Officially going NC

[Guest guest]

I finally confronted nada about her DUI. She responded just as I assumed she

would by not taking any responsibility. Not only is any of it her fault, but the

Highway Patrol and me are now the liars. She told me how dare I think that she

would drive drunk. Really? How dare I think that? Um gee, let's see, you plowed

your car in to a wall and were arrested for drunk driving. I know that this has

not been the first time she has driven drunk or even gotten herself in trouble

for being drunk, but it is the first time she is really being held accountable.

I was hoping that this would be a wake-up call for her at least where her

drinking is concerned but she still thinks she can go out and drink and drive

after all of this. I can no longer stand by and watch her put her life as well

as other peoples lives in danger. She ended the conversation by telling me " f*ck

you " and calling me an " uncompassionate, judgemental bitch " . That was it, I was

done.

I have since blocked her from being able to call or text my husband or me. We

also moved about a month ago and did not give nada our new address. We were

already close to NC but are now officially going complete NC and there is not a

doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing this time. I wish it didn't

have to be this way but I have my own family to think about now. Unfortunately

for me nada is not one to go quietly. I am already receiving " hate mail " at my

mother-in-laws house. I honestly wish she would just leave me alone at this

point but nada is not one to take no for an answer. It has gotten bad in the

past when I tried NC. She tried blackmailing me, she would call my work over and

over and harass me there, she has threatened to have our kids taken away from us

even if she has to make something up (even though I know she can't, a CPS

investigation is not something I want to put my family through). My father has

suggested a restraining order if things get out of hand again. Has anyone else

had to deal with anything like this when going NC?

Sorry the post is so long, but even though we have gone NC, I am worried about

nadas next move.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

You did the right thing. Mark this date and celebrate it when you reach one

year, two years, or like me I'm about a week from 8 years. Its a marvelous

thing and opens you up to healing that wouldn't be possible if you weren't

NC.

>

>

> I finally confronted nada about her DUI. She responded just as I assumed

> she would by not taking any responsibility. Not only is any of it her fault,

> but the Highway Patrol and me are now the liars. She told me how dare I

> think that she would drive drunk. Really? How dare I think that? Um gee,

> let's see, you plowed your car in to a wall and were arrested for drunk

> driving. I know that this has not been the first time she has driven drunk

> or even gotten herself in trouble for being drunk, but it is the first time

> she is really being held accountable. I was hoping that this would be a

> wake-up call for her at least where her drinking is concerned but she still

> thinks she can go out and drink and drive after all of this. I can no longer

> stand by and watch her put her life as well as other peoples lives in

> danger. She ended the conversation by telling me " f*ck you " and calling me

> an " uncompassionate, judgemental bitch " . That was it, I was done.

>

> I have since blocked her from being able to call or text my husband or me.

> We also moved about a month ago and did not give nada our new address. We

> were already close to NC but are now officially going complete NC and there

> is not a doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing this time. I wish

> it didn't have to be this way but I have my own family to think about now.

> Unfortunately for me nada is not one to go quietly. I am already receiving

> " hate mail " at my mother-in-laws house. I honestly wish she would just leave

> me alone at this point but nada is not one to take no for an answer. It has

> gotten bad in the past when I tried NC. She tried blackmailing me, she would

> call my work over and over and harass me there, she has threatened to have

> our kids taken away from us even if she has to make something up (even

> though I know she can't, a CPS investigation is not something I want to put

> my family through). My father has suggested a restraining order if things

> get out of hand again. Has anyone else had to deal with anything like this

> when going NC?

>

> Sorry the post is so long, but even though we have gone NC, I am worried

> about nadas next move.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Shann, I'm so sorry for all of this though I know it's not my fault. I'm

sorry that you and your family have to go through it. The only thing I can

think of off the top of my head in regards to a restraining order, is she

would then have your new address. She obviously has to know where she has

to stay away from. I was reading another post about a harassment order,

which I have never heard of. But perhaps that is something you could look

into?

I have to say that I do understand where you are coming from in regards to

her not being the type to just give up & go quietly. I think perhaps most

of our nadas & fadas are like that or have the potential to be like that.

They are serial boundary violators, so of course, when we say " enough "

(NC), it's like a challenge to violate another boundary. I myself have had

fears of my nada tracking me down & showing up at my house. Though the fear

dies a little each day, it's still there to some extent. Perhaps it's hyper

vigilance? I don't know, but I don't think that fear will ever die

completely.

I also wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU for calling her out on her lies about the

DUI!!! I think she responded the way that is to be expected of someone who

likely has BPD or NPD. But still, good for you for putting up the boundary,

for saying, basically, " I know you're lying to me " and standing your ground.

She really must be held accountable for her actions and her behavior. So

hopefully this will be a very loud & clear message to her, but it's unlikely

she will change for the better. She's probably BPD. Sad, really.

Anyway, take it easy and keep us posted. Sending some good vibes your way

and an e-hug (((((Shann)))))

Mia

[Guest guest]

Good for you!!!!

>

> I finally confronted nada about her DUI. She responded just as I assumed she

would by not taking any responsibility. Not only is any of it her fault, but the

Highway Patrol and me are now the liars. She told me how dare I think that she

would drive drunk. Really? How dare I think that? Um gee, let's see, you plowed

your car in to a wall and were arrested for drunk driving. I know that this has

not been the first time she has driven drunk or even gotten herself in trouble

for being drunk, but it is the first time she is really being held accountable.

I was hoping that this would be a wake-up call for her at least where her

drinking is concerned but she still thinks she can go out and drink and drive

after all of this. I can no longer stand by and watch her put her life as well

as other peoples lives in danger. She ended the conversation by telling me " f*ck

you " and calling me an " uncompassionate, judgemental bitch " . That was it, I was

done.

>

> I have since blocked her from being able to call or text my husband or me. We

also moved about a month ago and did not give nada our new address. We were

already close to NC but are now officially going complete NC and there is not a

doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing this time. I wish it didn't

have to be this way but I have my own family to think about now. Unfortunately

for me nada is not one to go quietly. I am already receiving " hate mail " at my

mother-in-laws house. I honestly wish she would just leave me alone at this

point but nada is not one to take no for an answer. It has gotten bad in the

past when I tried NC. She tried blackmailing me, she would call my work over and

over and harass me there, she has threatened to have our kids taken away from us

even if she has to make something up (even though I know she can't, a CPS

investigation is not something I want to put my family through). My father has

suggested a restraining order if things get out of hand again. Has anyone else

had to deal with anything like this when going NC?

>

> Sorry the post is so long, but even though we have gone NC, I am worried about

nadas next move.

>

> Thanks!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the support! I love this group, it has really helped me so much. I

have family who supports and loves me but only you guys truly understand the

nightmare. Oh how I wish I had stood my ground when I went NC ten years ago,

then maybe I wouldn't be here today. I certainly will be celebrating 1, 2, 3, 4,

5,.... years of NC this time around.

Mia,

Thanks so much for the advice and support. I feel the same way about the

restraining order. I have also heard that it is quite the lengthy process and

the thought of having to face nada in a court sounds like its own little

nightmare. I have never heard of a harassment order, but it definitely sounds

like it is worth looking in to. Last time I was NC with nada I was in my early

20's and single, the only person I had to worry about was me. Now I have a

husband and children so I take the threats a lot more seriously this time

around, especially when these threats involve my children. You are so right, my

nada is an extreme serial violator. Last week she said she never wanted to

contact me again yet I got 6 emails from her later that day. Every phone call is

her last phone call, every letter is her last letter, yet she still keeps

contacting me every way she can to get her message across even though I have

already heard it 100 times. Now she is contacting my husbands family to get to

me. When/where will it stop? I don't know. I also have the fear of her showing

up at our new house. That's actually how she found out we moved was because she

decided to show up one day at our old house. We bought our house and are

actually talking about putting it into a trust so that she can not look us up

with the county recorder. Thanks for sending the good vibes and ehugs back

>

> Hi Shann, I'm so sorry for all of this though I know it's not my fault. I'm

> sorry that you and your family have to go through it. The only thing I can

> think of off the top of my head in regards to a restraining order, is she

> would then have your new address. She obviously has to know where she has

> to stay away from. I was reading another post about a harassment order,

> which I have never heard of. But perhaps that is something you could look

> into?

>

> I have to say that I do understand where you are coming from in regards to

> her not being the type to just give up & go quietly. I think perhaps most

> of our nadas & fadas are like that or have the potential to be like that.

> They are serial boundary violators, so of course, when we say " enough "

> (NC), it's like a challenge to violate another boundary. I myself have had

> fears of my nada tracking me down & showing up at my house. Though the fear

> dies a little each day, it's still there to some extent. Perhaps it's hyper

> vigilance? I don't know, but I don't think that fear will ever die

> completely.

>

> I also wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU for calling her out on her lies about the

> DUI!!! I think she responded the way that is to be expected of someone who

> likely has BPD or NPD. But still, good for you for putting up the boundary,

> for saying, basically, " I know you're lying to me " and standing your ground.

> She really must be held accountable for her actions and her behavior. So

> hopefully this will be a very loud & clear message to her, but it's unlikely

> she will change for the better. She's probably BPD. Sad, really.

>

> Anyway, take it easy and keep us posted. Sending some good vibes your way

> and an e-hug (((((Shann)))))

>

> Mia

>

>

>