Fada's fall from grace...

[Guest guest]

So, I've known since I was a kid that something was off with NADA, but I'd

always been under the impression that fada was " the good parent " . Even after

reading on the types of men that often pair up with nadas, I continued to see

only an emotionally adjusted fada. (Even though his life screams of being

emotionally and socially unhealthy!)

Especially after starting NC with nada (fada and nada divorced when I was 12

after nada claimed domestic violence, and got that unstoppable ball rolling,

otherwise I suspect fada would have NEVER left her) I saw fada as the " savior

parent " . My T and I have been over this a lot recently as in the past 6 months

or so for a variety of reasons, fada's true colors are starting to become

visable to me.

I'm not sure why I didn't see them before. I think that while I was the

scapegoat/ evil child for nada (brother was her golden child) that I was the

golden child for fada, which made it harder to see the flaws. It seems fada has

some NPD traits. Why I never saw it before is likely because I tailored ME to

fit exactly what he wanted. It became second nature to censor myself, agree with

him and never suggest he isn't perfect. And recently, I've grown into a new

stage of my own emotional well-being, and I've begun to be who I want to be and

not who he thinks I should be, which he sees as thinking just like him. I'm

starting to see some of the temper he has and an inability to deal with me (of

all people) not agreeing with him. I've been calling him out on his behavior (I

through keeping the peace. And I've been feeling like I need to verbally purge

these feelings right at their roots) and its not leaving him very happy. I've

told him his dismissive parenting is not healthy (oh yeah, I'm not holding

back.) and that he's not alway right, and that people (including me) don't have

to agree with him. He has gotten angry, but I've made it vlear I don't care. He

has started using guilt to gain control of the conversations. Like saying " Some

day I'll be dead and buried and none of this will matter " or " When I'm dead

you'll realize none of this was worth it " . This is in response to any

challanges. Anytime I disagree with fada and don't give in and agree with him.

No matter how small the topic, he can not handle me disagreeing with him. Its

like I've turned his work upside down in the last few months.

There's so much more than what I'm typing here, So much invalidating parenting,

and NPD traits, though more mild, I think.

This is in the early stages of realizing the truth about fada. But it just

hurts. Its like the other shoe dropped. I should have seen it coming, but I was

hoping my fada would be the one completely emotionally healthy fada that met,

married and stayed with nada (my nada is the waif, the victom, so figured she'd

pair up with a more agressive fada??)for over a decade. Then fada moved in with

his mother and stayed there for 20 years until she passed away...