Re: Just need to vent

[Guest guest]

(((((((Jaie)))))))

Yes, its good to have a place, like here, to say the absolute, bare-naked truth

about how we feel and not be vilified for it.

Again, if it's your father stalking and harassing you and sending you vulgar,

threatening messages, I think others are more understanding of your anguish and

fear and stress. But when its your M-O-T-H-errrr, well, you're just supposed to

shake your head fondly and say, " Oh, well. "

Maybe, yes, some of your need to vent is due to the hormone changes

post-hysterectomy, but I think that the ongoing stalking and harassment would

make anyone feel angry and upset and frustrated! Jeez, Louise, it sure would

upset me and piss me off.

I wonder if there are any studies that follow children who have been diagnosed

with Oppositional Defiant Disorder to see if, as adults, these children develop

borderline pd?

-Annie

>

> I've been NC with nada for 3-1/2 years. She got my phone number a couple

months ago and sent me texts that were just vulgar and disgusting beyond belief.

I changed my number right after telling her I could not have her in my life

because she is abusive and I won't change my mind to let me be.

>

> Now I find out she is looking up my exboyfriends and exhusbands family members

in the yellow pages and calling them trying to get my phone number. My aunt

also told me tonight she is trying to get the number from her too. My aunt

doesn't have it because I won't give it to her. I'm so tired of having to run

and hide and still she comes. it pisses me off to no end how one woman would be

so filled with hate. I stopped being the bank of Jaie and kicked her butt out.

No one abuses me and my kids in my home and she had the nerve to ask me for

money. I told her hell NO! She drinks her SS checks and I refuse to enable her

bad behavior. I gave her phone numbers to get herself into rehab. That's all

she gets from me.

>

> The frustrating thing is nowhere else in this world but here and in T's office

am I allowed to be angry at being abused, am I allowed to be incredulous that my

own mother is out to get me or am I understood in the slightest bit. I didn't

ask to be abused and so now I'm the lepper because my mother is one sick abusive

witch with a capital B! NO WAY!

>

> I have a right to the way I feel and if I choose to be mad, angry and sad like

I am right now, it's just what I need to do and no, I will not " just get over

it " and " let it go " because it hurts too damn much when I go the forgive and

forget route just to blink and have more damage done. Without her in my life, I

am safe. i can be in my home and be safe. I can hear a phone ringing finally

and not go into PTSD symptoms. I have this really great life and to hear that

she's out to get me some more and find me and take away all my emotional safety

again. What the hell does it get her? She's a mother for Christ's sake.

Mothers aren't supposed to stalk, destroy and totally obliterate their children!

Mothers are supposed to love their children, nurture and care for them. She's

evil. I'm not even going to focus on behavior any more...I have been by far

more kind than this monster deserves... SHE, HER SOUL, HER SELF, HER PERSON is

filled with dripping black hatred that rots her soul and well, she deserves it

for being such an evil hateful ugly monster.

>

> She lied about being abused as a child. I spoke with my aunt tonight - that

never happened. My mother exhibited BPD as a child. So, apparently, she was

born with it. That's scary - I hope its not something you can genetically " get "

as I would not want to one day suffer the night mare or worry that my children

or their children might suffer.

>

> I hate to say this but I honestly wish I had never been born at least not to

her! Don't worry, I am not suicidal, just so mad, angry and frustrated. I

guess in a way its good...you heal some, stabilize, then more rises to the

surface and then you heal some more, stabilize some more and then more rises to

the surface. I just don't want to live like this any more. I will talk with T

tomorrow...I'm sure this is just a wave that is passing or maybe its hormones or

lack thereof...I did just have a hysterectomy 2 weeks ago. I guess I feel

better, the tears finally fell and it felt so good to let them loose.

>

> Thanks for reading this far if you have!

>

> Jaie

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Annie. Its just so sad that we're abused but because we go through the

steps of healing abuse which includes anger that we so have the right to, we're

the monsters...cold, unfeeling, disgusting humans. I call BS! If I ever hear

another soul blame any victim of anything it is going to take a miracle to keep

me from jumping down their throats. You do NOT blame victims and you do not

sweep us under the carpet! You allow them to talk, you fake understanding if

you don't understand but you don't blame them or in any way make them feel bad

to be who they are or how they feel...sheesh, I can assure you we've had enough

of that! LOL

I can't wait to write when this anger fades. I intend to caution the blissfull

lalalalas that they need to have themselves a huge help of sensitivity and

understanding or just keep quiet.

It's so funny. I usually don't allow myself to get angry and I did tonight and

now I'm sitting here laughing because it's just so funny. Maybe I finally went

and lost my mind. LOL

Have a great night all. Thank you for the validation Annie. As always, that is

so appreciated.

Jaie