lifelong depression of children of BPD parents?

[Guest guest]

Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel angry, I

hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe for

me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I was also

hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

[Guest guest]

I know i have pretty bad depression with SAD in the winter, which turns it

into a major depressive episode. And throw into that PTSD, I've got a hot

mess of emotions (especially around PMS, too).

I used to be on Zoloft, but it wasn't doing enough, so now I'm on Lexapro,

which seems to be working so far, but I'm still having my bad days (like

yesterday and today).

So I'd say, yeah, probably a fair bit of us KOs have issues with depression.

Holly

On Thu, Feb 17, 2011 at 3:15 PM, improperusername <ksquarterhorses@...

> wrote:

>

>

> Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

> depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel

> angry, I hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

>

> I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe

> for me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I

> was also hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have depression and anxiety. On meds for both. Possibly some OCD. I do have

a family history of all of the above, though.

>

> >

> >

> > Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

> > depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel

> > angry, I hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

> >

> > I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe

> > for me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I

> > was also hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ditto! I spent half my childhood depressed. It was not safe to be excited or

display any emotions whatsoever, it was always used against me one way or

another. I've been depressed all my adult life too, and spent half my adult

life in counseling. I got into Alanon at 27 and there I learned to reconnect

with my emotions, which had been shut off and locked away since 14. Best thing

that ever happened to me, however I probably went overboard with expressing how

I felt for a while since I was inexperienced at expressing them but eventually

that all leveled out. I've been on antidepressants for about 10 years after

struggling for years to feel normal, I truly wish I hadn't waited so long.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, February 17, 2011 3:15:04 PM

Subject: lifelong depression of children of BPD parents?

Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel angry, I

hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe for

me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I was also

hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

[Guest guest]

Wow, Holly, I have the exact same mixture...

I'm on Paxil but I'm still depressed like all the time. I've tried other

antidepressants but have had terrible side effects

On Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 3:57 PM, Holly Byers

wrote:

> I know i have pretty bad depression with SAD in the winter, which turns it

> into a major depressive episode. And throw into that PTSD, I've got a hot

> mess of emotions (especially around PMS, too).

>

> I used to be on Zoloft, but it wasn't doing enough, so now I'm on Lexapro,

> which seems to be working so far, but I'm still having my bad days (like

> yesterday and today).

>

> So I'd say, yeah, probably a fair bit of us KOs have issues with

> depression.

>

> Holly

>

> On Thu, Feb 17, 2011 at 3:15 PM, improperusername <

> ksquarterhorses@...

> > wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled

> with

> > depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel

> > angry, I hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

> >

> > I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not

> safe

> > for me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry.

> I

> > was also hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Check out my post on how they " damaged our friggin DNA " from a few days ago - it

is about this. I think the one positive that comes out of this is to know that

the depression and hypervigilance really isn't our fault - we can fight it the

best we can with the tools we've got though. The epigenetics research is

really new and I'm hoping it will lead to better treatments than SSRIs's which

seem to be the best we've got now.

I've struggled with depression my whole life too, sometimes more sometimes less.

Meditation helps a lot. SSRI's help a lot in certain ways but with side

effects. Acupuncture if you can afford it helps a lot. But in the end I think

it's like a chronic disease we have to make a long-term commitment to

" manage " ...but let's never let it win.

>

> Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel angry, I

hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

>

> I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe

for me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I was

also hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

>

[Guest guest]

I struggle with depression almost daily. I used to go through periods of intense

misery, when getting out of bed each day was a massive challenge, and I felt

like I was drowning in grief/misery/self-doubt/self-loathing. Things have been

improving since I learned about my mother's diagnosis and started confronting my

past (in my mind/with a couple of trusted friends/here on this board, of course,

not with her). I have not had any really bad episodes for a while (knock on

wood!). I still get " dysfunctional " on the inside quite often, but I seem to be

able to surface from it much more quickly and to not sabotage my life as badly

any more.

It is a daily struggle. The fact that I am here reading/posting about such

painful things this morning, while many people are blissfully going about their

emotionally much less burdened lives, is not lost on me. The fact that we have

to take minutes/hours of our daily lives to think about BPD, the pain it has

brought, and the havoc it has wrecked, is depressing in and of itself. I would

be surprised if we weren't depressed.

However, what has not killed us, has definitely made us stronger in so many

ways. I do firmly believe in this. The realization that I was able to survive

all that and still be a kind, compassionate, caring human being helps pull me

back from the edge of the abyss. I have something good to give to this world,

even if it's something very tiny that matters to very few people, and my

suffering will not have been in vain. These thought help keep my depression at

bay.

Hugs to all,

Arianna

>

> Is depression fairly common in adult children of BPs? I have struggled with

depression my whole life. I don't really feel much else. I rarely feel angry, I

hardly ever feel joy and I usually just feel rather numb.

>

> I feel as though all emotion was the territory of my BPmom. It was not safe

for me to feel too much and it was never ever safe for me to feel angry. I was

also hypervigilant, which I understand is quite typical?

>