((((((((((mary lou))))))))))

[Guest guest]

mary-lou

like sher i am so glad you have managed to 'get it out'.

i am complimented that you feel we are an intimate enough

group for you to share.

your son has so many complicated issues going on and you,

earl and your daughter were very brave to open up your lives

to help him after a twenty year gap, especially when guns are

involved.

i can only guess at what started all his troubles but i hope

that we are getting better at allowing people to cry for help

earlier in their lives when things are going wrong. men in

particular have had to pretend from an early age that they

can cope with everything. i have always thought that men really

need their wives as she is usually the only person he can be

vulnerable with and its a smart man who appreciates a women he

can do that with.

you say his early childhood was close and happy. it would have been

hard growing up with a military father in the 60/70s to

avoid that life. maybe that was the problem. i am sorry for him.

he has had a horrible life. i hope he finds a program or mentor to

help him piece it all together and turn his life around.

mary lou, you have done your best for him. i hope you just

concentrate on 'having a good day' every day from now on.

with love

may uip 0606

glasgow, scotland

>

> Lou....I have read your post but I have an appt to get a hair

cut and must leave. I will answer when I get back.

> I'm so glad to see you 'get it out' and I'm sure you did not offend

anyone! Certainly not me.

> Later..............

> Mama-Sher, age 69.IPF 3/06, NSIP 4/08 OR.

> Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

>

> SHER, I lOVE

YOU.....................................SHARING TIME For May too

>

>

> My heart aches for you Sher, I know you are hurting as I

have " AND "

> am and probably will for the rest of my life.

>

> First of all, I do hope and pray that your son will make it.

Second

> of all, I have a son who is 53 years old. I have mentioned to May

> that someday I would tell her all about the horrific continuous

ache

> in my heart because of my son's choices. That is what they are,

> choices, right? Doesn't mean as parents we approve, but we still

> love him, but you know what? The respect is gone forever, and I

mean

> forever. When my son found out I had breast cancer in 1981, he

left

> me high and dry, he disappeared from our lives (I was going

through a

> divorce) (he was 26 and had just gotten out of the Air Force) 4

year

> service. I was an Air Force wife for over 20 years in my first

> marriage. My son blamed us for divorcing and he couldn't handle

it,

> couldn't handle my cancer and did not want to accept the facts of

> life. I put in a year of chemo and couldn't find him. Day after I

> got home from the hospital from the cancer surgery, he called me

and

> said he never wanted to see me again, and to never try to find

him.

> Well, let me tell you, he did a good job as it took me 10 years

to

> find him, I did not know if he was dead or alive or had committed

> suicide. (I have never shared this with anyone outside my

immediate

> family). You guys are a first in this dept. Anyhow, maybe I need

to

> vent a little. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 10

> years, the divorce which I wasn't expecting and the loss of my

son,

> yes I lost him forever, dead or alive, I did not know. I prayed

and

> prayed for years, looking at the tv, wanted posters, you name it,

on

> the streets, in the news, etc. on and on and on. I can not

divulge

> how I finally found him, but I did, I had the police departments

in

> every city on the west coast trying to find him. One day I got a

> call from the police dept in Woodland CA telling me they had

located

> my son and that he was to call me as they thought my cancer had

> returned and I was going to die and I did not want to die before

I

> saw him once more. That is pure love for your son, no matter what

he

> did or didn't do, it is a mother's love which is unconditional

> forever. I got a call on my answering machine one night when I

got

> home from work and it was him. He had moved in with some girl and

> said he was teaching her to become a porn star. omg!@!!!!

>

> I paid for a bus trip for him to come to SD as that is where we

were

> living then, Sioux Falls. Earl was with me as I had already

> remarried. My son looked like an old man. He tried to make love

to

> me when he came home from the service one night and he is a sick

> man. I told him I was devastated that he would try that. His

father

> had left, and he prob. was trying to fill his shoes. yeah right!

I

> think my son is a sex addict and always has been. I hate telling

> this, maybe I should stop.

>

> To cut off some years here, he disappeared again to the

Northwest,

> Oregon, and again for another 10 years didn't know if he was dead

or

> alive, no phone, no address, nothing. heartbreaker. Then 2 years

> ago, he called one day and said he was moving to Richmond, VA, he

> came here on the bus and 2 shirts, 1 pr. slacks and holes in

socks

> and a sad sad heart. God is Good!!!! A day I thought I would

never

> see again, all those years of praying paid off. Only in God's

time

> and His will, will things happen if it is meant to. He stayed at

my

> daughters home and found a job here in Richmond. Then last Aug,

he

> came to me one day and said, will I take him to the bus station

> tomorrow, as he was moving to Missoula MT. This is just before I

> went on the Oxygen. He knew I was going to be sick and need help,

so

> off he goes, and I still don't hear from him. I know his address

in

> Missoula but i Respect his privacy. He needs a good kick in

the ...

> Anyhow, I still pray for him, but I don't cry anymore, no more

tears

> for my son, but I still love him, no respect, and you CAN

seperate

> them. He is very sick and I can not help him anymore. He made our

> lives here a living hell while he was here and my daughter and I

were

> afraid of him. He loves guns.

> So I think I am happy for him at last in my heart and that he is

not

> here with our family. I think he is a very private person and a

> quiet soul. When he was a baby and a young child, our whole

family

> was a very close one. My husband then, Italian/Irish, and mine,

PA

> Dutch/german/French.

>

> Nuff for now. Sorry if I offended anyone, but apparently this was

> the time in my long long life that I need you the most, friends

of

> mine.

> Love, Lou

>