Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally unlovable and all her friends were pretending. But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly what happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 YES! Girlscout, your stories are just as horrifying as all of ours. The funny thing is, I feel detached too, and when I write my stories, I feel detached, but then when I read what I wrote after it's posted, I start to get horrified at what my childhood was like. > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly > what happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Yeah I go back and re read too - like its evidence. > > > YES! > > Girlscout, your stories are just as horrifying as all of ours. The funny > thing is, I feel detached too, and when I write my stories, I feel detached, > but then when I read what I wrote after it's posted, I start to get > horrified at what my childhood was like. > > > > > > > > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their > kids, > > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was > totally > > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I > feel > > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, > esp > > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just > honestly > > what happened. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 I sometimes wonder if those things really happened to me, if maybe didn't I make them up? Certainly my nada & my foo say they did. But my foo does what my nada says, and since they are much younger, they don't remember either. Or at least claim to not remember. When I read stories on here, I think, oh, it happened to you too. Just knowing that I'm not alone helps. > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly > what happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 Your stories make me sad, that your parents didn't really know you, or it seems, want to know you. But, it really doesn't matter what I think -- you know the truth of feeling nullified and unloved by them, esp your nada, whether I or anyone can understand or not, you know what I mean? For me, my stories aren't really that horrific or sad. Many people would say, and have said, " oh, but she's your moooom! everyone's mom is a little crazy! hee! " And it feels like they've knifed me and disregarded what I feel and know to be true. But through being here and in therapy, I get it now - others can have their own agenda for not wanting to validate me, or they might really not get it. Whatever, I know I'm not nuts! I do validate you and your pain. > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly > what happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 Yes. Horrifying. I often read your posts with wide-eyed shock and say to myself: " How did she live through that? " I'm amazed you can form sentences, much less be the clever, strong, compassionate person you are to us all. You should be institutionalized with the level of abuse and psychological warfare you sustained. Yes. It was that intense, that horrific, and that destructive. Your stories are shocking. Be careful not to judge the level of your abuse by your incredible ability to rise above--you were abused, and abused in an over-the-top, intense and sustained way. Just because you're wonderful doesn't mean they weren't . . . evil? destructive? I can't find the word for the hate and damage they perpetrated. I get it, though. Odd how we can see others and feel compassionate & appropriate horror, but not internalize that disgust or compassion when it comes to our own experiences. I also think this is part of the healing process--you can't really see it other than " it just was " until you're ready. That's a lot to grapple with when the horror becomes personal. Blessings to you, and thanks so much for being here. You are a gifted at being a healing presence to us all! Karla > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly > what happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 thank you karla xoxo On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 9:32 AM, kyjohnson40days wrote: > > > Yes. Horrifying. I often read your posts with wide-eyed shock and say to > myself: " How did she live through that? " > > I'm amazed you can form sentences, much less be the clever, strong, > compassionate person you are to us all. You should be institutionalized with > the level of abuse and psychological warfare you sustained. Yes. It was that > intense, that horrific, and that destructive. Your stories are shocking. > > Be careful not to judge the level of your abuse by your incredible ability > to rise above--you were abused, and abused in an over-the-top, intense and > sustained way. Just because you're wonderful doesn't mean they weren't . . . > evil? destructive? I can't find the word for the hate and damage they > perpetrated. > > I get it, though. Odd how we can see others and feel compassionate & > appropriate horror, but not internalize that disgust or compassion when it > comes to our own experiences. > > I also think this is part of the healing process--you can't really see it > other than " it just was " until you're ready. That's a lot to grapple with > when the horror becomes personal. > > Blessings to you, and thanks so much for being here. You are a gifted at > being a healing presence to us all! > > Karla > > > > > > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their > kids, > > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was > totally > > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I > feel > > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, > esp > > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just > honestly > > what happened. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Interesting thoughts. I beleive the same as you. I think its a defence mechanism, to help us try and normalize. When I speak to people about my mother trying to kill me, and the other horrible things she has said or done, they are " matter of fact " because, yes, they happened. I survived. There is no sense in re-living the pain attached to that. People react either in horror or disbeleif. Sometimes I worry about not being beleived (thats a trigger for me) so I tend to not talk about it at all. This was our norm. What you have been through is very personal, I don't know your whole story, but it is likely just as horrible as every other persons here on the board - which is specific to YOU. It cut YOU. It was YOUR experience and if it traumatized you, then YES its valid. > > Some of the stories of things nadas and fadas have done to you, their kids, > take my breath away. The current example is RG's nada saying she was totally > unlovable and all her friends were pretending. > > But when it comes to my own stories, I have a feeling of detachment. I feel > like, hey these are the facts, this is what happened, this is how I was > raised. It's not a tragedy, it's not a horror show (well some of it is, esp > the way my brother treated me), its just the truth. > > So that leaves me wondering - do my stories ever take your breath away? I > need an outside opinion - was it bad? Was I abused? To me its just honestly > what happened. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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