Odd things Nadas & Fadas said or did

February 24, 2011

So... from reading posts lately, I see some really strange (yet oddly funny)

things that nadas & fadas have said/done. So I thought I'd start a thread

(maybe we had a similar one before, if so, sorry! I honestly can't

remember). One nada bailed on her plastic surgery bill, and I read another

demanding her child's legs?!! Omg, how bizzare!

My nada didn't really ever do anything super strange, but she would say kind

of strange things. Here are a couple of short examples.

Nada was a Christian when she felt like being one and I don't recall ever

going to church with her aside from weddings or funerals. After I graduated

high school, I started reading books on other religions out of curriosity.

She found them in my room and threw a fit because I told her I didn't know

if I was Christian or not. Years prior she had said, " I dread the day YOU

become a mother " .... well, after sharing my thoughts on religion, she looked

at me and said, " Well what if *I* want to take MY grandkids to church! " I

said, " Go for it, I want them to make up their own minds "

Another one that's kinda funny to me is when I wanted to take Astronomy as

an elective in college. She looked at me with this snarky look and

scoffed... " What? You wana learn how to tell people's fortunes? Horoscopes? "

I almost died because she was SO serious and I remember trying not to laugh

that she was confusing Astronomy with Astrology. Oy!

In some ways I almost wish my nada had said & done more odd things like the

plastic surgery story (as long as it did not involve me) because then I'd

have more to look back & laugh at while I recover from her!

Anyway, anyone else have any short little stories & oddities that their

nadas or fadas did? This could be amusing.

Mia

February 24, 2011

Hmm...

How about the time my fada got all butthurt when I finally got the courage

to tell him that I couldn't hear him well on the phone? Being hard of

hearing, I have a hard time hearing guys on the phone. It has something to

do with the pitch, I think, because the lower pitches are harder for me to

hear sometimes. So, I finally told him that, thinking that he'd understand.

Nope. He wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days, and acted all mopey about

it, as if I was purposefully not able to hear him just to hurt his feelings.

WTF.

Or when I helped him install a new light fixture for the driveway, just over

the garage door? He followed the directions (for once), and it took a while,

and finally he was done. I was basically his personal slave, reading his

mind and handing him the things he needed at the right times. When he was

done, he flipped the switch several times, and was starting to get really

really frustrated. I noticed that the lightbulb wasn't in--but I was afraid

of speaking up because he might take that as me wanting to control him, or

that he was stupid or something. You know how BPDers are. Finally, after a

couple of minutes, I plucked up the courage to hand him the lightbulb, and

said in a quiet voice--- " You might want this... " and much to my relief he

thought that was a funny thing. See--some days he's not completely

irrational. And Thank God that was one of those days.

Or the time he acted all secretive about our 2 week long family vacation to

Disneyland. Mom Dad and 6 kids in the Suburban. The youngest one was only a

few months old. He was paranoid about the neighbors finding out that we're

gone, so he put the huge black thing on top of the Suburban, in the garage.

Whatever you call that where you put extra luggage in because it can't fit

in the car itself? He spent an hour getting things to fit just right up

there, while we all waited around for him to do that. He was getting more

and more frustrated. And we knew he was doing it wrong...that black storage

thing on top of the car, he wouldn't be able to back out without shearing it

off. The garage door opening was too low. I wanted to speak up, but Mom

said, " Don't. It will just make him angrier. " So we all waited. Then when he

was done--he realized his folly, and took everything out again, backed out

the car, and repeated the process all the while swearing up a storm.

Needless to say, the vacation wasn't a very good one. Everyone got the

stomach bug, except for me, and I had to " man the pumps. "

I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember right now...

It's kind of a dark, ironic sort of humor about all this--no wonder I've

become so sarcastic!

Holly

>

> So... from reading posts lately, I see some really strange (yet oddly

> funny)

> things that nadas & fadas have said/done. So I thought I'd start a thread

> (maybe we had a similar one before, if so, sorry! I honestly can't

> remember). One nada bailed on her plastic surgery bill, and I read another

> demanding her child's legs?!! Omg, how bizzare!

>

> My nada didn't really ever do anything super strange, but she would say

> kind

> of strange things. Here are a couple of short examples.

>

> Nada was a Christian when she felt like being one and I don't recall ever

> going to church with her aside from weddings or funerals. After I graduated

> high school, I started reading books on other religions out of curriosity.

> She found them in my room and threw a fit because I told her I didn't know

> if I was Christian or not. Years prior she had said, " I dread the day YOU

> become a mother " .... well, after sharing my thoughts on religion, she

> looked

> at me and said, " Well what if *I* want to take MY grandkids to church! " I

> said, " Go for it, I want them to make up their own minds "

>

> Another one that's kinda funny to me is when I wanted to take Astronomy as

> an elective in college. She looked at me with this snarky look and

> scoffed... " What? You wana learn how to tell people's fortunes?

> Horoscopes? "

> I almost died because she was SO serious and I remember trying not to laugh

> that she was confusing Astronomy with Astrology. Oy!

>

> In some ways I almost wish my nada had said & done more odd things like the

> plastic surgery story (as long as it did not involve me) because then I'd

> have more to look back & laugh at while I recover from her!

>

> Anyway, anyone else have any short little stories & oddities that their

> nadas or fadas did? This could be amusing.

>

> Mia

>

February 24, 2011

Oh, another one. People know me as a conservative-moderate person, and a

devout Catholic. And if people know me at all, they know that I absolutely

can't stand anything that is unfair. Equality is important. For example, I

hated the idea of being " given away " at my wedding. Women aren't chattel to

be given away. So I was pleasently surprised when I found out that the old

traditional Catholic way of a wedding procession is to walk down the aisle

side by side next to my soon-to-be husband. It symbolizes that we're going

into our marriage as equals, and it was our joint decision to be married.

Our wedding was held at in a Catholic church. Nothing crazy there, right?

My dad went absolutely crazy. I was already living on my own, so I didn't

have to see it in person, but he soon sent me a ton of emails about how I

was a radical, liberal feminist, and the only things he saw about such a

thing of walking down the aisle side by side with my husband was on radical

liberal feminist websites, and that I was being corrupted by radical liberal

feminist priests. At first I was hurt. Really hurt, by those allegations,

because it was not true.

Then I started laughing at the ridiculousness of the allegations, and

started using it as an ironic source of pride--if seeking out equality makes

me a radical liberal feminist, so be it! LOL!

Maybe I'll write about that for the memoir anthology project. There's so

many funny and odd things that could be included. And laughter is the best

medicine, sometimes!

Holly

On Thu, Feb 24, 2011 at 2:12 PM, Holly Byers

wrote:

> Hmm...

>

> How about the time my fada got all butthurt when I finally got the courage

> to tell him that I couldn't hear him well on the phone? Being hard of

> hearing, I have a hard time hearing guys on the phone. It has something to

> do with the pitch, I think, because the lower pitches are harder for me to

> hear sometimes. So, I finally told him that, thinking that he'd understand.

> Nope. He wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days, and acted all mopey about

> it, as if I was purposefully not able to hear him just to hurt his feelings.

> WTF.

>

> Or when I helped him install a new light fixture for the driveway, just

> over the garage door? He followed the directions (for once), and it took a

> while, and finally he was done. I was basically his personal slave, reading

> his mind and handing him the things he needed at the right times. When he

> was done, he flipped the switch several times, and was starting to get

> really really frustrated. I noticed that the lightbulb wasn't in--but I was

> afraid of speaking up because he might take that as me wanting to control

> him, or that he was stupid or something. You know how BPDers are. Finally,

> after a couple of minutes, I plucked up the courage to hand him the

> lightbulb, and said in a quiet voice--- " You might want this... " and much to

> my relief he thought that was a funny thing. See--some days he's not

> completely irrational. And Thank God that was one of those days.

>

> Or the time he acted all secretive about our 2 week long family vacation to

> Disneyland. Mom Dad and 6 kids in the Suburban. The youngest one was only a

> few months old. He was paranoid about the neighbors finding out that we're

> gone, so he put the huge black thing on top of the Suburban, in the garage.

> Whatever you call that where you put extra luggage in because it can't fit

> in the car itself? He spent an hour getting things to fit just right up

> there, while we all waited around for him to do that. He was getting more

> and more frustrated. And we knew he was doing it wrong...that black storage

> thing on top of the car, he wouldn't be able to back out without shearing it

> off. The garage door opening was too low. I wanted to speak up, but Mom

> said, " Don't. It will just make him angrier. " So we all waited. Then when he

> was done--he realized his folly, and took everything out again, backed out

> the car, and repeated the process all the while swearing up a storm.

> Needless to say, the vacation wasn't a very good one. Everyone got the

> stomach bug, except for me, and I had to " man the pumps. "

>

> I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember right now...

> It's kind of a dark, ironic sort of humor about all this--no wonder I've

> become so sarcastic!

> Holly

>

>>

>> So... from reading posts lately, I see some really strange (yet oddly

>> funny)

>> things that nadas & fadas have said/done. So I thought I'd start a thread

>> (maybe we had a similar one before, if so, sorry! I honestly can't

>> remember). One nada bailed on her plastic surgery bill, and I read another

>> demanding her child's legs?!! Omg, how bizzare!

>>

>> My nada didn't really ever do anything super strange, but she would say

>> kind

>> of strange things. Here are a couple of short examples.

>>

>> Nada was a Christian when she felt like being one and I don't recall ever

>> going to church with her aside from weddings or funerals. After I

>> graduated

>> high school, I started reading books on other religions out of curriosity.

>> She found them in my room and threw a fit because I told her I didn't know

>> if I was Christian or not. Years prior she had said, " I dread the day YOU

>> become a mother " .... well, after sharing my thoughts on religion, she

>> looked

>> at me and said, " Well what if *I* want to take MY grandkids to church! " I

>> said, " Go for it, I want them to make up their own minds "

>>

>> Another one that's kinda funny to me is when I wanted to take Astronomy as

>> an elective in college. She looked at me with this snarky look and

>> scoffed... " What? You wana learn how to tell people's fortunes?

>> Horoscopes? "

>> I almost died because she was SO serious and I remember trying not to

>> laugh

>> that she was confusing Astronomy with Astrology. Oy!

>>

>> In some ways I almost wish my nada had said & done more odd things like

>> the

>> plastic surgery story (as long as it did not involve me) because then I'd

>> have more to look back & laugh at while I recover from her!

>>

>> Anyway, anyone else have any short little stories & oddities that their

>> nadas or fadas did? This could be amusing.

>>

>> Mia

>>

February 24, 2011

My Nada, in a big confrontation over why my (alcoholic) brother behaves the way

he does, and she doesn't see why I say he is an alcoholic ( he is golden of

course despite downing 2 bottles of 40% proof vodka at a time...)anyway she

forbid me from ever speaking to her about my brother as I had no way of proving

that he was an alcoholic.....So i used the following example to clue her in...

brother aged 40 while in a drunken binge in a Greek hotel of germanic ownership

decided to make loud anti-germanic and anti-semetic comments to the other

guests. Eventually the management said if we didnt control him they would have

him arrested (where he would be in a small overcrowded jail without trial for an

unlimited time period, probably die of alcohol withdrawal/inmate rape/some other

diseases sue to the conditions etc etc and I knew if that happened I would get

the blame from Nada ironically) - the only other option was to find him

accomodation somewhere else. So we did, and asked him to leave. Hours of

drinking later he is shouting at the top of his lungs that we are all " f***ing

c**ts " ....

3am I asked him to stop making the racket as we would also be kicked out of the

hotel, and my sleeping 5yr old son would hear the terrible noise and

swearing...to which brother (BADA?) replied loudly " Well he's a little f***ing

c**t too " )....

So I used this story to illustrate to Nada the depths of the alcoholism, her

face did not move a muscle. No eye-movement, no blink rate, probably no pulse

either.

She said " How does that prove he was drinking " (!)

I said...YOUR SON called MY SON a f***ing c**t (please realise we do not use

this kind of language EVER in our family as NADA FADA are extremely

religious)...

NADA replied... Well, what was your son doing at the time?

I said ....He was sleeping (!). HE IS FIVE YEARS OLD!!!!!

......................................................

There is some level of bizarre and twisted logic that goes on in a BPDs world

that will NEVER make sense with ANY stretch of the imagination!

February 24, 2011

Yeah, then there was the really good time that she and FADA and the ever-helpful

churchy friends tried to exorcise the spirit of her brother from my brother...no

wonder he's an alcoholic now...

February 24, 2011

That is crazy, rgbargy!

5 years old, sleeping, and he got called a f*****g c**t??

>

> My Nada, in a big confrontation over why my (alcoholic) brother behaves the

> way he does, and she doesn't see why I say he is an alcoholic ( he is golden

> of course despite downing 2 bottles of 40% proof vodka at a time...)anyway

> she forbid me from ever speaking to her about my brother as I had no way of

> proving that he was an alcoholic.....So i used the following example to clue

> her in...

>

> brother aged 40 while in a drunken binge in a Greek hotel of germanic

> ownership decided to make loud anti-germanic and anti-semetic comments to

> the other guests. Eventually the management said if we didnt control him

> they would have him arrested (where he would be in a small overcrowded jail

> without trial for an unlimited time period, probably die of alcohol

> withdrawal/inmate rape/some other diseases sue to the conditions etc etc and

> I knew if that happened I would get the blame from Nada ironically) - the

> only other option was to find him accomodation somewhere else. So we did,

> and asked him to leave. Hours of drinking later he is shouting at the top of

> his lungs that we are all " f***ing c**ts " ....

> 3am I asked him to stop making the racket as we would also be kicked out of

> the hotel, and my sleeping 5yr old son would hear the terrible noise and

> swearing...to which brother (BADA?) replied loudly " Well he's a little

> f***ing c**t too " )....

>

> So I used this story to illustrate to Nada the depths of the alcoholism,

> her face did not move a muscle. No eye-movement, no blink rate, probably no

> pulse either.

>

> She said " How does that prove he was drinking " (!)

> I said...YOUR SON called MY SON a f***ing c**t (please realise we do not

> use this kind of language EVER in our family as NADA FADA are extremely

> religious)...

>

> NADA replied... Well, what was your son doing at the time?

>

> I said ....He was sleeping (!). HE IS FIVE YEARS OLD!!!!!

>

> .....................................................

>

> There is some level of bizarre and twisted logic that goes on in a BPDs

> world that will NEVER make sense with ANY stretch of the imagination!

>

February 24, 2011

On a roll here...someone stop me!

Nada wouldn't visit Fada in hospital much when he had bowel cancer surgery &

treatment as she thought it was just TOO BORING and nothing for her to do, plus

" your Father doesnt want to do anything except lie around and feel sorry for

himself and he doesn't make any interesting conversation (!) so whats the point

of going? "

Then when he came out of surgery she cooked him lots and lots of fried bacon,

eggs, liver, meat and other hard-to-digest food as he needed to recover from the

surgery and get his bowel working again...(!)

She hasn't quite managed to deliberately feed him to death yet tho'.

February 24, 2011

Hollie! it is somehow hilarious to write these crazy chaos moments down - they

actually look funny it is SO BEYOND RIDICULOUS! ANd I really thought the

leg-chopping off story was a cracker too! LOL!

>

> That is crazy, rgbargy!

> 5 years old, sleeping, and he got called a f*****g c**t??

February 24, 2011

That reminds me--when my mom had a hysterectomy, it was in the same hospital

where my husband's grandmother was battling pancreatic cancer. Fada was

acting extremely weird since he had to take care of the 4 little ones by

himself instead of foisting off the job to my mom. I wanted to go visit my

mom and my husband's grandmother (DH and I were only dating at the time),

but my dad wanted me to stick around and watch the little ones, until

finally he suddenly changed his mind and let me go.

I was in college and I had to beg to go see my mom. WTF. It was a good

visit, nonetheless, with both mom and the grandmother.

>

> On a roll here...someone stop me!

>

> Nada wouldn't visit Fada in hospital much when he had bowel cancer surgery

> & treatment as she thought it was just TOO BORING and nothing for her to do,

> plus " your Father doesnt want to do anything except lie around and feel

> sorry for himself and he doesn't make any interesting conversation (!) so

> whats the point of going? "

>

> Then when he came out of surgery she cooked him lots and lots of fried

> bacon, eggs, liver, meat and other hard-to-digest food as he needed to

> recover from the surgery and get his bowel working again...(!)

>

> She hasn't quite managed to deliberately feed him to death yet tho'.

>

February 24, 2011

That leg story was crazy!

Oh, how about when my fada got me and my brother cell phones so they could

keep track of where we are at all times. We had to call them when we got to

work, and when we were about to come home, when we got to school, when we

were about to come home from school (we were in COLLEGE.) when we got to a

friend's house, when we were about to come home, if we were going to be

late, and we still had a curfew. My brother got grounded (WHILE IN COLLEGE)

because he was out later with some friends than my dad allowed him to.

People asked me if we lived a long ways away. No. Our work places was only a

couple miles (10 minutes drive), and college was maybe 10 miles (40 minute

drive). Within town. Not like we'll be stranded out in the middle of nowhere

or anything.

Retrospectively, it was just another way to maintain control of us even as

we went to college. We homeschooled for high school, so the control then was

easy.

Holly

>

> Hollie! it is somehow hilarious to write these crazy chaos moments down -

> they actually look funny it is SO BEYOND RIDICULOUS! ANd I really thought

> the leg-chopping off story was a cracker too! LOL!

>

> >

> > That is crazy, rgbargy!

> > 5 years old, sleeping, and he got called a f*****g c**t??

>

February 24, 2011

Ha hA hA! it is too sad really...they just can't cope with doing anything

remotely normal can they?!

On the parents recent visit here they made me into their domestic slave...I had

back problems having been advised not to strain or lift, it was my and hubbys

wedding anniversary and NADA sat in the lounge chair ALL DAY directing me to

housework from 8.30 to 2pm. Then I cooked the dinner, served it, and made the

mistake of asking if they could clear their own plates from the table.

almighty cyclone errupted...I said - Look you guys, I am so delighted you are

here, I love you, be welcome in my home, help yourself, but feel at home to

pitch in! I am running a business, have a husband, young child to take care of

and I just can't wait on you hand and foot 24/7 for the next 2 months....

then NADA SCREAMING at top of her lungs :

OH AND I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY NEXT THAT WE ARE ADULTS AND WE SHOULD TAKE

RESPONSIBILIty for OURSELVES? HOW DARE YOU!

....................................

I did see the funny side of that one right at the time, fortunately.

February 24, 2011

Oh, rgbargy, that's ridiculous! I hope they never actually stay over

anymore? Some people just aren't meant to be houseguests...

>

> Ha hA hA! it is too sad really...they just can't cope with doing anything

> remotely normal can they?!

>

> On the parents recent visit here they made me into their domestic slave...I

> had back problems having been advised not to strain or lift, it was my and

> hubbys wedding anniversary and NADA sat in the lounge chair ALL DAY

> directing me to housework from 8.30 to 2pm. Then I cooked the dinner, served

> it, and made the mistake of asking if they could clear their own plates from

> the table.

>

> almighty cyclone errupted...I said - Look you guys, I am so delighted you

> are here, I love you, be welcome in my home, help yourself, but feel at home

> to pitch in! I am running a business, have a husband, young child to take

> care of and I just can't wait on you hand and foot 24/7 for the next 2

> months....

> then NADA SCREAMING at top of her lungs :

>

> OH AND I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY NEXT THAT WE ARE ADULTS AND WE SHOULD

> TAKE RESPONSIBILIty for OURSELVES? HOW DARE YOU!

> ...................................

> I did see the funny side of that one right at the time, fortunately.

>

February 24, 2011

When I was 28, living in San Francisco, I was in tour in Los Angeles, where

my parents lived. I had a week off, and I hadn't seen my parents for several

years, so I went home to visit and stay a few days until I had to go back to

San Francisco.

At the time, I wasn't shaving my legs or pits. Hairiness was the style among

my female friends in San Francisco

So I walk into the living room and my parents see the hair on my legs

(which, by the way, was neither particularly thick nor dark) and start

screaming at me about it. My father actually started CRYING. My mother goes

on and on about how NICE PEOPLE shave their legs and armpits, and BAD PEOPLE

don't. I logically pointed out that even NICE men didn't shave, and MEN are

people. So my mother screams at the top of her lungs, " IF A MAN IS NICE, HE

SHAVES HIS LEGS AND ARMPITS!) (guess that means my father - still crying -

wasn't nice). Then my father sobs, " What is the PURPOSE of that hair

anyway? It has no PURPOSE! " And I started in on this whole thing about the

purposes of body hair, being all scientific about it, and when I got to the

part about body hair holding pheromones and playing an important part in the

mating process, my father yells, " FISH MATE, AND THEY DON'T HAVE HAIR! "

At that point, I could say no more.

February 24, 2011

Wow. They were traumatized into hysterics over some body hair. Oh, the

humanity! Jeez Louise... how brittle they were!

I can relate; until I was in my late teens I just caved in like a mindless

zombie and was momster's mini-me. She wanted us to look alike, have the same

hairstyle, etc. Mine went into hysterics once because I wanted red knee-high

socks.

It just reinforces my speculation that the bpd parent is simply not capable of

perceiving that their child is a separate, individual human being and not a

dolly, not a pet, not their appendage, not a thing, not their substitute spouse

or parent, and not a younger reflection of their own self in a mirror. Amazing.

-Annie

>

> When I was 28, living in San Francisco, I was in tour in Los Angeles, where

> my parents lived. I had a week off, and I hadn't seen my parents for several

> years, so I went home to visit and stay a few days until I had to go back to

> San Francisco.

> At the time, I wasn't shaving my legs or pits. Hairiness was the style among

> my female friends in San Francisco

> So I walk into the living room and my parents see the hair on my legs

> (which, by the way, was neither particularly thick nor dark) and start

> screaming at me about it. My father actually started CRYING. My mother goes

> on and on about how NICE PEOPLE shave their legs and armpits, and BAD PEOPLE

> don't. I logically pointed out that even NICE men didn't shave, and MEN are

> people. So my mother screams at the top of her lungs, " IF A MAN IS NICE, HE

> SHAVES HIS LEGS AND ARMPITS!) (guess that means my father - still crying -

> wasn't nice). Then my father sobs, " What is the PURPOSE of that hair

> anyway? It has no PURPOSE! " And I started in on this whole thing about the

> purposes of body hair, being all scientific about it, and when I got to the

> part about body hair holding pheromones and playing an important part in the

> mating process, my father yells, " FISH MATE, AND THEY DON'T HAVE HAIR! "

> At that point, I could say no more.

>

February 24, 2011

Judy, I'm actually laughing out loud at this story! That is so bizarre!

Holly

>

> When I was 28, living in San Francisco, I was in tour in Los Angeles, where

> my parents lived. I had a week off, and I hadn't seen my parents for

> several

> years, so I went home to visit and stay a few days until I had to go back

> to

> San Francisco.

> At the time, I wasn't shaving my legs or pits. Hairiness was the style

> among

> my female friends in San Francisco

> So I walk into the living room and my parents see the hair on my legs

> (which, by the way, was neither particularly thick nor dark) and start

> screaming at me about it. My father actually started CRYING. My mother goes

> on and on about how NICE PEOPLE shave their legs and armpits, and BAD

> PEOPLE

> don't. I logically pointed out that even NICE men didn't shave, and MEN are

> people. So my mother screams at the top of her lungs, " IF A MAN IS NICE, HE

> SHAVES HIS LEGS AND ARMPITS!) (guess that means my father - still crying -

> wasn't nice). Then my father sobs, " What is the PURPOSE of that hair

> anyway? It has no PURPOSE! " And I started in on this whole thing about the

> purposes of body hair, being all scientific about it, and when I got to the

> part about body hair holding pheromones and playing an important part in

> the

> mating process, my father yells, " FISH MATE, AND THEY DON'T HAVE HAIR! "

> At that point, I could say no more.

>

February 24, 2011

Wow, that's got me laughing. I thought of a comeback for your father - the fish

don't need the hair to hold the pheromones because the water carries them. Not

that you saying that would have helped things any...what neurotics!