Guest guest Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Blairkoch, You are telling my story. I grew the same way. My nada always chose clothes she liked. Her taste was horrible. Sue ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, February 12, 2011 8:04:02 PM Subject: Re: clothing abuse  WOW! I can't believe so many people had similar clothing horror stories to tell. Looking back on our childhood, in photos, I'm always amazed at how terrible me and my sisters look. Clothing in sizes way too big, baggy, hanging and faded. I remember shopping for school clothes and every where we went we only got clothing that nada liked. As an eighth grader (13-years-old) I was accepted into an honor band festival for high schoolers. Most of the participants where juniors and seniors. I was super excited- until after shopping for a dress to wear. My nada found a dress suited for a 50-year-old elementary school teacher! Kind of loose, with a built-in vest. The fabric was checked, black and white blocks. I wanted to cry. Here I was- with older students and so wanting to fit in. I could play alto sax on the same level and was as mature as many but I felt so ashamed in that dress and could see the others snickering. The worst part about it is that I had to wear that dress four years- because the dress requirements for the honor band didn't change year after year. On the wall in the band room at school hung pictures of each group of kids that got to participate and there I am, year after year, in the same damn dress. Finally, as a junior I had hoarded just enough money to buy myself a dress. Now, I wouldn't have been able to buy myself any clothes-because we were never allowed to have money unless we got it from grandparents and relatives for our birthday or something. During honor band everyone got to go to the mall for lunch and I bought my dress then. I loved it! It was in style and better yet: it was MY style. Not nadas. Nada, unexpectedly, was pissed when she saw me in my dress during the concert. Of course I got comments like- well, you look fat in it, I don't like the color, I don't like the style, etc. I didn't care!!! This clothing abuse has manifested itself in my adult life in surprising ways and I'm curious if anyone can relate to this? Example: I always had to wear the ugliest, cheapest shoes. Now, I have a closet full of shoes I love. Jeans: I have a hard time NOT buying jeans I love. I do this with jewelry, bras, etc. Maybe I'm only thinking my clothing purchases are tied to the clothing abuse because, as you all know, we never get to be " girly " growing up. (I only got make-up, finally, as a junior in high school. My best friend's mother bought it for me. She said it was payment for helping her daughter with math homework.) I never got to splurge or create my own identity. I don't know if this is normal behavior or if I'm trying to indulge my inner-child that had to go without! Thoughts on this? > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > about it. > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > young woman. UGH > > - Bought very small clothes > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > weeks on end > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I have a few horrible 'shopping abuse' memories that almost seem like bad dreams instead of real memories. My nada would chose a dressing room and loom over me speaking in a low harsh voice about all of the dreadful 'store ladies' who would try to come in to see me without my clothes on---then, with my nada acting like a guard at the door she would proceed into a confusing chaotic continuous rant where she would tug and pull the clothing on and off of me with a stream of insulting horrible pronouncements. I couldn't figure out what she was reacting to or what I had done to trigger this seething hate filled whorlwind that reduced me to a helpless ragdoll state. I was terrified in the small space with her " protecting " me from the store clerks because , " I had no sense of modesty or propriety!' At one point two really nice sales assistants were able to pull my nana aside and talk to her while the manager offered to call someone to take me home. I will never know what brought on her rage and abuse but the really scary part of it is that after we left the store she seemed like nothing had ever happened and I am not sure she could remember what she had done, except she made sure to let me know that she simply couldn't reward my horrible behavior by buying me any clothes! It is really hard to reconcile the dreamlike quality of her break with reality and inability to recall her own behavior with the certitude that it was my fault that she wouldn't buy me any new clothes. Have you ever felt like your nada had some kind of psychotic break with reality that caused her not to remember anything?? or was it just another way of letting you know that you are always at fault because you are a bad person? unless of course you happen to be her wonderful daughter?! I would really love to hear of a healthy way of thinking about this craziness! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, February 12, 2011 9:04:02 PM Subject: Re: clothing abuse WOW! I can't believe so many people had similar clothing horror stories to tell. Looking back on our childhood, in photos, I'm always amazed at how terrible me and my sisters look. Clothing in sizes way too big, baggy, hanging and faded. I remember shopping for school clothes and every where we went we only got clothing that nada liked. As an eighth grader (13-years-old) I was accepted into an honor band festival for high schoolers. Most of the participants where juniors and seniors. I was super excited- until after shopping for a dress to wear. My nada found a dress suited for a 50-year-old elementary school teacher! Kind of loose, with a built-in vest. The fabric was checked, black and white blocks. I wanted to cry. Here I was- with older students and so wanting to fit in. I could play alto sax on the same level and was as mature as many but I felt so ashamed in that dress and could see the others snickering. The worst part about it is that I had to wear that dress four years- because the dress requirements for the honor band didn't change year after year. On the wall in the band room at school hung pictures of each group of kids that got to participate and there I am, year after year, in the same damn dress. Finally, as a junior I had hoarded just enough money to buy myself a dress. Now, I wouldn't have been able to buy myself any clothes-because we were never allowed to have money unless we got it from grandparents and relatives for our birthday or something. During honor band everyone got to go to the mall for lunch and I bought my dress then. I loved it! It was in style and better yet: it was MY style. Not nadas. Nada, unexpectedly, was pissed when she saw me in my dress during the concert. Of course I got comments like- well, you look fat in it, I don't like the color, I don't like the style, etc. I didn't care!!! This clothing abuse has manifested itself in my adult life in surprising ways and I'm curious if anyone can relate to this? Example: I always had to wear the ugliest, cheapest shoes. Now, I have a closet full of shoes I love. Jeans: I have a hard time NOT buying jeans I love. I do this with jewelry, bras, etc. Maybe I'm only thinking my clothing purchases are tied to the clothing abuse because, as you all know, we never get to be " girly " growing up. (I only got make-up, finally, as a junior in high school. My best friend's mother bought it for me. She said it was payment for helping her daughter with math homework.) I never got to splurge or create my own identity. I don't know if this is normal behavior or if I'm trying to indulge my inner-child that had to go without! Thoughts on this? > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > about it. > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > young woman. UGH > > - Bought very small clothes > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > weeks on end > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Me, too with the clothing. I grew up in the 70's and have pics of nasty polyester that no other kid was wearing. How about hair styles? Oh did I have some bad ones... . > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > > about it. > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > > young woman. UGH > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > > weeks on end > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Blair,yes,I can relate I think as long as it makes you happy and you aren't overdoing it,buying yourself nice wardrobe items *you* really like is a great way to indulge your inner child. For me,it's very healing to dress well and empowering too.Nada always had me wearing clothes that didn't suit me or that made me feel silly somehow or bad about my appearance.Or before high school,that made me feel as if I had no right to be feminine (boy cousin's hand me downs)...so I use " retail therapy " now,within reason,and I LOVE it when I find that perfect little dress: I feel vindicated!!! I splurge on expensive bras because that was a shame issue nada created and although I still don't enjoy actually shopping for bras,once I buy really good ones and have them at home,I love the way they look and how loving how I look wearing them banishes that shame.I buy myself fancy stockings and tights for a similar shame issue that involves fada too,transforming it into my right to feel sexy on my own terms. My biggest weakness is jewelry: I have to force myself not to over indulge and if I see something I think I really want,to sleep on it I have quite a jewelry collection as it is. Nada always made me wear " junk " basically so now I treat myself to quality.Yes,much of my " retail therapy " is motivated by former abuse (not for strictly " normal " reasons) but I figure that as long as I'm not bankrupting myself and as long as it feels *empowering*,it's a good thing > On Sat, Feb 12, 2011 at 8:04 PM, blairkoch@... wrote: > > > This clothing abuse has manifested itself in my adult life in surprising > > ways and I'm curious if anyone can relate to this? > > > > Example: I always had to wear the ugliest, cheapest shoes. > > Now, I have a closet full of shoes I love. > > > > Jeans: I have a hard time NOT buying jeans I love. > > > > I do this with jewelry, bras, etc. > > > > Maybe I'm only thinking my clothing purchases are tied to the clothing > > abuse because, as you all know, we never get to be " girly " growing up. (I > > only got make-up, finally, as a junior in high school. My best friend's > > mother bought it for me. She said it was payment for helping her daughter > > with math homework.) I never got to splurge or create my own identity. I > > don't know if this is normal behavior or if I'm trying to indulge my > > inner-child that had to go without! > > > > Thoughts on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Great thread everyone! My nada used clothes to enforce her main purposes in life for me: (1) to intimately abuse me and (2) to make me feel supernaturally ugly, whilst simultaneously making my split-good sister feel supernaturally gorgeous. I was split very, very black by a nada who was desperately obsessed with her appearance and her sexuality, and who had a narcissistic wing. So she used clothes to forcefully ram down my throat the idea that I was ugly, undesirable, clown-like and socially unacceptable while at the SAME TIME, my sister was entirely perfect in all of those ways. So you see photos of two girls, almost the same age, too young to pick out clothes for themselves, and one looks like an adorable little miniature fashion-model, and the other has stringy unkempt hair and hideous, clownish clothes. My nada did not cut my HAIR--it was terrible. I also have nightmares to this day about hairdressers, though I am grown up now and can keep my hair tidy and healthy by my own free will. Also I was NOT ALLOWED to try and wear my sister's clothes, my nada would severely shame and punish me if I tried, and I still have nightmares about my sister's closet some 20 years later. My nada also used clothes to intimately abuse me. Without going into too many details, let me just say that she tried to force me to wear her discarded intimate clothing many a time. One of the first real acts of healing I underwent when I discovered bpd was to throw out a pile of used intimate apparel my nada had 'given' me, that I never wore. And trips to the mall, which also involved dressing rooms!--were so traumatic that I avoid malls to this day. They were designed specifically to enforce the two goals listed above, so you can imagine what they were like. On the extremely rare ocasions where I was split good she was still trying to 'merge' with me, and having her in the dressing room was no happy thing. Torturing the child through control of their appearance is one of nadas' cheif techniques. --Charlie > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > > about it. > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > > young woman. UGH > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > > weeks on end > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 yes, the dressing room episodes shiver shiver shiver Id forgotten about that On Sun, Feb 13, 2011 at 7:19 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Great thread everyone! > > My nada used clothes to enforce her main purposes in life for me: (1) to > intimately abuse me and (2) to make me feel supernaturally ugly, whilst > simultaneously making my split-good sister feel supernaturally gorgeous. I > was split very, very black by a nada who was desperately obsessed with her > appearance and her sexuality, and who had a narcissistic wing. So she used > clothes to forcefully ram down my throat the idea that I was ugly, > undesirable, clown-like and socially unacceptable while at the SAME TIME, my > sister was entirely perfect in all of those ways. So you see photos of two > girls, almost the same age, too young to pick out clothes for themselves, > and one looks like an adorable little miniature fashion-model, and the other > has stringy unkempt hair and hideous, clownish clothes. My nada did not cut > my HAIR--it was terrible. I also have nightmares to this day about > hairdressers, though I am grown up now and can keep my hair tidy and healthy > by my own free will. Also I was NOT ALLOWED to try and wear my sister's > clothes, my nada would severely shame and punish me if I tried, and I still > have nightmares about my sister's closet some 20 years later. > > My nada also used clothes to intimately abuse me. Without going into too > many details, let me just say that she tried to force me to wear her > discarded intimate clothing many a time. One of the first real acts of > healing I underwent when I discovered bpd was to throw out a pile of used > intimate apparel my nada had 'given' me, that I never wore. > > And trips to the mall, which also involved dressing rooms!--were so > traumatic that I avoid malls to this day. They were designed specifically to > enforce the two goals listed above, so you can imagine what they were like. > On the extremely rare ocasions where I was split good she was still trying > to 'merge' with me, and having her in the dressing room was no happy thing. > > Torturing the child through control of their appearance is one of nadas' > cheif techniques. > > --Charlie > > > > > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - > wacking it > > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and > verbal abuse > > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - > in > > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada > bitching > > > > about it. > > > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada > use > > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 > or 8 > > > > young woman. UGH > > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to > school for > > > > weeks on end > > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I > am. > > > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 here comes an uncontrollable rant - please forgive and forbear whikle I VENT like never in my life.... nada used to buy my clothes from the charity (thrift) store. I lost the ability to care after a while and felt numb, the unloved and forgotten charity store clothes didnt seem as bad as the once-a-year-special-outfit that came from a real store...this was a major drama. I was only allowed to go to ONE shop that she chose and we had to get the outfit on that ONE session. So I always got the outfit she chose as it was that or nothing at all. I remember wanting a pair of brown velvet trousers with a white cotton shirt ( hey - it was the 80's - new romantic / masculine style was in!) - instead I got a floral flared frilly skirt and blouse ensemble Little-House-On-THe Prairie style....yuk yuk yuk...and this was worn to the photographers for our official emigration snapshot..and distributed around all the family. For this special occasion we had to go to a hairdresser, who insisted in giving me (age 10) a very strange Charlies ANgels style flick-do from big rollers that made my hair look adult, on the pollyanna/child body. I felt distinctly uncomfortable. Nada used the (famous Evil Mason & Pearson hairbrush -the one she used to whack me and pull my hair with)to 'undo' the weird hairstyle, then blamed me that the hairdresser appointment was wasted as the style had 'fallen out on my limp thin hair' and now I would look ugly and emabarrassing in the photos and Everyone WOuld KNOW that I hadnt co-operated......????DUH?? My older brother was allowed to buy what HE wanted, Nada would spend hours and multiple visits trawling the shops looking for what he wanted, buying what he said. She would take me clothes shopping for him on MY birthday, so I could watch him getting the special treatment while I was ignored. Nasty mean old sadistic woman. One year the Bitch was giving birth to my younger brother, so my Dad got to take me annual outfit shopping. CLueless man, he had no idea about the shopping rules! I got to choose a big white blouse with lace (finally!) and some cool denim dungarees with RAINBOW braces. And he got me jewellery! and it was Expensive! I was scared to say I wanted it in the shop as I had no understanding that I could have something I wanted. Dad got the outfit and I was elated and the pregnant BITCH was so angry when she saw the outfit, told me it was ugly and boyish and I looked ridicuous and Father can't be trusted to go shopping etc etc etc....but I was happy and the comments didnt stick becasue you know for like the FIRST time I realised what it felt like to have your own choice count!!!! She used to try to get me to use her used elastic pad-holder things for periods ( I never did it was too disgusting). I can remember only 2 occasions where she actually bought me some clothing as a teenager - ONE -She eventually forced me to buy a bra at age 15 by shaming me into making comments about how other people were looking at my chest (UNTRUE as I always covered up and was flat-chested). Going to buy a bra was an exercise in humiliating me over my boyish body. Yes the changing room scene is all too familiar. The embarrassment and deep shame. She called in SEVERAL women assitants to look at my body and forced me to stand exposed while they looked and measured repeatedly as she disagreed with their measurement so the whole embarrassing process had to be repeated...eventually she chose some bright green and blue lacy shiny satin bras that I felt were wholly inappropriate - all the other girls had beige or white cotton T-shirt junior bras...not the slut-factory shiny lacy stuff she bought. I never let her buy underwear again. TWO - prom dress - she took me to a granny shop and insisted on buying a fluffly sequinny 1950s style ruffled strapless THING that was too big - I HATED IT - but she said I couldnt go unless I had that dress - in the middle of the prom it fell off me when I bent over as being too big someone accidentally stood on the skirt of it and the dress came down and exposed me. I was mortified. But in a weird kind of way it was all part of the clothing experience and I didnt see it as traumatic as it was. From the age of 12 she stopped all clothes buying for me(after the denim outfit triumph it was her ultimate way to punish me for having won that round)and issued me with a sewing machine and the family government allowance. $6 a week NZ money. One good thing is I learnt to sew - well I had to as there was no instruction from Her (!) but the $6 a week amounted to only enough a year to cover the cost of the school uniforms,,,, out of this fund I also had to buy shoes, all other clothes, make up toiletries, sanitary goods...EVERYTHING! My brother continued to get everything bought for him as he requested, all the trendy branded name clothes, New uniform, special UK import shoes etc etc.... I had to go the the uniform thrift store at school. I remember trying to sneak in when nobody could see me and I never tried the uniforms on just bought it as quickly as i could and hoped it would fit when I got home. After I learnt to sew She would constantly critisize the choice of what I made - it was always too big or too small, or ridiculous or ugly, or too old, or made me look like a slut. She insinuated that I must work as a prostitute when I went to my waitressing job at age 18 as only a prostitute would go out looking like THAT (?!!! in my waitress uniform for a 4 star business hotel!!!!!). BITCHSLAP!!!! SHE always made the TOO FAT / TOO THIN comments like most of us on this board have experienced.......I was a size 6 and 5'10 " at age 17 but the fat comments persisted........also my ears apparently were too big as well...she promised me my whole childhood if I was really good then she would let me get my ears pinned back when I turned 14. (there is nothing wrong with my ears!!!) She was always trying to get me to straighten my hair or have it cut off ) it was long and naturally curly_ she made me feel SO UGLY about everything I was or looked like. I couldnt believe there was anything of worth about me. As an older teen I was spotted by a model agency but was unable to emotionally connect with that kind of opportunity as I felt so utterly worthless and UGLY through and through. I had an important lunch appointment with Fords Model Agency when they talent scouted in NZ. The agency forbid my mother from attending. However she dressed me in a most unsuitable old lady white outfit so I looked about 50 and insisted on brushing out my hair so it frizzed, and not letting me wear anything normal or age apropriate to the appt, and slated me the whole way in the car, saying how disgusting and immoral the whole modelling thing was and how awful it would be to live in New York, and how I would be terrified and raped and drugged and preyed on etcetcetc.....Fords asked me to New York but I never went. The agency rang but I never returned their calls, I knew I would never be allowed. NADA was too FUCKING jealous to let me have my own life or self. What a bitch. I won a wearable art fashion competition when I was 23. Suddenly the fat jealous bitch who's never shown any i nterest in my sewing demands I take her to the prizegiving instead of my boyfriend. Without asking me she books herself a plane ticket and a hotel, and rings the organisers to tell them she is coming on the complimentary winners seat. so I have to share my glory moment with her sitting next to me. She tells me my outfit is ugly, andI look like fat etc etc so I walk down the runway to accept my prize feeling like the ugliest loser, instead of the winner. I hate her so much writing this all out. Thank you all for letting me write it. > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > about it. > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > young woman. UGH > - Bought very small clothes > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > weeks on end > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 OMG what a bitch. I can relate. Especially this part. My mother's brush and comb even had special diabolical names. I never heard the end of how flat, limp and ugly my hair was, or how my brother was so lucky that he had curly thick hair. Even today the hair shame continues - though I know my hair is soft, straight, long, stylish, well cut, well maintained and shiny I just can't ever seem to like it. " hairbrush -the one she used to whack me and pull my hair with)to 'undo' the weird hairstyle, then blamed me that the hairdresser appointment was wasted as the style had 'fallen out on my limp thin hair' " The bra shopping thing was also a source of great shame - what the hell. If I had a kid who needed her first bra, we'd make it into a special occaision. High tea and dress up at the Grand America or something after shopping. A couple of days ago, I taught my " How to Care for A Pet " class for 9 to 14 year old kids. I brought all my dog's little tshirts and bandanas, and the kids gave her a dry shampoo, brushed her, brushed her teeth, painted her nails and posed for photos with her. The little girls got so crazy excited about picking her clothes. They spent at least 1/2 the class color coordinating bandanas with shirts and then very gently changed her about 4 times. I am always amazed by how tenderly they teach her - like she is fragile. I love that. So that is a reminder to me that clothes are fun for kids, important to kids, a form of self expression for kids, and probably most importantly, they are a SYMBOL OF LOVE. When I or my students brush my dog and pick cute clothes, it is a form of self expression but most importantly a way of saying we love her. I believe my nada knew exactly what she was doing when she bought my clothes at the 2nd hand store (which meant I would be ostracized by my peers), refused to let me choose, and sent me to school pictures in thrift clothing with my hair totally greasy. Once again, proof that my pets are more loved than I was as a kid. Ugh. BitchSLAP > > > here comes an uncontrollable rant - please forgive and forbear whikle I > VENT like never in my life.... > > nada used to buy my clothes from the charity (thrift) store. I lost the > ability to care after a while and felt numb, the unloved and forgotten > charity store clothes didnt seem as bad as the once-a-year-special-outfit > that came from a real store...this was a major drama. I was only allowed to > go to ONE shop that she chose and we had to get the outfit on that ONE > session. So I always got the outfit she chose as it was that or nothing at > all. I remember wanting a pair of brown velvet trousers with a white cotton > shirt ( hey - it was the 80's - new romantic / masculine style was in!) - > instead I got a floral flared frilly skirt and blouse ensemble > Little-House-On-THe Prairie style....yuk yuk yuk...and this was worn to the > photographers for our official emigration snapshot..and distributed around > all the family. For this special occasion we had to go to a hairdresser, who > insisted in giving me (age 10) a very strange Charlies ANgels style flick-do > from big rollers that made my hair look adult, on the pollyanna/child body. > I felt distinctly uncomfortable. Nada used the (famous Evil Mason & Pearson > hairbrush -the one she used to whack me and > pull my hair with)to 'undo' the weird hairstyle, then blamed me that the > hairdresser appointment was wasted as the style had 'fallen out on my limp > thin hair' and now I would look ugly and emabarrassing in the photos and > Everyone WOuld KNOW that I hadnt co-operated......????DUH?? > > My older brother was allowed to buy what HE wanted, Nada would spend hours > and multiple visits trawling the shops looking for what he wanted, buying > what he said. She would take me clothes shopping for him on MY birthday, so > I could watch him getting the special treatment while I was ignored. Nasty > mean old sadistic woman. > > One year the Bitch was giving birth to my younger brother, so my Dad got to > take me annual outfit shopping. CLueless man, he had no idea about the > shopping rules! I got to choose a big white blouse with lace (finally!) and > some cool denim dungarees with RAINBOW braces. And he got me jewellery! and > it was Expensive! I was scared to say I wanted it in the shop as I had no > understanding that I could have something I wanted. Dad got the outfit and I > was elated and the pregnant BITCH was so angry when she saw the outfit, told > me it was ugly and boyish and I looked ridicuous and Father can't be trusted > to go shopping etc etc etc....but I was happy and the comments didnt stick > becasue you know for like the FIRST time I realised what it felt like to > have your own choice count!!!! > > She used to try to get me to use her used elastic pad-holder things for > periods ( I never did it was too disgusting). > > I can remember only 2 occasions where she actually bought me some clothing > as a teenager - ONE -She eventually forced me to buy a bra at age 15 by > shaming me into making comments about how other people were looking at my > chest (UNTRUE as I always covered up and was flat-chested). Going to buy a > bra was an exercise in humiliating me over my boyish body. Yes the changing > room scene is all too familiar. The embarrassment and deep shame. She called > in SEVERAL women assitants to look at my body and forced me to stand exposed > while they looked and measured repeatedly as she disagreed with their > measurement so the whole embarrassing process had to be > repeated...eventually she chose some bright green and blue lacy shiny satin > bras that I felt were wholly inappropriate - all the other girls had beige > or white cotton T-shirt junior bras...not the slut-factory shiny lacy stuff > she bought. I never let her buy underwear again. > TWO - prom dress - she took me to a granny shop and insisted on buying a > fluffly sequinny 1950s style ruffled strapless THING that was too big - I > HATED IT - but she said I couldnt go unless I had that dress - in the middle > of the prom it fell off me when I bent over as being too big someone > accidentally stood on the skirt of it and the dress came down and exposed > me. I was mortified. But in a weird kind of way it was all part of the > clothing experience and I didnt see it as traumatic as it was. > > From the age of 12 she stopped all clothes buying for me(after the denim > outfit triumph it was her ultimate way to punish me for having won that > round)and issued me with a sewing machine and the family government > allowance. $6 a week NZ money. > One good thing is I learnt to sew - well I had to as there was no > instruction from Her (!) but the $6 a week amounted to only enough a year to > cover the cost of the school uniforms,,,, out of this fund I also had to buy > shoes, all other clothes, make up toiletries, sanitary goods...EVERYTHING! > My brother continued to get everything bought for him as he requested, all > the trendy branded name clothes, New uniform, special UK import shoes etc > etc.... > I had to go the the uniform thrift store at school. I remember trying to > sneak in when nobody could see me and I never tried the uniforms on just > bought it as quickly as i could and hoped it would fit when I got home. > > After I learnt to sew She would constantly critisize the choice of what I > made - it was always too big or too small, or ridiculous or ugly, or too > old, or made me look like a slut. She insinuated that I must work as a > prostitute when I went to my waitressing job at age 18 as only a prostitute > would go out looking like THAT (?!!! in my waitress uniform for a 4 star > business hotel!!!!!). BITCHSLAP!!!! > > SHE always made the TOO FAT / TOO THIN comments like most of us on this > board have experienced.......I was a size 6 and 5'10 " at age 17 but the fat > comments persisted........also my ears apparently were too big as well...she > promised me my whole childhood if I was really good then she would let me > get my ears pinned back when I turned 14. (there is nothing wrong with my > ears!!!) > She was always trying to get me to straighten my hair or have it cut off ) > it was long and naturally curly_ she made me feel SO UGLY about everything I > was or looked like. I couldnt believe there was anything of worth about me. > > As an older teen I was spotted by a model agency but was unable to > emotionally connect with that kind of opportunity as I felt so utterly > worthless and UGLY through and through. I had an important lunch appointment > with Fords Model Agency when they talent scouted in NZ. The agency forbid my > mother from attending. However she dressed me in a most unsuitable old lady > white outfit so I looked about 50 and insisted on brushing out my hair so it > frizzed, and not letting me wear anything normal or age apropriate to the > appt, and slated me the whole way in the car, saying how disgusting and > immoral the whole modelling thing was and how awful it would be to live in > New York, and how I would be terrified and raped and drugged and preyed on > etcetcetc.....Fords asked me to New York but I never went. The agency rang > but I never returned their calls, I knew I would never be allowed. NADA was > too FUCKING jealous to let me have my own life or self. What a bitch. > > I won a wearable art fashion competition when I was 23. Suddenly the fat > jealous bitch who's never shown any i nterest in my sewing demands I take > her to the prizegiving instead of my boyfriend. Without asking me she books > herself a plane ticket and a hotel, and rings the organisers to tell them > she is coming on the complimentary winners seat. so I have to share my glory > moment with her sitting next to me. She tells me my outfit is ugly, andI > look like fat etc etc so I walk down the runway to accept my prize feeling > like the ugliest loser, instead of the winner. > > I hate her so much writing this all out. > > Thank you all for letting me write it. > > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - > wacking it > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal > abuse > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > about it. > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or > 8 > > young woman. UGH > > - Bought very small clothes > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school > for > > weeks on end > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 (((((RG))))) I'm so sorry; your nada sounds like a complete whack job. Something in the malignant category. It truly sounds to me like your nada highly resented having a girl child in the first place: you were so totally locked into being her scapegoat. Her treatment of you reeks of both contempt and open, raw jealousy. Nothing you describe about her treatment of you has anything to do with love. Its just so wrong to emotionally starve a child by withholding love like that. And yet, your inner strength allowed to you let your outstanding creativity come out (you learned to sew, you made an award-winning wearable art dress) and still, you were treated as an object with no feelings, needs, or wishes of your own. Your opportunity for a modeling job: sabotaged. That's so wrong. I'm glad you survived. I think probably a lot of young girls don't. Its like being slowly poisoned to death by your own mother. An extra fillip of degradation and torture is watching your sibling treated like a prince/princess, making your own stark, obvious rejection and less-than-zero status that much harder to bear. Such individuals truly should not be raising kids. Its inhumane. -Annie > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > about it. > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > young woman. UGH > > - Bought very small clothes > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > weeks on end > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 heartfelt thank yous - you guys are too too nice. i hear the affirmation back from you. I know in my head that what happened to us all was very very wrong. But I still have great trouble connecting to the pain and allowing myself to feel it. I am detached from the memories and talking about them is as if I am telling someone elses's story... it's that strange sensation of guilt (of ownership) just talking about the stuff that happened to us, feeling the fear that I've made it up as Nada always said it was all in my " histrionic mind " . I hope as time goes by, the more i can talk about it in this safe place with others who understand the experience, it will be easier for me to view all her behaviours objectively, and not feel guilty that it was somehow my fault she treated me that way... Does anyone know if talking about it makes it better, or worse? What if it keeps you stuck in the unpleasant memories and they don't release? I have been warned all my life not to talk outside the family...it feels so traitorish to do it now. > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > > about it. > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > > young woman. UGH > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > > weeks on end > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 rgbargy, that's the same thing I feel--that perhaps I made it up and like my fada also said, it's all in my head. But I know it's not--that's them trying to gaslight us. I'm also in the same place as you--but I do know that counseling helps make it better. I just am afraid of reliving the memories I have suppressed. talking about it does help, but remember that you always have the right to take a break and not talk about it. Holly > > > > heartfelt thank yous - you guys are too too nice. > i hear the affirmation back from you. I know in my head that what happened > to us all was very very wrong. But I still have great trouble connecting to > the pain and allowing myself to feel it. I am detached from the memories and > talking about them is as if I am telling someone elses's story... > it's that strange sensation of guilt (of ownership) just talking about the > stuff that happened to us, feeling the fear that I've made it up as Nada > always said it was all in my " histrionic mind " . > I hope as time goes by, the more i can talk about it in this safe place > with others who understand the experience, it will be easier for me to view > all her behaviours objectively, and not feel guilty that it was somehow my > fault she treated me that way... > > Does anyone know if talking about it makes it better, or worse? > > What if it keeps you stuck in the unpleasant memories and they don't > release? > > I have been warned all my life not to talk outside the family...it feels so > traitorish to do it now. > > > > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - > wacking it > > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and > verbal abuse > > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - > in > > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada > bitching > > > > about it. > > > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada > use > > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 > or 8 > > > > young woman. UGH > > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to > school for > > > > weeks on end > > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I > am. > > > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Its a very individual thing, knowing or feeling when its OK to talk about the emotional abuse and pain you've experienced. It has to do with feeling safe and secure enough. I'm thinking that if you're feeling anxious, as though you've " betrayed " your nada and foo by sharing stuff here (even though its completely anonymous when you use a created ID) you may not be ready quite yet. Don't force yourself to do it, that could pretty much be the same thing as re-traumatizing yourself. When your conscious mind feels safe enough and ready, your subconscious will begin to also, and can begin to allow you to re-experience the emotional memories and feel the pain in your conscious mind and release it. This can be very cathartic and healing, but it also can be a scary and powerful experience. And it's not over all at once. This process can take a while. I believe that psychologists that specialize in treating the adult survivors of child abuse/trauma survivors would be the best choice to help guide you through this process. I personally don't recommend trying to do it totally on your own, but, each of us has to decide for himself or herself what will work best for your own situation. Its about your needs, now. The book " Trauma and Recovery " has been recommended to me, I still haven't read it but want to. From what I've heard it would be very relevant and enlightening RE my own case (mostly golden child, bpd/npd/aspd mother with possible ocpd as well, physical as well as emotional and quasi-sexual abuse resulting in trauma/betrayal bonding aka stockholm syndrome). Perhaps it would be relevant to your situation also. -Annie > > > > > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > > > about it. > > > > > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > > > young woman. UGH > > > > - Bought very small clothes > > > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > > > weeks on end > > > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 > it's that strange sensation of guilt (of ownership) just talking about the stuff that happened to us, feeling the fear that I've made it up as Nada always said it was all in my " histrionic mind " . .... > Does anyone know if talking about it makes it better, or worse? > > What if it keeps you stuck in the unpleasant memories and they don't release? > > I have been warned all my life not to talk outside the family...it feels so traitorish to do it now. My mother's cousin wrote a book on our family history for her PhD. dissertation a few years back. I was asking the cousin about it, and she said she had shown it to my mother, who insisted that Cousin not include any of the " negative " stories because it is bad to talk about family that way. Cousin agreed she was right and edited them out of her book. As she told me this story, I said, " But sometimes those stories give you a more complete understanding of who you are and where you come from. You don't have to leave those things out if you don't want to. " It was all before we learned about BPD, etc., and Cousin is definitely a dishrag of a lady, but I tell that story to illustrate that I can understand what you mean when you say you feel like a traitor for telling the ugly truth. But you're not, really. I think it's worse to betray yourself by continuing to deny what you know to be true in order to allow someone else to perpetuate his delusion. And abusers rely on secrecy in order to maintain control. So, I think learning to speak the truth and accept even your " negative " feelings about it is an important step in the journey to healing. I am not a mental health professional, and this is just my opinion, but as far as your other questions, about " getting stuck " in the unpleasant memories...well, I think it can go both ways. Like I said above, I think it's *really* important to move through the grieving process in these situations, and that means breaking out of denial and spending some time in anger and guilt/bargaining so that we can finally move on through depression and into acceptance. In this case, that means we need to feel free to express our feelings about what really happened, we need to have a safe and supportive environment where we can process our pain and the anger we feel about it. We might even need a little extra time in this stage, since we have been taught our whole lives that *our* feelings are " wrong " and invalid. I think it's vital to our healing process to begin to freely acknowledge what really happened to us. But I do see that people often get stuck in " anger. " The pain can be so deep, and the resentment so strong, that we really latch on to the powerful feelings anger gives us. A trained therapist can help us move through all the stages and work with us to prevent us from getting " stuck, " so if that is a concern for you, please consider talking to a professional. Ultimately, the goal is to move through the anger into acceptance. After that, sometimes we revisit certain stages again, but I think it's faster and easier to move through the process each time. The first time is the hardest, in my experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 ----- Forwarded Message ---- To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, February 12, 2011 10:47:46 PM Subject: Re: Re: clothing abuse I have a few horrible 'shopping abuse' memories that almost seem like bad dreams instead of real memories. My nada would chose a dressing room and loom over me speaking in a low harsh voice about all of the dreadful 'store ladies' who would try to come in to see me without my clothes on---then, with my nada acting like a guard at the door she would proceed into a confusing chaotic continuous rant where she would tug and pull the clothing on and off of me with a stream of insulting horrible pronouncements. I couldn't figure out what she was reacting to or what I had done to trigger this seething hate filled whorlwind that reduced me to a helpless ragdoll state. I was terrified in the small space with her " protecting " me from the store clerks because , " I had no sense of modesty or propriety!' At one point two really nice sales assistants were able to pull my nana aside and talk to her while the manager offered to call someone to take me home. I will never know what brought on her rage and abuse but the really scary part of it is that after we left the store she seemed like nothing had ever happened and I am not sure she could remember what she had done, except she made sure to let me know that she simply couldn't reward my horrible behavior by buying me any clothes! It is really hard to reconcile the dreamlike quality of her break with reality and inability to recall her own behavior with the certitude that it was my fault that she wouldn't buy me any new clothes. Have you ever felt like your nada had some kind of psychotic break with reality that caused her not to remember anything?? or was it just another way of letting you know that you are always at fault because you are a bad person? unless of course you happen to be her wonderful daughter?! I would really love to hear of a healthy way of thinking about this craziness! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, February 12, 2011 9:04:02 PM Subject: Re: clothing abuse WOW! I can't believe so many people had similar clothing horror stories to tell. Looking back on our childhood, in photos, I'm always amazed at how terrible me and my sisters look. Clothing in sizes way too big, baggy, hanging and faded. I remember shopping for school clothes and every where we went we only got clothing that nada liked. As an eighth grader (13-years-old) I was accepted into an honor band festival for high schoolers. Most of the participants where juniors and seniors. I was super excited- until after shopping for a dress to wear. My nada found a dress suited for a 50-year-old elementary school teacher! Kind of loose, with a built-in vest. The fabric was checked, black and white blocks. I wanted to cry. Here I was- with older students and so wanting to fit in. I could play alto sax on the same level and was as mature as many but I felt so ashamed in that dress and could see the others snickering. The worst part about it is that I had to wear that dress four years- because the dress requirements for the honor band didn't change year after year. On the wall in the band room at school hung pictures of each group of kids that got to participate and there I am, year after year, in the same damn dress. Finally, as a junior I had hoarded just enough money to buy myself a dress. Now, I wouldn't have been able to buy myself any clothes-because we were never allowed to have money unless we got it from grandparents and relatives for our birthday or something. During honor band everyone got to go to the mall for lunch and I bought my dress then. I loved it! It was in style and better yet: it was MY style. Not nadas. Nada, unexpectedly, was pissed when she saw me in my dress during the concert. Of course I got comments like- well, you look fat in it, I don't like the color, I don't like the style, etc. I didn't care!!! This clothing abuse has manifested itself in my adult life in surprising ways and I'm curious if anyone can relate to this? Example: I always had to wear the ugliest, cheapest shoes. Now, I have a closet full of shoes I love. Jeans: I have a hard time NOT buying jeans I love. I do this with jewelry, bras, etc. Maybe I'm only thinking my clothing purchases are tied to the clothing abuse because, as you all know, we never get to be " girly " growing up. (I only got make-up, finally, as a junior in high school. My best friend's mother bought it for me. She said it was payment for helping her daughter with math homework.) I never got to splurge or create my own identity. I don't know if this is normal behavior or if I'm trying to indulge my inner-child that had to go without! Thoughts on this? > > > > We've talked on this group about how nadas us hair to abuse us - wacking it > > off short, burns with curling irons, beating with hairbrush and verbal abuse > > about how ugly your hair is girlscout. . . I have major hair issues - in > > pictures it looks beautiful but in my minds eye I just hear nada bitching > > about it. > > > > But we haven't talked as much about CLOTHING ABUSE. How did your nada use > > clothes to abuse you - here's mine: > > - Bought my boy clothes in boy colors with no feminine options > > - made me feel so crappy that I was embarrased to wear church clothes > > - bought clothes too big almost all the time - sixe XXXL for a size 6 or 8 > > young woman. UGH > > - Bought very small clothes > > - Refused to do my laundry so that I had to wear dirty clothes to school for > > weeks on end > > - humiliated me by swearing at the sales clerks about how difficult I am. > > > > I may make this into a poem. What are your experiences? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 Ha! Again, I thought it was " just me " who hated hated shopping and avoided the mall like it was plague-ridden. Once again, I find the parallels among all our stories to be amazing. My mom would walk into the store with me, start pulling outfits off the racks, then send me into the fitting room with a few of them to start trying things on -while she continued to pull stuff SHE selected. So I was stuck in the fitting room, forbidden to take anything off until she saw it (no matter if it was way too small or too big, or looked horrible - she had to see it to determine whether it was suitable). If I refused an outfit for any reason, it was cause for a fight (which I could never win). Plus, during this time she kept up a running dialogue with the sales clerks about how hard it was to fit me with clothing, how fat I was, how she had tried and tried to get me to slim down, etc. So no matter what we walked out with, I always felt like sh*t after shopping with Nada. In later years, after I was grown and gone, she used me as an excuse for " retail therapy " - she'd go shopping and buy several outfits (again, her choice, not mine), then leave them in the store bags and dump them on the bed in the spare room, and that was my Christmas present. I had to try on everything, come into the room where everybody else was opening presents, and " model " the outfits - which were almost always too small and looked like things Reagan would buy. Which would have been fine if I'd been Reagan,but I was in my early 20's and wanted clothes suitable for my age and body type. So if the clothes didn't fit (they never did) - she'd start her lament about how fat I was, in front of the family and my husband. If I refused to try something on, she'd go into a tirade about how ungrateful I was, and there went Christmas - my fault for ruining it. You know what? Now that I'm NC/LC with her, I have been shopping several times, and it's kind of fun to pick out things I like, look for good deals on sale, etc. Doing this without Nada's monologue in my head is a whole new experience! - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.