Re: [WTOAdultChildren] Re: Bottomless Pit of Need

[Guest guest]

Thanks. I am feeling freer as time goes on. I still have my bad days, but they

are getting fewer and fewer. I know Im definitely not in the place I was last

year.

Re: Bottomless Pit of Need

That's so sad, it's like you were held hostage for most of your life.

When a child is raised in virtual isolation by a extremely strong-willed,

extremely needy or extremely scary/controlling/punitive parent(s), the child has

no context or perspective to even realize that something is badly wrong. The

parent's world-view and daily treatment of the child is her " normal. "

Its almost like being raised in a toxic mini-cult, or being raised as a slave.

I too wish for all those who are raised by such dysfunctional parents to be

rescued from their cult-like foo and have a more normal life, earlier than

later.

At least you are free now, though, and " deprogramming " yourself from the " cult. "

That's wonderful, and I'm happy for you!

-Annie/anuria

> >

> > Just a vent. Need to express this to people who understand. I have Nada's

condo under contract. It should close in a month. I have a bunch of paperwork to

get together. Need to open the special bank account. Found out that when she

dies the state will take all the money for the nursing home fees they are

currently paying. Need to deal with emptying it and moving her stuff. Selling

some and keeping the very few things I want.

> > Put bluntly, I am feeling very sorry for myself right now. Having a little

pity party for myself.

> > This just feels like yet another demand on my life energy in a lifetime of

the bottomless pit of need that is nada. Give give give. Get nada.

> > A year and a half ago my income dropped in half. But I thought I could use

the time to pursue a goal I had abandoned in my 20s and so I saw the silver

lining in this loss of part of my work.

> > But alas the nada needs grew even more intense and here I am not one whit

closer.

> > I saw an article about a young artist doing what I do who has already found

success and my visceral reaction to her was hatred. Envious hatred.

> > I disgusted myself! How on earth could a 50-something woman with a happy

marriage and beautiful home begrudge this girl success?

> > But on reflection I came to understand it was not the girl I resented it was

that I feel it should have been me.

> > All the energy I have wasted. My life force. The nightly hour and a half

phone calls. The tiptoeing and not doing things because it would make nada

unhappy. Not taking trips because it was easier than dealing with the nada

hysteria. Turning down scholarships because nada would " die " if I left her.

> > Not doing certain things out of this insane guilt that nada was sitting

doing nothing unhappy.

> > Now she is in a nursing home and I only visit her every so often yet she

still manages to consume me.

> > I don't know. Maybe this is just fatigue talking. I have this terror that

the condo will be gone and then it will be something else. That it will never

end until she dies.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>