And the abuse continues...

[Guest guest]

I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one else

will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with the

L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of the

people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the time

period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD to

share the 'great news' with me.....

I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling through

the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

How would it feel to go NC?

To send all of nada's e-mails into the trash bin without reading them? To just

let the phone ring or have the phone company block her number?

You've been aware of your mother's disorder for a long time, so you already know

that they don't do things because they're reasonable; they do things because

they need an emotional fix of some sort. Who knows why she wants to reconnect

with these people? It's irrelevant.

She shares that with you because she wants a reaction from you. Either she

wants you to validate her actions by sharing her ecstatic joy, or she wants you

to get mad and tell her again about the abuse (I assume she knows?) so that she

can invalidate you some more.

Don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

She clearly has no regard for your feelings about the matter. If she did, she

would be working to get you all the help you need to heal. She wouldn't be

contacting your abuser or expecting you to be happy about it.

Do you really want to continue letting her abuse you like this? Because that's

what she's doing. She's rubbing salt in your wounds and will never be able to

understand that you're not ungrateful for not liking it.

She will never understand. She will continue to behave this way. Is it worth

it?

I'm sorry this happened to you. You can't control what other people do, and

it's not your fault. You can control what you do, though, and you get to decide

what you will put up with.

(((Lynnette)))

>

> I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

>

> I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with the

L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of the

people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the time

period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD to

share the 'great news' with me.....

>

> I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling through

the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

>

> Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Lynnette)))))

I'm so sorry, dear. I wish there was something I could do. Please try to take

some comfort from knowing that we here at the Group care about you.

This is just my opinion to take or leave, but, I truly think that your nada

either:

(a) does not care about your feelings at all, that she is completely oblivious

to what makes you happy or sad...OR...

( she knows exactly which things will hurt you the most and she does them

deliberately. She wants to make you suffer and gets sadistic pleasure out of

hurting you.

Neither of these reflect a healthy relationship between you.

My own personal hope for you is that you will choose to completely cut off

contact with nada, at least temporarily. This is something only you can decide,

though, based on what you can and can't live with and what you feel is right for

you. Its not my place to make such a decision for you.

But I can't help but offer my opinion, and from my outsider's objective point of

view it seems to me that continuing to have contact with your nada is not in

your best interest.

I feel so badly for your pain, I truly do. I hope you can ride out this most

recent incident safely and come out unscathed on the other side of it.

-Annie

>

> I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

>

> I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with the

L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of the

people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the time

period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD to

share the 'great news' with me.....

>

> I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling through

the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

>

> Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

I wish I could just come over and cook you some tea and just pat your back while

you cry. The things that happened to you are terrible, and that your MOTHER

doesn't believe you--what an evil bitch. (sorry that's just my opinion)

I agree with Annie that you might need additional boundaries with her. For me,

getting Facebook notifications or emails from nada is very terrifying. You can

set up filters or rules on your email that will immediately delete any emails

sent from a specific address. I informed nada that she was only to contact me

via my phone number on my cell phone and then set up the filter to delete all

her emails immediately and also set my phone settings to send all her calls

directly to voicemail. This may be a good solution for you too. It allows me to

be in control of when and how I hear from her.

On another note, I can empathize with you. This woman was supposed to protect

you and she didn't. She neglected and abandoned you. Last night at my therapy

session, my therapist and I talked a lot about how I was angry with my father

for leaving and abandoning me to be alone with nada. How he didn't fight for our

relationship, and just abandoned me. I talked about how we had repaired our

relationship, but it seems like he doesn't acknowledge that all these things

happened when he split. So I can understand, on some level, how betrayed you

must be feeling.

But I also know coming to terms with NC is difficult.

Lots of love coming your way,

>

> I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

>

> I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with the

L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of the

people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the time

period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD to

share the 'great news' with me.....

>

> I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling through

the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

>

> Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

NC may be the only way out.

Will keep you posted.

Lynnette

> >

> > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> >

> > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of

the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the

time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD

to share the 'great news' with me.....

> >

> > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> >

> > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I made tea...

The hardest part is she DOES believe me... she KNEW of the abuse for years and

hid it from me til I had a 'memory' in 2007 and told her - which was immediately

followed by, " Oh. I have breast cancer. "

She does know. She just doesn't CARE.

Lynnette

> >

> > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> >

> > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of

the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the

time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD

to share the 'great news' with me.....

> >

> > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> >

> > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Somehow I missed the origional email of this. (((((((Lynette))))))) I'm so

so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say something to take

away all the pain & hurt you feel right now. Just know we're here for you

and please keep us posted.

Mia

>

>

> How would it feel to go NC?

>

> To send all of nada's e-mails into the trash bin without reading them? To

> just let the phone ring or have the phone company block her number?

>

> You've been aware of your mother's disorder for a long time, so you already

> know that they don't do things because they're reasonable; they do things

> because they need an emotional fix of some sort. Who knows why she wants to

> reconnect with these people? It's irrelevant.

>

> She shares that with you because she wants a reaction from you. Either she

> wants you to validate her actions by sharing her ecstatic joy, or she wants

> you to get mad and tell her again about the abuse (I assume she knows?) so

> that she can invalidate you some more.

>

> Don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

>

> She clearly has no regard for your feelings about the matter. If she did,

> she would be working to get you all the help you need to heal. She wouldn't

> be contacting your abuser or expecting you to be happy about it.

>

> Do you really want to continue letting her abuse you like this? Because

> that's what she's doing. She's rubbing salt in your wounds and will never be

> able to understand that you're not ungrateful for not liking it.

>

> She will never understand. She will continue to behave this way. Is it

> worth it?

>

> I'm sorry this happened to you. You can't control what other people do, and

> it's not your fault. You can control what you do, though, and you get to

> decide what you will put up with.

>

> (((Lynnette)))

>

> >

> > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no

> one else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> >

> > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

> the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one

> of the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is

> the time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she

> just HAD to share the 'great news' with me.....

> >

> > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

> through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> >

> > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, I'm sorry. I think I mixed up details from your story with someone else's.

It's so sad that that's even possible--that we all have so many similar stories.

It's even worse that she just didn't care. She doesn't believe your pain is

valid.

> > >

> > > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no

one else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> > >

> > > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of

the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the

time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD

to share the 'great news' with me.....

> > >

> > > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> > >

> > > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm safely in DID land right now...

I spoke with my dad and he's circling the wagons - again - thank God for

stepdads who take their roles seriously!!!

Apparently Nada had 'these people' at our house when I was in HS (5 years after

she moved me from LA because of the abuse - according to an Aunt) and Dad told

her NEVER AGAIN! And he didn't know about the abuse... he just sensed BAD when

he saw it.

My Nada is so self-serving with her actions... it would never dawn on her that

this is a near-fatal blow. Less strong women would end up in the hospital by

now... instead I go into 'work' mode... no wonder I have the letters behind my

name. Escape.

LYnnette

> > >

> > > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no

> > one else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> > >

> > > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

> > the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one

> > of the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is

> > the time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she

> > just HAD to share the 'great news' with me.....

> > >

> > > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

> > through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> > >

> > > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lynnette, if ever there was a case for NC it seems that you have it...are you NC

now and she's violating it by these emails? You shouldn't have to be launched

into DID symptoms as the price of having her in your life. I know there's a

profound biological/emotional imperative to stay connected to our families

especially mothers. But in this case...do you have the option to just cut her

out cold? restraining order based on preserving your mental health?

Please be gentle with yourself and find safe and good people to surround

yourself with.

>

> I made tea...

>

> The hardest part is she DOES believe me... she KNEW of the abuse for years and

hid it from me til I had a 'memory' in 2007 and told her - which was immediately

followed by, " Oh. I have breast cancer. "

>

> She does know. She just doesn't CARE.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

<<<Lynette>>>

she is no mother. at all.

to know the truth of what happened to you, and not cut off all ties with those

people, not report it.

you must feel so ... unimportant to her. i'm so sorry, Lynette.

We're here for you.

> > >

> > > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no

one else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> > >

> > > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of

the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the

time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD

to share the 'great news' with me.....

> > >

> > > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> > >

> > > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry Lynette, that's a median mother for you right there. I'm with

Annie NC -

But what are you doing to get through this next little while? I feel like we

need a support and greif management plan - so that you have us to hold your

hand as you process the stages of grief.

As far as stanges go I'm not sensing rage or denial, just the heartbreak of

depression.

I'm sorry. I wish I could be wiht you right now. Do you have a real safe

person anywhere near?

>

>

> <<<Lynette>>>

> she is no mother. at all.

> to know the truth of what happened to you, and not cut off all ties with

> those people, not report it.

>

> you must feel so ... unimportant to her. i'm so sorry, Lynette.

> We're here for you.

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here...

> no one else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> > > >

> > > > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting'

> with the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who

> was one of the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) -

> this is the time period of which I have little memories (for good reason)

> and she just HAD to share the 'great news' with me.....

> > > >

> > > > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

> through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> > > >

> > > > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> > > >

> > > > Lynnette

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

48 hour followup...

I'm off the ledge... went numb Saturday and then did the logical thing...

revisiting the BPD pages and read on Narc stuff, too. Reaffirming that this is

THEM and part of the 'whole thing' is helpful... let me now own any of it.

I replied to Nada Friday night, one sentence, " Given the nature of the abuse

that happened here, with these people, spare me the old home week connections. "

So, no emails from her. No appology. Only constant 'blowing up my phone' calls

with no messages. I can ignore those easily enough. They don't 'hit my heart'

anymore. She'll find something else to occupy her time eventually. I won't

engage her need for ongoing discussion. Walking away from this is the best

plan.

LYnnette

>

> I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

>

> I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with the

L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of the

people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the time

period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD to

share the 'great news' with me.....

>

> I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling through

the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

>

> Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynnette,

I'm glad you're off the ledge and I'm sorry you've had to go through

all of this.

Exercising your right to walk away and not engage is the best thing

you can do for you right now.

Yes,it's her and not you at all.You deserved--and you deserve--so

much better than your nada's sickness.

> >

> > I can't stop crying and I have nowhere to turn so I'm coming here... no one

else will 'get it' and therapist isn't in on Friday's...

> >

> > I just got an email from Nada... she's 'looking up' and 'connecting' with

the L.A. group of relatives via Facebook... including her cousin who was one of

the people who raped me for 3 years (along with her boyfriend) - this is the

time period of which I have little memories (for good reason) and she just HAD

to share the 'great news' with me.....

> >

> > I'm sitting here trying not to throw up on my keyboard and am cycling

through the SILENT SCREAMS.... between the sobbing gasps and DID feelings...

> >

> > Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>