....would you have guessed. Now.....I would never presume to dictate or advocate anything to you parents that are hurting, I am merely relating my point of view. It's a real sore spot for me. Adult children that won't or can't "give it up". As far as I;'m concerned it is unforgivable (see above). To make your elderly parent's life more miserble than it needs to be. If I had more time I'd talk about my wife and how she cared for her mother, who abandoned her, until she died. Talk about forgiveness.......I can only wish. jimSher Bauman wrote: Lou...As I said earlier, I'm glad you "got that out". We have a wonderful combination of love and anonymity here. I can 'hear' the hurt and betrayal you feel and also the anger. You've kept this bottled up a long time.....Maybe, just maybe, you can begin to heal now. Is there a chance that your son's leaving really had nothing to do with YOU? (My son and I were estranged for years and guilt on my part allowed me to let him blame and abandon me at his pleasure.) You went through an unexpected divorce (I also had that happen to me) and your son left...I know the betrayal and pain that brought to your life. When people we love and depend on leave us, we are left with a huge gut-hole. Lou, I could gently lead up to what I'm going to say, but I'm just going to ask you ..... can you consider forgiving your son? Forgiving doesn't mean what someone does to us is ok, it simply means we had/have no control over another person and if we continue to rehearse it and anger gets deeper and

festers longer, we are the ones who stay sick. I'm not preaching. I'm talking what I have had to do in order to have some peace in my life. As you describe your son, he does sound very troubled and perhaps it is a good thing you don't have to deal with him directly. Especially if he made your lives a living hell. It's obvious you tolerated unacceptable behavior because you love him and wanted to help him. I know the anger you feel because he 'left you' will disappear if you can truly forgive him. Let him go. Turn him over to God as you believe in God and have some peace in these remaining years of your life. I'm so sorry you still have no contact with him and I know it still hurts, after all these years. Lou, let go of the anger....let us help you. Write me at bofuswbcable (DOT) net if I can personally help. I've been where you are and today I have peace. Sadness of course, because my son is dying.....but I will add to this, what hurts most is my son has carried anger at me all of his life and we have been estranged for many years...no contact at all.....and even now, I can't go see him. I send him cards but I'm "not allowed" in the hospital or his home. He'll carry his anger to his death. Don't you do that. It's a long story and really has nothing to do with him being gay. You say your son is sick and you cannot help him anymore....then let go of him so you can begin to heal. I will pray for you too dear family-sister. Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR. Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there! SHER, I lOVE YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I have "AND" am and probably will for the rest of my life.First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it. Second of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to May that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous ache in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are, choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I mean forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he left me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going through a divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4 year service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle it, couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the

facts of life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after I got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me and said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find him. Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years to find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had committed suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my immediate family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need to vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10 years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my son, yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed and prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name it, on the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not divulge how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments in every city on the west coast trying to find

him. One day I got a call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had located my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before I saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter what he did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I got home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl and said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we were living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love to me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His father had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes.

yeah right! I think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling this, maybe I should stop.To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the Northwest, Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was dead or alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA, he came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in socks and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would never see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's time and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at my daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug, he came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need help, so off he goes, and

I still don't hear from him. I know his address in Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in the ...Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more tears for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN seperate them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made our lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I were afraid of him. He loves guns. So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is not here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole family was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine, PA Dutch/german/French.Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this was the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends of mine.Love, Lou

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Jim....I agree absolutely. Adult Children can have torturous childhoods....my children did not have that however.....but you know if AC take the responsibility you speak of then they have to change and they either can't/won't.

The way it is, is the way it is....

I'm sorry for you and your brother too. You two could have had good years together.

I pray a lot for Serenity, to accept the things I cannot change. Sometimes I just get plain pissed off that I seem to regularly have the need to accept what I can't change. Sometimes I want to scream, "Hey, what about me over here"? It doesn't last long.

Well, I shut down once now I'll say it again. lol Thanks for the post.

'Till tomorrow.

Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR. Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

SHER, I lOVE YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too

My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I have "AND" am and probably will for the rest of my life.First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it. Second of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to May that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous ache in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are, choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I mean forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he left me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going through a divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4 year service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle it, couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the facts of life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after I got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me and said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find him. Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years to find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had committed suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my immediate family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need to vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10 years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my son, yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed and prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name it, on the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not divulge how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments in every city on the west coast trying to find him. One day I got a call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had located my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before I saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter what he did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I got home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl and said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we were living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love to me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His father had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes. yeah right! I think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling this, maybe I should stop.To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the Northwest, Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was dead or alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA, he came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in socks and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would never see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's time and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at my daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug, he came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need help, so off he goes, and I still don't hear from him. I know his address in Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in the ...Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more tears for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN seperate them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made our lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I were afraid of him. He loves guns. So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is not here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole family was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine, PA Dutch/german/French.Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this was the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends of mine.Love, Lou

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Dear Sher,

sorry for butting in, but ihave to compliment you on your reply to

Lou.Your words must have given some measure of solce to her,

your own experience with your son and your innane wisdom has once

again come through in your words.We need persons like you to make

this world a better place.

lots of love .

Geeta

>

> Lou...As I said earlier, I'm glad you " got that out " . We have

a wonderful combination of love and anonymity here.

> I can 'hear' the hurt and betrayal you feel and also the anger.

You've kept this bottled up a long time.....Maybe, just maybe, you

can begin to heal now.

> Is there a chance that your son's leaving really had nothing to do

with YOU? (My son and I were estranged for years and guilt on my

part allowed me to let him blame and abandon me at his pleasure.)

> You went through an unexpected divorce (I also had that happen to

me) and your son left...I know the betrayal and pain that brought to

your life. When people we love and depend on leave us, we are left

with a huge gut-hole.

> Lou, I could gently lead up to what I'm going to say, but I'm

just going to ask you ..... can you consider forgiving your son?

Forgiving doesn't mean what someone does to us is ok, it simply

means we had/have no control over another person and if we continue

to rehearse it and anger gets deeper and festers longer, we are the

ones who stay sick. I'm not preaching. I'm talking what I have had

to do in order to have some peace in my life.

> As you describe your son, he does sound very troubled and perhaps

it is a good thing you don't have to deal with him directly.

Especially if he made your lives a living hell. It's obvious you

tolerated unacceptable behavior because you love him and wanted to

help him.

> I know the anger you feel because he 'left you' will disappear if

you can truly forgive him. Let him go. Turn him over to God as you

believe in God and have some peace in these remaining years of your

life.

> I'm so sorry you still have no contact with him and I know it

still hurts, after all these years.

> Lou, let go of the anger....let us help you. Write me at

bofus@... if I can personally help. I've been where you are and

today I have peace. Sadness of course, because my son is

dying.....but I will add to this, what hurts most is my son has

carried anger at me all of his life and we have been estranged for

many years...no contact at all.....and even now, I can't go see him.

I send him cards but I'm " not allowed " in the hospital or his home.

He'll carry his anger to his death. Don't you do that. It's a long

story and really has nothing to do with him being gay.

> You say your son is sick and you cannot help him anymore....then

let go of him so you can begin to heal.

> I will pray for you too dear family-sister.

>

> Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR.

>

> Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

>

> SHER, I lOVE

YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too

>

>

> My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I

have " AND "

> am and probably will for the rest of my life.

>

> First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it.

Second

> of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to

May

> that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous

ache

> in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are,

> choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still

> love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I

mean

> forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he

left

> me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going

through a

> divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4

year

> service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first

> marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle

it,

> couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the facts

of

> life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after

I

> got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me

and

> said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find

him.

> Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years

to

> find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had

committed

> suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my

immediate

> family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need

to

> vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10

> years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my

son,

> yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed

and

> prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name

it, on

> the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not

divulge

> how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments

in

> every city on the west coast trying to find him. One day I got a

> call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had

located

> my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had

> returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before

I

> saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter

what he

> did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional

> forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I

got

> home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl

and

> said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!

>

> I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we

were

> living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already

> remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love

to

> me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick

> man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His

father

> had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes. yeah right!

I

> think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling

> this, maybe I should stop.

>

> To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the

Northwest,

> Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was

dead or

> alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years

> ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA,

he

> came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in

socks

> and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would

never

> see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's

time

> and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at

my

> daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug,

he

> came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station

> tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I

> went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need

help, so

> off he goes, and I still don't hear from him. I know his address

in

> Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in

the ...

> Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more

tears

> for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN

seperate

> them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made

our

> lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I

were

> afraid of him. He loves guns.

> So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is

not

> here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a

> quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole

family

> was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine,

PA

> Dutch/german/French.

>

> Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this

was

> the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends

of

> mine.

> Love, Lou

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Gita. ....what can I say after such a sweet word of appreciation? Tears well in my eyes. Thank you. I only do what comes from my heart. It's who I am. If it helps someone, then I have bloomed where I am planted.

There is very little in life that can happen that I have not experienced personally. No matter what the subject. I spent years in therapy trying to 'overcome' and from that I learned how to help others. I still have that burning desire to reach out to those who are troubled. God sprinkles a few on me here on our board and I get to help. Oh I hope I can make it better for someone's world.

You never butt in Gita!

Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR. Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

SHER, I lOVE YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too> > > My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I have "AND" > am and probably will for the rest of my life.> > First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it. Second > of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to May > that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous ache > in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are, > choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still > love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I mean > forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he left > me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going through a > divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4 year > service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first > marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle it, > couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the facts of > life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after I > got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me and > said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find him. > Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years to > find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had committed > suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my immediate > family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need to > vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10 > years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my son, > yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed and > prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name it, on > the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not divulge > how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments in > every city on the west coast trying to find him. One day I got a > call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had located > my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had > returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before I > saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter what he > did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional > forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I got > home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl and > said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!> > I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we were > living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already > remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love to > me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick > man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His father > had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes. yeah right! I > think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling > this, maybe I should stop.> > To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the Northwest, > Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was dead or > alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years > ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA, he > came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in socks > and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would never > see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's time > and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at my > daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug, he > came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station > tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I > went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need help, so > off he goes, and I still don't hear from him. I know his address in > Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in the ...> Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more tears > for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN seperate > them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made our > lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I were > afraid of him. He loves guns. > So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is not > here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a > quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole family > was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine, PA > Dutch/german/French.> > Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this was > the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends of > mine.> Love, Lou>