Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... " : Did you unfriend me on Facebook? Mom " Here is my response: " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. Thank you. " Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Oh she just responded. " Okay – Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! Mom " So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? Thanks, > > I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? > > Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... > > " : > > Did you unfriend me on Facebook? > > Mom " > > Here is my response: > > " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. > > Thank you. > " > > Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. > > Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. > > I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Was that message referring to your dad? Or someone you are close to? If so, I'm sorry. RE your question, " Do I respond? " Well, if you truly want temporary (or permanent) No Contact with your nada, then you would just delete the message without responding in any way. You can find out what is going on with your immediate or extended family (if you want to) on your own, without nada's help. She doesn't have to be your go-between. So, it sounds like you need to block her e-mail, also. I'm getting the impression that your nada is going to continue contacting you RE anything that can even remotely or partially come under the heading " emergency " ; she's testing you. Hang in there. This may be what I've heard called " an extinction burst " , which is an escalation in demanding, attention-seeking behavior when nada is given a hard boundary. Your therapist sounds really knowledgeable, and compassionate. I'm glad you found a good one! -Annie > > > > I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? > > > > Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... > > > > " : > > > > Did you unfriend me on Facebook? > > > > Mom " > > > > Here is my response: > > > > " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. > > > > Thank you. > > " > > > > Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. > > > > Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. > > > > I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Hi Annie, The post is not about my father. It is about my grandfather on my father's side who has been in failing health for awhile--this is sad news but by no means surprising and actually quite a relief. He has dementia and doesn't really remember anyone. Nada is Facebook friends with her ex-brother-in-law (who is probably some kind of histrionic personality disorder, I'm sure). Anyways, Uncle knows better than to post those personal things on Facebook. Not even my father is Facebook friends with his brother because his brother is totally inappropriate online. My grandfather would hate to know that such personal stuff was put on a public forum. Nada and father are divorced and are not by any means friendly. So it's very strange that she still communicates with Uncle. She has never been the go-between for information on my grandfather. I usually just call my grandmother directly. Also, I have started to learn how to manage my Uncle and preempt is histrionic behavior, so I also speak to him if necessary or, hello, my dad who I speak to at least 3-4 times a week. Something else T hit on and made me realize: I am ashamed of my feelings a lot of the time. Like I'm ashamed that I'm sad. I'm embarrassed to tell friends, and I don't want anyone to know that things aren't fine. I'm certainly not sure how to fix it, but it's an interesting observation. > > > > > > I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? > > > > > > Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... > > > > > > " : > > > > > > Did you unfriend me on Facebook? > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > Here is my response: > > > > > > " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. > > > > > > Thank you. > > > " > > > > > > Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. > > > > > > Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. > > > > > > I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 ANnie, I also meant to say, thank you for your condolences. It is truly inappropriate for her to email me about Facebook then say this. That's not the sort of thing you email about. I know she really loved my grandfather especially since her own father disowned her, but it's just inappropriate to discuss via email. > > > > > > I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? > > > > > > Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... > > > > > > " : > > > > > > Did you unfriend me on Facebook? > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > Here is my response: > > > > > > " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. > > > > > > Thank you. > > > " > > > > > > Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. > > > > > > Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. > > > > > > I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 True, but I think the main point is that it was inappropriate for nada to contact you at all since you made it very clear that she was NOT to contact you unless there is an emergency. Nada ignored your boundary, totally. Is that typical behavior for her, to just ignore it when you give her a boundary? (I still think she's testing you.) In any case, it doesn't sound (to me) like there is any reason for you to respond to her message. It isn't an emergency, and you can get your own information/updates. Are you ready for total No Contact? Its OK if you're not; this is about what *you* want and need and can tolerate. There are no " shoulds " or " oughts " about this decision. -Annie > > > > > > > > I know what you're all thinking...Didn't you block nada on Faceboook, ? > > > > > > > > Why yes, Oz, I did! Here's the email I got from nada as I left T's office today... > > > > > > > > " : > > > > > > > > Did you unfriend me on Facebook? > > > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > > > Here is my response: > > > > > > > > " Yes, I did. I need some space from you for awhile. Please only contact me through my cell phone and only if it's an emergency. > > > > > > > > Thank you. > > > > " > > > > > > > > Oh, I can't wait to see what response this gets me. > > > > > > > > Just some updates on my second meeting with T. He thinks I have departmentalized everything that happened growing up with nada. I told him one story and he was just astonished. He thinks I have basically blocked it all off so I could grow up, live my life, and be happy. But the visit with her over Christmas basically tore open all those old wounds and I still haven't really dealt with them. He thinks I need to talk about the things that happened and express them. I told him I'd try by that's not stuff I really like to talk about. He acknowledged that it would be difficult. > > > > > > > > I spent the last two days in bed doing nothing because of depression. I told him about that. I guess next time I feel like not getting up I'm supposed to call him and schedule an immediate appointment. I guess I'll try to, but most of you know that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning because of being depressed, the likelihood you'll make a phone call is small. But I'll try. I don't want to feel like this anymore, so I'm going to make an effort. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Ok, Sorry to jump in. It seems typical nada's manipulation! If it was a real emergency, she shoulnd't just go on facebook and leasurely check the news feed or YOUR wall. Is the purpose of a social network to communicate a family's emergency? Even sending a stupid email through facebook is more complicated then sending a regular email or make a damn phone call. As you said, if this was an emergency, she should have just called you. Right? But, in her mind an mergency would give her the perfect excuse to 'peek' into your life through FB. I had to 'unfriend' both my parents from FB. I had to tell my BPD nada and NPD father that I could not have this constant posting on my wall and constant comment on EVERY single little thing (photo, phrases, statuses, etc.) I was putting on my wall. I had to be blunt and tell my father that his constant public commenting on my wall was too invasive, patronizing, and frankly embarassing. Unfortunately the LOVE FB because it gives them an audience. And it let them 'spy' on our lives, our friends, our coworkers! My fada got to the point where he was commenting on my replies to coworkers he doesn't even know! delete, delete. > > Oh she just responded. > > " Okay – Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > Mom " > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > Thanks, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hi Surviving KO, I did block nada a few weeks ago. She sent me an email directly asking me if I had unfriended her. But then when I said yes, and set up the boundary, specifically saying I needed space, she brings up something she learned on Facebook about my grandfather. So yes, she is trying to manipulate me into having a conversation with her and getting me to overlook her bad behavior. I set up a boundary and she goes right ahead and breaks it. So I figured out how to set a filter on my email that immediately deletes emails from her. Now the only way she can contact me is through my cell phone, unless she tries to do another sneak attack at work. The nice thing is that when I got the initial email from her asking if I had unfriended her on Facebook, I didn't have a panic attack. I mean, I easily could have, but I stopped it before it could stop happening. My initial reaction on seeing that I had an email from her was that I wanted to scream, but I just took a deep breath, braced myself, and read it. I just think it's amazing that she barely even flinched when I said: " I need some space from you. " It was just, oh, alright! Like nothing was the matter. Like it's totally normal for a child to say to their parent, get the f outta my life! Geez. > > > > Oh she just responded. > > > > " Okay – Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > > > Mom " > > > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Just wanted to mention I've amended my Facebook privacy settings, so I can specifically state if I don't want a particular person to see my posts, photos I'm tagged in, photo albums, my Wall etc (Account/Privacy Settings/Customize settings). I don't think they can tell if they're being blocked from some things. If they seemed suspicious I'd just say I'm too busy to use Facebook at the moment. Not sure if that's helpful to anyone - I only just recently found out you could do that. This way I can keep my privacy without having to unfriend anyone. Although for sure if you want to stop receiving messages, you'd have to unfriend them. > > > > Oh she just responded. > > > > " Okay – Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > > > Mom " > > > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah, that works until nada gets really aggressive and figures a way around it, like mine did. I used those special privacy settings so she could only see but not comment, and she ended up sending me Facebook mail to comment on my posts, which was even more upsetting. But it's a good start to setting up limits with nada. > > > > > > Oh she just responded. > > > > > > " Okay – Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > > > > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 There is an earlier post that describes how to completely and totally block someone from accessing your Facebook account in any way, as though you've gone invisible to them. I don't have that post's number handy, though. -Annie > > > > > > > > Oh she just responded. > > > > > > > > " Okay � Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > > > > > > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 It's actually really easy. Go to the person's profile page, even if they are not friends with you. Scroll down to the bottom left-hand side and there will be an option to report or block. Click on Report or Block and follow the directions from there. BLOCK! > > > > > > > > > > Oh she just responded. > > > > > > > > > > " Okay � Well I just saw post on your Uncle's facebook: > > > > > > > > > > Well, realism sucks! We are having to put Dad in Hospice Care tomorrow....The doctor said he is in Congestive Heart Failure.....and with eminent kidney failure, he does not have long, but they can not tell us how long he has. We have a lot of questions for Hospice tomorrow! > > > > > > > > > > Mom " > > > > > > > > > > So question, I don't respond to this, right? I just delete it? Right? > > > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.