Re: I hate feeling like this, I question everything.

[Guest guest]

Mia, have you checked out any of Melody Beattie's books, on codependency?  She

is a great gift in my life; I never could have made it this far without all the

work I've done on *acceptance and detachment*......not that I'm completely

*there*, not by a long shot, but.........it really helps.

Alastriona " If you have knowledge, let others light their candles from your

flame. " Margaret Fuller

Subject: I hate feeling like this, I question everything.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Monday, January 24, 2011, 12:05 AM

I mentioned before I'm down.  Still there.

I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

cheering section.  Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

thing I take on.

When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major.  I

love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

into nursing.  I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

artistic side.

But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that.  I mean, I can't

switch AGAIN, not now.  I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN.  Not to

mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

this school is EXPENSIVE.

I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

how bad I sucked.

Wish I could do it.  Too late now.

Mia

[Guest guest]

Agreed!  It's nurses who save lives............!!

Alastriona " If you have knowledge, let others light their candles from your

flame. " Margaret Fuller

Subject: Re: I hate feeling like this, I question

everything.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Monday, January 24, 2011, 12:18 AM

Mia,

I think it is totally amazing that you are going to be a nurse! Your experience

with your FOO will only help you be a compassionate and understanding nurse.

Now...

Speaking as someone who majored in dance, even got an MFA in it, I can tell you

that I am so jealous that you majored in a something that will give you a career

that will support you. You do NOT need to major in art to be an artist. In fact,

most successful artists do not major in art. I do not even dance professionally

anymore, because I just can't support myself. There are many ways for you to

continue your art without needing a degree in it. You can take courses at the

university without focusing on a degree, there are many books to study from,

learning the art of " free play " , etc.

I wish I had become a doctor, in fact, I'm thinking of going back to school

(again) to get a degree in biomechanical engineering--so I can design bicycles.

Artists who only study art only make boring art. You are learning so many things

that will help make you an original, an authentic artist. Don't give up your

art, but also, what I have learned, don't let the art run your life either.

Also, if you say that you freaked out being an art major--don't be an art major.

Study art as it pertains to your life. At your own pace. There is nothing wrong

with that. There is so much crap art produced in this world, I see nothing wrong

with developing your own eye, your own voice, your own experience, and taking

your sweet time deciding what you want to say and how you want to say it.

You also mention having a tribal background...wow, all of your experience and

history will only authenticate your art.

I think becoming a nurse is such an amazing thing, really.

>

> I mentioned before I'm down.  Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section.  Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major.  I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing.  I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that.  I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now.  I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN.  Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

>  No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it.  Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I read codependant no more years ago. I was still living with nada at

the time. I remember her finding that book and having quite a few nasty

words to say to me about it. Ugh. I just love how trying to help myself is

tied in with memories of her trying harder to destroy me.

I don't know if I still have it or not, or if it's in my storage unit out of

town. Maybe the library has it... I think I should read it again since I

have quite a new perspective now then I did all those years ago.

Mia

On Wed, Feb 2, 2011 at 11:32 AM, Alastriona <

alastriona.smith@...> wrote:

>

>

> Mia, have you checked out any of Melody Beattie's books, on codependency?

> She is a great gift in my life; I never could have made it this far without

> all the work I've done on *acceptance and detachment*......not that I'm

> completely *there*, not by a long shot, but.........it really helps.

>

> Alastriona " If you have knowledge, let others light their candles from your

> flame. " Margaret Fuller

>