Fw: HUMOR: Your Daily Zen Moment

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>

>> YOUR DAILY ZEN MOMENT

>>

>>

>> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of

me,

>> for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just Leave me

the

>> hell alone.

>>

>> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and

a

>> leaky tire.

>>

>> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal

your

>> neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

>>

>> 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting

any.

>>

>> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be

>> promoted.

>>

>> 6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

>>

>> 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

>>

>> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

>>

>> 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a

>> warning to others.

>>

>> 10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good

qualities

>> without your help.

>>

>> 11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple

of car

>> payments.

>>

>> 12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their

shoes.

>> That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have

their

>> shoes.

>>

>> 13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

>>

>> 14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to

fish,

>> and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

>>

>> 15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was

>> probably worth it.

>>

>> 16. Dont' squat with your spurs on.

>>

>> 17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

>>

>> 18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

>>

>> 19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

>>

>> 20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

>>

>> 21. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes

from

>> bad judgement.

>>

>> 22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and

put it

>> back in your pocket.

>>

>> 23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

>>

>> 24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

>>

>> 25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side,

and

>> it holds the universe together.

>>

>> 26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

>>

>> 27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is

>> moving.

>>

>> 28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need

it.

>>

>> 29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

>>

>> 30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

>>