How to cope

[Guest guest]

I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

[Guest guest]

Amy,

I know that feeling well. Any time my nada hasn't done something

crazy or nasty for a while I worry about what she's up to and

whether she's going to do something awful today. Periods of calm

feel like the calm before the storm and nada storms have a

history of being very bad. When I see her phone number on the

caller ID I always have a feeling of dread unless I'm expecting

her to call for a known reason. Sometimes I have mightmares

about her showing up at my door or at various other places I

need or want to go. I don't have much of a problem with it

carrying over to other areas of my life, but it sure is an issue

where my nada is concerned.

At 02:04 PM 02/22/2011 Amy wrote:

>I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does

>anyone else constantly feel like they are waiting for the other

>shoe to drop? I do have some anxiety/depression issues that

>I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.) It just seems like I

>spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my nada

>would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday

>life. Anyone else deal with this?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Amy -

I know exactly how you feel. I have a hard time spending time with my nada,

especially when she's being nasty, but even when she's acting " normal " and all

smiles and sunshine. I wonder how long it will last and when the next crisis is

coming. It's like the calm before the storm. I have a really hard time trusting

her, and I'm afraid to let my guard down even for a second. I'm always listening

for hidden meanings in everything she says. She is very passive-aggressive and

makes snarky little comments. Unfortunately, I don't always notice it until

later when I'm thinking about it, and then it's like " damn, that was really

mean! " It's sad, but I can't even enjoy the good times without being guarded,

and there aren't very many good times.

>

> I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Amy,

To answer your question: Yes, all the time! All the time!

Whenever things seem to be going smoothly in my life for any significant length

of time, I cannot stop feeling afraid. I dread the ringing of the phone, I

wonder what my mother will say/do next, I have nightmares of bad things

happening to my kids or my husband or me. I find myself living in fear of what

may come next.

I have been trying to be more mindful of these feelings and to try to address

and manage them better. I suspect part of it may be PTSD, so I know there is

work to be done. I can say that I do notice a difference. I am not as afraid as

I was a year ago, so with time and conscious effort it is possible to make

progress I think(even if it seems tiny, even microscopic).

Arianna

>

> I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy & yes yes yes! I absolutely relate to what you're talking about here.

It sucks. I'm always anticipating the worst most times too. You are not

alone.

Mia

>

>

> I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

> constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

> some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and

> therapy.) It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to

> anticipate what my nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into

> my everyday life. Anyone else deal with this?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Amy:

Yes, I know this feeling, and I always had it before I put boundaries in place

that allowed me to feel protected from nada and fada.

If you stay with the board and read lots of different posts, you will find out

many ways how to protect yourself from unwanted calls, emails, visits and

contact. You will also hear about protecting yourself during contact, such as

limiting visit times, using public places as " safe " zones, driving in separate

vehicles so you cut down on " togetherness " during travel time. You can

immediately start to apply small techniques that will get you relief from " that

feeling, " and you may even one day decide to limit or eliminate contact. There

are a million different ways to handle the same issues that crop up with PD

parents, and every one of them has been discussed on this board at one time or

another.

Welcome, we're glad you came.

AFB

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy,

I definitely feel that way, too. The waiting periods in between bad episodes are

almost worse than the bad times. In the bad times, I can get upset and feel like

I just can't handle everything and it's not my fault. During the good times, I

actually have to make progress with my own life and emotions. I think for me, I

try to keep my life filled with enough stressful things that it is just a little

bit unmanageable. Because I wouldn't know what to do with myself if everything

was easy and organized and without major conflict. Oof. That's kind of

embarrassing to admit...

>

> >

> >

> > I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

> > constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

> > some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and

> > therapy.) It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to

> > anticipate what my nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into

> > my everyday life. Anyone else deal with this?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! I have said that many times before! Even outside of nada's antics. When

things are going good for any prolonged period of time I worry about what is

going to " burst my bubble " . I think that growing up with a nada or fada we are

in a way conditioned to believe that we don't deserve the good in life. It's

hard to break that way of thinking, I still struggle with it everyday. I finally

made the decision to cut off nada 6 months ago unless she agreed to go to

therapy. She has agreed several times, but has yet to go. I have even gone so

far as to find good therapists and make the appts for her, but she always

cancels. I only correspond with her through email now. Since then, my life has

drastically improved these past 6 months after deciding that enough was enough

and I am now able to focus on the truly important things. Still though, there is

the part of me that worries about that damn other shoe.

>

> I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all- it helps to know I'm not the only one out there feeling like

this. I've been slowly putting boundries in place over the last few years.

Mostly just reacting to different behaviors as they come up. It does help me.

I'm still getting used to the idea that it's not just me and that I probably

won't ever have the greatest mother- daughter relationship.

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy,

Thank you so much for posting this. That is one of the big hurdles hanging over

my head right now and I was cycling back in the crap thinking maybe it is just

me.

I am starting to get things back in my life and my mood has really improved, but

I am just waiting for Nada to come back into my life (I have been close to NC

for about 9 months), but I am just waiting for her to show up at my door or get

a phone call, email or text, something. And not necesarily from her, but from

one of her flying monkeys. It is this pall that hangs over everything you do and

makes it hard to just get into your life, when you are constantly watching your

back and waiting for it to all fall apart again. And the cycle of thoughts, like

'can I deal with it this time?' 'am i strong enough now' 'do I know how to

respond' and of course all the doubts that come with these questions.

Thank you so much for posting this! It is good to know I am not the only waiting

just waiting for the 'shit to hit the fan' or so to speak.

Jodie

[Guest guest]

Arianna,

Me, too. I am very much the same way.

Fiona

> >

> > I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I feel like I am suffocating if I am around Fada for too long. It's like he

sucks all the air out of the room. He lives with us and avoiding him can be a

neat trick. I use most of my disposable income to pay a CNA to take care of him

so I don't have to. Thank God my husband works two jobs and handles other

expenses. But the CNA gives me room to breathe in my own house.

We are all on common ground here. It's interesting to here how we interpret our

similar experiences.

Kay

>

> I'm so glad I found this group. I've got a question- does anyone else

constantly feel like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop? I do have

some anxiety/depression issues that I've had treatment for (meds and therapy.)

It just seems like I spent most of my growing up trying to anticipate what my

nada would do or not do. I think it's carried over into my everyday life.

Anyone else deal with this?

>