Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Yes I was in Alanon for 7 years. It taught me great tools for dealing with any sort of difficult personality, how to differentiate between what is my problem to fix and what is not and to mind my own business on things I cannot change, to keep my expectations low so my serenity can increase etc. I found Alanon to be a safe environment where I started to accept myself and best of all eventually I reconnected with, identify and express my emotions. Aside from all that, I formed some great friendships there too. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 1:55:09 PM Subject: New Here I'm new here... . I'm so glad I found this group-it's been really helpful. I do have a question. Have any of you attended Alanon meetings and found them helpful with dealing with the BPD person in your lives? I'm thinking of starting to go to meetings and could use some feedback. Thanks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 I have read that the kinds of psychological damage that personality-disordered parents do to their kids is *really* similar to the kinds of damage sustained by the children of alcohol- or drug-abusing parents. So, it makes sense to me that Alanon, the in-person meet-up support organization for the families of alcoholics, would be useful in the case of us adult children of bpd parents as well. -Annie/anuria > > Yes I was in Alanon for 7 years. It taught me great tools for dealing with any > sort of difficult personality, how to differentiate between what is my problem > to fix and what is not and to mind my own business on things I cannot change, to > keep my expectations low so my serenity can increase etc. I found Alanon to be > a safe environment where I started to accept myself and best of all eventually I > reconnected with, identify and express my emotions. Aside from all that, I > formed some great friendships there too. > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 1:55:09 PM > Subject: New Here > > > I'm new here... . I'm so glad I found this group-it's been really helpful. I > do have a question. Have any of you attended Alanon meetings and found them > helpful with dealing with the BPD person in your lives? I'm thinking of > starting to go to meetings and could use some feedback. Thanks!!! > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 I attended alanon meetings years ago, before knowing my mom was bpd. However, the some of the material used and focus is based on the " codependent no more " work of Melody Beattie. However, alanon is populated and geared to partners of addicts. You would be welcomed, but unless you have an addict partner you will probably not find what you need there. You might find more in a CoDA meeting to help you, since those meetings are not geared toward partners of addicts. Instead they are for all people in situations where they have found themselves unhealthily enmeshed in another's behavior. www.coda.org Every meeting is different, so try a few different locations. And be careful what you share about your parent--I found little understanding in most cases if I brought up my mom. (the CoDA meeting was more open to discuss her in than alanon). Of course I did not tell them she was bpd--because I didn't know it then. But I sometimes felt I got the attitude that I was just being an immature and ungrateful child. Maybe it was just me, idk. > > I'm new here... . I'm so glad I found this group-it's been really helpful. I do have a question. Have any of you attended Alanon meetings and found them helpful with dealing with the BPD person in your lives? I'm thinking of starting to go to meetings and could use some feedback. Thanks!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks!! > > > > Yes I was in Alanon for 7 years. It taught me great tools for dealing with any > > sort of difficult personality, how to differentiate between what is my problem > > to fix and what is not and to mind my own business on things I cannot change, to > > keep my expectations low so my serenity can increase etc. I found Alanon to be > > a safe environment where I started to accept myself and best of all eventually I > > reconnected with, identify and express my emotions. Aside from all that, I > > formed some great friendships there too. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Amy <eireannachcailin1@> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 1:55:09 PM > > Subject: New Here > > > > > > I'm new here... . I'm so glad I found this group-it's been really helpful. I > > do have a question. Have any of you attended Alanon meetings and found them > > helpful with dealing with the BPD person in your lives? I'm thinking of > > starting to go to meetings and could use some feedback. Thanks!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Hello BB, I too am a stay-at-home mom in my twenties (29, but still in my twenties, lol) I was also raised by a BPD mother and am going on 7 months no contact. I do not have control issues with my husband, but I know that it is hard for him sometimes to understand what I am going through with having a BPD mother and choosing to have no contact. So often, I find myself here. Everyone here really understands and supports each other. I have been a member to this msg board for years but have only recently really been " active " . I find it very therapeutic to the " healing " process, especially after deciding to have no contact with my mother. How does your husband feel about your mother? Does he understand BPD? Has he always been controlling or just recently? I know how sometimes all you need is just someone to listen too. Message or write me anytime! I hope you find your peace and I hope this group helps, even if just a little. ~Shan > > Hello, > > I am a mother of two in my mid twenties. I was raised by a BPD mother who I > have now had no contact with for 9 months or so. In my healing process I am > coming to realise that I married a man who is not BPD but has very > controlling traits. I am struggling right now with trying to figure out > what to do in this situation. I have very little contact with any family > and only superficial contact with the ones I do. I am unemployed so I feel > I cannot leave. It just feels like the more I get better the worse my > husband is treating me. I look forward to spending some time here and > hopefully finding some peace in a very hurtful world. > > BB > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Hello, Hubby has always had some issues but prior to me beginning this healing journey I denied the seriousness of them. If I had to try and judge the issues we are having I would say that it is way worse now. I am not fully a stay at home mom and will not be able to stay in that boat for long (sadly). I am currently unemployed and in collage. To keep this semi-short I will detail only the current issues. He is very passively critical. He shows me no respect. He works from home so I get no time away from him which adds to the issue. It is so hard to convey in writing how exactly he acts. He will remind me to take care of the kids as if I cannot handle it on my own. Once, he blamed me outright for causing diaper rash in front of his mother. He insisted that I did not change our baby's diaper all day as I tried to tell him that I had just checked her diaper an hour before. He ignored what I said and proclaimed that I had not done it all day. Because of his working from home I can never have the house to myself. I am recently quitting smoking and in the past few days decided to get in shape again. I asked him to give me some time to exercise (nada was very critical of my weight) because I am uncomfortable being watched. He was working so should have been able to stay in his office for awhile. He came into the room I was in (on a different floor of the house) 7 minutes later. He then proceeded to " explain " why I should not use that room. I have asked him dozens of times in many different ways to show me more courtesy and respect but he always has an excuse as to why he did what he did. Each incident by itself is trivial and easy to overlook but I am able now to see the pattern of disrespect and his attempts to have his way. I fall into the cycle of thinking that I am overreacting but I know that I am not. I feel like he is opposed to me making positive changes. Each time I have tried to quit smoking he will pick arguments on the first or second day after I have asked him to be patient with me. I do realize that I am responsible for me but I believe that a spouse should be supportive. He leaves me with most household responsibilities but I have to do them his way or it is wrong. I have hit my breaking point but when I tried to discuss divorce with him he refused to leave without the kids and I know he will use the kids to hurt me which I cannot bear to put them through. Besides, right now there is no way that I will get custody. He has a job and family support which I lack. The courts have shown a lack of concern for emotional health of children and that is what the issue would be with him. Sorry, I am sure this is not a much better overview. I am still hurting and cannot come up with the words to describe the situation well. As for nada, he does understand that situation and is at least supportive of the NC. BB > > > > > Hello BB, > > I too am a stay-at-home mom in my twenties (29, but still in my twenties, > lol) I was also raised by a BPD mother and am going on 7 months no contact. > I do not have control issues with my husband, but I know that it is hard for > him sometimes to understand what I am going through with having a BPD mother > and choosing to have no contact. So often, I find myself here. Everyone here > really understands and supports each other. I have been a member to this msg > board for years but have only recently really been " active " . I find it very > therapeutic to the " healing " process, especially after deciding to have no > contact with my mother. How does your husband feel about your mother? Does > he understand BPD? Has he always been controlling or just recently? > > I know how sometimes all you need is just someone to listen too. Message or > write me anytime! I hope you find your peace and I hope this group helps, > even if just a little. > > ~Shan > > > > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a mother of two in my mid twenties. I was raised by a BPD mother who > I > > have now had no contact with for 9 months or so. In my healing process I > am > > coming to realise that I married a man who is not BPD but has very > > controlling traits. I am struggling right now with trying to figure out > > what to do in this situation. I have very little contact with any family > > and only superficial contact with the ones I do. I am unemployed so I > feel > > I cannot leave. It just feels like the more I get better the worse my > > husband is treating me. I look forward to spending some time here and > > hopefully finding some peace in a very hurtful world. > > > > BB > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.