greetings (new)

[Guest guest]

I'm new to this group but have been in the ACON group for some time. I recently

learned from my therapist that my mother is actually BPD rather than NPD.

I think the reason I did not recognize the BPD myself was because so much of the

information about it emphasizes the self-harming aspects, and my mother did not

self-harm. (She loved herself too much.)

I have just completed reading " Walking On Eggshells, " and recognized my mother

in it of its descriptions of BP parent behaviors. I am going to give a copy of

the book to my non-BP father because I think he will also find it very

validating.

I am 56 and my dad is 88 and my BPDmom is 82 and is now at last in a nursing

home. I think she is dying, but because of her fierce will to live, she is

prolonging the process for as long as possible.

The difficult process of getting her into a nursing home began about six weeks

ago. I began seeing a therapist shortly before that because of a persistent

depression. My father is doing very well, now that he is finally relieved of the

stress of caring for a mean, crazy little old lady!

When I read the chapters in Walking On Eggshells about trying to communicate

with a BPD parent, I laughed to myself, because my BPmom was so extreme, there

would have been no way at all that we could have had any kind of rational

discussion with her while she was in the throes of her moods.

She really desperately needed therapy, and it is a shame that getting help was

never an option for her, because it would have improved her quality of life so

much.

I look at her now and see a broken woman. She is shriveled, pale, bent over and

twisted, delusional, weak, and is very sad. All of her craziness, all of her

egocentricity, all of her vanity, all of striving after wind has come to

nothing.