dream and sis in law probs

[Guest guest]

Hey Guys,

So last night I dreamed my boyfriend and I went to my parents for Christmas.

My mom's car had broken down and she was sitting in it sobbing while my dad

worked on it. I unloaded the presents and was arranging them. For some

reason, my boyfriend was VERY tall in the dream, like a basketball player.

He's already like 6 foot 5 but he was even taller so his presents were

really big. Anyway, I screwed around for about 2 hours and then got sick of

it and wanted to go home, so I went out and told everyone it was time for us

to go, too bad they'd spent the entire time sobbing and trying to fix the

car. And so we left. What does that mean? It seems kind of powerful. . .

And on another topic - Boyfriend has a sister who I haven't spoken to except

very very superficially in like 5 years. What happened is she got really

drunk one day and grabbed, pulled and shoved me at a party. It wasn't a

fight, more like she wanted me to go someplace and instead of asking she

grabbed and dragged. I am NOT cool with that. I felt like she was trying to

dominate and control me. So anyway, I was so angry we left the party pretty

quickly, and then boyfriend called her and let her know it wasn't okay to

grab me, pull me, yank me or shove me. She said " It's just how I am, " dug in

her heals, and fought for her right to shove me. Boyfriend said fine, hung

up and we pretty much severed the relationship. He is an artist and has art

opennings most months. She started showing up at them uninvited and making

scenes, yelling at him and stuff like that. She wasn't even welcome to

attend, let alone to embarass him in front of friends, art supporters and

potential buyers. He had to escort her out more than once. We still bump

into her at family weddings or things like that once in a while, I basically

give a polite nod and walk away. Once someone gets physically forceful, I

feel that is the end of the relationship. She drinks way to much and smokes

a ton of weed. Her marriage is troubled. Her husband is fairly nice, but he

gave my 8 week old puppy beer one night when he was totally wasted, and I'll

never ever ever forget or forgive that - giving beer to a tiny baby!!! Makes

my blood boil.

Anyway, I'm offering this background because boyfriend got an e-mail from

his sister a couple of days ago. She says 5 years has been long enough and

she loves him and wants to renew the relationship. She then moved on to me

and says " She is glad we have found love. " And also that she would like me

to consider " meeting with her one on one to discuss matters. " I took both

these statements as threats. Why would I meet with someone I don't like one

on one? And if boyfriend wants to have a relationship with her that is

between the 2 of them - but as for me - she is not a safe person and I don't

have any reason to nurture a relationship with her.

So boyfriend doesn't want to have a relationship with her, but he wrote this

long, touching and very sweet letter about how he hopes she gets help for

her alcoholism, and that he feels it is his fault because he is the older

sibling and he used to smoke weed with her as kids. He says verbally that

the point of his letter is to tell her to shove off and that no, he doesn't

want to renew a relationship. I actually got really angry with him for the

letter - because it in no way is going to discourage this chick from trying

to pursue contact. I'm like honey, why the hell would you even respond to

this?

So it turned into kind of a fight. Honestly, boyfriend is like an angel and

he really did listen to me. I told him that I have an honorary PhD in

getting rid of unwanted family members, so he really should listen to me.

Anyway, what do you guys think? I guess boyfriend is a bit of a muggle when

it comes to ending relationships. I told him we should take the issue in to

discuss with my (our) T and listen to her advice. But I'm very uncomfortable

with his tender response to someone I find threatening.

XOXO, Girlscout

[Guest guest]

I started to read this earlier but had to leave the house for a memorial

service for fiance's grandpa. I wanted to reply though, especially on your

dream. I'm not sure if there is hidden meaning in dreams or not, but I like

to think sometimes there is/can be. I also tend to believe it's mostly up

to the person who had the dream to work out what it could mean, BUT... to

me, your dream could be an example of how you might feel about your

parents... like, you waited & waited around to be seen/heard but never were

(as a child and probably adult too). Also seems to say to me that maybe the

'rents felt that possessions were more important than you. I'm sorry =(

This is just my take on it.

As for your bf's sis, you have no obligation to have a relationship with her

unless you wanted to, and frankly, if she wants to see you face to face,

does it have to be one-on-one? Why couldn't he come too? God knows I'd feel

highly uncomfortable meeting any of my fiance's family without him because I

sure don't know them that well! There are a couple of his aunts that I

would feel fine with that, but the rest of them... I don't know them. That

is just weird. And given the uncomfortableness of your first encounter with

her, no. You most certainly are NOT obligated.

As for your bf, you can't control how he responds to her. Obviously he

might be trying to break things to her gently, but she might not get the

point unless he flat out says, " No, I don't want a relationship with you at

this time " and leaves it at that. Especially after all she's put him

through? Sheesh... showing up at a gallery showing & behaving that way is

unacceptable!

So, she's an alcoholic & unable to take responsibility for her own

actions... HMMMMMMMM. Sounds a bit BPD-ish to me. Doesn't mean she is, but

she's surely showing some traits.

Just my 2 cents. Refunds welcome! =)

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Mia,

Yeah, I don't know her well enough to say if she's BPD or not. She doesn't

like other people to have boundaries. She is an alcoholic and a drug abuser.

She got in a fight with a drugged up friend late one night after partying

and the other girl ripped half her hair out a left her bald. That was right

around the time when I met boyfriend so many years ago. So, yeah there is

def something wrong with her personality.

I don't think boy-o sent the letter after all. i think we are going to talk

to T about how to proceed. I was just hoping for support - you set

boundaries and then people set their sights on tearing them down. . .

Hugs

>

>

> I started to read this earlier but had to leave the house for a memorial

> service for fiance's grandpa. I wanted to reply though, especially on your

> dream. I'm not sure if there is hidden meaning in dreams or not, but I like

> to think sometimes there is/can be. I also tend to believe it's mostly up

> to the person who had the dream to work out what it could mean, BUT... to

> me, your dream could be an example of how you might feel about your

> parents... like, you waited & waited around to be seen/heard but never were

> (as a child and probably adult too). Also seems to say to me that maybe the

> 'rents felt that possessions were more important than you. I'm sorry =(

> This is just my take on it.

>

> As for your bf's sis, you have no obligation to have a relationship with

> her

> unless you wanted to, and frankly, if she wants to see you face to face,

> does it have to be one-on-one? Why couldn't he come too? God knows I'd feel

> highly uncomfortable meeting any of my fiance's family without him because

> I

> sure don't know them that well! There are a couple of his aunts that I

> would feel fine with that, but the rest of them... I don't know them. That

> is just weird. And given the uncomfortableness of your first encounter with

> her, no. You most certainly are NOT obligated.

>

> As for your bf, you can't control how he responds to her. Obviously he

> might be trying to break things to her gently, but she might not get the

> point unless he flat out says, " No, I don't want a relationship with you at

> this time " and leaves it at that. Especially after all she's put him

> through? Sheesh... showing up at a gallery showing & behaving that way is

> unacceptable!

>

> So, she's an alcoholic & unable to take responsibility for her own

> actions... HMMMMMMMM. Sounds a bit BPD-ish to me. Doesn't mean she is, but

> she's surely showing some traits.

>

> Just my 2 cents. Refunds welcome! =)

>

> Mia

>

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey GS,

How about this interpretation of your dream? I think your mom's car represents

that your life was being " driven " by your mom's bpd. You all had to get in the

car, and go with her way of doing things. It's her car, so she's in control. In

your dream, her car was broken, which represents your increasing acceptance that

her mentally-ill way of dealing with life does not work for you, and you're not

willing to " get in her car " or " be driven " by her anymore. Your dad was fixing

the car. I think that could mean two things. Either he was the fixer in your

family and tried to keep your mom and her bpd way of life functioning, or he

represents your instinct to try to fix the situation with your mom. I think

your boyfriend represents a much healthier kind of relationship/way of life,

which has taken on an increased importance in your life--that is why he is very

tall in your dream, and also why his presents were so big, representing that

this sort of lifestyle/relationship has much more to offer than your mom's bpd

way of life. Maybe your parents sobbing about the broken car represents your

grief over your whole bpd family situation, but that you're tired of letting

that (and your bpd family) ruin your very special life (represented by

Christmas). Like you did in your dream, you're ready to move on with your own

way of doing things, leaving all the grief and craziness behind.

Just to let you know, I annoy my family with my dream interpretations all the

time Also, I always think that the only person who can really decide on the

meaning of a dream is the dreamer herself.

About your boyfriend's sister--I agree that she does not sound like a safe

person, and I wouldn't want her in my life, either.

Jill

>

> Hey Guys,

> So last night I dreamed my boyfriend and I went to my parents for Christmas.

> My mom's car had broken down and she was sitting in it sobbing while my dad

> worked on it. I unloaded the presents and was arranging them. For some

> reason, my boyfriend was VERY tall in the dream, like a basketball player.

> He's already like 6 foot 5 but he was even taller so his presents were

> really big. Anyway, I screwed around for about 2 hours and then got sick of

> it and wanted to go home, so I went out and told everyone it was time for us

> to go, too bad they'd spent the entire time sobbing and trying to fix the

> car. And so we left. What does that mean? It seems kind of powerful. . .

>

> And on another topic - Boyfriend has a sister who I haven't spoken to except

> very very superficially in like 5 years. What happened is she got really

> drunk one day and grabbed, pulled and shoved me at a party. It wasn't a

> fight, more like she wanted me to go someplace and instead of asking she

> grabbed and dragged. I am NOT cool with that. I felt like she was trying to

> dominate and control me. So anyway, I was so angry we left the party pretty

> quickly, and then boyfriend called her and let her know it wasn't okay to

> grab me, pull me, yank me or shove me. She said " It's just how I am, " dug in

> her heals, and fought for her right to shove me. Boyfriend said fine, hung

> up and we pretty much severed the relationship. He is an artist and has art

> opennings most months. She started showing up at them uninvited and making

> scenes, yelling at him and stuff like that. She wasn't even welcome to

> attend, let alone to embarass him in front of friends, art supporters and

> potential buyers. He had to escort her out more than once. We still bump

> into her at family weddings or things like that once in a while, I basically

> give a polite nod and walk away. Once someone gets physically forceful, I

> feel that is the end of the relationship. She drinks way to much and smokes

> a ton of weed. Her marriage is troubled. Her husband is fairly nice, but he

> gave my 8 week old puppy beer one night when he was totally wasted, and I'll

> never ever ever forget or forgive that - giving beer to a tiny baby!!! Makes

> my blood boil.

>

> Anyway, I'm offering this background because boyfriend got an e-mail from

> his sister a couple of days ago. She says 5 years has been long enough and

> she loves him and wants to renew the relationship. She then moved on to me

> and says " She is glad we have found love. " And also that she would like me

> to consider " meeting with her one on one to discuss matters. " I took both

> these statements as threats. Why would I meet with someone I don't like one

> on one? And if boyfriend wants to have a relationship with her that is

> between the 2 of them - but as for me - she is not a safe person and I don't

> have any reason to nurture a relationship with her.

>

> So boyfriend doesn't want to have a relationship with her, but he wrote this

> long, touching and very sweet letter about how he hopes she gets help for

> her alcoholism, and that he feels it is his fault because he is the older

> sibling and he used to smoke weed with her as kids. He says verbally that

> the point of his letter is to tell her to shove off and that no, he doesn't

> want to renew a relationship. I actually got really angry with him for the

> letter - because it in no way is going to discourage this chick from trying

> to pursue contact. I'm like honey, why the hell would you even respond to

> this?

>

> So it turned into kind of a fight. Honestly, boyfriend is like an angel and

> he really did listen to me. I told him that I have an honorary PhD in

> getting rid of unwanted family members, so he really should listen to me.

>

> Anyway, what do you guys think? I guess boyfriend is a bit of a muggle when

> it comes to ending relationships. I told him we should take the issue in to

> discuss with my (our) T and listen to her advice. But I'm very uncomfortable

> with his tender response to someone I find threatening.

>

> XOXO, Girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Love this interpretation!!! Yes, my boyfriend is my safe person. And yes, my

dad was the fixer. And yes, she is not driving my life anymore. I woke up

feeling strong and empowered like hey, I gave them 2 hours and they wasted

it, and I'm not giving any more.

XOXO Thanks

>

>

>

> Hey GS,

>

> How about this interpretation of your dream? I think your mom's car

> represents that your life was being " driven " by your mom's bpd. You all had

> to get in the car, and go with her way of doing things. It's her car, so

> she's in control. In your dream, her car was broken, which represents your

> increasing acceptance that her mentally-ill way of dealing with life does

> not work for you, and you're not willing to " get in her car " or " be driven "

> by her anymore. Your dad was fixing the car. I think that could mean two

> things. Either he was the fixer in your family and tried to keep your mom

> and her bpd way of life functioning, or he represents your instinct to try

> to fix the situation with your mom. I think your boyfriend represents a much

> healthier kind of relationship/way of life, which has taken on an increased

> importance in your life--that is why he is very tall in your dream, and also

> why his presents were so big, representing that this sort of

> lifestyle/relationship has much more to offer than your mom's bpd way of

> life. Maybe your parents sobbing about the broken car represents your grief

> over your whole bpd family situation, but that you're tired of letting that

> (and your bpd family) ruin your very special life (represented by

> Christmas). Like you did in your dream, you're ready to move on with your

> own way of doing things, leaving all the grief and craziness behind.

>

> Just to let you know, I annoy my family with my dream interpretations all

> the time Also, I always think that the only person who can really decide

> on the meaning of a dream is the dreamer herself.

>

> About your boyfriend's sister--I agree that she does not sound like a safe

> person, and I wouldn't want her in my life, either.

>

> Jill

>

>

>

> >

> > Hey Guys,

> > So last night I dreamed my boyfriend and I went to my parents for

> Christmas.

> > My mom's car had broken down and she was sitting in it sobbing while my

> dad

> > worked on it. I unloaded the presents and was arranging them. For some

> > reason, my boyfriend was VERY tall in the dream, like a basketball

> player.

> > He's already like 6 foot 5 but he was even taller so his presents were

> > really big. Anyway, I screwed around for about 2 hours and then got sick

> of

> > it and wanted to go home, so I went out and told everyone it was time for

> us

> > to go, too bad they'd spent the entire time sobbing and trying to fix the

> > car. And so we left. What does that mean? It seems kind of powerful. . .

> >

> > And on another topic - Boyfriend has a sister who I haven't spoken to

> except

> > very very superficially in like 5 years. What happened is she got really

> > drunk one day and grabbed, pulled and shoved me at a party. It wasn't a

> > fight, more like she wanted me to go someplace and instead of asking she

> > grabbed and dragged. I am NOT cool with that. I felt like she was trying

> to

> > dominate and control me. So anyway, I was so angry we left the party

> pretty

> > quickly, and then boyfriend called her and let her know it wasn't okay to

> > grab me, pull me, yank me or shove me. She said " It's just how I am, " dug

> in

> > her heals, and fought for her right to shove me. Boyfriend said fine,

> hung

> > up and we pretty much severed the relationship. He is an artist and has

> art

> > opennings most months. She started showing up at them uninvited and

> making

> > scenes, yelling at him and stuff like that. She wasn't even welcome to

> > attend, let alone to embarass him in front of friends, art supporters and

> > potential buyers. He had to escort her out more than once. We still bump

> > into her at family weddings or things like that once in a while, I

> basically

> > give a polite nod and walk away. Once someone gets physically forceful, I

> > feel that is the end of the relationship. She drinks way to much and

> smokes

> > a ton of weed. Her marriage is troubled. Her husband is fairly nice, but

> he

> > gave my 8 week old puppy beer one night when he was totally wasted, and

> I'll

> > never ever ever forget or forgive that - giving beer to a tiny baby!!!

> Makes

> > my blood boil.

> >

> > Anyway, I'm offering this background because boyfriend got an e-mail from

> > his sister a couple of days ago. She says 5 years has been long enough

> and

> > she loves him and wants to renew the relationship. She then moved on to

> me

> > and says " She is glad we have found love. " And also that she would like

> me

> > to consider " meeting with her one on one to discuss matters. " I took both

> > these statements as threats. Why would I meet with someone I don't like

> one

> > on one? And if boyfriend wants to have a relationship with her that is

> > between the 2 of them - but as for me - she is not a safe person and I

> don't

> > have any reason to nurture a relationship with her.

> >

> > So boyfriend doesn't want to have a relationship with her, but he wrote

> this

> > long, touching and very sweet letter about how he hopes she gets help for

> > her alcoholism, and that he feels it is his fault because he is the older

> > sibling and he used to smoke weed with her as kids. He says verbally that

> > the point of his letter is to tell her to shove off and that no, he

> doesn't

> > want to renew a relationship. I actually got really angry with him for

> the

> > letter - because it in no way is going to discourage this chick from

> trying

> > to pursue contact. I'm like honey, why the hell would you even respond to

> > this?

> >

> > So it turned into kind of a fight. Honestly, boyfriend is like an angel

> and

> > he really did listen to me. I told him that I have an honorary PhD in

> > getting rid of unwanted family members, so he really should listen to me.

> >

> > Anyway, what do you guys think? I guess boyfriend is a bit of a muggle

> when

> > it comes to ending relationships. I told him we should take the issue in

> to

> > discuss with my (our) T and listen to her advice. But I'm very

> uncomfortable

> > with his tender response to someone I find threatening.

> >

> > XOXO, Girlscout

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

You're welcome! Out of the blue, I just remembered something. Your dream

reminded me of a powerful one I had about my stepnada years and years ago. In

the dream, stepnada had given me some shoes. I put them on and was walking in

them, a long walk, like a hike maybe. But I couldn't go very far before

something would go wrong with the shoes. They would get cactus thorns in them

that would jab my feet, or they would pinch my toes or give me blisters.

Finally in the dream I took those shoes off my feet and threw them away! It was

a very healing sort of dream.

>

> Love this interpretation!!! Yes, my boyfriend is my safe person. And yes, my

> dad was the fixer. And yes, she is not driving my life anymore. I woke up

> feeling strong and empowered like hey, I gave them 2 hours and they wasted

> it, and I'm not giving any more.

> XOXO Thanks

>

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow Jill! That does seem like a very empowering dream. Seems like a

significant one to me as well. Pretty cool.

I love reading about people's dreams hehe.

Mia

>

>

> You're welcome! Out of the blue, I just remembered something. Your dream

> reminded me of a powerful one I had about my stepnada years and years ago.

> In the dream, stepnada had given me some shoes. I put them on and was

> walking in them, a long walk, like a hike maybe. But I couldn't go very far

> before something would go wrong with the shoes. They would get cactus thorns

> in them that would jab my feet, or they would pinch my toes or give me

> blisters. Finally in the dream I took those shoes off my feet and threw them

> away! It was a very healing sort of dream.

>

>

>

> >

> > Love this interpretation!!! Yes, my boyfriend is my safe person. And yes,

> my

> > dad was the fixer. And yes, she is not driving my life anymore. I woke up

> > feeling strong and empowered like hey, I gave them 2 hours and they

> wasted

> > it, and I'm not giving any more.

> > XOXO Thanks

> >

>

> > >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jill that is the COOLEST dream. Kinda wizard of oz influenced, perhaps.

> Wow Jill! That does seem like a very empowering dream. Seems like a

> significant one to me as well. Pretty cool.

>

> I love reading about people's dreams hehe.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > You're welcome! Out of the blue, I just remembered something. Your dream

> > reminded me of a powerful one I had about my stepnada years and years

> ago.

> > In the dream, stepnada had given me some shoes. I put them on and was

> > walking in them, a long walk, like a hike maybe. But I couldn't go very

> far

> > before something would go wrong with the shoes. They would get cactus

> thorns

> > in them that would jab my feet, or they would pinch my toes or give me

> > blisters. Finally in the dream I took those shoes off my feet and threw

> them

> > away! It was a very healing sort of dream.

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > Love this interpretation!!! Yes, my boyfriend is my safe person. And

> yes,

> > my

> > > dad was the fixer. And yes, she is not driving my life anymore. I woke

> up

> > > feeling strong and empowered like hey, I gave them 2 hours and they

> > wasted

> > > it, and I'm not giving any more.

> > > XOXO Thanks

> > >

> >

> > > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>