Re: anyone else: how dangerous?

[Guest guest]

One of the big themes running here is the fact that everyone is very afraid of

how dangerous our nadas are!

How physically bullying is everyone's Nada? Mine is very angry and can be very

threatening.

Thoughts?

Blair

>

> For a moment I had a glimpse of some joke material...

>

> " So a borderline, a narcissist and sociopath walk into a bar... "

>

> Anyone got the punchline? lol.

>

> - I also agree that you should try to be assertive, but I don't blame

> you one little bit for not wanting to talk to her right now! And being

> assertive with your abuser is so much easier said than done. Hopefully

> through therapy & connecting with us other KOs you can (we can) learn to

> cope better & be more assertive together.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Blair,

Although it's mostly about men, Lundy Bancroft's 'Why Does He Do That', the

seminal work on domestic abusers, gives some really great insight as to when an

abusive person might be prone to actual physical violence. Worth checking out.

Also, Hare's checklist on what makes a psychopath might be helpful.

--Charlotte

> >

> > For a moment I had a glimpse of some joke material...

> >

> > " So a borderline, a narcissist and sociopath walk into a bar... "

> >

> > Anyone got the punchline? lol.

> >

> > - I also agree that you should try to be assertive, but I don't blame

> > you one little bit for not wanting to talk to her right now! And being

> > assertive with your abuser is so much easier said than done. Hopefully

> > through therapy & connecting with us other KOs you can (we can) learn to

> > cope better & be more assertive together.

> >

> > Mia

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Although both dad and nada as young adults were exactly average in height 5' 10 "

and 5' 5 " respectively, and nada was always on the slender side, she naturally

seemed huge to me when I was a small child.

Except for her advancing age, osteoporosis and lung problems due to smoking,

nada is now and always has been quite physically fit. Nada had the stamina to

rage at us until completely exhausted. So yes, as a small child I was

physically afraid of her and it was nearly impossible to refrain from flinching

if she made a sudden, unexpected move anywhere near me.

The last time she beat me with the belt, I was about... 14, I think.

After that, I only got verbally abused. And abused by... car.

A few times she became enraged at me while driving and she'd scream at me and

begin to drive erratically and it would scare the living s**t out of me. I

truly thought she meant to kill both of us by driving into traffic or off the

road, on more than a couple of occasions.

I think after she stopped beating me, when I was 14, she decided that she

*liked* making sudden, loud, unexpected noises near me to make me jump and

startle, like slamming a book down on a table next to me. To this day I have an

exaggerated and painful startle reflex. I remember having neck problems as a

child; it was easy for me to get a painful muscle spasm or " crik " in my neck. I

speculate that it was due to getting slapped hard in the face often, it would

snap my head to the side/torque the muscles in an unnatural way. I now have a

herniated neck disc on one side, and when I startle, it makes my neck hurt.

So, now nada is in her 80's; a frail, delicate, angelic-looking little thing

shrunken in height from osteoporosis with fluffy silver hair. She can't

physically intimidate me anymore. And yet... I can't shake that atavistic,

primal fear of her. I totally realize intellectually that this is an irrational

fear, but I think that the conditioning we receive as children over the course

of the first two decades of our lives by our parent(s) can become carved in

stone, as it were, in our neural pathways.

At least, it seems so in mine.

-Annie

> >

> > For a moment I had a glimpse of some joke material...

> >

> > " So a borderline, a narcissist and sociopath walk into a bar... "

> >

> > Anyone got the punchline? lol.

> >

> > - I also agree that you should try to be assertive, but I don't blame

> > you one little bit for not wanting to talk to her right now! And being

> > assertive with your abuser is so much easier said than done. Hopefully

> > through therapy & connecting with us other KOs you can (we can) learn to

> > cope better & be more assertive together.

> >

> > Mia

> >

> >

> >