rough spell

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the details,

but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged, because

my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a quiet time

without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is that so hard

to find?

I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself, but

the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself, but

this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

Sorry to be such a downer,

Walkingto Happiness

[Guest guest]

Hey Walking to Happiness,

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I think many of us on here know what

that overwhelmed feeling is like. Do you have an uplifting movie you like or

anything...maybe like Annie? You know, something to make you feel optimistic and

hopeful? I know when I get down I feel very hopeless and things just feel

pointless, and I have to find something that reminds me why it's not. Do you

have a book or song or movie that makes you smile or feel happy? Sometimes if

I'm having a rough spell, I find old upbeat 80s music and it helps lift my mood.

Of course it doesn't fix anything, but it gets me to smile, and helps put me in

a better mood to deal with everything.

This too shall pass...

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

Hey there WTH *HUGS* to you! I'm sorry you're feeling so down and

overwhelmed. Gosh I have been there too and am kind of there myself right

now. But I keep on trying to fight through this depression, through my own

" madness " (PTSD stuff), etc. It does get better, but yeah, it is always

going to be work. At least for me at this time and probably for a while

now. But I think what keeps me going is the thought/idea that one day I

will manage to free myself from the guilt, the fear, the sadness, the anger

and will have finally put it all to rest in the past where it belongs. So

for now, I keep trying to fight the good fight & keep trying to move forward

so that when that day comes that I am free of all the " madness " imbued in me

by my nada... I can just enjoy MY life!

You can get through this. And if you're not talking to a therapist, maybe

now is a good time to find one. I know it can be scary, but they can help

so much & you are worth it =)

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Walking)))))

The idea that we only have any power over our own self, and that the rest of the

world is essentially Chaos, IS both scary and depressing.

Is it possible for you to take something like a sabbatical, and go on a retreat

for a couple of weeks? Something like a yoga retreat?

No family, and no contact with family: just you in a peaceful, serene natural

setting that offers soothing meditation, exercise, and pleasant activities?

Everybody needs a " time out " from time to time to truly be able to

" re-create " ourselves, achieve inner peace and centeredness.

Is it possible that you're still feeling responsible for maintaining other

people's happiness, meaning, other than your small children if you have any?

Even kids, really, are responsible for their own feelings, they're just not good

at " solo-ing " yet.

If you're in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed because you're frequently

" putting out fires " , then, maybe you are still having co-dependency issues to

work out? Are you taking over and managing issues for other people that really

should be handled by the person who created the issue? That's being

co-dependent, and it IS draining and overwhelming to try and manage other

people's feelings and issues.

I'm just offering possible lines of thought to explore, my two cent's worth, for

you to take or leave as it seems relevant to you or not.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Walking--

I'm sorry you are so discouraged. (((((HUGS)))))) to you, my friend.

Here's what I see:

You are able to claim (and be in) authentic emotions.

Which means you are not using masks and/or denial to cope anymore.

You are seeing the world around you as chaos.

Which means you are no longer seeing " insanity " as " normal " anymore.

You are able to claim inperfections.

Which means you are learning grace and love and acceptance of yourself.

And you are able to reach out and ASK for help.

Which means you, my friend, are a person of power, courage, and kindness.

(Kindness to yourself is the hardest kindness of all).

You are a KO. Which means none of this has come easy. You are exceptional!

It also means you are walking. Which is tremendous, indeed.

One other thought: in my experience, when I'm feeling like the world around me

is just . . .lunatic-ical (new word) . . . that's an indication I've healed

something significant. It's getting used to a " new normal. " That's a very

uncomfortable place for a while. And then . . . you settle in to being better.

Keep walking, my friend! You're doing great! And you're certainly not alone.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

I understand how the outside world seems so crazy and we still have to be

amongst the spiritually wounded when we are trying so hard to get on track

ourselves.

I find that I have to spend a lot of time on my own in quiet thought and

meditation. I hand everything over to my higher power and let the guidance come

through on my next move.

Eating, sleeping exercising works for me. It is constant work on keeping

focused on the path to peace and happiness. When I feel overwhelmed and off

track it is usually because I am not taking care of myself and taking time out.

One day a time.

I have just got through a difficult time and I made sure I still did these

things in the chaos. It really helped.

I hope you are feeling better and know that we are all here for you. Maybe you

need to have some time out from the world. Hard if you can't but even a nice

bath or walk can help. Spend time alone. That is when we can be guided and

healed.

Take care,

Kazam x

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

> >

> > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > Walkingto Happiness

> >

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time!

When I am feeling overwhelmed & beat up, the best 'me' thing to do is to take a

walk where you can enjoy the views, sounds and smells of nature. This is my

tried and true way to relax, and something along the way always brings a smile

to my face.

Barring that idea if you live where the weather is nasty, do try to get 20

minutes of exercise--it greatly helps with stress.

Do something for yourself--maybe buy some flowers, treat yourself to a salon

appointment, or take an hour long soak in the tub.

Whatever you have that is beating you up right now, this too shall pass, but

until it does you need to do the little things for yourself to keep hope alive

and the stress of it all more manageable.

Take care!

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry! Hugs. Here are my suggestions:

1) make self care a huge priority - if something makes you feel better - for

me its exercise and my pets - then surround yourself in it. Bubble bath, hot

tea, massage - anything that helps you. I always turn to my pets at times

like that.

2) Make an MD appt for med changes or to start an anti-depressant

3) make a therapy appt - even if its for the short term.

Lets see - I'm trying to think of another but I just say self care self care

and more self care!

HUGS please let us know how you are doing later on.

>

>

> So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time!

>

> When I am feeling overwhelmed & beat up, the best 'me' thing to do is to

> take a walk where you can enjoy the views, sounds and smells of nature. This

> is my tried and true way to relax, and something along the way always brings

> a smile to my face.

>

> Barring that idea if you live where the weather is nasty, do try to get 20

> minutes of exercise--it greatly helps with stress.

>

> Do something for yourself--maybe buy some flowers, treat yourself to a

> salon appointment, or take an hour long soak in the tub.

>

> Whatever you have that is beating you up right now, this too shall pass,

> but until it does you need to do the little things for yourself to keep hope

> alive and the stress of it all more manageable.

>

> Take care!

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

> details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so

> discouraged, because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an

> okay time, a quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and

> kindness, why is that so hard to find?

> >

> > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

> but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control

> myself, but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through

> enough already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and

> without the skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > Walkingto Happiness

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The Lord is my refuge and my strength, a very present help in trouble.

If I ascend into the heaven, You are there. If I spead my couch in hell,

You are there.

This is something that has been a source of peace to me over these last

months as I fought depression.

One thing I have learned about healing. We never do it alone. We are

here for you, you know that. You need to walk your healing journey with

people who care for you.

I may never fix a single thing in your life. But if I can be a loving,

caring presence, I can help give you the resources to heal a little

more.

May we all heal.

Doug

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so

discouraged, because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have

an okay time, a quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace

and kindness, why is that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed

myself, but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only

control myself, but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I

been through enough already??? Life is so hard, especially without a

loving family and without the skills to properly take care of oneself.

It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

Guys that was beautiful. Karla I loved what you wrote especially. it spoke to me

today as well. Happiness I hoped this helped you to keep walking. Maybe the

" Footprints " poem might be something to rely on when you need strength since you

seem to like the walking thing. Just a thought that came to mind. Everyone's

posts certainly help others too. There was something I got from this post too

as I ususally do. Thanks all.

Kazam x

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

> details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so

> discouraged, because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have

> an okay time, a quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace

> and kindness, why is that so hard to find?

> >

> > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed

> myself, but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only

> control myself, but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I

> been through enough already??? Life is so hard, especially without a

> loving family and without the skills to properly take care of oneself.

> It is so hard.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > Walkingto Happiness

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the other post that you might be co-depenent. Since, I have been

like that too. Took me a while to realize that I can't fix

everybody's problem just because I feel their pain, and it's not my job to be

truthful. At times you can and have the ability like doctors, psychiatrists,

friends, parents but even that is to an extend. I'm not a superman, oh wait,

even that's fiction.

I believed by observation of others that if you're content and peacful while

things are chaotic then there's something wrong with you and you're coldhearted,

careless. I took the bait and slowly letting go of it.

You might want to look into reading this book, co-dependency no more.

All the best,

>

> Hi,

> I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

>

> I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

>

> Sorry to be such a downer,

> Walkingto Happiness

>

[Guest guest]

Correction, the title of the book is co-dependent no more. Sometimes when I'm at

work I type so fast that I miss couple words here and there.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

> >

> > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > Walkingto Happiness

> >

>

[Guest guest]

((((((Happiness)))))

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time.It is indeed

discouraging to know that you've done all that hard healing work but the rest of

the world and its dysfunctions is still there to be dealt with.That is hard for

me to reconcile at times because I never *had* a break from other peoples'

craziness; never had an " interlude " (like in childhood or even infancy,when it

was *supposed* to be about me feeling safe and protected) when I wasn't being

bombarded by other peoples' issues.And instead of making it easier for me to

deal with,as in being " used to it " since that's all I've ever known,it actually

makes it harder because it's like: Damn it,I've done all this work on myself,so

when do I get my well earned rest from madness and aggravation???? Why must it

continue to intrude into my life????

I think too that the *necessity* of having " peace and kindness " in

one's life is more acute and more intensely meaningful for us as KOs than it is

for nons--although nons certainly desire the same thing,a lack of " peace and

kindness " doesn't slay their spirits in the way that it does to ours.For a non

perhaps,it's a shame--but for us it feels deeply tragic; for us it can be a

profound existential question: Why is it so hard to find?

And having to deal with other peoples' PD traits or actual PD also has

so much more meaning and association and nuance for us than it does for nons,who

in some respects get to live in a sort of " blissful ignorance " while we

experience the pain of *knowingness*.The nons and the PDs are on a kind of

permanent vacation from painful awareness,but when do *we* get *our* vacation?

How do we shield ourselves from other peoples' psychic debris so that

our lives can be an okay time--which certainly doesn't seem to be asking for the

moon,does it,to just want effing peace and quiet?

I wish I had a short and simple answer to that,but I don't.I do

understand your sadness and frustration.Learning how to deflect the " slings and

arrows " of a dysfunctional world is something we all have to finesse in our own

time--personally my own idealism has often proved to be my Achilles heel: I have

needed to learn how to call a spade a spade (or a sh*t a sh*t!) and let that be

without allowing it to bloom into generalized existential despair.Sometimes I

have to remind myself that I have the right to simply *walk away* from someone

who is being a sh*t without having to engage with them or allowing myself to be

drawn in by them.I'm better at that now but it took lots of trying and failing

before I learned how to get the timing right: to do it sooner rather than

later.Other times I've needed to learn when it is justified for me to go on the

offensive--and that too has required much trial and error to get right.It's

actually,much of it,all about strategy and knowing how to strategize.Which is a

skill that our PD parents absolutely denied to us,as if it was deeply sinful for

us to learn how to protect ourselves.

Personally I'd recommend maybe reading Sun Tzu's " Art Of War " or

Chin-Ning Chu's " Thick Face,Black Heart " (about strategizing in the business

world but can be read as a general primer on how to call a spade a spade in a

way that benefits your own interests while retaining your integrity)

Take care and remember we are here for you!

>

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

> >

> > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed myself,

but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control myself,

but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through enough

already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and without the

skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > Walkingto Happiness

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh and PS: a clarification: I'm not saying " go out there and suffer the

aggravation of having to constantly fight " but that knowing how to strategize

actually frees up time and energy because you can dispatch problems and problem

people more quickly and easily

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

> > >

> > > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed

myself, but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control

myself, but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through

enough already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and

without the skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> > >

> > > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > > Walkingto Happiness

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Walking,

Hoping today is a better day. Thank-you I loved your post and will

take some of the advice you offered. It was what I needed to hear too as I am

at this difficult stage of healing.

Getting back out there and not reacting to the chaos. Staying focused centered

and protected in a crazy world.

Kazam x

> > > >

> > > > Hi,

> > > > I'm going through a really rough spell. I dont want to go into all the

details, but if anyone has words of encouragement. I just feel so discouraged,

because my life is so hard. I can't ever seem to just have an okay time, a

quiet time without fires to put out. I just want peace and kindness, why is

that so hard to find?

> > > >

> > > > I am sad scared frustrated. When does it ever stop? I have healed

myself, but the entire world outside me is completely mad. I can only control

myself, but this world is mad. I feel so discouraged, haven't I been through

enough already??? Life is so hard, especially without a loving family and

without the skills to properly take care of oneself. It is so hard.

> > > >

> > > > Sorry to be such a downer,

> > > > Walkingto Happiness

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> I wish I had a short and simple answer to that,but I don't.I do

understand your sadness and frustration.Learning how to deflect the " slings and

arrows " of a dysfunctional world is something we all have to finesse in our own

time--personally my own idealism has often proved to be my Achilles heel: I have

needed to learn how to call a spade a spade (or a sh*t a sh*t!) and let that be

without allowing it to bloom into generalized existential despair.Sometimes I

have to remind myself that I have the right to simply *walk away* from someone

who is being a sh*t without having to engage with them or allowing myself to be

drawn in by them.I'm better at that now but it took lots of trying and failing

before I learned how to get the timing right: to do it sooner rather than

later.Other times I've needed to learn when it is justified for me to go on the

offensive--and that too has required much trial and error to get right.It's

actually,much of it,all about strategy and knowing how to strategize.Which is a

skill that our PD parents absolutely denied to us,as if it was deeply sinful for

us to learn how to protect ourselves.

>

First Happiness, sending a BIG HUG to you. I can relate so very much...I feel

like I got magnetized for the craziness of the world because of where I come

from. I'm not sure how one gets unmagnetized. I've found that when I can gain

a solid peace from meditation it helps for a while though it can be tough to

maintain that. I'd encourage you to create a sacred time of day which

absolutely cannot be intruded on - even if it's just fifteen minutes.

, just quoted the above because it's awesome. Yep....one day I hope to

be able to do that. And absolutely, my nada actively discouraged me from even

my natural self-protective instincts. If I had a conflict with someone she was

quick to " help " me by focusing on how I must have created it by some oversight

or mistake. The idea that someone else was being the sh*t and I had a right to

reject them or defend myself never even came into it. And also thanks for the

moisturizer recommendations on the other thread!

[Guest guest]

Hi Kazam,

I'm glad my post was helpful to you

Have you read Chin-Ning Chu's book " Do Less,Achieve More: The Hidden

Power Of Giving In " ? If not,I think it might be right up your alley.Chu uses

Carl Jung's allegory of The Rainmaker as a central motif--an allegory that is

meant to provoke thinking about how our inner subjectivity affects the outer

world.

An interesting article on that here:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/201001/redefining-reality-part-tw\

o-psychotherapy-synchronicity-and-the-rainmaker

Anyway, " Do Less,Achieve More " is also something of a series of

illustrations along the theme of " letting go of the fruits of one's labors " that

comes from the Hindu Bhagavad Gita--a concept I understand intuitively but have

trouble explaining but it goes something like: learning how not to cling so

tightly to a thing that it breaks/learning not to fixate on what the results of

our actions will be in order to possess them (because then we lose them) but

allowing them to simply be as they are so that we can actually benefit

energetically from them.Like setting something free so it can return to you.

" Do Less,Achieve More " is a primer on how to let go of the fruits of

one's labor; escaping from the traps of reactivity and learning how to balance

your inner energy with the flow of your outer existence so that you can better

" create " your own good fortune.

Here's a link that has some blurbs about some of Chu's books that might

interest you,including " Do Less " :

http://www.speakerssource.com/chu.htm

Her book " Thick Face,Black Heart " is worth a read too and is

interesting because it gives tips on how to use what you've got right now to

succeed--we often tell ourselves: " When I am X,I will then be able to do Y " or

we say: " I won't be able to have Y until I get to X " ...which can amount to self

sabotage or passivity while we wait for X X to materialize--this book shows how

it is possible to turn today's liabilities into tomorrow's assets,right now,by

learning how to strategize.You don't have to be perfect,you just need to have

the right attitude--which is all about strategy...which in turn manages the

chaos which in turn leads to a more tranquil existence...And as I was saying to

Happiness,it's not " evil " or " wrong " for us to proactively strategize our own

lives

>

> Hi Walking,

> Hoping today is a better day. Thank-you I loved your post and will

take some of the advice you offered. It was what I needed to hear too as I am

at this difficult stage of healing.

> Getting back out there and not reacting to the chaos. Staying focused centered

and protected in a crazy world.

> Kazam x

[Guest guest]

Yes,,me too!!! *Active discouragement* is right and it sucks--and like you

said,from *natural* self protective instincts to boot!

I think that knowing we have the *right* to reject someone or to defend

ourselves is huge.It's,yet again,like the whole effing world is all about

nada/fada and their needs--like if we knew we could reject someone we might also

reject *them* and so we were never allowed to even know about people being

sh*ts.Or any conflict with anyone has to be our fault somehow so the BPD can

remain blameless--even if it wasn't even about them--it's *still* all about

them.

I'll never forget nada saying to me when I first told her my sixth grade

teacher was molesting me, " Think about how Mr Pervert must feel,having to stare

down a kid who hates him everyday " ...Because I told her he constantly stared at

me to *try* to get her to understand that his behavior wasn't normal--he had

forced me to move to a desk right in front of his desk and that was when I had

enough and started trying to get help--but *she* constantly projected her own

hatred of me onto me in the form of " believing " that I hated her and if I hated

her,of course I hated the teacher too etc etc.

I had to go to so much effort battling that bastard because nobody

*listened* to me and got me out of there and although my campaign was successful

from day one of it,I was told again and again and again what a monster I was for

simply protecting myself.*That* turned what would have been a triumph into yet

another trauma,on like a biological level,adding another complex to the C-PTSD I

was developing.I understand now why my fighting back wasn't " enough " to

safeguard my psyche at the time--I was made to feel like a criminal for calling

out a criminmal for his crimes,as if I was the perp.I was shamed for fighting

back and told that I should feel guilty,not just by my parents but by that ass

soul principal too.

A couple of months ago I distilled that whole experience down to its

essence of enforced powerless and revisualized it according to what I could have

done that really would have made a total statement and that was: just getting up

from my desk and walking out of that classroom and refusing to ever go back.I

visualized myself walking home and then refusing again and again to set foot in

that classroom.I could feel a satisfying energy while visualizing that and that

is the energy I use now whenever I need to walk from a situation or a scenario

that is doing me no good.Or in general I use that energy when I don't need to be

tolerating *anyone's* crap.It feels good,too

>

> , just quoted the above because it's awesome. Yep....one day I hope

to be able to do that. And absolutely, my nada actively discouraged me from

even my natural self-protective instincts. If I had a conflict with someone she

was quick to " help " me by focusing on how I must have created it by some

oversight or mistake. The idea that someone else was being the sh*t and I had a

right to reject them or defend myself never even came into it. And also thanks

for the moisturizer recommendations on the other thread!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks I am definately going to look into those books.

Kazam x

> >

> > Hi Walking,

> > Hoping today is a better day. Thank-you I loved your post and

will take some of the advice you offered. It was what I needed to hear too as I

am at this difficult stage of healing.

> > Getting back out there and not reacting to the chaos. Staying focused

centered and protected in a crazy world.

> > Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

I completely hear ya, WTH.

I don't have any advice or solutions. If I did my own life would be better.

I just completely hear ya.

With sympathy,

--.

*this post has been trimmed*

[Guest guest]

Ok, ignoring all the unsubscribe wierdness...

Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. , those are horrible

experiences you went through as a child. The adults were not protecting you at

all. It's horrific!

I liked all the suggestions for disconnecting from the world of chaos for a

little while and taking care of myself. It was especially good to be reminded

that as a KO I need to take even more care of myself than normal people who are

not KOs.

Thank you

Walkingto Happiness.

[Guest guest]

See,the unsubscribe wierdness, speaking of a world of chaos. It's fitting that

was posted on this thread, because honestly, that's kind of what my life has

been like recently, just walking out into pure chaos and unpredicatability and

people in bad moods!

I guess I need to take especially good care of myself these days, and that may

be all I have control over! Just slowing down and taking one day at a time.

Walkingto H.

>

> Ok, ignoring all the unsubscribe wierdness...

> Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. , those are horrible

experiences you went through as a child. The adults were not protecting you at

all. It's horrific!

>

> I liked all the suggestions for disconnecting from the world of chaos for a

little while and taking care of myself. It was especially good to be reminded

that as a KO I need to take even more care of myself than normal people who are

not KOs.

>

> Thank you

> Walkingto Happiness.

>

[Guest guest]

Yuck, sorry that happened to your thread WTH. I totally hear ya when it

comes to just kind of walking randomly into pure chaos & unpredictability...

I have SO been there way too many times to count.

Don't take it personally. I'm just thinking the fella is frustrated with

continuing to get emails. But, if he'd read the replies, he'd be able to

unsub (I hope).

Mia

On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 12:12 PM, walkingto_happiness <

walkingto_happiness@...> wrote:

>

>

>

> See,the unsubscribe wierdness, speaking of a world of chaos. It's fitting

> that was posted on this thread, because honestly, that's kind of what my

> life has been like recently, just walking out into pure chaos and

> unpredicatability and people in bad moods!

>

> I guess I need to take especially good care of myself these days, and that

> may be all I have control over! Just slowing down and taking one day at a

> time.

> Walkingto H.

>

>

>

> >

> > Ok, ignoring all the unsubscribe wierdness...

> > Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. , those are

> horrible experiences you went through as a child. The adults were not

> protecting you at all. It's horrific!

> >

> > I liked all the suggestions for disconnecting from the world of chaos for

> a little while and taking care of myself. It was especially good to be

> reminded that as a KO I need to take even more care of myself than normal

> people who are not KOs.

> >

> > Thank you

> > Walkingto Happiness.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for checking in,Happiness.I was getting worried about you!

Take care of yourself

>

> Ok, ignoring all the unsubscribe wierdness...

> Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. , those are horrible

experiences you went through as a child. The adults were not protecting you at

all. It's horrific!

>

> I liked all the suggestions for disconnecting from the world of chaos for a

little while and taking care of myself. It was especially good to be reminded

that as a KO I need to take even more care of myself than normal people who are

not KOs.

>

> Thank you

> Walkingto Happiness.

>