Re: Help please. Cyclone hitting OZ and flying monkeys on my back.

[Guest guest]

" Nada situation can eclipse real life stuff. "

So well said. That's been very true for me, too.

Everyone has nailed it: take care of you and your family. IGNORE the monkey.

I hate the monkeys. Sometimes they make me feel worse than my mother, but it

really is just the FOG and all the sympathy-seeking stories nada tells them.

> >

> > Stay safe Kazam! I just looked up the cyclone in the news and it looks bad

- are you going to have to evacuate? I know the stress of a nada situation can

eclipse serious real life stuff - for me too. At least the flying monkey used

email...easier to delete, ignore, or send a brief reply after the hurricane is

past at your leisure.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your instincts were correct. Go Fuck yourself is always the correct

responce to a flying monkey. If you don t feel totally viscious, you

can append to that, it s none of your business, you know nothing about

our situation, and don t ever presume to do this again.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Just a quick note to say Thank-you all soooooooo much for getting me through

another Nada Challenge.

Today I am feeling much stronger and finding it somewhat amusing the whole thing

very different to yesterday. It proves how out of touch they all are to real

life.

Like attracks like.

I am happy with my comeback. Yesterday was an emotional challenge. Today they

motivated me again to be stronger than ever. If only they knew that every crazy

thing they do drives another nail in the coffin. It kind of makes it easier and

confirms my decision to have the looneys out of our lives.

Anyway I am back on track and focusing on the situation at hand. Putting our

hard hats on and securing ourselves for the night.

We have been told we could loose water and electricity for up to a week. As

soon as all settles down I will let you know how we fair.

Least one thing with total isolation those FLYING MONKEYS and NADA can't harrass

me.

If nothing else I am literally cut off from them all and can rest in peace for

awhile. LOL

Talk to you all on the other side of this Horrible disaster for Australia. Our

second blow this year.

Mother Nature isn't happpy. Too many NADA's in the world. LOL

Kazam x

>

>

> Your instincts were correct. Go Fuck yourself is always the correct

> responce to a flying monkey. If you don t feel totally viscious, you

> can append to that, it s none of your business, you know nothing about

> our situation, and don t ever presume to do this again.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

So glad you don't have to evacuate and I hope you are able to get all the

supplies you need for the seige. I knew people affected by Katrina so I have

great respect for hurricanes/cyclones. Sending prayers/wishes for you and your

family's safety.

Here's a link for others about this hurricane:

http://www.smh.com.au/environment/dont-let-eye-of-storm-foster-false-sense-of-se\

curity-warns-slater-20110202-1acxv.html

>

> We live inland but are still taking precautions. Mainly people near the beach

are having to move.

> It really is amazing how " Nada situation can eclipse real life stuff. "

> I think that is what I was so surprised about. Even after a year it still

feels so raw when something like that happens and there is still a physical

reaction that stops me short.

> I can't wait until that goes away if it ever does.

> Kazam x

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry Kazam. You know, you can set up your email to automatically

forward emails from certain people to the trash bin. When that person emails

you again, it will go right to the trash and you'll never even see it.

I think what gets us so riled up is those people make us feel like we, the

victims, are to blame and it makes us instantly incredulous. I've had to talk

to all of my nada's exboyfriends, strangers I've never even met and one of the

Deacons of the mormon church in Salt Lake City. All bought her story of I'm

just an evil selfish witch who make money hand over fist and I kicked her out

just to watch her suffer. When I spoke to the Deacon, I told him what the real

story was and I asked him for his help instead. I told him I had to file a

restraining order to protect me and my family from her hateful words and

threatening attacks but that she is my mother and I love her, could he please

attempt to encourage her to get into a drug and alcohol program as well as some

personal counseling? He actually agreed with me and told me he sent us his

blessings! The exes I pretty much told the same story to and asked them to

recall her irrational, insecure and vengeful behavior - they all suffered her

abuse and as I guided them to recall it, they apologized for having called to

bother me. I won them over and they never bothered me again.

I'm not suggesting you worry about taking the time to deal with this person in

that way but you could if you wanted to if it would make you feel better (that

is after you are safe, calm and collected). I can feel your pain so acutely and

it frustrates me that any of us have to deal with this insanity. But we will

prevail, we will get healthy, we will get help and find away to be out of reach

of nada and fada's insane, life and word twisting attacks.

Much love and many blessings. Sending lots of prayers your way for safety and

healing!

Jaie

> >

> > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call Nada for

her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is not too

much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama of my

current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the news.

> > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National Disaster

and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know was

the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so I can

focus on what is happening in our town.

> > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be focused

again on my own life.

> > Kazam x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I hope you're doing ok. Try not to worry about your nada right now, worry

about the cyclone (the real one, not the nada one lol).

Really hope that you & your family are ok.

Mia

>

>

> Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

> one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

> and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call Nada

> for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is not

> too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama of

> my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the

> news.

> I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National Disaster

> and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know was

> the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

> anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so I

> can focus on what is happening in our town.

> That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

> the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be

> focused again on my own life.

> Kazam x

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

Just letting you know we made it through with not too much structural damage.

The eye hit an hour away bringing 185km winds and smashing the town to bits.

The cat 5 cyclone was so big that it spread for miles. I never want to go

through that ever again.

Anyway we are all alive and trying to get back to normal.

We still have no electricity but that is nothing to worry about we are ALIVE.

Our daughter's birthday today so celebrating with a few great kids. Nada's

flying monkey tried to contact again on my mobile but knew her number.

Nada managed to get a card to her in time and sent her money. Our daughter

collected it from the mail before cyclone was hitting. When all calms down I

need to address how I can stop the mail to my daughter. Could send it back but

some here have advised against that. I know I have to ignore but I want her to

stop doing that. Has anyone just kept ignoring letters to their children from

Nada and it eventually stopped? Has anyone sent return to sender and that

worked?

Even in a time like this they are still annoying me and playing emotional mind

games. I know it is to Nada's benefit not mine, to hear our daughter's voice

and have contact with her. She is only 9 and I don't want her in the middle of

these games. When she is of age she can decide for herself if she wants to

contact her. I am doing what is right at the moment to protect her and me for a

happier sane life.

Thanks for being there and sharing. It is these challenges in life that test us

with wild emotions at the best of time without throwing Nada BS in amongst

already raw vunerable states of being. It is hard staying sane but what doesn't

kill us can only make us stronger they say. Hopefully facing this cyclone will

give me even more srength tho appreciate my life more and keep me even stronger

to protect my life. Funny one that was given to me from Nada LIFE and one that

now I am protecting her not to distroy. LIFE is short and we need to appreciate

every moment the best we can and do what ever that takes to achieve that.

Happiness and gratitude to start fresh and smell the

roses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kazam x

>

> >

> >

> > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

> > one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

> > and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call Nada

> > for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is not

> > too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama of

> > my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the

> > news.

> > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National Disaster

> > and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know was

> > the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

> > anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so I

> > can focus on what is happening in our town.

> > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

> > the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be

> > focused again on my own life.

> > Kazam x

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So glad you are alright!

I'll let the people who have kids advise on your concerns about mail going to

your kids. Just really glad to hear you're doing okay.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

> > > one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

> > > and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call

Nada

> > > for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is

not

> > > too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama

of

> > > my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the

> > > news.

> > > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National

Disaster

> > > and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> > > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know

was

> > > the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> > > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

> > > anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so

I

> > > can focus on what is happening in our town.

> > > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

> > > the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be

> > > focused again on my own life.

> > > Kazam x

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Same here! I'm glad you guys made it through alright! That sounded really

horrible from the news.

Holly

>

>

> So glad you are alright!

>

> I'll let the people who have kids advise on your concerns about mail going

> to your kids. Just really glad to hear you're doing okay.

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be

> hit by

> > > > one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > > > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just

> received

> > > > and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to

> call Nada

> > > > for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This

> is not

> > > > too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with

> drama of

> > > > my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over

> the

> > > > news.

> > > > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National

> Disaster

> > > > and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > > > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > > > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know

> what??????

> > > > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I

> know was

> > > > the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it

> all.

> > > > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs.

> Please

> > > > anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my

> mind so I

> > > > can focus on what is happening in our town.

> > > > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that

> it put

> > > > the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to

> be

> > > > focused again on my own life.

> > > > Kazam x

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Wonderful! Glad you and yours are safe and sound. Enjoy the peace and quiet

winds.

[Guest guest]

Kazam - I'm glad to hear you all made it through the cyclone!

We've been experiencing a similar problem with cards/gifts from nada to my kids

(my youngest daughter just turned 8). Today a florist delivered a fruit basket

(!) and flowers to my daughter for her birthday, from nada, along with a card

that nada had express-mailed to the florist for him to hand deliver with the

fruit! The poor florist doesn't even know that he is a flying monkey! This was

after 2 weeks ago, when the same florist delivered a package that nada had

priority-mailed to the florist to hand deliver to my kids (with the instructions

to deliver on a Saturday knowing the kids would be home from school), along with

more flowers.

My husband and I are still trying to figure out what to do with the box from 2

weeks ago. Although the kids saw it when it was delivered, knew it was for

them, and knew who it was from, we didn't let them open it. My furious husband

wanted to send it back, unopened. My kids were upset that they couldn't open

it. I'm not sure what to do with it at this point. I'm thinking I'd like to

ignore it or throw it in the trash. We've been NC for over 1.5 years, and the

only time my kids get upset about it is when nada sends them something, and we

don't intercept it in time. Aaaaargh!

Right now my strategy is: NC means NC. No response is NC. Sending something

back un-opened would be a response. Now, should I tell my kids not to write a

thank you note? How much NC applies to the kids? I don't know.

-

>

> Hi All,

> Just letting you know we made it through with not too much structural damage.

The eye hit an hour away bringing 185km winds and smashing the town to bits.

The cat 5 cyclone was so big that it spread for miles. I never want to go

through that ever again.

> Anyway we are all alive and trying to get back to normal.

> We still have no electricity but that is nothing to worry about we are ALIVE.

> Our daughter's birthday today so celebrating with a few great kids. Nada's

flying monkey tried to contact again on my mobile but knew her number.

> Nada managed to get a card to her in time and sent her money. Our daughter

collected it from the mail before cyclone was hitting. When all calms down I

need to address how I can stop the mail to my daughter. Could send it back but

some here have advised against that. I know I have to ignore but I want her to

stop doing that. Has anyone just kept ignoring letters to their children from

Nada and it eventually stopped? Has anyone sent return to sender and that

worked?

> Even in a time like this they are still annoying me and playing emotional mind

games. I know it is to Nada's benefit not mine, to hear our daughter's voice

and have contact with her. She is only 9 and I don't want her in the middle of

these games. When she is of age she can decide for herself if she wants to

contact her. I am doing what is right at the moment to protect her and me for a

happier sane life.

> Thanks for being there and sharing. It is these challenges in life that test

us with wild emotions at the best of time without throwing Nada BS in amongst

already raw vunerable states of being. It is hard staying sane but what doesn't

kill us can only make us stronger they say. Hopefully facing this cyclone will

give me even more srength tho appreciate my life more and keep me even stronger

to protect my life. Funny one that was given to me from Nada LIFE and one that

now I am protecting her not to distroy. LIFE is short and we need to appreciate

every moment the best we can and do what ever that takes to achieve that.

Happiness and gratitude to start fresh and smell the

roses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, so glad you and your family made it through the storm. As for the other

" storm " , I believe NC means NC. And that applies to minor children. After all,

you are trying to protect yourself, so why wouldn't you want to protect your

children? Look at it this way, the gift is manipulation. The master manipulator

is going to continue to try to get to you through the kids. If you reply in any

way, she's won.If the kids respond, she's won. It's a crack that she will

continue to pry at until she gets in.Then everything starts all over. My

advice, refuse them, throw them out. Your children are too young to understand

about nada. Tell them whatever you want. It's safer. Sure it's hard to throw

away a gift in this economy. But look at the big picture.You could re-wrap them

and say they're from you. Whatever works. Â As soon as those kids are old

enough, they'll become a target. And the children won't understand until they've

lived it. One of my sons needed a

place to stay for a few months while he was in law school, so he stayed with my

nada. After 2 weeks he called me and said in a very serious voice, " how on

earth did you grow up with this woman and keep your sanity? " Right there in that

moment my life was validated. Hope this helps, maureen

Subject: Re: Help please. Cyclone hitting OZ and flying

monkeys on my back.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 4:37 AM

Â

Hi All,

Just letting you know we made it through with not too much structural damage.

The eye hit an hour away bringing 185km winds and smashing the town to bits. The

cat 5 cyclone was so big that it spread for miles. I never want to go through

that ever again.

Anyway we are all alive and trying to get back to normal.

We still have no electricity but that is nothing to worry about we are ALIVE.

Our daughter's birthday today so celebrating with a few great kids. Nada's

flying monkey tried to contact again on my mobile but knew her number.

Nada managed to get a card to her in time and sent her money. Our daughter

collected it from the mail before cyclone was hitting. When all calms down I

need to address how I can stop the mail to my daughter. Could send it back but

some here have advised against that. I know I have to ignore but I want her to

stop doing that. Has anyone just kept ignoring letters to their children from

Nada and it eventually stopped? Has anyone sent return to sender and that

worked?

Even in a time like this they are still annoying me and playing emotional mind

games. I know it is to Nada's benefit not mine, to hear our daughter's voice and

have contact with her. She is only 9 and I don't want her in the middle of these

games. When she is of age she can decide for herself if she wants to contact

her. I am doing what is right at the moment to protect her and me for a happier

sane life.

Thanks for being there and sharing. It is these challenges in life that test us

with wild emotions at the best of time without throwing Nada BS in amongst

already raw vunerable states of being. It is hard staying sane but what doesn't

kill us can only make us stronger they say. Hopefully facing this cyclone will

give me even more srength tho appreciate my life more and keep me even stronger

to protect my life. Funny one that was given to me from Nada LIFE and one that

now I am protecting her not to distroy. LIFE is short and we need to appreciate

every moment the best we can and do what ever that takes to achieve that.

Happiness and gratitude to start fresh and smell the

roses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kazam x

>

> >

> >

> > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

> > one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

> > and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call Nada

> > for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is not

> > too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama of

> > my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the

> > news.

> > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National Disaster

> > and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know was

> > the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

> > anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so I

> > can focus on what is happening in our town.

> > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

> > the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be

> > focused again on my own life.

> > Kazam x

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is a tough one. But I think it boils down to whether you think having

contact with your nada is in your childrens' best interest or not.

If your kids don't have any face-time with nada, if they're never alone with her

its not likely that she will physically harm them or neglect them.

But do you feel that your nada may try (or is already trying) to manipulate your

children to be loyal to her in such a way that it undermines your authority?

Showering a child with presents and attention is VERY appealing to a naive

child, who can only believe that the person who dotes on them so is doing it out

of love, but to me it smacks of " grooming " ; its a seductive act.

Me personally, I see it a kind of " up yours " to you from nada. " See, I give

your children presents and money because I love them more than I love you, and

you can't stop me; if you try, your children will hate you. "

I don't know if this is relevant in your case or not; I offer this as one

possible scenario.

I also don't know what would be the best way to handle it, other than telling

your children at least part of the truth.

Perhaps something along the lines of: " Mommy is not allowing grandma into our

life now, because grandma did/said (xyz)... so grandma is in " time out " right

now. But if grandma can understand how she's hurt mommy and if grandma

apologizes, and if she goes to therapy so she can learn how to not say and do

hurtful things, then we can have grandma in our lives again.

" Time out " means that she doesn't get to talk to us or give us presents or spend

time with us, OK?

I know its hard to understand, but sometimes a person will try to buy your

friendship by giving you presents, but that's not an... honest way to make a

friend and be a friend. Caring about someone's feelings and enjoying their

company and treating them with respect because they're nice, and funny, and kind

and smart and because they're a good person is a better way to make a friend and

be a friend. "

That's the way I'd handle it; it puts the responsibility for earning the " time

out " where it belongs (on nada) and it establishes you as *the* authority figure

where your kids are concerned: you are more powerful than nada. And it puts the

responsibility for admitting wrongdoing, expressing remorse and showing

repentance on nada, where it belongs.

But that's just my take on it. You'll have to figure out what will work for you

in your situation, what you feel is both just and practical.

-Annie

> >

> > Hi All,

> > Just letting you know we made it through with not too much structural

damage. The eye hit an hour away bringing 185km winds and smashing the town to

bits. The cat 5 cyclone was so big that it spread for miles. I never want to

go through that ever again.

> > Anyway we are all alive and trying to get back to normal.

> > We still have no electricity but that is nothing to worry about we are

ALIVE.

> > Our daughter's birthday today so celebrating with a few great kids. Nada's

flying monkey tried to contact again on my mobile but knew her number.

> > Nada managed to get a card to her in time and sent her money. Our daughter

collected it from the mail before cyclone was hitting. When all calms down I

need to address how I can stop the mail to my daughter. Could send it back but

some here have advised against that. I know I have to ignore but I want her to

stop doing that. Has anyone just kept ignoring letters to their children from

Nada and it eventually stopped? Has anyone sent return to sender and that

worked?

> > Even in a time like this they are still annoying me and playing emotional

mind games. I know it is to Nada's benefit not mine, to hear our daughter's

voice and have contact with her. She is only 9 and I don't want her in the

middle of these games. When she is of age she can decide for herself if she

wants to contact her. I am doing what is right at the moment to protect her and

me for a happier sane life.

> > Thanks for being there and sharing. It is these challenges in life that

test us with wild emotions at the best of time without throwing Nada BS in

amongst already raw vunerable states of being. It is hard staying sane but what

doesn't kill us can only make us stronger they say. Hopefully facing this

cyclone will give me even more srength tho appreciate my life more and keep me

even stronger to protect my life. Funny one that was given to me from Nada LIFE

and one that now I am protecting her not to distroy. LIFE is short and we need

to appreciate every moment the best we can and do what ever that takes to

achieve that. Happiness and gratitude to start fresh and smell the

roses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > Kazam x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

So glad you are ok!!!!

As for the gifts, I personally would just start collecting the mail myself

and then screening it. I like the " time out " idea too.

I wouldn't send anything back - that would be a form of contact to nada and

would make her feel she had scored points. Just chuck.

XOXO girlscout

On Sun, Feb 6, 2011 at 6:41 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> This is a tough one. But I think it boils down to whether you think having

> contact with your nada is in your childrens' best interest or not.

>

> If your kids don't have any face-time with nada, if they're never alone

> with her its not likely that she will physically harm them or neglect them.

>

> But do you feel that your nada may try (or is already trying) to manipulate

> your children to be loyal to her in such a way that it undermines your

> authority? Showering a child with presents and attention is VERY appealing

> to a naive child, who can only believe that the person who dotes on them so

> is doing it out of love, but to me it smacks of " grooming " ; its a seductive

> act.

>

> Me personally, I see it a kind of " up yours " to you from nada. " See, I give

> your children presents and money because I love them more than I love you,

> and you can't stop me; if you try, your children will hate you. "

>

> I don't know if this is relevant in your case or not; I offer this as one

> possible scenario.

>

> I also don't know what would be the best way to handle it, other than

> telling your children at least part of the truth.

>

> Perhaps something along the lines of: " Mommy is not allowing grandma into

> our life now, because grandma did/said (xyz)... so grandma is in " time out "

> right now. But if grandma can understand how she's hurt mommy and if grandma

> apologizes, and if she goes to therapy so she can learn how to not say and

> do hurtful things, then we can have grandma in our lives again.

>

> " Time out " means that she doesn't get to talk to us or give us presents or

> spend time with us, OK?

>

> I know its hard to understand, but sometimes a person will try to buy your

> friendship by giving you presents, but that's not an... honest way to make a

> friend and be a friend. Caring about someone's feelings and enjoying their

> company and treating them with respect because they're nice, and funny, and

> kind and smart and because they're a good person is a better way to make a

> friend and be a friend. "

>

> That's the way I'd handle it; it puts the responsibility for earning the

> " time out " where it belongs (on nada) and it establishes you as *the*

> authority figure where your kids are concerned: you are more powerful than

> nada. And it puts the responsibility for admitting wrongdoing, expressing

> remorse and showing repentance on nada, where it belongs.

>

> But that's just my take on it. You'll have to figure out what will work for

> you in your situation, what you feel is both just and practical.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> > >

> > > Hi All,

> > > Just letting you know we made it through with not too much structural

> damage. The eye hit an hour away bringing 185km winds and smashing the town

> to bits. The cat 5 cyclone was so big that it spread for miles. I never want

> to go through that ever again.

> > > Anyway we are all alive and trying to get back to normal.

> > > We still have no electricity but that is nothing to worry about we are

> ALIVE.

> > > Our daughter's birthday today so celebrating with a few great kids.

> Nada's flying monkey tried to contact again on my mobile but knew her

> number.

> > > Nada managed to get a card to her in time and sent her money. Our

> daughter collected it from the mail before cyclone was hitting. When all

> calms down I need to address how I can stop the mail to my daughter. Could

> send it back but some here have advised against that. I know I have to

> ignore but I want her to stop doing that. Has anyone just kept ignoring

> letters to their children from Nada and it eventually stopped? Has anyone

> sent return to sender and that worked?

> > > Even in a time like this they are still annoying me and playing

> emotional mind games. I know it is to Nada's benefit not mine, to hear our

> daughter's voice and have contact with her. She is only 9 and I don't want

> her in the middle of these games. When she is of age she can decide for

> herself if she wants to contact her. I am doing what is right at the moment

> to protect her and me for a happier sane life.

> > > Thanks for being there and sharing. It is these challenges in life that

> test us with wild emotions at the best of time without throwing Nada BS in

> amongst already raw vunerable states of being. It is hard staying sane but

> what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger they say. Hopefully facing

> this cyclone will give me even more srength tho appreciate my life more and

> keep me even stronger to protect my life. Funny one that was given to me

> from Nada LIFE and one that now I am protecting her not to distroy. LIFE is

> short and we need to appreciate every moment the best we can and do what

> ever that takes to achieve that. Happiness and gratitude to start fresh and

> smell the roses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > > Kazam x

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice and especially the support when going

through such a difficult time. Emotions run high at a time like that when you

feel your safety and life are on the line. I didn't want to break NC and when

the flying monkeys came I needed your strength to pull through as it threw me of

my focus on the REAL ISSUE I had to deal with.

I couldn't believe that I was dealing with Nada and the drama again at a time

like that. It was my anger really at how sick she is that she got others to do

the dirty work and that again I was the bad daughter for not letting her know I

was ok. Then there was the reminder of ringing her for her birthday.

It did show me after a year of NC how bad the situation is and at a time like

that BPD shines through at its best.

They put another nail in the coffin and made it easier and confirmed why I am NC

and must stay that way. I feel proud of myself that I did not react with the

intense anger that I felt.

I put my husband and daughter's needs first. That was one of survival and

staying focused to be a great mum in a time of crisis so our daughter felt safe

and got through the event not scared for life. That was one thing Nada did not

do for me and I never felt her be the protector. She always turned it into her

drama and forgot about our feelings in any given difficult situation.

Even though it was a very difficult night I tried to make it fun for our

daughter to distract her from all the noise and what was happening. I remember

watching the movie " Life is Beautiful " . That movie was in the back of my head

the whole night before I finally got her to sleep with ear plugs in telling her

that she better wear these as Daddy snores.

As for the presents that keep arriving I will ignore as mush as I want to send

them back. I know Nada can't have a relationship with my daughter as I don't

want her to be in the game and used against me. I just wanted to know if

anyone's Nada stopped sending things eventually or do they never give up?

I thought it was funny asking such a question at a time like I just had but I

think I needed to feel some hope that all this craziness will stop.

I hate living like this. I enjoyed no power and no phones. That is sad. It

felt like I finally had peace. Everyone else was so happy when electricity came

on after a week. We had a generator so I wasn't doing it tough. It was just NC

was safer than it had ever been before.

I really want to thank everyone again. If it wasn't for this group and the

understanding and support from all here I don't know how I would of faired.

I am on the other side of it all now and calming down. What a ride. We are

doing more of the big clean up this weekend. Looking forward to getting our in

the garden again. My place of solitude. I feel very close to God out there and

my prayers were answered in that we are safe and I stayed strong and

NC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kazam x

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Need this to be quick as I live in Australia and we are about to be hit by

> > > one of the biggest cyclones this country has ever seen.

> > > Haven't talked to Nada in a year and she turns 6o next week. Just received

> > > and email from a flying monkey informing me to get my daughter to call

Nada

> > > for her birthday and let her know we are all ok. She ended with " This is

not

> > > too much to ask is it? " Obviously Nada is draining this monkey with drama

of

> > > my current situation. Nada lives away and would be seeing it all over the

> > > news.

> > > I haven't responded and I am fumming. We are headed for a National

Disaster

> > > and they want ME to ring Nada for her BIRTHDAY and to let

> > > her know we are ok. HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > > At first I wanted to email and tell flying monkey to you know what??????

> > > After the rage has gone and I didn't react straight away to what I know

was

> > > the wrong response, I am now left dumb founded on the craziness of it all.

> > > I have so much more to think about as it is all hitting in 24 hrs. Please

> > > anyone send me some peace of mind to get this situation out of my mind so

I

> > > can focus on what is happening in our town.

> > > That is how much affect Bpd and all the Nada stuff has over me that it put

> > > the cyclone out of my mind when it is a serious threat and I need to be

> > > focused again on my own life.

> > > Kazam x

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

So glad to hear from you & that you guys are ok! That's great news. =)

Wish I knew what to tell you about the letters & your daughter, but I don't

have kids so I haven't a clue. I guess if it were me I'd insist on getting

the mail and then maybe return to sender. Don't know.

Good luck & stay safe!

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't return to sender - that's a response. I'd just chuck. Make it

into a cermony.

My nada stopped sending things. But then, she never really tried, which

hurts me - I'm going to talk to my T about that soon.

>

>

> So glad to hear from you & that you guys are ok! That's great news. =)

> Wish I knew what to tell you about the letters & your daughter, but I don't

> have kids so I haven't a clue. I guess if it were me I'd insist on getting

> the mail and then maybe return to sender. Don't know.

>

> Good luck & stay safe!

>

> Mia

>

>

> >

>

>