Re: The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

[Guest guest]

,

You don't come off as callous.  It always interesting to me how sick people are

attracted to each other. 

Sue

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, February 13, 2011 1:20:34 AM

Subject: The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

 

Nada thrives on being the bearer of bad news and never calls me unless she's got

bad news to report...today she told me that the mother of my former HS friend

passed away, then nada told me I SHOULD GO to the wake, and that she and fada

SHOULD also go. This irks me to no end.

" J " , who lost her mother, was my friend in HS and for a few years afterwards.

Our friendship was based solely upon having crazy families. Her mother had

numerous psychotic breaks and was repeatedly institutionalized....mine was the

BPD Queen/Witch. Nada, who confuses love with pity, took pity on " J " and split

her white to my black. When we were in our early 20's, " J " co-owned a house with

her boyfriend - who controlled all her money and beat her, while I was still

living at home with no self-confidence thanks to nada's constant berating of me.

Nada would say to me, 'Why can't you be more like " J " ?'

I married in my mid-20's while " J " was still living with her loser boyfriend.

She became very jealous and competitive towards me, making very condescending

remarks to me and I soon stopped returning her calls. About 15 years passed

before we saw one another again and we tried to renew the friendship but it

didn't work. During those 15 years, I was steadily climbing the path toward

recovery and mental health - while " J " thrived on wallowing in depression and

self-induced misery, refusing to do anything to change her attitudes or her

life.

Nada, who reads the paper cover to cover for lack of having any life of her own,

has on occasion called to tell me things she's read about " J " or her family in

the paper. A few years ago " J's " daughter was in a car crash and nada told me I

SHOULD CALL to find out how she was. When I refused to submit to nada's FOG, she

told me I was being " A BAD FRIEND. " I told nada that if she wanted to know about

J's daughter that she should call J herself....so she did, then she called to

tell me all about it.

On several occasions, when I have not returned J's phone calls, J has called

nada....looking for sympathy as she whined to nada that I haven't returned her

calls and doesn't understand what she could have possibly done to upset me. This

has only encouraged nada to phone me and remind me what a BAD FRIEND I am. " J "

and nada do their little dysfunctional dance together quite well.

Its been a couple years since " J " tried to reach me so I prefer to leave that

door closed. Go to J's mother's wake will open the door to having her think I

want to be friends again, and soon she'll be calling to tell me all her tales of

martrydom and victimhood.

If I were to try explaining this situation to regular people, I fear I'd come

off sounding callous and unsympathtic...but I hope in this group you'll be able

to understand where I'm coming from, that I'm trying to avoid being caught up in

the power struggle of those who seek to bring me down to their level of

dysfunction, depression misery, and hopelessness.

Thanks for listening.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Get your own web address.

Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.

http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL

[Guest guest]

On Sun, Feb 13, 2011 at 5:00 AM, Marla Gaspard wrote:

>

>

> ,

> You don't come off as callous. It always interesting to me how sick people

> are

> attracted to each other.

>

> Sue

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sun, February 13, 2011 1:20:34 AM

> Subject: The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

>

>

>

> Nada thrives on being the bearer of bad news and never calls me unless

> she's got

> bad news to report...today she told me that the mother of my former HS

> friend

> passed away, then nada told me I SHOULD GO to the wake, and that she and

> fada

> SHOULD also go. This irks me to no end.

>

> " J " , who lost her mother, was my friend in HS and for a few years

> afterwards.

> Our friendship was based solely upon having crazy families. Her mother had

> numerous psychotic breaks and was repeatedly institutionalized....mine was

> the

> BPD Queen/Witch. Nada, who confuses love with pity, took pity on " J " and

> split

> her white to my black. When we were in our early 20's, " J " co-owned a house

> with

> her boyfriend - who controlled all her money and beat her, while I was

> still

> living at home with no self-confidence thanks to nada's constant berating

> of me.

> Nada would say to me, 'Why can't you be more like " J " ?'

>

> I married in my mid-20's while " J " was still living with her loser

> boyfriend.

> She became very jealous and competitive towards me, making very

> condescending

> remarks to me and I soon stopped returning her calls. About 15 years passed

>

> before we saw one another again and we tried to renew the friendship but it

>

> didn't work. During those 15 years, I was steadily climbing the path toward

>

> recovery and mental health - while " J " thrived on wallowing in depression

> and

> self-induced misery, refusing to do anything to change her attitudes or her

>

> life.

>

> Nada, who reads the paper cover to cover for lack of having any life of her

> own,

> has on occasion called to tell me things she's read about " J " or her family

> in

> the paper. A few years ago " J's " daughter was in a car crash and nada told

> me I

> SHOULD CALL to find out how she was. When I refused to submit to nada's

> FOG, she

> told me I was being " A BAD FRIEND. " I told nada that if she wanted to know

> about

> J's daughter that she should call J herself....so she did, then she called

> to

> tell me all about it.

>

> On several occasions, when I have not returned J's phone calls, J has

> called

> nada....looking for sympathy as she whined to nada that I haven't returned

> her

> calls and doesn't understand what she could have possibly done to upset me.

> This

> has only encouraged nada to phone me and remind me what a BAD FRIEND I am.

> " J "

> and nada do their little dysfunctional dance together quite well.

>

> Its been a couple years since " J " tried to reach me so I prefer to leave

> that

> door closed. Go to J's mother's wake will open the door to having her think

> I

> want to be friends again, and soon she'll be calling to tell me all her

> tales of

> martrydom and victimhood.

>

> If I were to try explaining this situation to regular people, I fear I'd

> come

> off sounding callous and unsympathtic...but I hope in this group you'll be

> able

> to understand where I'm coming from, that I'm trying to avoid being caught

> up in

> the power struggle of those who seek to bring me down to their level of

> dysfunction, depression misery, and hopelessness.

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

>

> __________________________________________________________

> Get your own web address.

> Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.

> http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go to the funeral. I

also have a former friend, " B " , who just kind of chose what I consider the

wrong path in life. She married a drug addict and now she drinks heavily.

She wants to renew our childhood friendship, but every time I have spoken

to her she's drunk. That's just not my scene. So I chose not to renew that

friendship.

You're not cold, callous or a " bad friend " . Kind of strange how your nada &

" J " get along so well. As Sue said, it's interesting how sick people are

attracted to each other.

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Oops sorry for the blank mail, I hit the wrong button.

Mia

[Guest guest]

OMG - are you sure you aren't talking about MY nada and MY high school

best friend? WOW

>

>

> Oops sorry for the blank mail, I hit the wrong button.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thankful to be part of this group & know I'm not alone with the ongoing FOG,

FLYING MONKEYS & BP-BS!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, February 13, 2011 7:55:45 AM

Subject: Re: The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

OMG - are you sure you aren't talking about MY nada and MY high school

best friend? WOW

>

>

> Oops sorry for the blank mail, I hit the wrong button.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada is only content when others are willing to wallow in her pain. Misery

loves company.

I agree with past posts: I'd leave the door shut. Tell your nada you aren't

going, period. And stick with it.

You don't sound callous- you sound in control. Give yourself a pat on the back!

Blair

>

> , I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go to the funeral. I

> also have a former friend, " B " , who just kind of chose what I consider the

> wrong path in life. She married a drug addict and now she drinks heavily.

> She wants to renew our childhood friendship, but every time I have spoken

> to her she's drunk. That's just not my scene. So I chose not to renew that

> friendship.

>

> You're not cold, callous or a " bad friend " . Kind of strange how your nada &

> " J " get along so well. As Sue said, it's interesting how sick people are

> attracted to each other.

>

> Mia

>

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Blair!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, February 13, 2011 1:30:24 PM

Subject: Re: The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

My nada is only content when others are willing to wallow in her pain. Misery

loves company.

I agree with past posts: I'd leave the door shut. Tell your nada you aren't

going, period. And stick with it.

You don't sound callous- you sound in control. Give yourself a pat on the back!

Blair

>

> , I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go to the funeral. I

> also have a former friend, " B " , who just kind of chose what I consider the

> wrong path in life. She married a drug addict and now she drinks heavily.

> She wants to renew our childhood friendship, but every time I have spoken

> to her she's drunk. That's just not my scene. So I chose not to renew that

> friendship.

>

> You're not cold, callous or a " bad friend " . Kind of strange how your nada &

> " J " get along so well. As Sue said, it's interesting how sick people are

> attracted to each other.

>

> Mia

>

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Stay home and take care of yourself. There is no need to go to a wake of a woman

who meant nothing to you. No need to comfort her daughter just because you

shared a childhood friendship based on a mutual abuse history. Nor do you need

to fulfill nada's wish that you play the good daughter FOR HER SHOW.

Keep your mental health and stay home.

>

> Nada thrives on being the bearer of bad news and never calls me unless she's

got bad news to report...today she told me that the mother of my former HS

friend passed away, then nada told me I SHOULD GO to the wake, and that she and

fada SHOULD also go. This irks me to no end.

>

> " J " , who lost her mother, was my friend in HS and for a few years afterwards.

Our friendship was based solely upon having crazy families. Her mother had

numerous psychotic breaks and was repeatedly institutionalized....mine was the

BPD Queen/Witch. Nada, who confuses love with pity, took pity on " J " and split

her white to my black. When we were in our early 20's, " J " co-owned a house with

her boyfriend - who controlled all her money and beat her, while I was still

living at home with no self-confidence thanks to nada's constant berating of me.

Nada would say to me, 'Why can't you be more like " J " ?'

>

> I married in my mid-20's while " J " was still living with her loser boyfriend.

She became very jealous and competitive towards me, making very condescending

remarks to me and I soon stopped returning her calls. About 15 years passed

before we saw one another again and we tried to renew the friendship but it

didn't work. During those 15 years, I was steadily climbing the path toward

recovery and mental health - while " J " thrived on wallowing in depression and

self-induced misery, refusing to do anything to change her attitudes or her

life.

>

> Nada, who reads the paper cover to cover for lack of having any life of her

own, has on occasion called to tell me things she's read about " J " or her family

in the paper. A few years ago " J's " daughter was in a car crash and nada told

me I SHOULD CALL to find out how she was. When I refused to submit to nada's

FOG, she told me I was being " A BAD FRIEND. " I told nada that if she wanted to

know about J's daughter that she should call J herself....so she did, then she

called to tell me all about it.

>

> On several occasions, when I have not returned J's phone calls, J has called

nada....looking for sympathy as she whined to nada that I haven't returned her

calls and doesn't understand what she could have possibly done to upset me.

This has only encouraged nada to phone me and remind me what a BAD FRIEND I am.

" J " and nada do their little dysfunctional dance together quite well.

>

> Its been a couple years since " J " tried to reach me so I prefer to leave that

door closed. Go to J's mother's wake will open the door to having her think I

want to be friends again, and soon she'll be calling to tell me all her tales of

martrydom and victimhood.

>

> If I were to try explaining this situation to regular people, I fear I'd come

off sounding callous and unsympathtic...but I hope in this group you'll be able

to understand where I'm coming from, that I'm trying to avoid being caught up in

the power struggle of those who seek to bring me down to their level of

dysfunction, depression misery, and hopelessness.

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

>