Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 So I have been getting emails and voicemails all week from nada. She has been telling me how " cold " and " selfish " I am because I haven't been sensitive enough to how injured her and my step-fada are from a car accident they were in this past Sunday. I was actually feeling guilty about it, but the story of the accident kept changing, so I decided to find out the truth for myself by contacting the Sheriffs dept and the Highway Patrol office. Much to my surprise my step-fada wasn't even in the car, the Highway Patrol told me that she wasn't taken to the hospital for injuries because there were no injuries, but she was however taken to jail because she was arrested for a DUI. Nada never ceases to amaze me. Now I am sitting here conflicted because she does not know that I know the truth yet and I really want to confront her about it. Anyone been in this situation or something similar? How did you handle it? Thanks for any input/support! ~Shan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Wow, that is truly an over-the-top example of bpd-think. Your nada caused an accident by driving drunk, yet miraculously there were no injuries. She gets arrested for it: a dui. Then she blatantly LIES to you about what actually happened, and tries to make YOU feel guilty for not comforting her over the near-tragedy SHE caused. Truly, it is amazing. The way the bpd mind works will never cease to astonish me. I don't know what advice to offer. My guess is that if you confront her with the truth, she'll either deny it or accuse you of spying on her and claim that THAT is more mean and hateful than anything she has done. I think you're in a no-win situation. All I can say is what I'd do; I'd just block her e-mail and other means of contacting me and go No Contact for a while. But that's just me. I don't have the stamina or resilience to handle drama these days; I'm burnt out. I've had a belly full of nada-drama. But maybe you feel up to saying something like, " I'm very disappointed and upset with you, mother, and I'm not going to talk with you at all unless and until you are willing to admit that you lied to me, you apologize for lying to me and you tell me the truth. " Maybe you have more stamina and resilience than I do. I've pretty much stopped caring one way or the other. I'm pretty much done. You're the only one who can say what feels right to *you*, and what you can or can't live with. -Annie > > So I have been getting emails and voicemails all week from nada. She has been telling me how " cold " and " selfish " I am because I haven't been sensitive enough to how injured her and my step-fada are from a car accident they were in this past Sunday. I was actually feeling guilty about it, but the story of the accident kept changing, so I decided to find out the truth for myself by contacting the Sheriffs dept and the Highway Patrol office. Much to my surprise my step-fada wasn't even in the car, the Highway Patrol told me that she wasn't taken to the hospital for injuries because there were no injuries, but she was however taken to jail because she was arrested for a DUI. Nada never ceases to amaze me. Now I am sitting here conflicted because she does not know that I know the truth yet and I really want to confront her about it. Anyone been in this situation or something similar? How did you handle it? > > Thanks for any input/support! > > ~Shan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Shan, I'm not laughing at you, but I had to laugh when I read your post because this is SO EXACTLY like things my Nada has done, right down to the being called " cold " and " selfish. " I learned to stop confronting my Nada when she lied about how serious things were. She lies so frequently, I've come to expect it anyway. I don't know your nada, but do you think it would do much good to confront her? She's probably lying because she wants to feel like you care about her and this is the only way she can think of. Yeah, it's a jerk move for sure, but the good news is that now you don't have to feel guilty! In your shoes, I would just listen to her on the phone for five or ten minutes, throw her a couple of " That sounds awful, I'm so glad you're okay " 's and then say, " Gosh, I have to go. I'll call you in a few days to see if you're feeling better. " The important thing is to really try and SOUND as if you're concerned. But only you can know what's best for you in your situation. It's really not worth feeling angry or hurt that she lied, although I understand if you do, because I have frequently felt the same way. The lying has nothing to do with us. If your nada is like mine, she's physically incapable of telling the truth on a regular basis-- it's really " nothing personal " . Let us know what you decide to do. --Jgar > > So I have been getting emails and voicemails all week from nada. She has been telling me how " cold " and " selfish " I am because I haven't been sensitive enough to how injured her and my step-fada are from a car accident they were in this past Sunday. I was actually feeling guilty about it, but the story of the accident kept changing, so I decided to find out the truth for myself by contacting the Sheriffs dept and the Highway Patrol office. Much to my surprise my step-fada wasn't even in the car, the Highway Patrol told me that she wasn't taken to the hospital for injuries because there were no injuries, but she was however taken to jail because she was arrested for a DUI. Nada never ceases to amaze me. Now I am sitting here conflicted because she does not know that I know the truth yet and I really want to confront her about it. Anyone been in this situation or something similar? How did you handle it? > > Thanks for any input/support! > > ~Shan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Good for you for calling the police to check their story!! That would never have occurred to me. I've never been in this situation, but I know my mother exaggerates stories and events to make herself more of a " victim " and gain more sympathy. I don't know your mother, but I bet anything even if you confront her with the truth, she will not admit it. Or she'll say the cop made it up. Would I tell my mother I called the sheriff to check her story? Yup. If anything, she'll respect you more and be less likely to make stuff up. I'm so impressed that you checked on their story! Fiona > > So I have been getting emails and voicemails all week from nada. She has been telling me how " cold " and " selfish " I am because I haven't been sensitive enough to how injured her and my step-fada are from a car accident they were in this past Sunday. I was actually feeling guilty about it, but the story of the accident kept changing, so I decided to find out the truth for myself by contacting the Sheriffs dept and the Highway Patrol office. Much to my surprise my step-fada wasn't even in the car, the Highway Patrol told me that she wasn't taken to the hospital for injuries because there were no injuries, but she was however taken to jail because she was arrested for a DUI. Nada never ceases to amaze me. Now I am sitting here conflicted because she does not know that I know the truth yet and I really want to confront her about it. Anyone been in this situation or something similar? How did you handle it? > > Thanks for any input/support! > > ~Shan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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