I can't take it anymore!

[Guest guest]

I am going to sound like I'm rambling but I am just so mad! Ok- I live in Ohio

where we just had a huge ice storm. I haven't had power since Tuesday night.

My parents also had no power. My husband, baby, and 2 dogs have stayed in

hotels for 2 nights. Tonight we are staying with my in-laws because I was under

the assumption that my parents were still without power. I had told them to let

me know when the power was restored so that we could stay. So I call my cousin

today and she tells me first off that my nada told her my power had been

restored yesterday. I hadn't even spoken to her since about 7 am yesterday

morning and I was still at the hotel. When I talked to my fada yesterday

evening I told him we still had no power. Then she tells me that my parents

have had power ALL DAY AND NEVER CALLED!!!! Then nada texts me at 7:30 pm and

asks if I have power. I don't respond. Then she sends another text " where r

u? " Still don't respond. Then she calls. I don't answer. She then texts my

husband and asks him where we are cause she's worried (please). He texts her

back and tells her we are with his parents. She sends him a text that says "

tell my daughter to text me if she's not too busy " . Part of me wants to call

her and say You are the one who lied and left your daughter and grandson to

freeze all day! Screw you bitch! And part of me just wants to cut all ties

now. Will talk to T on Saturday but untiil then- any advice or words of wisdom?

[Guest guest]

The blatant thoughtlessness is hard to take, I agree. But then, this is typical

behavior for your parents, right? You're not actually surprised, really, about

this? They've always been this way, I'm willing to bet: self-centered and

thoughtless, and uncaring where you are concerned. (Or, even worse:

deliberately but covertly hostile? Passive-aggressive? Plausibly deniable

maliciousness? Then, you've got a Witch nada, which is a combo of bpd and

antisocial pd/ psychopathy. Very nasty combo.)

So instead of giving yourself an ulcer over it, maybe think about just... giving

yourself permission to back away from them, emotionally. Never count on them

for anything again, never ask them for anything, never share anything important

with them again.

Completely lower your expectations to... zero.

Switch to a more superficial level of relationship. Just polite, but not

particularly warm or engaging. No real interacting, just... neutral, or bland.

As though you find them boring but are being polite anyway.

Of course, " medium chill " is just one idea to consider. You are the only one

who can decide what you can and can't tolerate or choose to handle.

My philosophy is, why put more energy into something that is clearly not getting

you anywhere, and in fact is only getting you upset and

distressed? Its like battering your head against a brick wall and expecting the

wall to feel it and care. Ain't going to happen.

Reaming them out, telling them off, etc., will feel good momentarily, but its

like handing them a huge club to bash you with RE other people. They'll replay

" the incident " to others and sob and get lots of sympathy for it, casting

themselves in the role of Innocent Victim and you as the Horrible Daughter from

Hell. Sob, sob, sniff.

If you make this inner switch in your feelings and expectations, you will

probably go into a mourning or grieving period. And it IS sad, to finally

accept that they just plain old don't care about our feelings like normal

parents do. But then your grieving will lessen, and lessen, and you'll get

through it, and be much less upset and stressed and angry in the long run for

having gone through that grieving process.

I'm on the flightpath toward " detachment " , myself. Not there yet, but that's

where I'm heading, and I'll get there sooner or later.

-Annie

>

> I am going to sound like I'm rambling but I am just so mad! Ok- I live in

Ohio where we just had a huge ice storm. I haven't had power since Tuesday

night. My parents also had no power. My husband, baby, and 2 dogs have stayed

in hotels for 2 nights. Tonight we are staying with my in-laws because I was

under the assumption that my parents were still without power. I had told them

to let me know when the power was restored so that we could stay. So I call my

cousin today and she tells me first off that my nada told her my power had been

restored yesterday. I hadn't even spoken to her since about 7 am yesterday

morning and I was still at the hotel. When I talked to my fada yesterday

evening I told him we still had no power. Then she tells me that my parents

have had power ALL DAY AND NEVER CALLED!!!! Then nada texts me at 7:30 pm and

asks if I have power. I don't respond. Then she sends another text " where r

u? " Still don't respond. Then she calls. I don't answer. She then texts my

husband and asks him where we are cause she's worried (please). He texts her

back and tells her we are with his parents. She sends him a text that says "

tell my daughter to text me if she's not too busy " . Part of me wants to call

her and say You are the one who lied and left your daughter and grandson to

freeze all day! Screw you bitch! And part of me just wants to cut all ties

now. Will talk to T on Saturday but untiil then- any advice or words of wisdom?

>