Rhonda and all

January 21, 2008

Hi Rhonda and all,

It can be hard to build friendships when you are down and out. Do you have any

tips on how to make friends ?

Even from childhood, I've never been the sort of person to connect with people

and form lasting relationships, as much as I yearned for it. I don't know why -

I guess it's because of low self esteem and so people just aren't drawn to me

like they would be with bubbly people who have a healthy self image. I'm not

shy and can chat easily and take an interest in others, but it doesn't seem to

go anywhere. I noticed the most popular people talk about themselves and their

lives an awful lot, which isn't a bad thing because I don't mind listening - but

I am wary of talking about myself too much as I think it will put people off -

esp potential friends... they might think I'm a pain in the a#% or something.

Not having any friends or family to talk to regularly is a real bummer and makes

life unbearable. I just wanted to get that off my chest, and I don't expect

anyone to have any answers.

Best to all,

Leonie

rheumatic Re: Depression in Chronic Illnesses!

The lesson I've learned the hard way is when people don't listen,

don't believe, don't support me with this illness, our relationship

is jeopardized. Scleroderma is not just testing me, it's testing my

family & friends, and only a handful are passing the test.

I recently was telling a long-term friend how expensive Minocin and

my supplements are. He replied that I should take the generic,

there's no difference. He quickly refuted me with 'science' when I

tried to explain, ending it with a shameful " Well, it's your

choice " . Later in the conversation I was telling him how I've felt

so lost since I became sick. He said I should just 'laugh it off',

and that I'm starting to sound like his grandmother. I felt totally

unheard, and said I had to get off the phone to work on finding

cheaper ways to get meds. He replied that if he were me, he would

just give up & die because that's his life philosophy, to let nature

take its course.

I never would have guessed how insensitive people can be until my

dx. A true friend with good communication skills would have asked

me more questions, let me talk it out and let me know that he really

hears me. Would have offered on-point support, helped me brainstorm

solutions, just been on my side. If he was uncomfortable with

my 'negative' feelings, they would have passed naturally had he

taken a helpful role, instead of throwing out his surface level

advice.

Since my dx I've lost so many relationships over insensitivities.

Our entire culture seems to be needing lessons in empathy and

communication & especially listening skills.

Since everyone in these forums is in the same boat, that's the one

thing I feel we can count on one another for, shared understanding.

These forums keep me functioning emotionally. These forums are an

essential component to my physical and emotional health.

I don't post often, but I read every post, and every post makes me

more knowledgable, and stronger. I feel somehow bonded with you all

in this magical electronic world. What the heck did people like us

do before this electronic medium?

Hi lynne

> > > >

> > > > As you know my Dr. prscribed Medrol 2 mg 4 days a week

> > > > to lower my inflammation. my ESR is high 120.

> > > > I thought it is not a bad idea because i read high

> > > > inflammtion doesn't allow minocin to penetrate cells.

> > > > anyway last nightI took my first medrol and I got up

> > > > with less pain and less stiffness. My hands are no

> > > > puffy right now. wow I didn't know a low dose of

> > > > steroid can make a big difference. I don't like to

> > > > take steroid because of side effects. my Dr. also

> > > > doesn't like it. I am going to take it only 3 days a

> > > > week. I hope it helps me to put on some weight.

> > > > what do you think?

> > > > By the way you do lots of work. I couldn't do such

> > > > amonth of work even when I was healthy. like you I

> > > > always followed a healthy diet, did excersize. no

> > > > smoking and drinking but I was not a happy person.

> > > > I didn't realize the most important thing is my

> > > > health.

> > > >

> > > > enjoy the weekend

> > > >

> > > > soheila

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________________________________

> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals?

> > > > Find them fast with Search.

> > > http://tools.search./newsearch/category.php?

> > > category=shopping

> > > >

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> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > > Search.

> > > >

January 21, 2008

Leonie -

Seems Americans in general are pretty lonely people, but Americans who have

chronic illness even moreso. Our culture puts the individual above the

community - maybe that's part of it. So the challenge is to discover ways to

reconnect within our communities.

You know the advice about how to find a compatible life mate - get involved in

the activities that interest you most. Maybe that's one way we could try to

build friendships.

I'm fine with meeting people, but find it challenging finding ways to invite the

person out of the activity and into my personal life. It probably boils down to

statistics - it doesn't pan out a bunch of times but once in a while it does pan

out. With that in mind, the thing to do would be try not to let the 'rejection'

overwhelm you, and just keep trying.

It's even more challenging when you're feeling down from the disease, so I guess

you have more success if you find a way to put on that smiley face, at least in

the beginning.

What are your ideas about friendship building while sick? I'm interested to

hear what the others say too.

Peace,

Rhonda

leonie cent <leoniecent@...> wrote: Hi

Rhonda and all,