Positive aspects of my childhood experiences

[Guest guest]

I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly abusive.

No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come from

your childhood.

1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a critical

thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical thinking

is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

That carried over into my adulthood.

4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information to

myself; to protect myself.

5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

times, hehe)

Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada, it

does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did were

horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

guess it really is a sign of healing.

Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because every

one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

Mia

[Guest guest]

For someone who dwells on the negative, that is real positive.

Sue

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Fri, March 4, 2011 7:07:31 AM

Subject: Positive aspects of my childhood experiences

 

I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly abusive.

No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come from

your childhood.

1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a critical

thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical thinking

is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

That carried over into my adulthood.

4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information to

myself; to protect myself.

5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

times, hehe)

Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada, it

does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did were

horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

guess it really is a sign of healing.

Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because every

one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

Mia

[Guest guest]

I would add resilience! And don't forget those other-worldly instincts. Do you

sense when something is " off " far before the evidence is clear? Or know when

trainwrecks are coming way before they hit? Or have any other such instinct

that you can't explain other than: I had to have it to survive, and didn't

realize it was unusual.

And don't forget strength. We are more wounded, but stronger in a lot of ways.

Great post!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

> healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly abusive.

> No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

> some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

> things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

> to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come from

> your childhood.

>

> 1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a critical

> thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical thinking

> is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

>

> 2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

> NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

>

> 3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

> That carried over into my adulthood.

>

> 4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

> usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information to

> myself; to protect myself.

>

> 5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

> relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

> times, hehe)

>

> Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada, it

> does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did were

> horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

> mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

> guess it really is a sign of healing.

>

> Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because every

> one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

>

> Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's so funny, Mia, that you started this topic. I was thinking about the

same thing myself for the past few days!

Yes, I've got PTSD 'cause of the abuse, but I've been noticing the good

things that's come out of it, too.

1) I'm very attuned to emotions and body language, and am aware of

surroundings and events. This was to try to " read " my dad's mind, but I've

used these skills in so many other places.

2) I hated how dad would complain a lot, and so decided NOT to be like him.

I wrote a graduation speech and am still working hard on staying true to my

statement: " It does not do well at all/ To sit around and complain/ To

berate the results/ Previous generations have obtained /For we are a new

generation.... "

Basically, if I notice I'm complaining, I need to get off my ass and DO

something about it! That's how I moved out of my parents house in junior

year of college. There's so many other times when I've done something about

things that it will take a while to remember them all. It forces me to move

past my fear and inertia. Then, even if nothing comes out of my efforts,

then at least I've tried.

3) I know I have the ability to do a lot more things than I realized. To

" escape " from home, or from Dad's anger, I would busy myself with school and

activities and work, because then he couldn't make me his personal servant.

He tried, but I often was too busy with homework or busy going someplace, or

was on my way out the door to work, or I took so many classes so I'd be at

school all day. So, I know I can do 19 credit semesters with 4 honors

classes and get all As (only one A-). While working a job. And i know I can

work full time and do full time school, while being busy in other

activities, 'cause that's what I did after I moved out.

4) I'm stubborn. This one is strange, because I learned it directly from my

dad. He made me do it. This is the part I am most conflicted about. See, I'm

profoundly deaf--diagnosed at 2. The audiologist said I would never amount

to anything at all, never read, talk, hear, nothing. So dad really pushed

me. He would have me recite poetry if I was getting too mumbly ('cause

that's what I hear--unclear speech). Over and over, recite more and more

things, until he was satisfied. He forced me to interact with people. I

would get severely punished if I was " rude " by not talking with people, so

that forced me to work past embarassment to ask people to repeat themselves

for the umpteenth time. I'm not saying he went about it the right way--he

was way overboard with his heavyhandedness. But I did learn, and I did

totally blow my prognosis to smithereens. I still resent how he went about

it. And it is MY own abilities that I was able to work past the disability.

But my dad did push me, stubbornly. I was stubborn against him, but I

learned to put my stubborness to GOOD use, instead of going to drugs or

anything.

So this one is really a mix--I know it's MY ability, but it wouldn't have

happened if my dad wasn't stubborn, too.

5) I'm artistic and a bookworm. Both were escapes, and I'm putting both to

good use, still.

There's more, but I think this is good for now.

Holly

>

>

> I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

> healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly abusive.

> No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

> some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

> things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

> to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come from

> your childhood.

>

> 1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a critical

> thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical thinking

> is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

>

> 2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

> NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

>

> 3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

> That carried over into my adulthood.

>

> 4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

> usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information to

> myself; to protect myself.

>

> 5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

> relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

> times, hehe)

>

> Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada,

> it

> does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did were

> horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

> mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

> guess it really is a sign of healing.

>

> Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because every

> one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

>

> Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Holly

My daughter has central auditory processing disorder and like you hears unlcear

speech in the sense that she doesn't hear all of the sounds of a particular

word. like cap is heard as cat etc. so then that effects her ability to speak.

there really isn't a fix per se and i was wondering what you might think of a

psa-personal sound amplification? and any other suggestions that worked for you

would be greatly appreciated..thanks in advance.

 

Felicia Ward

Remember that people often have different perceptions of the same reality. You

can both be right, and no one has to be wrong, if each of you is willing to let

the other person have his or her perceptions and if both of you are willing to

compromise. 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Fri, March 4, 2011 9:40:46 AM

Subject: Re: Positive aspects of my childhood experiences

That's so funny, Mia, that you started this topic. I was thinking about the

same thing myself for the past few days!

Yes, I've got PTSD 'cause of the abuse, but I've been noticing the good

things that's come out of it, too.

1) I'm very attuned to emotions and body language, and am aware of

surroundings and events. This was to try to " read " my dad's mind, but I've

used these skills in so many other places.

2) I hated how dad would complain a lot, and so decided NOT to be like him.

I wrote a graduation speech and am still working hard on staying true to my

statement: " It does not do well at all/ To sit around and complain/ To

berate the results/ Previous generations have obtained /For we are a new

generation.... "

Basically, if I notice I'm complaining, I need to get off my ass and DO

something about it! That's how I moved out of my parents house in junior

year of college. There's so many other times when I've done something about

things that it will take a while to remember them all. It forces me to move

past my fear and inertia. Then, even if nothing comes out of my efforts,

then at least I've tried.

3) I know I have the ability to do a lot more things than I realized. To

" escape " from home, or from Dad's anger, I would busy myself with school and

activities and work, because then he couldn't make me his personal servant.

He tried, but I often was too busy with homework or busy going someplace, or

was on my way out the door to work, or I took so many classes so I'd be at

school all day. So, I know I can do 19 credit semesters with 4 honors

classes and get all As (only one A-). While working a job. And i know I can

work full time and do full time school, while being busy in other

activities, 'cause that's what I did after I moved out.

4) I'm stubborn. This one is strange, because I learned it directly from my

dad. He made me do it. This is the part I am most conflicted about. See, I'm

profoundly deaf--diagnosed at 2. The audiologist said I would never amount

to anything at all, never read, talk, hear, nothing. So dad really pushed

me. He would have me recite  poetry if I was getting too mumbly ('cause

that's what I hear--unclear speech). Over and over, recite more and more

things, until he was satisfied. He forced me to interact with people. I

would get severely punished if I was " rude " by not talking with people, so

that forced me to work past embarassment to ask people to repeat themselves

for the umpteenth time. I'm not saying he went about it the right way--he

was way overboard with his heavyhandedness. But I did learn, and I did

totally blow my prognosis to smithereens. I still resent how he went about

it. And it is MY own abilities that I was able to work past the disability.

But my dad did push me, stubbornly. I was stubborn against him, but I

learned to put my stubborness to GOOD use, instead of going to drugs or

anything.

So this one is really a mix--I know it's MY ability, but it wouldn't have

happened if my dad wasn't stubborn, too.

5) I'm artistic and a bookworm. Both were escapes, and I'm putting both to

good use, still.

There's more, but I think this is good for now.

Holly

>

>

> I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

> healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly abusive.

> No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

> some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

> things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

> to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come from

> your childhood.

>

> 1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a critical

> thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical thinking

> is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

>

> 2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

> NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

>

> 3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

> That carried over into my adulthood.

>

> 4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

> usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information to

> myself; to protect myself.

>

> 5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

> relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

> times, hehe)

>

> Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada,

> it

> does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did were

> horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

> mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

> guess it really is a sign of healing.

>

> Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because every

> one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

>

> Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Felicia,

I've used personal sound amplification products before, and it has helped

me, especially when I was in public situations, like a classroom, or in

noisy situations like a party. My husband has sensory integration disorder,

and amplifying things sometimes helps him to understand what was said. It'd

be worth a try, and might help your daughter. Has she learned lip-reading

skills, too? That helps me fill in the blanks on any sounds I might have

missed. For example, " cat " looks different than " cap " on the lips. I learned

lipreading as part of hearing and speech therapy, so maybe you could look

into therapy, too?

Though hearing loss is different from auditory processing disorder, if you

have any questions or anything, feel free to email me at

hollymichellebyers@...

Holly

On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 11:50 AM, Felicia Ward wrote:

>

>

> Hey Holly

> My daughter has central auditory processing disorder and like you

> hears unlcear

> speech in the sense that she doesn't hear all of the sounds of a particular

>

> word. like cap is heard as cat etc. so then that effects her ability to

> speak.

> there really isn't a fix per se and i was wondering what you might think of

> a

> psa-personal sound amplification? and any other suggestions that worked for

> you

> would be greatly appreciated..thanks in advance.

>

>

> Felicia Ward

> Remember that people often have different perceptions of the same reality.

> You

> can both be right, and no one has to be wrong, if each of you is willing to

> let

> the other person have his or her perceptions and if both of you are willing

> to

> compromise.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Fri, March 4, 2011 9:40:46 AM

> Subject: Re: Positive aspects of my childhood

> experiences

>

>

> That's so funny, Mia, that you started this topic. I was thinking about the

> same thing myself for the past few days!

>

> Yes, I've got PTSD 'cause of the abuse, but I've been noticing the good

> things that's come out of it, too.

>

> 1) I'm very attuned to emotions and body language, and am aware of

> surroundings and events. This was to try to " read " my dad's mind, but I've

> used these skills in so many other places.

>

> 2) I hated how dad would complain a lot, and so decided NOT to be like him.

> I wrote a graduation speech and am still working hard on staying true to my

> statement: " It does not do well at all/ To sit around and complain/ To

> berate the results/ Previous generations have obtained /For we are a new

> generation.... "

>

> Basically, if I notice I'm complaining, I need to get off my ass and DO

> something about it! That's how I moved out of my parents house in junior

> year of college. There's so many other times when I've done something about

> things that it will take a while to remember them all. It forces me to move

> past my fear and inertia. Then, even if nothing comes out of my efforts,

> then at least I've tried.

>

> 3) I know I have the ability to do a lot more things than I realized. To

> " escape " from home, or from Dad's anger, I would busy myself with school

> and

> activities and work, because then he couldn't make me his personal servant.

> He tried, but I often was too busy with homework or busy going someplace,

> or

> was on my way out the door to work, or I took so many classes so I'd be at

> school all day. So, I know I can do 19 credit semesters with 4 honors

> classes and get all As (only one A-). While working a job. And i know I can

> work full time and do full time school, while being busy in other

> activities, 'cause that's what I did after I moved out.

>

> 4) I'm stubborn. This one is strange, because I learned it directly from my

> dad. He made me do it. This is the part I am most conflicted about. See,

> I'm

> profoundly deaf--diagnosed at 2. The audiologist said I would never amount

> to anything at all, never read, talk, hear, nothing. So dad really pushed

> me. He would have me recite poetry if I was getting too mumbly ('cause

> that's what I hear--unclear speech). Over and over, recite more and more

> things, until he was satisfied. He forced me to interact with people. I

> would get severely punished if I was " rude " by not talking with people, so

> that forced me to work past embarassment to ask people to repeat themselves

> for the umpteenth time. I'm not saying he went about it the right way--he

> was way overboard with his heavyhandedness. But I did learn, and I did

> totally blow my prognosis to smithereens. I still resent how he went about

> it. And it is MY own abilities that I was able to work past the disability.

> But my dad did push me, stubbornly. I was stubborn against him, but I

> learned to put my stubborness to GOOD use, instead of going to drugs or

> anything.

>

> So this one is really a mix--I know it's MY ability, but it wouldn't have

> happened if my dad wasn't stubborn, too.

>

> 5) I'm artistic and a bookworm. Both were escapes, and I'm putting both to

> good use, still.

>

> There's more, but I think this is good for now.

>

> Holly

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > I usually tend to dwell on the negative, but I am healing. Part of that

> > healing process has allowed me to say, " Yes, my nada was horribly

> abusive.

> > No, I do not want or need to have a relationship with her. But, there is

> > some good in me that came from those experiences " . So here are some good

> > things about me that I do attribute to the abuse. Please please feel free

> > to reply with the GOOD things about you that you feel could have come

> from

> > your childhood.

> >

> > 1. Because I had to try & stay one step ahead of nada, I became a

> critical

> > thinker. This is helping me SO MUCH with nursing school. Critical

> thinking

> > is a huge huge part of nursing. And I'm pretty good at it.

> >

> > 2. I'm kind. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and would

> > NEVER hurt another human being or animal on purpose.

> >

> > 3. I'm responsible. I had to be as a child or there would be hell to pay.

> > That carried over into my adulthood.

> >

> > 4. I'm good at " feeling out " other people. If someone feels " off " I can

> > usually tell pretty early on which allows me to keep certain information

> to

> > myself; to protect myself.

> >

> > 5. I'm empathetic. Another good thing when it comes to nursing. I CAN

> > relate to your pain & hurting without actually living it myself. (most

> > times, hehe)

> >

> > Though I can see the good in me that likely came from living with a nada,

> > it

> > does not mean that what she did was/is permissible! The things she did

> were

> > horribly wrong. It also does not stop me from wishing I had a normal

> > mother. But, I did develop some good skills from trying to survive. I

> > guess it really is a sign of healing.

> >

> > Like I said, please feel free to share good things about you! Because

> every

> > one of you have so many wonderful attributes =)

> >

> > Ok, off to class! Wish me luck - I have a quiz and a test today. Bleh!

> >

> > Mia

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the replies & additions to the list, guys, they are really good

ones!

Holly, that is weird that you've been thinking about it too! It's been on

my mind a few days so I thought I'd post about it lol.

And Karla, yes! I totally get " that feeling " when something is off. I'm not

always right, but I think I have a pretty good track record with it. It

also helps that I CAN actually listen to my gut feelings on things now.

That was something that was not allowed with nada, of course. So I had to

keep my mouth shut about those feelings with her. But now I've learned to

recognize the feeling as well as listen to it. Example, there are a couple

of people in my class now who are super chatty and seem like they might be

drama queens (Oy.) ly, they also come across as bitchy. Sure, I can

talk to them, tolerate them, deal with it... whatever. But does it mean I

want to strike up friendships with them? Not particularly. My gut's on to

something here so I've mostly been associating with other people who are

more down to earth & much more hard working when we have breaks & lunch.

I was very nervous about going back & having to meet a whole new group of

people, but I have to say it's not so bad! There are some really great

people in my class =)

Oh, and I got 100% on my quiz today and 98% on my test, yay! And my

instructor is THE BOMB! She's told us a couple of times that she will

mother us... send us weather warnings in our email, etc. I think if I had

to pick someone to be my nada, it would be someone like her. This woman is

amazingly awesome =) (She gives us gold stars when we answer something

correctly in class & we save them up for a " prize " at the end of the class

LOL! She also gives out little business card sized " perfect grade " cards

when we get 100% and puts stickers on anything 94% or higher. We're all

adults, but I absolutely love it, it's fun!)

Mia

[Guest guest]

Let me rephrase this: " I think if I had to pick someone to be my nada, it

would be someone like her "

I meant, if had to pick someone to replace my nada / be my mother

Mia

> Thanks for the replies & additions to the list, guys, they are really good

> ones!

>

> Holly, that is weird that you've been thinking about it too! It's been on

> my mind a few days so I thought I'd post about it lol.

>

> And Karla, yes! I totally get " that feeling " when something is off. I'm

> not always right, but I think I have a pretty good track record with it. It

> also helps that I CAN actually listen to my gut feelings on things now.

> That was something that was not allowed with nada, of course. So I had to

> keep my mouth shut about those feelings with her. But now I've learned to

> recognize the feeling as well as listen to it. Example, there are a couple

> of people in my class now who are super chatty and seem like they might be

> drama queens (Oy.) ly, they also come across as bitchy. Sure, I can

> talk to them, tolerate them, deal with it... whatever. But does it mean I

> want to strike up friendships with them? Not particularly. My gut's on to

> something here so I've mostly been associating with other people who are

> more down to earth & much more hard working when we have breaks & lunch.

>

> I was very nervous about going back & having to meet a whole new group of

> people, but I have to say it's not so bad! There are some really great

> people in my class =)

>

> Oh, and I got 100% on my quiz today and 98% on my test, yay! And my

> instructor is THE BOMB! She's told us a couple of times that she will

> mother us... send us weather warnings in our email, etc. I think if I had

> to pick someone to be my nada, it would be someone like her. This woman is

> amazingly awesome =) (She gives us gold stars when we answer something

> correctly in class & we save them up for a " prize " at the end of the class

> LOL! She also gives out little business card sized " perfect grade " cards

> when we get 100% and puts stickers on anything 94% or higher. We're all

> adults, but I absolutely love it, it's fun!)

>

> Mia

>