Nada's Latest Tirade Plus New Wrinkle

[Guest guest]

It was quite a morning!

I called nada as I do every morning to see how she is doing in the hospice care

unit (she will be going home Wednesday as Medicare won't pay for her to be

there any longer). Amazingly it has only been a week then! Trust me it feels

like a lot longer to me!

Anyway nada was VERY mean and nasty saying it was MY fault she was 'in there'

and she doesn't want me in her life. She REALLY got nasty and vicious and

that's my nada alright. I felt like saying 'yeah and if it weren't for ME you'd

be laying in your own vomit, feces and urine - your place REEKED and was unfit

for human habitation; no one would have cleaned it out and you would be sent to

a nursing home where you do NOT want to be. AND you wouldn't be able to walk

still, but now you can. I did everything by the book from a distance and I did

what I felt had to be done every step of the way. I bit my tongue but part of

me wanted to tell her off and then thought why bother since she's dying and

telling nada the truth about anything is like beating your head against a wall -

feels good when you stop. She went on to bring up my friend who she

said, 'and another thing. I do NOT like and you will find out I'm right

about her when I die. She just WANTS something from you and she wants it

badly. " is the most selfless woman I know as most of my close friends

are up here. She is a nurse practitioner/mental health therapist and diagnosed

nada for me upon meeting her for free. She knows I don't have $ and never asks

for a thing. She spent all day putting together my kitchen set and my kitchen

trolley when I moved in here and didn't ask for a thing. I bought us dinner at

Pizza Hut because I WANTED to and I owed her that I felt for helping me all day

on her day off. She has also helped me every time I have needed her. I have NO

idea where nada is getting those ideas but anyway.

She went off on me about them 'wanting to take my blood - you bitch' and it's

'your fault'. No, nada they already TOOK blood and it shows according to her

nurse there that she has such a low blood count that it is dangerous to her and

asked ME if I would consent to a blood transfusion tomorrow which nada was

refusing. I told her yes but they have her living will - she IS in hospice and

the nurse told me good thing I was giving nada unbeknown to her a 90th birthday

party early on Saturday because it WILL be her last and no it was NOT anemia -

but some 'major organ is bleeding'. She said she feels it is her stomach

lining. This is consistent with the severe stomach pains nada has had for two

weeks; vomiting blood for MONTHS now off and on (would not see a doctor);

losing weight and means she is literally starving to death no matter what she

eats since her stomach is not digesting the food and assimilating the nutrients

for her. I suspect stomach cancer and have for awhile but so far no one is

saying that but I was told she may not make it through the blood transfusion as

there ARE risks with someone in her condition. I read that her body could

reject the blood; it could be from someone who has pneumonia or a virus and give

it to nada etc. and 50% of people in nada's condition (elderly, feeble, in poor

health etc.) DO wind up dying from blood transfusions so tomorrow morning is

crucial. She will be taken to the hospital next door for the blood transfusion

and they have to monitor her for two hours and then will return her to the

hospice unit to stay until Wednesday when she is released. Did I do the right

thing by over riding her veto for the blood transfusion? I will feel very badly

if she dies from the blood transfusion even though it won't be my fault really.

No I don't like nada. She had a right to live her life the way she wanted to as

we all do but she hurt and destroyed a lot of people by doing it and that's not

okay. I am a mixture of sad, angry, hurt and yet glad that it seems it WILL be

over soon now. I am exhausted and haven't slept well for four nights now. So

what do all of you think? Did I do the right thing getting her the blood

transfusion despite the outcome?

[Guest guest]

You're giving your nada blood? And it's not a joke? Wow, you are a very

charitable person. I wouldn't give my nada the time of day if she asked right

now. I wouldn't say excuse me if I farted upwind of her.

Sorry to make light. I don't know if you did the right thing. You can only do

what is right for you.

>

> It was quite a morning!

>

> I called nada as I do every morning to see how she is doing in the hospice

care unit (she will be going home Wednesday as Medicare won't pay for her to be

there any longer). Amazingly it has only been a week then! Trust me it feels

like a lot longer to me!

>

> Anyway nada was VERY mean and nasty saying it was MY fault she was 'in there'

and she doesn't want me in her life. She REALLY got nasty and vicious and

that's my nada alright. I felt like saying 'yeah and if it weren't for ME you'd

be laying in your own vomit, feces and urine - your place REEKED and was unfit

for human habitation; no one would have cleaned it out and you would be sent to

a nursing home where you do NOT want to be. AND you wouldn't be able to walk

still, but now you can. I did everything by the book from a distance and I did

what I felt had to be done every step of the way. I bit my tongue but part of

me wanted to tell her off and then thought why bother since she's dying and

telling nada the truth about anything is like beating your head against a wall -

feels good when you stop. She went on to bring up my friend who she

said, 'and another thing. I do NOT like and you will find out I'm right

about her when I die. She just WANTS something from you and she wants it

badly. " is the most selfless woman I know as most of my close friends

are up here. She is a nurse practitioner/mental health therapist and diagnosed

nada for me upon meeting her for free. She knows I don't have $ and never asks

for a thing. She spent all day putting together my kitchen set and my kitchen

trolley when I moved in here and didn't ask for a thing. I bought us dinner at

Pizza Hut because I WANTED to and I owed her that I felt for helping me all day

on her day off. She has also helped me every time I have needed her. I have NO

idea where nada is getting those ideas but anyway.

> She went off on me about them 'wanting to take my blood - you bitch' and it's

'your fault'. No, nada they already TOOK blood and it shows according to her

nurse there that she has such a low blood count that it is dangerous to her and

asked ME if I would consent to a blood transfusion tomorrow which nada was

refusing. I told her yes but they have her living will - she IS in hospice and

the nurse told me good thing I was giving nada unbeknown to her a 90th birthday

party early on Saturday because it WILL be her last and no it was NOT anemia -

but some 'major organ is bleeding'. She said she feels it is her stomach

lining. This is consistent with the severe stomach pains nada has had for two

weeks; vomiting blood for MONTHS now off and on (would not see a doctor);

losing weight and means she is literally starving to death no matter what she

eats since her stomach is not digesting the food and assimilating the nutrients

for her. I suspect stomach cancer and have for awhile but so far no one is

saying that but I was told she may not make it through the blood transfusion as

there ARE risks with someone in her condition. I read that her body could

reject the blood; it could be from someone who has pneumonia or a virus and give

it to nada etc. and 50% of people in nada's condition (elderly, feeble, in poor

health etc.) DO wind up dying from blood transfusions so tomorrow morning is

crucial. She will be taken to the hospital next door for the blood transfusion

and they have to monitor her for two hours and then will return her to the

hospice unit to stay until Wednesday when she is released. Did I do the right

thing by over riding her veto for the blood transfusion? I will feel very badly

if she dies from the blood transfusion even though it won't be my fault really.

No I don't like nada. She had a right to live her life the way she wanted to as

we all do but she hurt and destroyed a lot of people by doing it and that's not

okay. I am a mixture of sad, angry, hurt and yet glad that it seems it WILL be

over soon now. I am exhausted and haven't slept well for four nights now. So

what do all of you think? Did I do the right thing getting her the blood

transfusion despite the outcome?

>

[Guest guest]

I guess I'm confused about the whole " hospice " thing. I thought that hospice is

a comfortable hotel-like setting where terminally ill people go when they are

near death (I think its terminal within 6 months or less, right?) and only

pain-reducing medications are given.

If that's the case, then I don't understand giving life-saving treatments (a

blood transfusion is a life-saving treatment, right?) to the terminally ill in

hospice...? ...to prolong their death?

And I don't understand being sent to a hospice and then getting sent home again?

So, people who are NOT terminally ill are sent to hospice... temporarily?

Instead of being sent to a hospital?

But if a blood transfusion is only palliative (it doesn't really help prolong

her life, it just temporarily masks or reduces her pain) then, aren't their

other ways to reduce/eliminate her pain (like morphine) without putting her

through a transfusion against her will?

Sorry, I'm just not getting the picture here, its not making sense to me.

And after the transfusion, your nada is being returned at her insistence to her

vomit-encrusted, feces-encrusted, urine-soaked home? She can't just stay in the

nice, clean hospice or in a nursing home for a week or so until her house gets

the haz-mat treatment... and THEN go back home, if that's what she wants?

I can't see the point in giving a transfusion to a terminally ill person who

doesn't want one, myself. But you have to choose what you feel is the best

option for you and your nada, you're the only one who can.

I feel for your dilemma, its horrible; you are in a no-win situation.

May we all find peace and healing, in this life or in the next.

-Annie

>

> It was quite a morning!

>

> I called nada as I do every morning to see how she is doing in the hospice

care unit (she will be going home Wednesday as Medicare won't pay for her to be

there any longer). Amazingly it has only been a week then! Trust me it feels

like a lot longer to me!

>

> Anyway nada was VERY mean and nasty saying it was MY fault she was 'in there'

and she doesn't want me in her life. She REALLY got nasty and vicious and

that's my nada alright. I felt like saying 'yeah and if it weren't for ME you'd

be laying in your own vomit, feces and urine - your place REEKED and was unfit

for human habitation; no one would have cleaned it out and you would be sent to

a nursing home where you do NOT want to be. AND you wouldn't be able to walk

still, but now you can. I did everything by the book from a distance and I did

what I felt had to be done every step of the way. I bit my tongue but part of

me wanted to tell her off and then thought why bother since she's dying and

telling nada the truth about anything is like beating your head against a wall -

feels good when you stop. She went on to bring up my friend who she

said, 'and another thing. I do NOT like and you will find out I'm right

about her when I die. She just WANTS something from you and she wants it

badly. " is the most selfless woman I know as most of my close friends

are up here. She is a nurse practitioner/mental health therapist and diagnosed

nada for me upon meeting her for free. She knows I don't have $ and never asks

for a thing. She spent all day putting together my kitchen set and my kitchen

trolley when I moved in here and didn't ask for a thing. I bought us dinner at

Pizza Hut because I WANTED to and I owed her that I felt for helping me all day

on her day off. She has also helped me every time I have needed her. I have NO

idea where nada is getting those ideas but anyway.

> She went off on me about them 'wanting to take my blood - you bitch' and it's

'your fault'. No, nada they already TOOK blood and it shows according to her

nurse there that she has such a low blood count that it is dangerous to her and

asked ME if I would consent to a blood transfusion tomorrow which nada was

refusing. I told her yes but they have her living will - she IS in hospice and

the nurse told me good thing I was giving nada unbeknown to her a 90th birthday

party early on Saturday because it WILL be her last and no it was NOT anemia -

but some 'major organ is bleeding'. She said she feels it is her stomach

lining. This is consistent with the severe stomach pains nada has had for two

weeks; vomiting blood for MONTHS now off and on (would not see a doctor);

losing weight and means she is literally starving to death no matter what she

eats since her stomach is not digesting the food and assimilating the nutrients

for her. I suspect stomach cancer and have for awhile but so far no one is

saying that but I was told she may not make it through the blood transfusion as

there ARE risks with someone in her condition. I read that her body could

reject the blood; it could be from someone who has pneumonia or a virus and give

it to nada etc. and 50% of people in nada's condition (elderly, feeble, in poor

health etc.) DO wind up dying from blood transfusions so tomorrow morning is

crucial. She will be taken to the hospital next door for the blood transfusion

and they have to monitor her for two hours and then will return her to the

hospice unit to stay until Wednesday when she is released. Did I do the right

thing by over riding her veto for the blood transfusion? I will feel very badly

if she dies from the blood transfusion even though it won't be my fault really.

No I don't like nada. She had a right to live her life the way she wanted to as

we all do but she hurt and destroyed a lot of people by doing it and that's not

okay. I am a mixture of sad, angry, hurt and yet glad that it seems it WILL be

over soon now. I am exhausted and haven't slept well for four nights now. So

what do all of you think? Did I do the right thing getting her the blood

transfusion despite the outcome?

>

[Guest guest]

that it seems it WILL be over soon now. I am exhausted and haven't slept well

for four nights now. So what do all of you think? Did I do the right thing

getting her the blood transfusion despite the outcome?

>

Absolutely, I think if you had said no to the blood transfusion it might have

haunted you later. Here you know that you did the right thing by your nada.

She's not in her right mind to make decisions for herself anymore (or for a long

time sounds like). Please remember to take care of you - I'm sure it's hard to

sleep with all this going on. Maybe take an Epsom salt bath, some Tylenol PM,

put some lavender essential oil around....whatever works for you to help with

the stress.

[Guest guest]

As I understood it she authorized a transfusion at a hospital in another

city...not *her* own blood. I'd have trouble with that one too!

>

> You're giving your nada blood? And it's not a joke? Wow, you are a very

charitable person. I wouldn't give my nada the time of day if she asked right

now. I wouldn't say excuse me if I farted upwind of her.

>

> Sorry to make light. I don't know if you did the right thing. You can only do

what is right for you.

>

>