Being on this board is HARD WORK!!!!

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone, well I have been on this board for a few weeks now...I have read

wide-eyed your stories that seem to be straight out of my life...I have felt for

the first time that yes there are others out there who truly do understand...I

have at times laughed hysterically, but there's been a lot of sharp intakes of

breath, a lot of waves of nausea, terror and a lot of tears....

And now I've started having crazy dreams...I feel like it's all too much and I

might need to stop reading in case the weight of the sorrow turns me crazy.

I want to keep reading this board becasue part o f me KNOWS for sure it is

helpful to be a part of something bigger, unravelling the mystery...but at the

same time it takes me back to all the dark stuff that I really hate to dwell

on...and all those years i was told that my reality wasn't true in a way

protected me from totally freaking out about what happened...

and what if being involved in this board will be the thing that pushes me over

into actually freaking? has it happened to anyone else?

Sometimes I read others comments and know if I was a nicer person I could

respond with kind or comforting words...but the content of our communal sorrow

just seems to swallow me up.

I guess I wanted to just say that it is HARD going, and for everyone who posts

anything, I am appreciative of your honesty even if I am not well enough to help

anyone else yet.

I used my real name so I guess thats some progress! ; )

[Guest guest]

,

we all take breaks sometimes I've had some crazy dreams about my fada and

family when I keep up on the board, and when it all got to be too much, I

took a hiatus until I felt ready to come back.

All that matters is what YOU need, so take care of yourself!

Holly

>

>

> Hi Everyone, well I have been on this board for a few weeks now...I have

> read wide-eyed your stories that seem to be straight out of my life...I have

> felt for the first time that yes there are others out there who truly do

> understand...I have at times laughed hysterically, but there's been a lot of

> sharp intakes of breath, a lot of waves of nausea, terror and a lot of

> tears....

>

> And now I've started having crazy dreams...I feel like it's all too much

> and I might need to stop reading in case the weight of the sorrow turns me

> crazy.

>

> I want to keep reading this board becasue part o f me KNOWS for sure it is

> helpful to be a part of something bigger, unravelling the mystery...but at

> the same time it takes me back to all the dark stuff that I really hate to

> dwell on...and all those years i was told that my reality wasn't true in a

> way protected me from totally freaking out about what happened...

> and what if being involved in this board will be the thing that pushes me

> over into actually freaking? has it happened to anyone else?

>

> Sometimes I read others comments and know if I was a nicer person I could

> respond with kind or comforting words...but the content of our communal

> sorrow just seems to swallow me up.

>

> I guess I wanted to just say that it is HARD going, and for everyone who

> posts anything, I am appreciative of your honesty even if I am not well

> enough to help anyone else yet.

>

> I used my real name so I guess thats some progress! ; )

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , it's perfectly ok to back off and take a break any time you need

it =) Especially if you're feeling overwhelmed. I had a similar experience

a few weeks ago. I LOVE this list & the people here, but my brain was on

overload with PTSD stuff. My T told me to take a break, and I did. And now

I'm slowly getting back into the groove of things and reading when I can.

Also with starting back to school tomorrow I won't have as much time to be

on, but I do want participate when I can!

So I sure do know where you are coming from. If you need to take a break,

take a break. It's ok & we will be here when you get back =) Keep yourself

sane and happy and know you are NOT alone. There's something very powerful

in knowing that we're not alone.

Take it easy & do what's right for you =)

Mia

>

>

> Hi Everyone, well I have been on this board for a few weeks now...I have

> read wide-eyed your stories that seem to be straight out of my life...I have

> felt for the first time that yes there are others out there who truly do

> understand...I have at times laughed hysterically, but there's been a lot of

> sharp intakes of breath, a lot of waves of nausea, terror and a lot of

> tears....

>

> And now I've started having crazy dreams...I feel like it's all too much

> and I might need to stop reading in case the weight of the sorrow turns me

> crazy.

>

> I want to keep reading this board becasue part o f me KNOWS for sure it is

> helpful to be a part of something bigger, unravelling the mystery...but at

> the same time it takes me back to all the dark stuff that I really hate to

> dwell on...and all those years i was told that my reality wasn't true in a

> way protected me from totally freaking out about what happened...

> and what if being involved in this board will be the thing that pushes me

> over into actually freaking? has it happened to anyone else?

>

> Sometimes I read others comments and know if I was a nicer person I could

> respond with kind or comforting words...but the content of our communal

> sorrow just seems to swallow me up.

>

> I guess I wanted to just say that it is HARD going, and for everyone who

> posts anything, I am appreciative of your honesty even if I am not well

> enough to help anyone else yet.

>

> I used my real name so I guess thats some progress! ; )

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I joined around two years ago and I am not able to contribute nearly as much as

I get from this amazing support group. I visit sporadically when I feel like I

am struggling to hard and not able to handle things without any support. I come

to feel connected and to read (which I find quite therapeutic). Sometimes I feel

like I might have something meaningful to contribute, at other times I just

vent.

I am very grateful for every person who is a member of this group and for every

post that has been written here. I feel particularly indebted to the core group

of great people who are here on a more regular basis - they keep this group

alive for all of us.

You are not alone - not everyone can be here every day. Nobody has ever made me

feel bad about not visiting regularly. On the contrary, I always find great

support and amazing kindness and wisdom here.

Arianna

>

> Hi Everyone, well I have been on this board for a few weeks now...I have read

wide-eyed your stories that seem to be straight out of my life...I have felt for

the first time that yes there are others out there who truly do understand...I

have at times laughed hysterically, but there's been a lot of sharp intakes of

breath, a lot of waves of nausea, terror and a lot of tears....

>

> And now I've started having crazy dreams...I feel like it's all too much and I

might need to stop reading in case the weight of the sorrow turns me crazy.

>

> I want to keep reading this board becasue part o f me KNOWS for sure it is

helpful to be a part of something bigger, unravelling the mystery...but at the

same time it takes me back to all the dark stuff that I really hate to dwell

on...and all those years i was told that my reality wasn't true in a way

protected me from totally freaking out about what happened...

> and what if being involved in this board will be the thing that pushes me over

into actually freaking? has it happened to anyone else?

>

> Sometimes I read others comments and know if I was a nicer person I could

respond with kind or comforting words...but the content of our communal sorrow

just seems to swallow me up.

>

> I guess I wanted to just say that it is HARD going, and for everyone who posts

anything, I am appreciative of your honesty even if I am not well enough to help

anyone else yet.

>

> I used my real name so I guess thats some progress! ; )

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I love your honesty. You are so right, it's very hard work and sometimes it's

just tiring.

It's hard at times to read others' posts b/c of what they had to live through.

Glad you're with us! (well, you know what I mean!)

Fiona

>

> Hi Everyone, well I have been on this board for a few weeks now...I have read

wide-eyed your stories that seem to be straight out of my life...I have felt for

the first time that yes there are others out there who truly do understand...I

have at times laughed hysterically, but there's been a lot of sharp intakes of

breath, a lot of waves of nausea, terror and a lot of tears....

>

> And now I've started having crazy dreams...I feel like it's all too much and I

might need to stop reading in case the weight of the sorrow turns me crazy.

>

> I want to keep reading this board becasue part o f me KNOWS for sure it is

helpful to be a part of something bigger, unravelling the mystery...but at the

same time it takes me back to all the dark stuff that I really hate to dwell

on...and all those years i was told that my reality wasn't true in a way

protected me from totally freaking out about what happened...

> and what if being involved in this board will be the thing that pushes me over

into actually freaking? has it happened to anyone else?

>

> Sometimes I read others comments and know if I was a nicer person I could

respond with kind or comforting words...but the content of our communal sorrow

just seems to swallow me up.

>

> I guess I wanted to just say that it is HARD going, and for everyone who posts

anything, I am appreciative of your honesty even if I am not well enough to help

anyone else yet.

>

> I used my real name so I guess thats some progress! ; )

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ALL

Thanks for support yesterday - it was just a very teary and grieving day. I

should maybe stay away from the board on very bad days! My poor

trying-to-understand husband had also been trying to encourage me to have more

contact with the FOO, so that made me feel threatened and scared, and alone. He

was worried that my current levels of anger and hatred were not healthy. But I

defended my need to feel angry with them for all they had done to me. I had

never taken stock of the ABUSE it pains me to just write that word.

However today I got up, and noticed the sun was shining a teensy bit brighter

that normal (!) and I realised - Progress is having these rough ugly feelings

and being able to not shut them away or numb them out, but share them and own

them and be legitimate! And have you guys validate that my feeling are A-OK!

And that is progress indeed!

I still feel crap! But at least I can feel stuff!

Thanks

[Guest guest]

I heard something great on a meditation clip yesterday. (stay angry as long

as you need to!) It said that the people who hurt me were doing they're best

at their level of consciousness and then it asked me to think about when I

hurt someone and it asked me to do something about it to make it better. I

liked it because it helped me see why I hurt someone and to try and

understand (being in) the shoes of someone who hurt me.

>

>

> Dear ALL

> Thanks for support yesterday - it was just a very teary and grieving day. I

> should maybe stay away from the board on very bad days! My poor

> trying-to-understand husband had also been trying to encourage me to have

> more contact with the FOO, so that made me feel threatened and scared, and

> alone. He was worried that my current levels of anger and hatred were not

> healthy. But I defended my need to feel angry with them for all they had

> done to me. I had never taken stock of the ABUSE it pains me to just write

> that word.

>

> However today I got up, and noticed the sun was shining a teensy bit

> brighter that normal (!) and I realised - Progress is having these rough

> ugly feelings and being able to not shut them away or numb them out, but

> share them and own them and be legitimate! And have you guys validate that

> my feeling are A-OK!

> And that is progress indeed!

>

> I still feel crap! But at least I can feel stuff!

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I like the idea of " empathy exercises " ; I believe that we here on this board are

generally a very empathetic bunch. Caring if we've hurt someone's feelings and

wanting to apologize and expressing remorse, desiring to atone for having hurt

someone, etc., those are very positive things to do.

However, I can't agree that *everyone* who has hurt me was " doing his or her

best at his or her level of consciousness. "

That is probably the case with most people, those who are relatively mentally

healthy, but it is *not* the case with those who are psychopathic, or close to

it. Such individuals literally *do not care* if they hurt other people or not;

they lack empathy, lack the capacity to feel guilt, and they lack remorse. They

are quite literally wired differently than " normal " , and that makes them

dangerous.

I think its important to recognize that such individuals exist and that we need

to protect ourselves from them.

From a study, " Neurobiological Basis for Psychopathy " by R. Blair, PhD.

" ...A striking feature of much of the antisocial behavior shown by individuals

with psychopathy is that it is mostly instrumental in nature, i.e. goal-directed

towards achieving money, sexual opportunities or increased status (Cornell et

al, 1996). This suggests that the pathology associated with psychopathy

interferes with socialization. It is well known that empathy-inducing, positive

parenting practices give rise to less antisocial behavior than punishment-based,

negative parenting practices. This relationship is shown in healthy developing

children as well as in children with conduct disorder who do not present with

the emotional dysfunction of psychopathy. However, for children with conduct

disorder who do present with emotional dysfunction, there is no relationship

between parenting behaviors and level of antisocial behavior (Wootton et al,

1997). In other words, the emotional impairment found in individuals with

psychopathy interferes with socialization such that the individual does not

learn to avoid antisocial behavior.

Socialization involves aversive conditioning and instrumental learning. In order

to learn that hitting another is bad, this thought must be associated with an

aversive unconditioned stimulus (e.g. the distress of the victim). Similarly,

learning to avoid committing moral transgressions involves committing a moral

transgression and then being `punished' by the aversive response of the victim's

distress (Blair, 1995). Individuals with psychopathy present with severe

difficulties in both aversive conditioning and instrumental learning (,

1994; Blair, 2001). Moreover, they have particular difficulties processing the

fearfulness and sadness of others (Blair, 2001). "

The psychopathic individual *sees* your distress, your pain, and your fear that

he or she has caused... and Does. Not. Care.

Its hard for us to wrap our minds around this concept, but, that is what

psychopathy is: its like the part of their brain that is supposed to register

the human and humane qualities of empathy, guilt, and remorse is *missing.*

So, I'm just sharing this by way of saying that its good to be compassionate and

empathetic, but not to the point of naivety.

-Annie

>

> I heard something great on a meditation clip yesterday. (stay angry as long

> as you need to!) It said that the people who hurt me were doing they're best

> at their level of consciousness and then it asked me to think about when I

> hurt someone and it asked me to do something about it to make it better. I

> liked it because it helped me see why I hurt someone and to try and

> understand (being in) the shoes of someone who hurt me.