Talking to You Guys Instead of To Her (a rant)

[Guest guest]

Nada just dropped one of her idiotic barbs on me, and I'm itching to email her

and tell her exactly how fucked up it was, but I know that would be stupid and

useless.

So I'm writing to you all.

She was going to be near my house the other day because she had to come into

town to pick up friends at the airport, which I live near. She had said earlier

in the week that she might be by before she needed to get her friends, and maybe

we could have lunch. I said that would be fine.

Well, I never heard from her. I didn't worry, because she is historically flaky

and always runs late, and I assumed she wouldn't have time in the first place.

All this happened Friday. I heard from her yesterday, when she called and said

she was sorry she didn't show up, but she was sick and just went home. I said it

was fine; I was sorry to hear she was sick, but figured something just came up

and that I would hear from her about it soon.

She just called me from the car (WTF IS IT with the CAR?) to tell me that she

was a little upset that I didn't call to see what was wrong when I didn't hear

from her Friday. " You might just wanna contemplate that, " she said. " Mom, " I

started to reply, but she cut me off and said she had something else she wanted

to talk about. After talking about this other thing for five minutes, she said,

" Well, I've got to go, " and we said goodbye.

God, I think I'm over all the horrendous abuse, and then she does something so

small like this that just makes me hate her SO FUCKING MUCH. And I know it would

be USELESS to say anything, but I can't resist the idea that it might be so

satisfying to just tell her how screwed up it is to stand someone up and then

expect an apology from the person you stood up! I can't believe how angry I am,

and I feel like I've really let myself down for allowing this to make me feel

this way. I can't stand the thought that she'll die without knowing what a

horrible human being she is.

Exhaling. Exhaling. I'm going to go back to living my very excellent life in a

world where she really has very little to do with how I live or the choices I

make. And not email her. Nope nope nope.

[Guest guest]

Don't expect sanity from a crazy person.

Given her history, I wouldn't call either... I'm guessing she didn't call you

or show up to 'test your love her her.' Yeah mom... WHATEVER... we've done that

dance for my liftime.

Therapist got me to the point where I now figure, if she doesn't show, she

doesn't show. If it's serious the Dr's in the ER will call me... and I may or

may not show up. I no longer have my actions/reaction tied to what she

does/doesn't do... too exhausting... I've checked out.

Go live a happy day, week, month, year, life.... the best solace for your head

and heart is to be happy.

Lynnette

>

> Nada just dropped one of her idiotic barbs on me, and I'm itching to email her

and tell her exactly how fucked up it was, but I know that would be stupid and

useless.

>

> So I'm writing to you all.

>

> She was going to be near my house the other day because she had to come into

town to pick up friends at the airport, which I live near. She had said earlier

in the week that she might be by before she needed to get her friends, and maybe

we could have lunch. I said that would be fine.

>

> Well, I never heard from her. I didn't worry, because she is historically

flaky and always runs late, and I assumed she wouldn't have time in the first

place. All this happened Friday. I heard from her yesterday, when she called and

said she was sorry she didn't show up, but she was sick and just went home. I

said it was fine; I was sorry to hear she was sick, but figured something just

came up and that I would hear from her about it soon.

>

> She just called me from the car (WTF IS IT with the CAR?) to tell me that she

was a little upset that I didn't call to see what was wrong when I didn't hear

from her Friday. " You might just wanna contemplate that, " she said. " Mom, " I

started to reply, but she cut me off and said she had something else she wanted

to talk about. After talking about this other thing for five minutes, she said,

" Well, I've got to go, " and we said goodbye.

>

> God, I think I'm over all the horrendous abuse, and then she does something so

small like this that just makes me hate her SO FUCKING MUCH. And I know it would

be USELESS to say anything, but I can't resist the idea that it might be so

satisfying to just tell her how screwed up it is to stand someone up and then

expect an apology from the person you stood up! I can't believe how angry I am,

and I feel like I've really let myself down for allowing this to make me feel

this way. I can't stand the thought that she'll die without knowing what a

horrible human being she is.

>

> Exhaling. Exhaling. I'm going to go back to living my very excellent life in a

world where she really has very little to do with how I live or the choices I

make. And not email her. Nope nope nope.

>

[Guest guest]

Jgar,

This sounds like another fine example of how it is always all

about them. She fails to show up after making plans with you,

but you're at fault because you didn't get all worried and upset

about why she didn't show up. That's just twisted. Don't be too

upset with yourself for letting her make you angry. She gave you

good reason to be angry. The journey to being able to disconnect

yourself from your nada's manipulations is a long one and

sometimes you end up backtracking before being able to make

forward progress.

There are times when I find it very satisfying to imagine

telling my nada what I think of her terrible behavior. I don't

do it, because the results wouldn't be good, but it is nice to

fantasize about doing it. If it will help, try writing (without

sending) the e-mail you'd like to send to her. Print it out and

burn it or whatever other method of destruction seems good to

you.

At 02:36 PM 02/21/2011 Jgar wrote:

>Nada just dropped one of her idiotic barbs on me, and I'm

>itching to email her and tell her exactly how fucked up it was,

>but I know that would be stupid and useless.

>

>So I'm writing to you all.

>

>She was going to be near my house the other day because she had

>to come into town to pick up friends at the airport, which I

>live near. She had said earlier in the week that she might be

>by before she needed to get her friends, and maybe we could

>have lunch. I said that would be fine.

>

>Well, I never heard from her. I didn't worry, because she is

>historically flaky and always runs late, and I assumed she

>wouldn't have time in the first place. All this happened

>Friday. I heard from her yesterday, when she called and said

>she was sorry she didn't show up, but she was sick and just

>went home. I said it was fine; I was sorry to hear she was

>sick, but figured something just came up and that I would hear

>from her about it soon.

>

>She just called me from the car (WTF IS IT with the CAR?) to

>tell me that she was a little upset that I didn't call to see

>what was wrong when I didn't hear from her Friday. " You might

>just wanna contemplate that, " she said. " Mom, " I started to

>reply, but she cut me off and said she had something else she

>wanted to talk about. After talking about this other thing for

>five minutes, she said, " Well, I've got to go, " and we said

>goodbye.

>

>God, I think I'm over all the horrendous abuse, and then she

>does something so small like this that just makes me hate her

>SO FUCKING MUCH. And I know it would be USELESS to say

>anything, but I can't resist the idea that it might be so

>satisfying to just tell her how screwed up it is to stand

>someone up and then expect an apology from the person you stood

>up! I can't believe how angry I am, and I feel like I've really

>let myself down for allowing this to make me feel this way. I

>can't stand the thought that she'll die without knowing what a

>horrible human being she is.

>

>Exhaling. Exhaling. I'm going to go back to living my very

>excellent life in a world where she really has very little to

>do with how I live or the choices I make. And not email her.

>Nope nope nope.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Jgar,

I don't know if you will find this funny or not, but I totally thought I was

reading someone else tell a story about my nada and me, and I seriously wanted

the response after " you might want to think about that " to be " F*** YOU, MOM "

and hang up. Better yet, just " goodbye " and hang up. That would really have put

her in her place--my nada, I mean. Just saying goodbye after she says something

awful like that.

Yes, they really do know how to push our buttons, don't they? And it's not just

like, well I have a friend and sometimes he plays with me and pushes my buttons,

then I realize he's doing it on purpose and he's not serious, and we laugh. But

nada does it to make you feel bad. She's not pushing your political buttons or

pet peeve buttons. She pushing your emotional and self-esteem buttons.

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all of you for reading and making sense! I feel much better after just

a few hours. What a wacko she is.

, I totally laughed at how closely you identified with my story. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Right, you're supposed to anticipate that she didn't really forget this time,

like so many other times, but that this time, something happened, or she wasn't

feeling well.

Of course, if you had called to see if she was ok, she probably would have

chewed you out for doing it. [that's what my father would have done; he used to

do that to me a lot.]

>

> Nada just dropped one of her idiotic barbs on me, and I'm itching to email her

and tell her exactly how fucked up it was, but I know that would be stupid and

useless.

>

> So I'm writing to you all.

>

> She was going to be near my house the other day because she had to come into

town to pick up friends at the airport, which I live near. She had said earlier

in the week that she might be by before she needed to get her friends, and maybe

we could have lunch. I said that would be fine.

>

> Well, I never heard from her. I didn't worry, because she is historically

flaky and always runs late, and I assumed she wouldn't have time in the first

place. All this happened Friday. I heard from her yesterday, when she called and

said she was sorry she didn't show up, but she was sick and just went home. I

said it was fine; I was sorry to hear she was sick, but figured something just

came up and that I would hear from her about it soon.

>

> She just called me from the car (WTF IS IT with the CAR?) to tell me that she

was a little upset that I didn't call to see what was wrong when I didn't hear

from her Friday. " You might just wanna contemplate that, " she said. " Mom, " I

started to reply, but she cut me off and said she had something else she wanted

to talk about. After talking about this other thing for five minutes, she said,

" Well, I've got to go, " and we said goodbye.

>

> God, I think I'm over all the horrendous abuse, and then she does something so

small like this that just makes me hate her SO FUCKING MUCH. And I know it would

be USELESS to say anything, but I can't resist the idea that it might be so

satisfying to just tell her how screwed up it is to stand someone up and then

expect an apology from the person you stood up! I can't believe how angry I am,

and I feel like I've really let myself down for allowing this to make me feel

this way. I can't stand the thought that she'll die without knowing what a

horrible human being she is.

>

> Exhaling. Exhaling. I'm going to go back to living my very excellent life in a

world where she really has very little to do with how I live or the choices I

make. And not email her. Nope nope nope.

>