Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 My Nada does this ALL THE TIME. It's just one of many reasons I don't tell her anything anymore. The way she latches on to petty memories that serve her in one way or another is incredibly creepy and downright infuriating. And yet with other things, she'll spin the memory, or exaggerate it, or create false memories altogether. And I know it's not me, because she'll do it in front of my brother and we'll just look at each other and roll our eyes because we remember the way something actually happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Yes my nada stole my relationships with people, or took the credit for the relationship, or made stuff up about me, made stuff up about them or just exagerated things to the point they were unrecognizable. I told my T that my dad called it " poetic lisence " and my T said, yes he had to say that to justify it and minimize it to himself. > > > My Nada does this ALL THE TIME. It's just one of many reasons I don't tell > her anything anymore. The way she latches on to petty memories that serve > her in one way or another is incredibly creepy and downright infuriating. > > And yet with other things, she'll spin the memory, or exaggerate it, or > create false memories altogether. And I know it's not me, because she'll do > it in front of my brother and we'll just look at each other and roll our > eyes because we remember the way something actually happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh gosh. The actual relationship stealing. I could go on about that for a day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 That's one of the main reasons I had to go NC to survive. FOO's creepy, creepy way of remembering every single last detail of my life and re-counting it to me in shaming, odd, horrible ways. Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. They remembered stuff about my life I had forgotten about 10 years prior, and brought it up in conversations like it happened yesterday. Um . . . if isn't relevant to me anymore and you could caren't less about me . . .. than why do you have every page of my life memorized? It was like having someone peek up my skirt all the time. >shudder< > > I wonder if this has ever happened to you guys. Yesterday my nada did it twice in the space of thirty minutes. I was talking about my couldnt-care-less apartment manager and she said, Joe was just that way, remember how he just wanted to read a book and not help the customers? JOE, was my ex-bf who I dated for three years, that was something about him I shared with her at the time. Joe hasn't been in my life for *twenty* years. Then she does it again. I'm about the same problem and she free associates it again and she says...you know Jeff thought you were overreacting about stuff like that. AGAIN, it wasn't really related, Jeff was my ex-bf who hasn't been in the picture for over ten years, who she only met *once*. Yet she feels like she can just bring them up as if she had relationships with them or was there when the memories happened that she is referring too. It makes me realize that she may have been far more enmeshed or trying to live vicariously through my dating life than I ever realized at the time. Back then I foolishly shared a lot more details about my life and those in it, and she *remembers* all those details now and feels free to bring them up as if they are hers. It creeps me out. > > Maybe that Grey Gardens movie is till just getting to me. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 OMG, other people do the memory peak up the skirt to me pretty often. UGH what do you do about that? On Wed, Mar 2, 2011 at 5:00 PM, kyjohnson40days wrote: > > > That's one of the main reasons I had to go NC to survive. FOO's creepy, > creepy way of remembering every single last detail of my life and > re-counting it to me in shaming, odd, horrible ways. > > Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. They remembered > stuff about my life I had forgotten about 10 years prior, and brought it up > in conversations like it happened yesterday. > > Um . . . if isn't relevant to me anymore and you could caren't less about > me . . . than why do you have every page of my life memorized? > > It was like having someone peek up my skirt all the time. >shudder< > > > > > > > I wonder if this has ever happened to you guys. Yesterday my nada did it > twice in the space of thirty minutes. I was talking about my > couldnt-care-less apartment manager and she said, Joe was just that way, > remember how he just wanted to read a book and not help the customers? JOE, > was my ex-bf who I dated for three years, that was something about him I > shared with her at the time. Joe hasn't been in my life for *twenty* years. > Then she does it again. I'm about the same problem and she free associates > it again and she says...you know Jeff thought you were overreacting about > stuff like that. AGAIN, it wasn't really related, Jeff was my ex-bf who > hasn't been in the picture for over ten years, who she only met *once*. Yet > she feels like she can just bring them up as if she had relationships with > them or was there when the memories happened that she is referring too. It > makes me realize that she may have been far more enmeshed or trying to live > vicariously through my dating life than I ever realized at the time. Back > then I foolishly shared a lot more details about my life and those in it, > and she *remembers* all those details now and feels free to bring them up as > if they are hers. It creeps me out. > > > > Maybe that Grey Gardens movie is till just getting to me. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Ugh. She's taking things that happened and weaving them into completely unrelated conversations to make some disordered point. Just another example of how differently they can see things. My nada brings up ancient history, but in a completely inaccurate fashion. She's a revisionist who changes things or retells stories out of context to hide or mitigate her wrongdoing and make the other person (usually me) look like a monster. I've found that it's not even worth it to correct her anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 My nada did/does that " stealing " my and others' life-events & relationships and memories thing too, rewriting history to the point that its unrecognizable, and dad minimized all this stuff as well, attributing most of nada's difficult, negative behaviors to her being " high strung. " (nervous and temperamental, like a thoroughbred race horse, I guess.) -Annie > > > > > > > My Nada does this ALL THE TIME. It's just one of many reasons I don't tell > > her anything anymore. The way she latches on to petty memories that serve > > her in one way or another is incredibly creepy and downright infuriating. > > > > And yet with other things, she'll spin the memory, or exaggerate it, or > > create false memories altogether. And I know it's not me, because she'll do > > it in front of my brother and we'll just look at each other and roll our > > eyes because we remember the way something actually happened. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I can certainly relate to this: during a visit to my home (2000 miles from nada's home) nada told me that " no one wants to be your friend because you have so many children " Crazy making May we all heal, Connie > > > I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. > > I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. > > I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... > > On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " > she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... > " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " > > NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Wow, yes, I'll second the motion that your nada is actually psychopathic, . That kind of deliberate cruelty is way more severe than the scattered, disorganized, impulsive, emotionally dysregulated borderline pd brain. I think my nada has a streak of psychopathy too, in that she seems to actually enjoy hurting my feelings and will wait for opportune moments to zing me when it will have the most negative impact AND be the most plausibly deniable. -Annie > > > I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. > > I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. > > I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... > > On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " > she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... > " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " > > NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Wow, looks like this is a nada trait as opposed to weirdness particular to my own nada. Karla you said it: " Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. " That is how it feels. How can she remember such tiny details yet know nothing of what matters, nothing of me as a person. It's so strange. This is a really sensitive one for me to share, but it feels right to relate it here. When I was in elementary school we (my and my nada only) lived next to a wonderful family that took care of me after school. I played with their kids and got to experience a slice of normality. One of the siblings and I were very close - . He became like a brother to me for over three years. My nada decided to move us to another city and I was destroyed down to the ground. For me that marked the end of my childhood. I was only ten and I'm quite sure I wasn't hiding those feelings back then. Fast-forward thirty years later. Tangentially related to nothing I think comic book characters in movies, my nada says " Do you remember that little boy in TownX? " (Do I remember? Do I freaking remember?) " He really liked teenage mutant ninja turtles, do your remember that? " And you know, I didn't remember it. So she got to act as if she remembered him, who was like a brother to me, better than I did. I wish I could have confronted her on mind-boggling it is that she could remember that one small detail about him and not remember that I loved him and it broke my heart when she took me away from him. And she provided no comfort, no understanding and I had to deal with my grief alone. Yes mom, I do remember him. PS - RG - I sure wish I could move to another country - good on you for doing it! > > That's one of the main reasons I had to go NC to survive. FOO's creepy, creepy way of remembering every single last detail of my life and re-counting it to me in shaming, odd, horrible ways. > > Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. They remembered stuff about my life I had forgotten about 10 years prior, and brought it up in conversations like it happened yesterday. > > Um . . . if isn't relevant to me anymore and you could caren't less about me . .. . than why do you have every page of my life memorized? > > It was like having someone peek up my skirt all the time. >shudder< > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Seconding that - a mother who would say that to her child of ANY age is truly not-a-mother. RG, I hoped you didn't take those words in and rejected them completely. > > > > > > I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. > > > > I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. > > > > I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... > > > > On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " > > she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... > > " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " > > > > NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Hi you know what? Silly me I hadn't worked out the game plan then...so I told my dad and brothers what she had said and why I was upset and they turned against me and said I was lying and making it up. I was devastated. I realised then if I was to OWN me it would be cutting off from all of them forever. My last bit of hope is that after she has died the others might be able to reevaluate things... BTW anyone can move to another country but it is much more difficult to distance your soul from those who have shaped and hurt us. I think moving has saved my literal sanity though. I was wondering if you are still in touch with your childhood friend? Your story was so sad. So sad- it took a little gasp from me. " Sorry " to your child-back-then from Us-on-the-Board. > > > > > > > > > I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. > > > > > > I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. > > > > > > I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... > > > > > > On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " > > > she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... > > > " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " > > > > > > NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 My stepmom would tell me, " If you don't straighten up, you won't have any friends, and no one will want to date you or marry you. "  I wasn't a bad kid. I was never in trouble at school, and I always tried to follow her rules. My teachers always said that I was a good kid and didn't cause any problems, but a little too quiet. No one else had any problems with me but her. I could never figure out what I did wrong. Janet   Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, March 2, 2011 6:28:22 PM Subject: Re: memory stealer  I can certainly relate to this: during a visit to my home (2000 miles from nada's home) nada told me that " no one wants to be your friend because you have so many children " Crazy making May we all heal, Connie > > > I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything >to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too >dangerous in her hands. > > I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right >out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not >the slightest flicker of remembrance left. > > I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not >have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships >etc.... > > On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " >Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the >need to treat me this way? " > she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... > " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who >actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else >treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you >have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really >loves you. " > > NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have >never heard of or met, from us. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 That's awful RG...guess your dad and brothers world view would have collapsed if they admitted your nada could be cruel like that. So much of families with a BPD seems to be knitted together with denial. That is wonderful you had the strength and clarity to get out. In my case while there's a lot of bad stuff, it's always just under the line most of the time, plausibly deniable....I think they know if they ever just came out and said hostile things or were openly abusive I'd be gone in a heartbeat. Instead I stay hoping the good parts are real hoping to minimize the bad parts...it's not working so well right now. Thank you so much for caring about what happened to ten year old me. It means more than I can say. I'm not in touch with now - we weren't in touch after we moved and I never knew if it was because he'd just let go or because the adults just wouldn't help us. At 10 back in those days, one was completely dependent on adults for communication. I wrote one letter that I never got a reply to and basically gave up and withdrew into myself after that. I'm not sure if it'd be a good idea to contact him today given I'm at a pretty low place but maybe in the future. > > Hi > you know what? Silly me I hadn't worked out the game plan then...so I told my dad and brothers what she had said and why I was upset and they turned against me and said I was lying and making it up. > > I was devastated. I realised then if I was to OWN me it would be cutting off from all of them forever. > My last bit of hope is that after she has died the others might be able to reevaluate things... > > BTW anyone can move to another country but it is much more difficult to distance your soul from those who have shaped and hurt us. I think moving has saved my literal sanity though. > I was wondering if you are still in touch with your childhood friend? Your story was so sad. So sad- it took a little gasp from me. " Sorry " to your child-back-then from Us-on-the-Board. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 , About your nada's memory of your super-close friend liking teenage mutant ninja turtles--could it be possible she's making that one up? I know my stepnada would be sly and slick enough to do a subtle thing like that just to make me feel bad. I mention this because I had a niece who LOVED teenage mutant ninja turtles at the height of their popularity, which wasn't 30 years ago. Something seemed wrong with the timeline, so I googled them, and they were at the height of popularity in the late 80's/early 90's--more like 20 years ago. They were introduced to the media/marketing in the late 80's. It's possible that when you knew your friend, he had never seen a ninja turtle. Turtle question aside, you are obviously the one who loved and adored your friend. You focused on the IMPORTANT things in that relationship, and I bet he thinks of you fondly and often. Jill > > Wow, looks like this is a nada trait as opposed to weirdness particular to my own nada. Karla you said it: > > " Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. " > > That is how it feels. How can she remember such tiny details yet know nothing of what matters, nothing of me as a person. It's so strange. > > This is a really sensitive one for me to share, but it feels right to relate it here. When I was in elementary school we (my and my nada only) lived next to a wonderful family that took care of me after school. I played with their kids and got to experience a slice of normality. One of the siblings and I were very close - . He became like brother to me for over three years. My nada decided to move us to another city and I was destroyed down to the ground. For me that marked the end of my childhood. I was only ten and I'm quite sure I wasn't hiding those feelings back then. Fast-forward thirty years later. Tangentially related to nothing I think comic book characters in movies, my nada says " Do you remember that little boy in TownX? " (Do I remember? Do I freaking remember?) " He really liked teenage mutant ninja turtles, do your remember that? " And you know, I didn't remember it. So she got to act as if she remembered him, who was like a brother to me, better than I did. I wish I could have confronted her on mind-boggling it is that she could remember that one small detail about him and not remember that I loved him and it broke my heart when she took me away from him. And she provided no comfort, no understanding and I had to deal with my grief alone. Yes mom, I do remember him. > > > > PS - RG - I sure wish I could move to another country - good on you for doing it! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 I think this is likely, particularly if the time-line doesn't jibe and if you remember no such interest on your friend's part. Nada could just be snatching a " fact " out of the air (or out of her jumbled memory files of other people) to appear as though she knew this friend of yours very well. It could be a competitive thing on her part, " I knew him just as well as if not better than you did. " -Annie > > > > Wow, looks like this is a nada trait as opposed to weirdness particular to my own nada. Karla you said it: > > > > " Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. " > > > > That is how it feels. How can she remember such tiny details yet know nothing of what matters, nothing of me as a person. It's so strange. > > > > This is a really sensitive one for me to share, but it feels right to relate it here. When I was in elementary school we (my and my nada only) lived next to a wonderful family that took care of me after school. I played with their kids and got to experience a slice of normality. One of the siblings and I were very close - . He became like brother to me for over three years. My nada decided to move us to another city and I was destroyed down to the ground. For me that marked the end of my childhood. I was only ten and I'm quite sure I wasn't hiding those feelings back then. Fast-forward thirty years later. Tangentially related to nothing I think comic book characters in movies, my nada says " Do you remember that little boy in TownX? " (Do I remember? Do I freaking remember?) " He really liked teenage mutant ninja turtles, do your remember that? " And you know, I didn't remember it. So she got to act as if she remembered him, who was like a brother to me, better than I did. I wish I could have confronted her on mind-boggling it is that she could remember that one small detail about him and not remember that I loved him and it broke my heart when she took me away from him. And she provided no comfort, no understanding and I had to deal with my grief alone. Yes mom, I do remember him. > > > > > > > > PS - RG - I sure wish I could move to another country - good on you for doing it! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 I ran away and quit talking to them. Maybe not the most refined of solutions . . . but the only one I found. It was just so creepy. And, of course, I quit telling them anything. Sheesh. I'd love to hear other's thoughts on how to deal with this one--especially those who are LC. Wait. Hold on. I am LC with fada. It's so infrequent and limited, I forget it exists. He does this stuff in his emails to me and I just skim over the top and ignore them. After years of being disconnected, he has become a strange little stranger to me. No bond, no blood tie (other than with, well, blood), no strange father/daughter relationshp of any variety. Now, he's just a odd little stranger who was hanging around as I grew up. I look at his " strange " stories as any other lunatic's rants. Even though the details are familiar, none of it is based in reality. Hmmm . . . good question, that one! Blessings, Karla > > > > > > I wonder if this has ever happened to you guys. Yesterday my nada did it > > twice in the space of thirty minutes. I was talking about my > > couldnt-care-less apartment manager and she said, Joe was just that way, > > remember how he just wanted to read a book and not help the customers? JOE, > > was my ex-bf who I dated for three years, that was something about him I > > shared with her at the time. Joe hasn't been in my life for *twenty* years. > > Then she does it again. I'm about the same problem and she free associates > > it again and she says...you know Jeff thought you were overreacting about > > stuff like that. AGAIN, it wasn't really related, Jeff was my ex-bf who > > hasn't been in the picture for over ten years, who she only met *once*. Yet > > she feels like she can just bring them up as if she had relationships with > > them or was there when the memories happened that she is referring too. It > > makes me realize that she may have been far more enmeshed or trying to live > > vicariously through my dating life than I ever realized at the time. Back > > then I foolishly shared a lot more details about my life and those in it, > > and she *remembers* all those details now and feels free to bring them up as > > if they are hers. It creeps me out. > > > > > > Maybe that Grey Gardens movie is till just getting to me. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Whoa! For me this might be as revolutionary to my thinking about my nada as RG's nada and the ball of poo. She made it up? She MADE IT UP? The conversation as I remember it was odd because we weren't talking about comic books, cartoons, TownX, , or teenage mutant ninja turtles. She brought it up apropos of nothing. This wasn't a normal conversation area at all - I never *ever* bring up that part of my past with her. It almost makes me feel like it was a special little bomb she'd been saving for just the right moment? The years in question that I knew were 1974-1978. Wow, thanks Jill. > > , > > About your nada's memory of your super-close friend liking teenage mutant ninja turtles--could it be possible she's making that one up? I know my stepnada would be sly and slick enough to do a subtle thing like that just to make me feel bad. I mention this because I had a niece who LOVED teenage mutant ninja turtles at the height of their popularity, which wasn't 30 years ago. Something seemed wrong with the timeline, so I googled them, and they were at the height of popularity in the late 80's/early 90's--more like 20 years ago. They were introduced to the media/marketing in the late 80's. It's possible that when you knew your friend, he had never seen a ninja turtle. Turtle question aside, you are obviously the one who loved and adored your friend. You focused on the IMPORTANT things in that relationship, and I bet he thinks of you fondly and often. > > Jill > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 I remmber the TMNT as my bro was into them big time in the 80s first time they came out. now my son likes them 2nd time around. So your NADA was definately just making it up! its so crazy that they have trained us to 100% believe everything they say and doubt our own memories, feelings, thoughts, logic, conscience even! Altogether now we'll say it with you: Our NADAs are just big nasty LIARS!!! We are now smarter than their mindgames. We will not let them destroy through LIES the few sacred precious memories we do have left! Power to us! We will heal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 So sorry you had to endure that! Nada's will never own their behaviors, only justify and rationalize. Like you, I kept my private thoughts and life guarded from nada. Last year I confronted her on her behavior towards me during the ages of 12-16. She justified it by saying " Well its not like you didn't have it coming! " F#*K Her! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, March 2, 2011 5:59:13 PM Subject: Re: memory stealer I learnt very young to keep everything to myself so she wouldn't have anything to suck out of me. Information about any STUFF that mattered to me was too dangerous in her hands. I have the feeling sometimes that she powerfully sucked all the memories right out of my soul, as I have chunks, black holes, years of time where there is not the slightest flicker of remembrance left. I have lived more than half my life in a foreign country where she does not have any access to my living memories-in-the-making, friends, relationships etc.... On one visit back home ...after a nasty bout of the usual criticism, I said " Why do you do this? You are the only person in my entire life that feels the need to treat me this way? " she laid her top trump card...and replied, calmly... " I don't believe you have ANY real friends or ANYONE at all in YOUR life who actually really cares about you, or loves you at all. SO of course no one else treats you like any way at all becasue you have NO-ONE. Even if you think you have friends, they are all just pretending to like you. No one actually really loves you. " NADAS even try to steal the memories not yet made, the relationships they have never heard of or met, from us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 -- I can tell you still miss him. I would, too. I wanted to send condolences for your loss and ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) to you. He was a brother, and he suddenly disappeared. That is loss, indeed. Blessings, Karla > > > > That's one of the main reasons I had to go NC to survive. FOO's creepy, creepy way of remembering every single last detail of my life and re-counting it to me in shaming, odd, horrible ways. > > > > Intrusive, crazymaking, and just plain creepy. Ewwwww. They remembered stuff about my life I had forgotten about 10 years prior, and brought it up in conversations like it happened yesterday. > > > > Um . . . if isn't relevant to me anymore and you could caren't less about me .. . . than why do you have every page of my life memorized? > > > > It was like having someone peek up my skirt all the time. >shudder< > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Thanks for the hugs Karla > > -- > > I can tell you still miss him. I would, too. I wanted to send condolences for your loss and ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) to you. He was a brother, and he suddenly disappeared. That is loss, indeed. > > Blessings, > Karla > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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