Re: Depression, Yep, I Got It

[Guest guest]

Gale, Thank you for that very frank post. You see we are learning from your life malady. I find you amazing that you can talk about it, which is so helpful. I read it to Don - to make him feel better about being place on 2 different antidepressants. He was very hesitant to take the second one. The director of rehab talked to him today and told her that she WILL talk to him next week about how this welbutin is going. He should feel better. I told him that according to Gale in Texas it is not unusual to be on more than one medication. Thanks Gale K Illinoisgale17444@... wrote: I have a good life, optimistic attitude, God's love and a lifetime of depression. I'm told it is severe depression.. brain chemicals all mixed up.. you can't see it on my face, you can't hear it in my voice... but I got "it". However, I won't let "it" get me!!! No, I don't hear voices, I function at a 69 year old level (I'll leave that un described) because I am 69 years old. PILLS.. I presently take 15mg Buspar twice daily, 100 mg Zoloft once daily; 30 mg Cymbalta two at bedtime, 2mg Xanax as needed (usually 1mg at bedtime) and today started on 1mg Respiridone at bedtime. I'm just a chemical wonder, I am! Twice last year and once already this year I spent 4 or 5 days at what I call "My Resort", ie hospital where I choose my food from a plenteous menu, attend 4 to 5 group sessions a day, lights out at 10pm, private room and private bath and the world locked out (I'm technically locked in). You see, I have suicidal depression and too often life events tempt me to hasten Home to be with My Lord. Now, don't say it!!! I do not believe suicide is a sin... however, I do argue with myself that if I have truly given my life to God, it is not mine to take. I know this in my heart and in my head.. but those chemicals start to boil and I'm trying to choose which of my suicide plans to use. God has blessed me with good medical help with my condition and I know when to call for help (my room at the Resort). At my age Medicare is good to pay and my secondary health ins. picks up the balance for the

Resort. My medication is not too expensive. My health insurance has pretty good prescription coverage. I'm saying this to let you know that I truly am blessed to have such good care. Ultimately though, it is up to me to know what to do and when.. take my meds, etc. No, I am not in therapy.. I have been..some good, some not so good.. but therapy does not reach the brain chemicals that torment me from time to time. I will tell you outright that I am not ashamed of the depression or the monster IPF. My life is an open book, and I do trust God to use it to some sort of good. Life brings changes. As I age, the dimensions of my brain chemicals constantly change.. be alert and aware of that fact if you too suffer depression. IPF is a very depressing disease. I'm sure it can sap even a mighty Oak. As you have all said so many times, "be good to

yourself". Don't be ashamed, love yourself enough to get help.. and don't give up until you find a doctor or counselor who really understands depression. Getting the wrong kind of help can be VERY DEPRESSING (ha ha.. see, I can even be funny about it) Today, I start the Risperidone. My husband's death has brought out a very weird behavior in me. Rather than depression, I have become manic. Can't make myself go to bed, polishing doorknobs, terrorizing the weeds in my garden..etc. So, today, off to get help and found out that this is a stage of grief. When will I ever get this all figured out? So, I'm writing about my life experiences to tell you all that depression is perfectly normal in certain situations and in certain people and spells of mania I have learned are treatable and not unexpected in certain times. No, I'm not off to the Resort (hey, I'm not kidding,

this place is really nice). I will walk this "valley" with the love of my friends, holding tight to the hand of Jesus and chemically bombarded. OK? Any questions???? God be With You... Gale in TX IPF 10/06 Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food. K Central Il Hubby ipf- 2006 As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord 14

[Guest guest]

Gale... you and I are the same age and I relate to much of what you say.

It certainly takes a woman who knows who she is to speak so candidly. I think the candid speakers are the ones who reach others on a gut/heart level.

I understand the chemical depression...and it is different than situational depression or anger. Your grieving gets tangled in it too.

I'm glad you have your 'Resort' and I'm gladder (my word of course) that you know when to go. See? You know who you are.

I often wondered why God asks certain people to bear certain burdens and at least my conclusion is, because these people are strong enough to tell others so they know they are not alone. Hence helping them to reach out for help and/or bear their cross with dignity and bravery.

None of us on this board who know Joyce will ever forget her as we deal with our own progression...She is a beacon of light of what one can do with a burden.

I see you now in that same light Gale. Suicidal depression is very difficult to cope with. Having your own "code" to live by takes you through the valley of the shadow of death. I've found my "code" to live by as well.

"Trust God to use my life to some sort of good" is how I feel too. I pray I can bloom where I'm planted. I survived. You are surviving. Someone else will survive when they read this poignant post of yours.

No, I don't have questions. Only the desire to tell you how beautiful you are and thank you for being here for me. We will walk this valley together...

MamaSher, age 69.IPF 3-06,NSIP 4-08. OR.Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Depression, Yep, I Got It

I have a good life, optimistic attitude, God's love and a lifetime of depression. I'm told it is severe depression.. brain chemicals all mixed up.. you can't see it on my face, you can't hear it in my voice... but I got "it". However, I won't let "it" get me!!!

No, I don't hear voices, I function at a 69 year old level (I'll leave that un described) because I am 69 years old.

PILLS.. I presently take 15mg Buspar twice daily, 100 mg Zoloft once daily; 30 mg Cymbalta two at bedtime, 2mg Xanax as needed (usually 1mg at bedtime) and today started on 1mg Respiridone at bedtime. I'm just a chemical wonder, I am!

Twice last year and once already this year I spent 4 or 5 days at what I call "My Resort", ie hospital where I choose my food from a plenteous menu, attend 4 to 5 group sessions a day, lights out at 10pm, private room and private bath and the world locked out (I'm technically locked in). You see, I have suicidal depression and too often life events tempt me to hasten Home to be with My Lord. Now, don't say it!!! I do not believe suicide is a sin... however, I do argue with myself that if I have truly given my life to God, it is not mine to take. I know this in my heart and in my head.. but those chemicals start to boil and I'm trying to choose which of my suicide plans to use.

God has blessed me with good medical help with my condition and I know when to call for help (my room at the Resort). At my age Medicare is good to pay and my secondary health ins. picks up the balance for the Resort. My medication is not too expensive. My health insurance has pretty good prescription coverage. I'm saying this to let you know that I truly am blessed to have such good care.

Ultimately though, it is up to me to know what to do and when.. take my meds, etc. No, I am not in therapy.. I have been..some good, some not so good.. but therapy does not reach the brain chemicals that torment me from time to time. I will tell you outright that I am not ashamed of the depression or the monster IPF. My life is an open book, and I do trust God to use it to some sort of good.

Life brings changes. As I age, the dimensions of my brain chemicals constantly change.. be alert and aware of that fact if you too suffer depression. IPF is a very depressing disease. I'm sure it can sap even a mighty Oak. As you have all said so many times, "be good to yourself". Don't be ashamed, love yourself enough to get help.. and don't give up until you find a doctor or counselor who really understands depression. Getting the wrong kind of help can be VERY DEPRESSING (ha ha.. see, I can even be funny about it)

Today, I start the Risperidone. My husband's death has brought out a very weird behavior in me. Rather than depression, I have become manic. Can't make myself go to bed, polishing doorknobs, terrorizing the weeds in my garden..etc. So, today, off to get help and found out that this is a stage of grief. When will I ever get this all figured out?

So, I'm writing about my life experiences to tell you all that depression is perfectly normal in certain situations and in certain people and spells of mania I have learned are treatable and not unexpected in certain times. No, I'm not off to the Resort (hey, I'm not kidding, this place is really nice). I will walk this "valley" with the love of my friends, holding tight to the hand of Jesus and chemically bombarded. OK? Any questions????

God be With You... Gale in TX IPF 10/06

Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

[Guest guest]

Gale,

thank you for sharing your story.

Irene

---- Original Message ----

To: Breathe-Support

Sent: Fri, 30 May 2008 9:21 pm

Subject: Re: Depression, Yep, I Got It

Gale... you and I are the same age and I relate to much of what you say.

It certainly takes a woman who knows who she is to speak so candidly. I think the candid speakers are the ones who reach others on a gut/heart level.

I understand the chemical depression...and it is different than situational depression or anger. Your grieving gets tangled in it too.

I'm glad you have your 'Resort' and I'm gladder (my word of course) that you know when to go. See? You know who you are.

I often wondered why God asks certain people to bear certain burdens and at least my conclusion is, because these people are strong enough to tell others so they know they are not alone. Hence helping them to reach out for help and/or bear their cross with dignity and bravery.

None of us on this board who know Joyce will ever forget her as we deal with our own progression...She is a beacon of light of what one can do with a burden.

I see you now in that same light Gale. Suicidal depression is very difficult to cope with. Having your own "code" to live by takes you through the valley of the shadow of death. I've found my "code" to live by as well.

"Trust God to use my life to some sort of good" is how I feel too. I pray I can bloom where I'm planted. I survived. You are surviving. Someone else will survive when they read this poignant post of yours.

No, I don't have questions. Only the desire to tell you how beautiful you are and thank you for being here for me. We will walk this valley together...

MamaSher, age 69.IPF 3-06,NSIP 4-08. OR.

Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Depression, Yep, I Got It

I have a good life, optimistic attitude, God's love and a lifetime of depression. I'm told it is severe depression.. brain chemicals all mixed up.. you can't see it on my face, you can't hear it in my voice... but I got "it". However, I won't let "it" get me!!!

No, I don't hear voices, I function at a 69 year old level (I'll leave that un described) because I am 69 years old.

PILLS.. I presently take 15mg Buspar twice daily, 100 mg Zoloft once daily; 30 mg Cymbalta two at bedtime, 2mg Xanax as needed (usually 1mg at bedtime) and today started on 1mg Respiridone at bedtime. I'm just a chemical wonder, I am!

Twice last year and once already this year I spent 4 or 5 days at what I call "My Resort", ie hospital where I choose my food from a plenteous menu, attend 4 to 5 group sessions a day, lights out at 10pm, private room and private bath and the world locked out (I'm technically locked in). You see, I have suicidal depression and too often life events tempt me to hasten Home to be with My Lord. Now, don't say it!!! I do not believe suicide is a sin... however, I do argue with myself that if I have truly given my life to God, it is not mine to take. I know this in my heart and in my head.. but those chemicals start to boil and I'm trying to choose which of my suicide plans to use.

God has blessed me with good medical help with my condition and I know when to call for help (my room at the Resort). At my age Medicare is good to pay and my secondary health ins. picks up the balance for the Resort. My medication is not too expensive. My health insurance has pretty good prescription coverage. I'm saying this to let you know that I truly am blessed to have such good care.

Ultimately though, it is up to me to know what to do and when.. take my meds, etc. No, I am not in therapy.. I have been..some good, some not so good.. but therapy does not reach the brain chemicals that torment me from time to time. I will tell you outright that I am not ashamed of the depression or the monster IPF. My life is an open book, and I do trust God to use it to some sort of good.

Life brings changes. As I age, the dimensions of my brain chemicals constantly change.. be alert and aware of that fact if you too suffer depression. IPF is a very depressing disease. I'm sure it can sap even a mighty Oak. As you have all said so many times, "be good to yourself". Don't be ashamed, love yourself enough to get help.. and don't give up until you find a doctor or counselor who really understands depression. Getting the wrong kind of help can be VERY DEPRESSING (ha ha.. see, I can even be funny about it)

Today, I start the Risperidone. My husband's death has brought out a very weird behavior in me. Rather than depression, I have become manic. Can't make myself go to bed, polishing doorknobs, terrorizing the weeds in my garden..etc. So, today, off to get help and found out that this is a stage of grief. When will I ever get this all figured out?

So, I'm writing about my life experiences to tell you all that depression is perfectly normal in certain situations and in certain people and spells of mania I have learned are treatable and not unexpected in certain times. No, I'm not off to the Resort (hey, I'm not kidding, this place is really nice). I will walk this "valley" with the love of my friends, holding tight to the hand of Jesus and chemically bombarded. OK? Any questions????

God be With You... Gale in TX IPF 10/06

Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

Meet the new AOL.ca. Free radio, music, videos, news & entertainment – with a Canadian perspective.

[Guest guest]

Amen, as would say it - Sistas K IllSher Bauman wrote: Gale... you and I are the same age and I relate to much of what you say. It certainly takes a woman who knows who she is to speak so candidly. I think the candid speakers are the ones who reach others on a gut/heart level. I understand

the chemical depression...and it is different than situational depression or anger. Your grieving gets tangled in it too. I'm glad you have your 'Resort' and I'm gladder (my word of course) that you know when to go. See? You know who you are. I often wondered why God asks certain people to bear certain burdens and at least my conclusion is, because these people are strong enough to tell others so they know they are not alone. Hence helping them to reach out for help and/or bear their cross with dignity and bravery. None of us on this board who know Joyce will ever forget her as we deal with our own progression...She is a beacon of light of what one can do with a burden.

I see you now in that same light Gale. Suicidal depression is very difficult to cope with. Having your own "code" to live by takes you through the valley of the shadow of death. I've found my "code" to live by as well. "Trust God to use my life to some sort of good" is how I feel too. I pray I can bloom where I'm planted. I survived. You are surviving. Someone else will survive when they read this poignant post of yours. No, I don't have questions. Only the desire to tell you how beautiful you are and thank you for being here for me. We will walk this valley together... MamaSher, age 69.IPF 3-06,NSIP 4-08.

OR.Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there! Depression, Yep, I Got It I have a good life, optimistic attitude, God's love and a lifetime of depression. I'm told it is severe depression.. brain chemicals all mixed up.. you can't see it on my

face, you can't hear it in my voice... but I got "it". However, I won't let "it" get me!!! No, I don't hear voices, I function at a 69 year old level (I'll leave that un described) because I am 69 years old. PILLS.. I presently take 15mg Buspar twice daily, 100 mg Zoloft once daily; 30 mg Cymbalta two at bedtime, 2mg Xanax as needed (usually 1mg at bedtime) and today started on 1mg Respiridone at bedtime. I'm just a chemical wonder, I am! Twice last year and once already this year I spent 4 or 5 days at what I call "My Resort", ie hospital where I choose my food from a plenteous menu, attend 4 to 5 group sessions a day, lights out at 10pm, private room and private bath and the world locked out (I'm technically locked in). You see, I have suicidal depression and too often life events tempt me to hasten Home to be with My Lord. Now, don't say

it!!! I do not believe suicide is a sin... however, I do argue with myself that if I have truly given my life to God, it is not mine to take. I know this in my heart and in my head.. but those chemicals start to boil and I'm trying to choose which of my suicide plans to use. God has blessed me with good medical help with my condition and I know when to call for help (my room at the Resort). At my age Medicare is good to pay and my secondary health ins. picks up the balance for the Resort. My medication is not too expensive. My health insurance has pretty good prescription coverage. I'm saying this to let you know that I truly am blessed to have such good care. Ultimately though, it is up to me to know what to do and when.. take my meds, etc. No, I am not in therapy.. I have been..some good, some not so good.. but therapy does not reach the brain chemicals that torment me

from time to time. I will tell you outright that I am not ashamed of the depression or the monster IPF. My life is an open book, and I do trust God to use it to some sort of good. Life brings changes. As I age, the dimensions of my brain chemicals constantly change.. be alert and aware of that fact if you too suffer depression. IPF is a very depressing disease. I'm sure it can sap even a mighty Oak. As you have all said so many times, "be good to yourself". Don't be ashamed, love yourself enough to get help.. and don't give up until you find a doctor or counselor who really understands depression. Getting the wrong kind of help can be VERY DEPRESSING (ha ha.. see, I can even be funny about it) Today, I start the Risperidone. My husband's death has brought out a very weird behavior in me. Rather than depression, I have become manic. Can't

make myself go to bed, polishing doorknobs, terrorizing the weeds in my garden..etc. So, today, off to get help and found out that this is a stage of grief. When will I ever get this all figured out? So, I'm writing about my life experiences to tell you all that depression is perfectly normal in certain situations and in certain people and spells of mania I have learned are treatable and not unexpected in certain times. No, I'm not off to the Resort (hey, I'm not kidding, this place is really nice). I will walk this "valley" with the love of my friends, holding tight to the hand of Jesus and chemically bombarded. OK? Any questions???? God be With You... Gale in TX IPF 10/06 Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food. K Central Il Hubby ipf- 2006 As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord 14