I want to go to thearpy but I don't know how to start

February 7, 2011

Hi all-

From reading on here I know many of you go to therapy. I'm getting to a point

where I'd really like to go but I don't know how to get started. I know this

sounds silly....but what do you do? Do I go to my regular primary care doctor

and say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too. " ? Or should I call a

random therapy place and just ask for a an appointment? I have Kaiser if anyone

who has that has a good suggestion.....

February 7, 2011

Well, I actually went to my HR department and asked them what benefits we had.

They had me call our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and the EAP actually

checked my benefits and located a number of close-by providers. It only took me

a few days to get from asking for therapy to seeing a therapist.

I would suggest just asking your HR manager or speaking with your primary care

doctor. You don't have to give any explanations. Just tell them you would like

to see a therapist--they don't have to know why.

If you feel comfortable, you could call Kaiser yourself and find out what your

benefits are. If I recall correctly, Kaiser has a pretty good online system for

locating providers. Some people may not like this suggestion, but I really found

that just asking my HR department was so much easier. They negotiate our

benefits every year so I figured they were they best place to start.

I'm glad you are going to seek therapy. Even though I'm at the beginning of the

process, it really has been helpful to me.

>

> Hi all-

> From reading on here I know many of you go to therapy. I'm getting to a point

where I'd really like to go but I don't know how to get started. I know this

sounds silly....but what do you do? Do I go to my regular primary care doctor

and say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too. " ? Or should I call a

random therapy place and just ask for a an appointment? I have Kaiser if anyone

who has that has a good suggestion.....

>

February 7, 2011

Hi Mandy,

You sure can ask your primary care doc for a referral. You don't even have

to tell him anything about your mother if you don't want to... just tell him

you would like to go to counseling and leave it at that if you're more

comfortable. Heck, you can probably just call the office & ask the

receptionist who they refer patients to for counseling. That's one way to

go about it.

I'm guessing Kaiser is your health insurance? I'm not familiar with it, but

most insurance companies have a web site or at the very lease a customer

service phone number. Either call them & ask who is in network in your area,

or check out their website. That's another option for you.

Also, if you have mental health care facilities in the area, you could

simply call them. I would try to ask some questions on the phone and tell

them my situation if I were to go that way. This would be, IMO, the person

to call & say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too " !! Again, for

me if I were looking for someone new, I would look for someone who dealt

with adult survivors of child abuse. Also, because I'm diagnosed with

C-PTSD, that would be a good start. ly, for anyone on this list, I

think any therapists who do know about PTSD would be good. Just my 2 cents

though. IMO they tend to " get " that we, as adult survivors, have our own

struggles & demons to deal with!

I'm sure you'll get some other suggestions, and I hope that the info you get

here will be helpful! Take that step... I know it's a big one that seems

scary & strange, but you're worth it =)

Good luck to you!

Mia

February 7, 2011

PS - I'm not in any way implying that everyone here is suffering from

C-PTSD. It's just that they tend to really know trauma better and the

various ways it can mess with our heads. Whatever the diagnosis,

that's obviously gotta be left up to the professionals =) I just think

that therapists who know trauma would be best for us as KOs.

Just want to clarify there!

Mia

> Hi Mandy,

>

> You sure can ask your primary care doc for a referral. You don't even have

> to tell him anything about your mother if you don't want to... just tell him

> you would like to go to counseling and leave it at that if you're more

> comfortable. Heck, you can probably just call the office & ask the

> receptionist who they refer patients to for counseling. That's one way to

> go about it.

> I'm guessing Kaiser is your health insurance? I'm not familiar with it, but

> most insurance companies have a web site or at the very lease a customer

> service phone number. Either call them & ask who is in network in your area,

> or check out their website. That's another option for you.

> Also, if you have mental health care facilities in the area, you could

> simply call them. I would try to ask some questions on the phone and tell

> them my situation if I were to go that way. This would be, IMO, the person

> to call & say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too " !! Again, for

> me if I were looking for someone new, I would look for someone who dealt

> with adult survivors of child abuse. Also, because I'm diagnosed with

> C-PTSD, that would be a good start. ly, for anyone on this list, I

> think any therapists who do know about PTSD would be good. Just my 2 cents

> though. IMO they tend to " get " that we, as adult survivors, have our own

> struggles & demons to deal with!

> I'm sure you'll get some other suggestions, and I hope that the info you get

> here will be helpful! Take that step... I know it's a big one that seems

> scary & strange, but you're worth it =)

> Good luck to you!

> Mia

February 7, 2011

At BPD Central.com (the web site that this support group is part of)

there is a page listing resources for finding a therapist who has experience

treating borderline pd patients AND their families.

Here's the link to that page:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/therapist/main.php

As you suggested, ask your general practitioner if he or she could recommend a

few names of psychiatrists or psychologists in your area who specialize in

treating the adult children of bpd parents. Your own GP is a good resource.

If a bpd specialist isn't available in your area, other specialties that are

relevant would be psychologists who specialize in childhood trauma or

post-traumatic stress disorder due to having been raised by mentally ill

parents, or therapists experienced in treating the adult children of alcoholic

or substance-abusing parents.

Once you find some candidates in your area, you still need to visit or consult

with the therapists to find one with whom you feel at least some rapport.

Excerpt from BPD Central:

When trying to find a therapist, ask many questions. Determine the person's

attitude toward BPD and their knowledge of the subject:

What percentage of their patient load is people with BPD (or the adult

children of parents with BPD?)

*

What treatment approach do they use?

*

What is their policy about phone calls between visits?

*

Ask insurance questions as well.

If you don't take the time to shop around and find a therapist who is a good

match for you, its like showing up at a dentist's office when you're having

trouble with your vision. So spend at least as much time shopping for a

therapist as you would shopping for a good used car, sez I.

-Annie

>

> Hi all-

> From reading on here I know many of you go to therapy. I'm getting to a point

where I'd really like to go but I don't know how to get started. I know this

sounds silly....but what do you do? Do I go to my regular primary care doctor

and say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too. " ? Or should I call a

random therapy place and just ask for a an appointment? I have Kaiser if anyone

who has that has a good suggestion.....

>

February 7, 2011

Referral from a trusted friend is really important, barring that ask your dr's

office. Avoid calling your insurance for a referral if you can help it--they

just pick next on the list. You are looking for a grief counselor/family issues.

If you have a local woman's shelter, FIA or the like, call them and ask if they

can recommend someone.

Yes, saying " I am having some difficult emotional issues with my mother. " is the

perfect opening for your dr.

If you do not like/trust a T after the first appt or 2, find another. You won't

get anything done if you can't feel free in their office to be yourself.

Good luck!

>

> Hi all-

> From reading on here I know many of you go to therapy. I'm getting to a point

where I'd really like to go but I don't know how to get started. I know this

sounds silly....but what do you do? Do I go to my regular primary care doctor

and say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too. " ? Or should I call a

random therapy place and just ask for a an appointment? I have Kaiser if anyone

who has that has a good suggestion.....

>

February 7, 2011

Thanks for the ideas. I guess I should have included that I feel awkward going

to therapy because my mother always used it as a form of punishment. Like, the

whole family had to often attend therapy together. As you can imagine, she just

wanted them to tell us we were wrong and she was right which never happened and

then we'd have to quit and the therapist was declared " a quack " . When I was in

middle school she made it so I had to leave school early every Wednesday (I

remember this because I was so embarrassed to get called out of class every

week) and go to therapy with just her. Even to this day, she gets angry and

yells at me that I need to " go get some serious help " . So, I've always had a

semi-negative view of therapy even though I know that it can be very helpful.

It is just hard to get past an entire childhood of being shamed into going and

made to feel that something is " wrong " with you. Thanks again for the

help....this board is the best therapy I've had so far!

Mandy

February 8, 2011

I called my insurance company and asked for a list of names of therapists in my

area and went from there. I started off by going for grief counseling. It's been

almost 4 years and it's become the best decision I've made. I've learned so much

about myself and insight.

Hugs and best wishes,

Fiona

>

> Hi all-

> From reading on here I know many of you go to therapy. I'm getting to a point

where I'd really like to go but I don't know how to get started. I know this

sounds silly....but what do you do? Do I go to my regular primary care doctor

and say, " hello, my crazy mother is making me crazy too. " ? Or should I call a

random therapy place and just ask for a an appointment? I have Kaiser if anyone

who has that has a good suggestion.....

>

February 8, 2011

I find that your mom kept insisting that the rest of you get therapy, but then

it never worked out in her favor to be bordering on hilarious! Must have

frustrated her time and again! You apparently got some mini validation from

those earlier Ts that the problem was mom, & not the lot of you.

On the other hand, the way it was shoved at you was just another form of

torture. I can understand your reticence to put yourself back into that place

again. But it really ISN'T the same place--this time it is all about YOU taking

care of yourself and about YOU getting validated. Your mom holds no strings here

this time, she has no investment & has no say.

>

> Thanks for the ideas. I guess I should have included that I feel awkward going