New Member

[Guest guest]

WELCOME! )

Joy

----Original Message Follows----

"

To: NMTC

Subject: New member

Date: Tue, 25 Feb 2003 16:23:41 -0000

Hello all! I just wanted to say a quick hello, and thanks for

allowing me to join. My name is Sherry and just started a course in

medical transcription in November of 2002. I am going slow, but I

love it! So many new things to learn!

Sherry

Student of VLC

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[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm new. I'm still learning about Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe my

mother has it. Actually, I think the books I'm reading, including " Stop Walking

on Eggshells, " were written specifcially for me. I feel relief and free to know

that her behavior has nothing to do with me personally. I suffer from Avoidance

Personality Disorder and my goal is work on my social ineptness, I want to no

longer feel like I'm going to be humiliated when I meet new people. I'm very

grateful for this support group. Thanks,

Sue

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group, Sue. I know what you mean; when I read " Understanding the

Borderline Mother " my feelings were so intense that I could only read it in

small sections before I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Mostly grief, I think.

Like you, I was rather avoidant, self-isolating and non-social during my early

adult life. It is possible to overcome this, to a good degree. I am more

social, and more socially at ease now than I ever was in my teens through 30's.

It can happen!

You've found a bunch of fellow KOs, adult children of bpd parents, who " get it. "

Its validating to known that its not just yourself who has experienced childhood

emotional abuse, and it helps to not take their mistreatment of us quite as

personally when you come to understand that the parent(s) have a severe mental

illness.

Again, welcome!

-Annie

>

> Hi,

> I'm new. I'm still learning about Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe

my mother has it. Actually, I think the books I'm reading, including " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " were written specifcially for me. I feel relief and free

to know that her behavior has nothing to do with me personally. I suffer from

Avoidance Personality Disorder and my goal is work on my social ineptness, I

want to no longer feel like I'm going to be humiliated when I meet new people.

I'm very grateful for this support group. Thanks,

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue & welcome to the group. Sorry you have a reason to find us, but glad

that you did.

I can relate to how you feel reading the books. I felt the same way with

SWOE and also with Understanding the Borderline Mother. Holy cow... who the

hell spied on my life and wrote a book about it?! Yes, it was very eye

opening.

My experiences as KO have left me with complex PTSD. I also feel awkward

in social situations. Like you, I feel like I'll be humiliated or used...

hurt in some way. I still try to make friends & go out... but I do feel the

feelings. In fact in Walmart the other day, I don't know why but I suddenly

realized that people could see me... um, duh?!!!!! Of course they can. But

it sent a wave a panic through me. Thank God I was quickly able to get over

it and assure myself I was being silly. Yeesh.

Anyway, welcome to the group. Please make yourself at home =)

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

PS just to clarify, I'm in no way stating that people who feel anxiety

or panic are being silly. That's just what I told myself to keep

myself from having a melt down in Walmart.

Mia

> Hi Sue & welcome to the group.  Sorry you have a reason to find us, but glad

> that you did.

>

> I can relate to how you feel reading the books.  I felt the same way with

> SWOE and also with Understanding the Borderline Mother.  Holy cow... who the

> hell spied on my life and wrote a book about it?! Yes, it was very eye

> opening.

> My experiences as  KO have left me with complex PTSD.  I also feel awkward

> in social situations.  Like you, I feel like I'll be humiliated or used...

> hurt in some way.  I still try to make friends & go out... but I do feel the

> feelings.  In fact in Walmart the other day, I don't know why but I suddenly

> realized that people could see me... um, duh?!!!!!  Of course they can. But

> it sent a wave a panic through me.  Thank God I was quickly able to get over

> it and assure myself I was being silly.  Yeesh.

> Anyway, welcome to the group. Please make yourself at home =)

> Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue!

Me, too - I am avoidant and like to say I'm in recovery! Because I'm aware of

it and trying to intentionally/behaviorally work through it.

Some days are good, some days I just want to revert and stay home and not see

anyone. It's hard, isn't it? Sigh.

My father was super avoidant and my mother has those tendencies as well.

welcome!

Fiona

>

> Hi,

> I'm new. I'm still learning about Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe

my mother has it. Actually, I think the books I'm reading, including " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " were written specifcially for me. I feel relief and free

to know that her behavior has nothing to do with me personally. I suffer from

Avoidance Personality Disorder and my goal is work on my social ineptness, I

want to no longer feel like I'm going to be humiliated when I meet new people.

I'm very grateful for this support group. Thanks,

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Fiona. I appreciate it.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I'm new. I'm still learning about Borderline Personality Disorder. I

believe my mother has it. Actually, I think the books I'm reading, including

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " were written specifcially for me. I feel relief

and free to know that her behavior has nothing to do with me personally. I

suffer from Avoidance Personality Disorder and my goal is work on my social

ineptness, I want to no longer feel like I'm going to be humiliated when I meet

new people. I'm very grateful for this support group. Thanks,

> > Sue

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Mia.

>

> Hi Sue & welcome to the group. Sorry you have a reason to find us, but glad

> that you did.

>

> I can relate to how you feel reading the books. I felt the same way with

> SWOE and also with Understanding the Borderline Mother. Holy cow... who the

> hell spied on my life and wrote a book about it?! Yes, it was very eye

> opening.

>

> My experiences as KO have left me with complex PTSD. I also feel awkward

> in social situations. Like you, I feel like I'll be humiliated or used...

> hurt in some way. I still try to make friends & go out... but I do feel the

> feelings. In fact in Walmart the other day, I don't know why but I suddenly

> realized that people could see me... um, duh?!!!!! Of course they can. But

> it sent a wave a panic through me. Thank God I was quickly able to get over

> it and assure myself I was being silly. Yeesh.

>

> Anyway, welcome to the group. Please make yourself at home =)

>

> Mia

>

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Diaries are great! I've written poems all my life as well. Writing certainly

does help!!! Keep it up Lavender.

Do you mean, being found out by your Mom that you are posting here?

N

> Hi,

>

> I'm a new member and I wanted to ask everyone about journalling and healing?

>

> I've tried to keep a diary off and on for years now but threw out all my

journals when I needed surgery a few years back in case my mum (nada?) found

them. I'm 38 now and really want to be free of all the stuff that goes with BP

by writing but am finding it really difficult. To give an idea of where I'm at,

I can't read the posts here on the board for long because I get so uncomfortable

with the feelings raised by them...many are so similar to my own situation and

very close to home. Therapy here in England seems very goal oriented, e.g. cbt,

and I don't think as advanced as perhaps in the US is in this field. As I have

only discovered in this past month that my mum has strong correlation with the

traits outlined in Suriving a Borderline parent/The Essential Family Guide to

BDP I'm right at the beginning of a journey of I hope understanding and healing

from the consequences whilst still involved.

>

> As an aside does anybody worry about posting here and being found out and the

consequences of that?

>

> Lavender

> P.S I posted a response to rooster's post at the beginning of july that gives

a little insight into my background.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi N,

Sorry, I'm a bit anxious these past few days so have been mis-reading/mis-typing

so many things.

Yes, I have this awful feeling of nervousness talking about anything regarding

mum - as if she’s hanging over my shoulder and yet I know she isn’t because

I wouldn’t get past the first line of my descriptions if she were. She's

internet savvy and the consequences of being found out would probably return me

to a state of quiet fear. I find it almost as difficult to write in a diary for

the same reasons.

Lavender

>

> > Hi,

> >

> > I'm a new member and I wanted to ask everyone about journalling and healing?

> >

> > I've tried to keep a diary off and on for years now but threw out all my

journals when I needed surgery a few years back in case my mum (nada?) found

them. I'm 38 now and really want to be free of all the stuff that goes with BP

by writing but am finding it really difficult. To give an idea of where I'm at,

I can't read the posts here on the board for long because I get so uncomfortable

with the feelings raised by them...many are so similar to my own situation and

very close to home. Therapy here in England seems very goal oriented, e.g. cbt,

and I don't think as advanced as perhaps in the US is in this field. As I have

only discovered in this past month that my mum has strong correlation with the

traits outlined in Suriving a Borderline parent/The Essential Family Guide to

BDP I'm right at the beginning of a journey of I hope understanding and healing

from the consequences whilst still involved.

> >

> > As an aside does anybody worry about posting here and being found out and

the consequences of that?

> >

> > Lavender

> > P.S I posted a response to rooster's post at the beginning of july that

gives a little insight into my background.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lavender,

You remind me of myself when I was younger. I also used to be afraid to write

in my diary lest my Mom find out. Though I sense that your case is worse than

mine, you sound like you are really afraid of her though you shouldn't be, she

doesn't live with you am I correct? Are you financially independent yet? The

key to getting rid of her is to be financially independent and have your own

place. Also keep some distance away from her, make sure she can't just barge

into your life - don't tell her ANYTHING about you, not who your friends are,

not where you work, not anything - otherwise, if she is really in a crazy mood,

she would try to damage your life - please don't stop posting here, I'm sure it

would help you tremendously like it has helped us. We are here for you - we

care and we do understand EXACTLY what you're going through. This is a safe

place to write. Your Mom will probably never find out. And even if she does,

too bad for her, you're a grown girl and can do as you please. As long as you

think that about yourself, that is the way she will treat you, but if you think

through her eyes (that you're a child, can be trodden on,etc. ), that is the way

that she will see you. Have lots of confidence and it will shine through - this

all takes time though, but I'm sure you will be able to - just being here and

posting shows that you are taking steps to be rid of her " spell " on your life.

Lots of encouragement to you dear Lavender, you are brave,

Hugs,

N

> Hi N,

>

> Sorry, I'm a bit anxious these past few days so have been

mis-reading/mis-typing so many things.

>

> Yes, I have this awful feeling of nervousness talking about anything regarding

mum - as if she’s hanging over my shoulder and yet I know she isn’t because

I wouldn’t get past the first line of my descriptions if she were. She's

internet savvy and the consequences of being found out would probably return me

to a state of quiet fear. I find it almost as difficult to write in a diary for

the same reasons.

>

> Lavender

>

>

> >

> > > Hi,

> > >

> > > I'm a new member and I wanted to ask everyone about journalling and

healing?

> > >

> > > I've tried to keep a diary off and on for years now but threw out all my

journals when I needed surgery a few years back in case my mum (nada?) found

them. I'm 38 now and really want to be free of all the stuff that goes with BP

by writing but am finding it really difficult. To give an idea of where I'm at,

I can't read the posts here on the board for long because I get so uncomfortable

with the feelings raised by them...many are so similar to my own situation and

very close to home. Therapy here in England seems very goal oriented, e.g. cbt,

and I don't think as advanced as perhaps in the US is in this field. As I have

only discovered in this past month that my mum has strong correlation with the

traits outlined in Suriving a Borderline parent/The Essential Family Guide to

BDP I'm right at the beginning of a journey of I hope understanding and healing

from the consequences whilst still involved.

> > >

> > > As an aside does anybody worry about posting here and being found out and

the consequences of that?

> > >

> > > Lavender

> > > P.S I posted a response to rooster's post at the beginning of july that

gives a little insight into my background.

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear N,

Thank-you, your support is lovely...and I don't think I've ever been called

brave before.

To answer your questions I am financially independent now that I'm 38 and we

live in separate countries. However with my Dad being admitted to hospital for

bone infection (a min of 3 weeks of intense IV antibiotics) I am now flying out

there to be with her to help with the things that she finds too difficult and to

be there as much as I can for them both (but I am definitely not the 'all-good'

child). I can't put my finger on exactly what was said that makes me so

frightened to speak out or write however to give an indication of what's it's

like at it's worst around 4-5 years ago I had to accompany her to her new home

that she just didn't want to go to and had the adult version of a temper tantrum

for the days leading up to it, the flight over, and in the car going 'home'.

Things got so bad that whilst driving to the new house on a motorway I had my

hand on the car door handle trying to fight the impulse to get out even though

we were travelling. Things are not that bad now and I have stayed with them on

occasion with just normal light stuff regarding clothes, bed-times/waking times,

attention focused on her etc. I hope that my fear of going to stay is only my

own anxiety and that it doesn't turn out to have a real basis for further

reoccurrence of our worst moments.

Confidence is an issue for me in general along with many of the other issues

associated with being a KO. At the moment it seems a wrong time to address my

own issues fully but I wanted to make a start by writing. I just find that I can

easily describe what I remember about things that have happened to myself but

feel anxious whenever I get to feeling *real* feelings let alone write about

them.

Kind thoughts,

Lavender

> > >

> > > > Hi,

> > > >

> > > > I'm a new member and I wanted to ask everyone about journalling and

healing?

> > > >

> > > > I've tried to keep a diary off and on for years now but threw out all my

journals when I needed surgery a few years back in case my mum (nada?) found

them. I'm 38 now and really want to be free of all the stuff that goes with BP

by writing but am finding it really difficult. To give an idea of where I'm at,

I can't read the posts here on the board for long because I get so uncomfortable

with the feelings raised by them...many are so similar to my own situation and

very close to home. Therapy here in England seems very goal oriented, e.g. cbt,

and I don't think as advanced as perhaps in the US is in this field. As I have

only discovered in this past month that my mum has strong correlation with the

traits outlined in Suriving a Borderline parent/The Essential Family Guide to

BDP I'm right at the beginning of a journey of I hope understanding and healing

from the consequences whilst still involved.

> > > >

> > > > As an aside does anybody worry about posting here and being found out

and the consequences of that?

> > > >

> > > > Lavender

> > > > P.S I posted a response to rooster's post at the beginning of july that

gives a little insight into my background.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I suggest that you do not stay with your mother in her home; instead stay at a

hotel/motel so you will have a peaceful, safe place to go to if or when she acts

out in abusive ways, and rent a car so you have your own transportation. The

more autonomy you have during this visit, the more power you have to extricate

yourself and protect yourself from abusive outbreaks on her part. I would avoid

being alone with her as much as possible, and avoid driving her or having her

drive you; you can each drive, right? If not, there are always buses and cabs.

So, I'm suggesting that can visit your mother without being joined at the hip

with her like siamese twins. I hope that helps!

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > > Hi,

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm a new member and I wanted to ask everyone about journalling and

healing?

> > > > >

> > > > > I've tried to keep a diary off and on for years now but threw out all

my journals when I needed surgery a few years back in case my mum (nada?) found

them. I'm 38 now and really want to be free of all the stuff that goes with BP

by writing but am finding it really difficult. To give an idea of where I'm at,

I can't read the posts here on the board for long because I get so uncomfortable

with the feelings raised by them...many are so similar to my own situation and

very close to home. Therapy here in England seems very goal oriented, e.g. cbt,

and I don't think as advanced as perhaps in the US is in this field. As I have

only discovered in this past month that my mum has strong correlation with the

traits outlined in Suriving a Borderline parent/The Essential Family Guide to

BDP I'm right at the beginning of a journey of I hope understanding and healing

from the consequences whilst still involved.

> > > > >

> > > > > As an aside does anybody worry about posting here and being found out

and the consequences of that?

> > > > >

> > > > > Lavender

> > > > > P.S I posted a response to rooster's post at the beginning of july

that gives a little insight into my background.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >