Glad it's not just me

February 2, 2011

I posted a hello message awhile ago, and have enjoyed reading everyone's posts.

It is just amazing to me that I am truly not alone! My nada also had an issue

with sleepovers- bad things happen, you don't know those people, blah blah blah.

If I made a new friend- she doesn't like you, she's just using you and you're

too stupid to see it. I went to the dr when I was 15 due to some aches and

pains and generally not feeling well. He diagnosed me with depression. When I

told nada she FLIPPED OUT! Started screaming that I went i)n and told that dr

stories on her and dad. I actually lied and told him my life was great. Ha ha.

I still see this dr (so does she) and he's the one who recommended Walking on

Eggshells. Our family dr knows she's crazy! She just drives me nuts. I am

currently LC with her and the rest of my family because they are her flying

monkeys. I used to be. Working to be the perfect daughter. But now that I'm a

mother, I can't be hers anymore. And I never want my son to feel the way I have

felt my whole life.

February 2, 2011

When I was a senior in high school, I had the worst case of depression I

ever had before, and finally got up the courage, after much research, to

approach my parents about it. I told my mom, and she said I had to tell

fada, and when I told fada, he hit the roof. It's really really painful to

talk about now, to think back and re-live it, but yeah, basically he went on

and on and on about how awful I was, what a spoiled brat, how I have nothing

to be depressed about, how he'll give me a reason to be depressed...

Well, he's a pretty darn good reason alone to give me depression. Or if he

didn't give it to me, he certainly exacerbated it. When I moved out halfway

through my junior year of college, I had a really bad case of depression

then, too, even worse than my highschool one. I quietly went to the doctor,

was prescribed meds, and that helped sustain me a little bit through the

disownment time.

I completely agree with you, it's really really nice to be with a group of

people with similar stories, so that we know we're not alone. I'm not a

mother yet, but when I am, I certainly don't want the kids going through

what I went through, and what my siblings are still going through.

And if I missed you the first time around, welcome to the group

Holly

>

> I posted a hello message awhile ago, and have enjoyed reading everyone's

> posts. It is just amazing to me that I am truly not alone! My nada also had

> an issue with sleepovers- bad things happen, you don't know those people,

> blah blah blah. If I made a new friend- she doesn't like you, she's just

> using you and you're too stupid to see it. I went to the dr when I was 15

> due to some aches and pains and generally not feeling well. He diagnosed me

> with depression. When I told nada she FLIPPED OUT! Started screaming that I

> went i)n and told that dr stories on her and dad. I actually lied and told

> him my life was great. Ha ha. I still see this dr (so does she) and he's the

> one who recommended Walking on Eggshells. Our family dr knows she's crazy!

> She just drives me nuts. I am currently LC with her and the rest of my

> family because they are her flying monkeys. I used to be. Working to be the

> perfect daughter. But now that I'm a mother, I can't be hers anymore. And I

> never want my son to feel the way I have felt my whole life.

>

February 2, 2011

Danyale - I'm glad that you feel less alone. For me, that helps a

lot. It's also really awesome that your family doc seems to know that

your nada isn't quite right (to put it nicely). Good for you for

doing something good for yourself & your son. That's really something

you should feel good about.

Holly - " I'll give you a reason to be depressed " ... yep, also heard

that one when I asked nada if I could go to therapy. *sigh*. That and

" You'll make ME look like a bad mother! " . Well, to that I say this:

The truth hurts and it IS the truth. Crazy woman. (nada, not you).

Mia

February 3, 2011

Danyale,

Me too. My parents both strongly discouraged friends.

If my brother or I misbehaved, they would blame it on our friends. " See, I told

you, nothing good comes from those friends of yours. Now you're mouthing off to

me! " OR " Friends just use you, you can't count on them. "

It is so, so sad to be brought up this way. It really is like growing up with

hermits. Now, I am re-learning how to make friends and especially, how to BE a

friend. I feel at times like I have no clue.

And, I am very sensitive about not sending this same message to my girls. I

actually challenged myself recently to have lunch or dinner with a friend at

least once a month b/c I want my kids to see that it's good to have friends. I

have to tell myself to do this because for me, it's normal not to call people,

not to sustain a true friendship.

My mother was the work-home-home-work-laundromat type. That was it. I remember

how I felt she was kind of ... pathetic. Even as a teen, I felt this way, that

her whole life was spent on a household that didn't respect her very much. She

didn't even read or knit or do anything that meant she would take her eye off of

us.

Your mother's reaction after your depression diagnosis sounds much like my

mother as well (I didn't have that exact situation; I just mean in general).

Fiona

>

> I posted a hello message awhile ago, and have enjoyed reading everyone's

posts. It is just amazing to me that I am truly not alone! My nada also had an

issue with sleepovers- bad things happen, you don't know those people, blah blah

blah. If I made a new friend- she doesn't like you, she's just using you and

you're too stupid to see it. I went to the dr when I was 15 due to some aches

and pains and generally not feeling well. He diagnosed me with depression.

When I told nada she FLIPPED OUT! Started screaming that I went i)n and told

that dr stories on her and dad. I actually lied and told him my life was great.

Ha ha. I still see this dr (so does she) and he's the one who recommended

Walking on Eggshells. Our family dr knows she's crazy! She just drives me

nuts. I am currently LC with her and the rest of my family because they are her

flying monkeys. I used to be. Working to be the perfect daughter. But now

that I'm a mother, I can't be hers anymore. And I never want my son to feel the

way I have felt my whole life.

>

February 3, 2011

No, its not just you. Part of the BPD behavior is to eliminate all possible

parties that take the attention away from the BPD.

If my nada wasn't finding something wrong with every friend I brought home, she

was trying to make them HER friend. Instead of just me entertaining a friend,

SHE had to play the game, too.

Sleepovers were highly suspect--that's a lot of time out of nada's control. Any

sleepover had to end EARLY (8-9am) the next morning, so I wouldn't be " a

bother. " I'm sure I wasn't asked back a few times because the early delivery

home was a deal breaker. And I am sure nada was picturing some strange sexuality

exploration was bound to occur, as she always thought everything devolved into

sex.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I can't go any further on this one today. Take care and know

you are not alone!