realizing he was a dishrag stepdad

[Guest guest]

Lately I've been thinking more about all of my parents' & step parents'

roles in my life. Nada was... a nada. Dad was not around until I was about

18 (they divorced when I was 3). Nada married a man when I was about 5 and

they divorced when I was in 5th or 6th grade. Then nada met step dad when I

was in 7th grade. He moved in with us and they eventually married when I

was in like 10th grade. (sorry, my school memories are always retained by

what grade I was in rather than what age I was.)

Anyway, I am coming to realize my step dad was really a dishrag step fada.

Last night I was thinking about one of the times nada kicked me out of her

house. I was about 18 or 19 years old and dad & his new wife (both nada &

dad on marriage #3... sheesh) asked me to house sit while they went on

vacation for a week. Dad said they would make sure the house was stocked

with food & thought it would be nice for me since he lived much closer to

the college I was attending. I told nada as soon as dad had asked me, which

was about 2 weeks before their vacation. Nada didn't say much of anything, I

think she said " ok " in fact. Well the night before I was due to leave for

dad's for the week, nada threw a bloody fit and told me if I was going to go

house sit for them, " you might as well just stay there because you're not

welcome back here! " .

I went to work the next afternoon and brought boxes back to nada's with me.

I was not going to break a promise to my dad! I told him I would be there,

and by God, I was going to be there. So I packed up my room, and stuffed it

all in my tiny little car. I must have gotten off work around 10:30 or 11pm

that night. Step fada was now home from work himself (usually shortly after

11pm).

No one helped me load up my car. No one acknowledged me in any way, shape

or form. After I got it all packed, I came in for the last couple of

things. The house was dark except for the glow of the TV. Nada was lounged

on the couch, and step fada in his recliner. I said, " Well ok, bye. " No

one said a word. Not nada, not him. No one even looked at me. So I just

left.

After dad & step mom got home, they kept trying to encourage me to call nada

(they didn't know at the time how she really was). I didn't want to, and I

put it off for about another week or so before I kind of had no choice due

to dad & step mom's gentle (yet annoying) pushing. I called her and found

out that step fada's mother had died and her funeral had been a week prior.

I was so angry, hurt & sad! His mother was always so good to me and I

loved her. I would have liked to have said goodbye.

Nada & step fada had a phone book with my dad's number in it on their desk

where they kept the phone & did their bills. Dad's address was there too.

Neither of them bothered to call me & let me know she had died.

About 2.5 years ago, they pulled this same shit again when step-sis's

hubby's dad died. I would have gone & paid my respects, but no one bothered

to tell me. When nada told me about his death, I happened to have stopped

in to say hi to her at her work since I was in the area. She played it off

all cute-like, " Oops! I forgot to call you! " . I told her repeatedly she

should have called, then she changed her story a bit. " Well actually, I

thought about it Sunday night, but it was after 9pm so I didn't want to call

you. " What?! Someone DIED and you're not going to tell me... AGAIN?!!! I

don't care if you " forgot " until 9pm the night before the funeral, you

should have called. Why couldn't have step fada called? Or step sis?

Seriously... wtf is wrong with that whole damn family.

The more I think about " where was step dad " when I think about issues with

nada... the more I realize he was sometimes there too... ignoring me or

worse, tossing me into her warpath! Another example: Nada was a NEAT FREAK

of the worst kind. I had learned years before step-fada came into the

picture to clean up after my damn self. That means if I make a sandwich,

there best not be ONE LITTLE CRUMB left behind on that counter. If I make

tea or coffee, there best not be ONE GRAIN OF SUGAR left on that counter! I

think you get my drift. Well, there would be times that step fada would

make a cup of coffee & get sugar all over the counter... or make a sandwhich

& leave bread crumbs behind. Nada would start ranting & raving at me and I'd

try to explain " I didn't do it! " . What was step-fada doing at the time?

Looking at me like I was a dumb shit & saying, " Well, I guess the dog did

it then. "

A few years ago, nada actually TOLD ME, " You know, a lot of the stuff I

blamed you for like bread crumbs & sugar on the counter... they keep

happening! I guess it was stepdad all along " . No, she NEVER apologized for

it, but she did at least acknowledge that it was HIM.

Ugh... the more I think about my life with nada, the more I realize just how

f**ked up she is, step fada is & step sis too. Good freaking grief!

Anyway, sorry so long & rambly. But yes, step dad really was a dishrag

fada.

Mia

[Guest guest]

Ooh ooh, here's an example of my nada's " blood " fixation when it comes to

family...

When step-sis's hubby's dad died (phew, mouthfull), Yes, I kept telling nada

" you should have told me " , etc. She started to tell me a bit about the

funeral and then made some comment that step-sis's bio brother " didn't even

bother to show up! " (imagine nada's gossipy voice). I looked at her & said,

" Well, neither did I! " and she said, " Oh, that's different... you're not

blood " .

Imagine at this point my brain exploding. She just doesn't get that family

is what we make of it... has nothing to do with blood. Relatives = blood.

Family, not so much. Relatives we don't get to pick... family, yes yes yes

we do!

Mia