Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 First of all, a quick hello. I've been really busy preparing for a benchmark exam I have to take next week before I can go back to school, so been studying a LOT & doing a LOT of practice exams. So psyched that I'm able to go back March 1st, wow! But it's a lot of work to get ready. Hope you guys understand & hope you all are doing well! But today I realized I'm not my nada. We have fiance's kids on the weekends, and his 4 year old son gets very little supervision at his mother's house and can become a feral wild child here sometimes. Well he refused to eat lunch & fiance & I have a rule - if you don't eat whatever meal we provide, you don't eat until the next meal. This is due to free-range " grazing " at their mother's and then he won't eat what we make even if it's something we KNOW he likes. It's frustrating. This is also something the kids' therapist told us to do. Well he started flipping out because he was hungry, and fiance & I told him he has to wait for dinner, but he could have some milk. He just started SCREAMING this rage-like scream on the top of his lungs, and I'm standing in the kitchen getting things prepared for dinner and I looked at him and actually raised my voice *gasp*. I said, " NO! We do not scream & behave like that here! " I NEVER raise my voice at those kids. Fiance & I then put him in a time out for 4 minutes. He did pretty good and stood facing the wall until his dad said he was done. So after the time out, fiance told him he can't act like that & to tell me he was sorry. He did say sorry and I gave him a hug & kiss, told him that we love him but he cannot behave like that. He said, " OK " and now he's been behaving great! But I'm not nada! I think it's actually OK to raise my voice if needed & to step in when it comes to stuff like that. After all, this is my home too. But if we provide loving discipline, let him know that we love him but try to teach him that he can't act like that... I think that might work. But I didn't yell, scream, rant & rave or rage at the poor kid. I simply raised my voice and after the punishment, did not continue to rage like nada did to me. Instead, we explained why he was punished and that we still love him no matter what. It's hard for me when it comes to stuff like that. Being raised by my nada has left me questioning what's " normal " for a lot of things, including when it comes to parenting.... especially since I'm step-mom. So yeah... lol. I wonder where my boundaries lie. I did ask fiance if he was mad that I raised my voice & stepped in with the punishment, he said " No, not at all. I think you handled it great. " I'm still not sure if I handled it " great " , and I know I can't be a perfect parent because there is no such thing... I just want to be a good enough step parent and be a positive influence in the kids' lives. Now I have to go finish dinner... sweet & sour pork =) (We told him it's chicken... he's kinda picky like that lol) Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 From what it sounds like, you reacted in a completely appropriate manner. Kids need to know you're serious, so raising your voice and speaking firmly, and saying " no, that behavior is unacceptable " doesn't seem like crossing the line to me. Especially considering what happened next: time out, then calm talking after punishment. He broke a boundary, he received the consequence, and he knows now that it's a boundary and will be enforced. I think you did great too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 U Rock!!!! Good luck on your test xoxo > > > From what it sounds like, you reacted in a completely appropriate manner. > Kids need to know you're serious, so raising your voice and speaking firmly, > and saying " no, that behavior is unacceptable " doesn't seem like crossing > the line to me. Especially considering what happened next: time out, then > calm talking after punishment. He broke a boundary, he received the > consequence, and he knows now that it's a boundary and will be enforced. I > think you did great too. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 I agree too. I think that if a child is screaming, you have to raise your voice to be heard over it. You didn't call him names, you didn't shame him or denigrate him, you didn't beat him, you just said basically, " Its not OK to do that here " . The way you handled this situation seemed just fine to me! -Annie > > > > > > > From what it sounds like, you reacted in a completely appropriate manner. > > Kids need to know you're serious, so raising your voice and speaking firmly, > > and saying " no, that behavior is unacceptable " doesn't seem like crossing > > the line to me. Especially considering what happened next: time out, then > > calm talking after punishment. He broke a boundary, he received the > > consequence, and he knows now that it's a boundary and will be enforced. I > > think you did great too. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Kudos to you! It sounds like you did a wonderful job to me. Correction with my Nada meant a severe beating often without any care, love, tenderness and/or explanation of why is was occurring. Your example is actually indicative of what I have wished I had back then. Firmness with love. Have a great night! Latasha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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