The Dance of Nada and My Former Friend

[Guest guest]

Nada thrives on being the bearer of bad news and never calls me unless she's got

bad news to report...today she told me that the mother of my former HS friend

passed away, then nada told me I SHOULD GO to the wake, and that she and fada

SHOULD also go. This irks me to no end.

" J " , who lost her mother, was my friend in HS and for a few years afterwards.

Our friendship was based solely upon having crazy families. Her mother had

numerous psychotic breaks and was repeatedly institutionalized....mine was the

BPD Queen/Witch. Nada, who confuses love with pity, took pity on " J " and split

her white to my black. When we were in our early 20's, " J " co-owned a house with

her boyfriend - who controlled all her money and beat her, while I was still

living at home with no self-confidence thanks to nada's constant berating of me.

Nada would say to me, 'Why can't you be more like " J " ?'

I married in my mid-20's while " J " was still living with her loser boyfriend.

She became very jealous and competitive towards me, making very condescending

remarks to me and I soon stopped returning her calls. About 15 years passed

before we saw one another again and we tried to renew the friendship but it

didn't work. During those 15 years, I was steadily climbing the path toward

recovery and mental health - while " J " thrived on wallowing in depression and

self-induced misery, refusing to do anything to change her attitudes or her

life.

Nada, who reads the paper cover to cover for lack of having any life of her own,

has on occasion called to tell me things she's read about " J " or her family in

the paper. A few years ago " J's " daughter was in a car crash and nada told me I

SHOULD CALL to find out how she was. When I refused to submit to nada's FOG,

she told me I was being " A BAD FRIEND. " I told nada that if she wanted to know

about J's daughter that she should call J herself....so she did, then she called

to tell me all about it.

On several occasions, when I have not returned J's phone calls, J has called

nada....looking for sympathy as she whined to nada that I haven't returned her

calls and doesn't understand what she could have possibly done to upset me.

This has only encouraged nada to phone me and remind me what a BAD FRIEND I am.

" J " and nada do their little dysfunctional dance together quite well.

Its been a couple years since " J " tried to reach me so I prefer to leave that

door closed. Go to J's mother's wake will open the door to having her think I

want to be friends again, and soon she'll be calling to tell me all her tales of

martrydom and victimhood.

If I were to try explaining this situation to regular people, I fear I'd come

off sounding callous and unsympathtic...but I hope in this group you'll be able

to understand where I'm coming from, that I'm trying to avoid being caught up in

the power struggle of those who seek to bring me down to their level of

dysfunction, depression misery, and hopelessness.

Thanks for listening.