The Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

[Guest guest]

I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my opinion)

uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of someone

with narcissistic pd.

My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks she

also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or the

lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they seem.

Anyway, I find this list very educational:

http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

-Annie

[Guest guest]

I've read this before, Annie. It's quite interesting how much BPD & NPD

overlap. I see a small amount of NPD in my nada too, as well as some ASPD.

Sad stuff, really.

Mia

On Sat, Feb 12, 2011 at 1:27 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my opinion)

> uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of

> someone with narcissistic pd.

>

> My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks

> she also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

> co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or

> the lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they

> seem.

>

> Anyway, I find this list very educational:

>

> http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness - 99 percent of this describes my mother!!!!!!!!!!!

> I've read this before, Annie. It's quite interesting how much BPD & NPD

> overlap. I see a small amount of NPD in my nada too, as well as some ASPD.

>

> Sad stuff, really.

>

> Mia

>

> On Sat, Feb 12, 2011 at 1:27 PM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my

> opinion)

> > uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of

> > someone with narcissistic pd.

> >

> > My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks

> > she also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

> > co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too)

> or

> > the lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they

> > seem.

> >

> > Anyway, I find this list very educational:

> >

> > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Geez louise! Some of these are just too familiar

" She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property

is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is

eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be

repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is

committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are

expressed for you. "

--Nada gave away my childhood stuff to my brother for his son, which I found out

when I visited said brother and found some of my most beloved childhood items at

his home. I told him he could not have them and took them back. I also called

nada and told her not to give my things to my brother. When I was little I was

malnourished from not eating enough meat, which she let my brothers eat off my

plate without stopping them. My father is the only one who ever protected my

plate. Sometimes he would give me his food after my brothers ate mine. My

parents never made enough food for 5 people.

" Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take

credit for them. Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit

is ignored or diminished. Any time you are to be center stage and there is no

opportunity for her to be the center of attention, she will try to prevent the

occasion altogether, or she doesn't come, or she leaves early, or she acts like

it's no big deal, or she steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding

comments about how much better someone else did or how what you did wasn't as

much as you could have done or as you think it is. She undermines you by

picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to

make a major effort. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your

opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you.

She will be nasty to you about things that are peripherally connected with your

successes so that you find your joy in what you've done is tarnished, without

her ever saying anything directly about it. No matter what your success, she has

to take you down a peg about it "

--She never emotionally supported me when I was in school, but relishes in

telling people that I have a MFA and that I'm very successful in LA. But when

she talks to me and rarely says " I'm proud of you " it's very hollow and

soulless.

" She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than

she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about

mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person's side even if she

doesn't know them at all. "

--I cannot count how many times she has raved to me about how wonderful SIL is.

Nada sides with brother and SIL over Thanksgiving when they invited me for

dinner, then couldn't wait 15 minutes for me to start eating after I had an

emergency and was running late. They couldn't wait for me to break bread, and

had been mistreating me for some time in other areas, but all nada can say is,

well, I don't know what really happened. And yet, when I called father the day

it happened, and I was crying, he called my brother immediately and reamed him a

new one. In fact, many ppl in my family are noticing brother and SIL bad

behavior and selfishness, and have recently been validating my own experience

when they tell me about how they have been mistreated.

" She will slip little comments into conversation that she really enjoyed

something she did with someone else - something she did with you too, but didn't

like as much. She'll let you know that her relationship with some other person

you both know is wonderful in a way your relationship with her isn't - the

carefully unspoken message being that you don't matter much to her. "

--Again, my brother and SIL are perfect.

" Narcissistic mothers love to be waited on and often pepper their children with

little requests. " While you're up… " or its equivalent is one of their favorite

phrases. You couldn't just be assigned a chore at the beginning of the week or

of the day, instead, you had to do it on demand, preferably at a time that was

inconvenient for you, or you had to " help " her do it, fetching and carrying for

her while she made up to herself for the menial work she had to do as your

mother by glorying in your attentions. "

--At Christmas she pretended to hurt her back so I would wait on her. Which I

did.

" Sometimes she seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings,

and other times she is brilliantly sensitive to other people's emotions. Every

child of a narcissist recognizes this contradiction because narcissistic mothers

do possess the ability to exercise empathy, and in abundance. Sometimes this

ability also leads them to identify emotionally with people who are suffering

and to express caring for them. When caring about another's suffering interferes

with something the narcissist wants, though, the caring vanishes. When a

narcissistic mother wants validation, when she feels like eliciting some

emotional pain, when something she wants hurts someone else, the empathy is

turned off as though it never existed. "

--about three years ago, stepbro got appendicitis while staying with his mother,

who is neglectful. " " didn't believe stepbro and waited until he was so

pale, and vomiting, and almost a skeleton to call stepdad. Stepdad took him to

hospital. Stepbro had to have appendix removed. Child lost 1/3 his body weight

and was in hospital for a couple of weeks because his appendix had burst and he

also had some kind of poisoning because of it. All through this episode nada

took great care of stepbro and was very concerned about him and behaved like a

real mother. But why? Oh, I can tell you for certain it was to show up stepdad's

ex-wife and prove that she was such a better mother, and (even though she

secretly hates stepbro) to gain his love and affection over his mother.

I just wish I could remember more specific things from my childhood, but I

really have pushed all those memories down.

>

> I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my opinion)

uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of someone

with narcissistic pd.

>

> My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks she

also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or the

lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they seem.

>

> Anyway, I find this list very educational:

>

> http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Haven't posted before, but had to respond. Too eerie as it hits too close to

home.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my

> > opinion)

> > > uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of

> > > someone with narcissistic pd.

> > >

> > > My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks

> > > she also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

> > > co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too)

> > or

> > > the lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they

> > > seem.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I find this list very educational:

> > >

> > > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That just makes my blood boil to hear of a little helpless child suffering for

days with appendicitis, and having his painful condition willfully neglected to

the point of endangering his life from a burst appendix like that, BY HIS OWN

MOTHER!!!

The pain is excruciating physical torture of the worst kind; what kind of

monster indifferently, callously allows her child to suffer like that!!?? That

should have been considered criminal child abuse, seems to me.

AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!! Holy freaking cow! It just makes me have really violent

thoughts.

If I had a magic wand, " " would still be doing some serious jail time... in

a deep pit somewhere in an unnamed desert for that. Its just shockingly

unconscionable.

-Annie

> >

> > I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my opinion)

uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of someone

with narcissistic pd.

> >

> > My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks she

also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or the

lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they seem.

> >

> > Anyway, I find this list very educational:

> >

> > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My stepfather and nada tried to use that incident to convince the judge to give

them full custody, but to no avail.

Remember though, as caring and motherly as nada was to stepbro while he was

sick, she is absolutely evil to him now. She would starve him to death if she

could. So she only took care of him because it made her look better than " "

and fed her narcissism.

You know, I tried to talk to T about my concern for stepbro, and while I

recognize and understand that I want to save him because no one saved me, and I

don't want him to go through what I went through, I was kind of looking to T to

ask him if there was anything that I was legally required to report. I do not

feel stepbro is physically safe with her. And I feel like I have let both myself

and him down by not reporting it.

I know one of the things I need to work on with T is how to deal with this. Do I

actually report them, or do I insist that if she does not seek help I will

report them. It's not vengeance; it's not about revenge. Trust me, I want

nothing more than to never have to think of her again, but she should not be

raising a child.

Does anyone out there have any actual experience with this? It's really hard to

think of reporting my MOTHER...nada, really though.

> > >

> > > I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my

opinion) uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of

someone with narcissistic pd.

> > >

> > > My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks

she also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or the

lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they seem.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I find this list very educational:

> > >

> > > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow - I feel like I just read my autobiography. Thanks for sharing that link.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sat, February 12, 2011 10:27:40 AM

Subject: The Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

I share this link from time to time. It is a compelling and (in my opinion)

uncannily accurate description of the various traits and behaviors of someone

with narcissistic pd.

My own mother has been formally diagnosed with bpd (twice!) but I thinks she

also evidences many of these traits as well. So, either my nada has a

co-morbidity of bpd and npd, (and possibly some aspd and hpd traits too) or the

lines separating these disorders are more blurry and porous than they seem.

Anyway, I find this list very educational:

http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

-Annie

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

About reporting them...I'd be concerned that if you gave nada a heads

up that you would report her if she doesn't seek help,that would allow her to

put together some " plausible deniability " story or something knowing she might

be investigated.

I understand what a daunting prospect it would be to have to actually

report your own mother to CPS.Although your report would remain anonymous,you

could be looking at permanent NC if your nada decides you must have been the one

who did it.

I think I recall you saying that you live in a different state from

your nada.Would it be possible for you to call the guidance counselor or if

there is one,school psychologist,at your stepbro's school and explain your

concerns to them? School staff are mandated reporters in every state and they

are required by law to report suspected abuse.They would speak to stepbro and

take it from there.

>

> My stepfather and nada tried to use that incident to convince the judge to

give them full custody, but to no avail.

>

> Remember though, as caring and motherly as nada was to stepbro while he was

sick, she is absolutely evil to him now. She would starve him to death if she

could. So she only took care of him because it made her look better than " "

and fed her narcissism.

>

> You know, I tried to talk to T about my concern for stepbro, and while I

recognize and understand that I want to save him because no one saved me, and I

don't want him to go through what I went through, I was kind of looking to T to

ask him if there was anything that I was legally required to report. I do not

feel stepbro is physically safe with her. And I feel like I have let both myself

and him down by not reporting it.

>

> I know one of the things I need to work on with T is how to deal with this. Do

I actually report them, or do I insist that if she does not seek help I will

report them. It's not vengeance; it's not about revenge. Trust me, I want

nothing more than to never have to think of her again, but she should not be

raising a child.

>

> Does anyone out there have any actual experience with this? It's really hard

to think of reporting my MOTHER...nada, really though.

>

>