Guest guest Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 It's a kick in the gut when your own parent can't empathize with you...and just one-ups you when you try to share your pain. It's a kick in the gut when that's all it's ever been.And it never changes. Aging becomes less a rite of passage than a reminder of grief and yet another grief that must be borne: taking stock yet again of all that never was and will never be. It's a wonder any of us here can even walk upright with all these kicks to the gut. About the crepey skin,just some KO sisterly advice: do either of you regularly use hyalauronic acid serum? I swear by it--it costs about twenty bucks for a month's supply from the health food store and whatever moisturizer you use,it will make it work much better if you use the hyalauronic acid serum as a base before moisturizing.If it's within your budget,use a higher end moisturizer that is also a skin brightener or tone evener. Sorry,couldn't resist the bit of girly advice.I hope that doesn't sound too facetious or whatever.I know what a total downer it is not to have a mom to *be* there for you during these rites of passage,which as far as aging is concerned,is also grief. > > > > , I feel your pain. > > My skin: crepey as well. This has been so discouraging. My face, no matter how much I moisturize, etc., has become very dry. Must be part of pre-menopause. > > > > Joints: same here, creaky. > > > > Weight: best not to discuss. > > > > Sharing with mother: yeah, I keep trying, too; I think I expect her somehow to become a different person and be a friend. And forget it, if/when I share this sort of stuff with her, because she's so hermit-y/waify, she immediately calls my brother to tell him I'm depressed, something's wrong with me, she tells me to see a dr., etc. > > > > So not worth the effort! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 , I don't mind the KO sisterly advice at all. My mom couldn't even show me how to use female sanitary products she was so repressed, so I appreciate it. > > > > > > , I feel your pain. > > > My skin: crepey as well. This has been so discouraging. My face, no matter how much I moisturize, etc., has become very dry. Must be part of pre-menopause. > > > > > > Joints: same here, creaky. > > > > > > Weight: best not to discuss. > > > > > > Sharing with mother: yeah, I keep trying, too; I think I expect her somehow to become a different person and be a friend. And forget it, if/when I share this sort of stuff with her, because she's so hermit-y/waify, she immediately calls my brother to tell him I'm depressed, something's wrong with me, she tells me to see a dr., etc. > > > > > > So not worth the effort! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 Thanks for empathizing with the non-empathizing. You know I think part of it is that I *just can't believe* that she's that incapable. I've long ago accepted she's unable to empathize with any pain she causes me because of her massive defensiveness, unable to empathize with situations she herself has never exactly experienced...but aging - surely anyone who has ever aged can relate to that???? Aaaargh. I'm not sure if hyalauronic acid is in what I use or not - I'll investigate. I use organic medium priced products morning and night. My skin isn't dry so much as " thin " like some thickening or connecting layer underneath it is gone. Women in my family have never been open or honest about what aging was like for them. Makes me realize how valuable a parent just honestly sharing their own life experiences (non crazy ones) would have been. Thanks for the sisterly advice it is much appreciated. > > > > > > , I feel your pain. > > > My skin: crepey as well. This has been so discouraging. My face, no matter how much I moisturize, etc., has become very dry. Must be part of pre-menopause. > > > > > > Joints: same here, creaky. > > > > > > Weight: best not to discuss. > > > > > > Sharing with mother: yeah, I keep trying, too; I think I expect her somehow to become a different person and be a friend. And forget it, if/when I share this sort of stuff with her, because she's so hermit-y/waify, she immediately calls my brother to tell him I'm depressed, something's wrong with me, she tells me to see a dr., etc. > > > > > > So not worth the effort! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Hey I'm trying to catch up with posts because I've been swamped at work.This is a busy time of year for us,stupidly in the frigging dead of winter...oh I will refrain from the details and a cynical rant. So,anyway Yes it sucks that they are *incapable*.That's a sarcastic term in French: " Il/Elle est incapable " meaning that person is hopelessly a doofus.And yes it's hard to believe anyone could be *that* incapable.I've noticed that my own " parents " can't seem to relate meaningfully to any age experience of mine whether that is youth or maturity.It's very weird but I was never able to *connect* with them about these kinds of subjects. I spelled " hyaluronic " acid wrong because I was too lazy to actually get up and go look at the bottle,but there's the correct spelling.The thing with using facial products is that you don't want to saturate your skin with too much junk: if you slather too much on what you're doing is slowly stretching your delicate skin as the product absorbs (creating more damage as the skin is slowly stretched) so less is definitely more.It's best to use only one or two products that do the job,like an all in one moisturizer.Especially in the area around your eyes you don't want to plump up the skin too much with too much junk and stretch it.The best products are ones that only need a few drops to work.I like hyaluronic acid serum as a base because you only need to use a bit of it and what it does is boost collagen and help your skin to retain mositure,it has a nice skin plumping effect and it absorbs well without weighing your skin down.It comes in various concentrations and the one I use isn't super concentrated and hideously expensive but it does the job for now (the twenty or so dollar range) and the brand I use from the health food store (pure hyaluronic acid serum with nothing else in it) wasn't tested on animals.I find that it restores a youthful dewiness and suppleness to my face when used as an adjunct to a moisturizer.I sound like a commercial If you prefer organic you're probably not going to like these recommendations but the best facial skincare range is Z Bigatti for all in one (brightener,tone evener,moisturizer) products that really *work* for " mature " skin and the Pevonia Botanica brand is also very good if what you're aiming for is finding one facial moisturizer that nourishes " crepey " skin and gives visible results.Of the two,Z Bigatti is better but it ain't organic > > Thanks for empathizing with the non-empathizing. You know I think part of it is that I *just can't believe* that she's that incapable. I've long ago accepted she's unable to empathize with any pain she causes me because of her massive defensiveness, unable to empathize with situations she herself has never exactly experienced...but aging - surely anyone who has ever aged can relate to that???? Aaaargh. > > I'm not sure if hyalauronic acid is in what I use or not - I'll investigate. I use organic medium priced products morning and night. My skin isn't dry so much as " thin " like some thickening or connecting layer underneath it is gone. Women in my family have never been open or honest about what aging was like for them. Makes me realize how valuable a parent just honestly sharing their own life experiences (non crazy ones) would have been. > > Thanks for the sisterly advice it is much appreciated. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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