Guest guest Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can figuare out a transport method. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I love the name . My littlest sister is named that, and she's the one I'm most worried about. Not to say I'm not worried about the other three, but she was definitely showing mental health problems already at age 7--anorexic tendencies, depression, similar things. I'm also her godmother, due to the age difference I was confirmed right around the time of her baptism (we're about 15 years apart, but I'm horrible at math) I might borrow it from the library. Perhaps as encouragement that she might be able to make it out in mostly one piece I love a good book recommendation, so thanks for recommending it! Holly On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 8:53 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@... > wrote: > > > I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of > course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my > name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well > if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > > Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can > figuare out a transport method. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Actually...I think I read this before. Every so often I get on a reading spree on a particular subject, and more than once that spree was focused on child abuse and mental/emotional/verbal abuse. Sometimes I wish my fada hit us, because that'd be more believable. We might have gotten help sooner. On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:36 AM, Holly Byers wrote: > I love the name . My littlest sister is named that, and she's the one > I'm most worried about. Not to say I'm not worried about the other three, > but she was definitely showing mental health problems already at age > 7--anorexic tendencies, depression, similar things. > > I'm also her godmother, due to the age difference I was confirmed right > around the time of her baptism (we're about 15 years apart, but I'm horrible > at math) > > I might borrow it from the library. Perhaps as encouragement that she might > be able to make it out in mostly one piece > > I love a good book recommendation, so thanks for recommending it! > > Holly > > > On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 8:53 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > >> >> >> I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of >> course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my >> name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well >> if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . >> >> Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can >> figuare out a transport method. >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I've often wished my parents hit me - the thing about the book that leaves me wondering - is how did she realize she was an abuse victim at only age 13? I am only just realizing that at (almost) age 36. I think it might be because of her involvement in the mental health system. Or maybe the world around her showed her that her parents were wrong - my community told me it was all my fault and I was bad. It's an awesome book. I really couldn't put it down. On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 7:41 AM, Holly Byers wrote: > Actually...I think I read this before. Every so often I get on a reading > spree on a particular subject, and more than once that spree was focused on > child abuse and mental/emotional/verbal abuse. > > Sometimes I wish my fada hit us, because that'd be more believable. We > might > have gotten help sooner. > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:36 AM, Holly Byers <hollymichellebyers@... > >wrote: > > > I love the name . My littlest sister is named that, and she's the one > > I'm most worried about. Not to say I'm not worried about the other three, > > but she was definitely showing mental health problems already at age > > 7--anorexic tendencies, depression, similar things. > > > > I'm also her godmother, due to the age difference I was confirmed right > > around the time of her baptism (we're about 15 years apart, but I'm > horrible > > at math) > > > > I might borrow it from the library. Perhaps as encouragement that she > might > > be able to make it out in mostly one piece > > > > I love a good book recommendation, so thanks for recommending it! > > > > Holly > > > > > > On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 8:53 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > > > >> > >> > >> I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of > >> course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is > my > >> name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . > well > >> if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > >> > >> Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can > >> figuare out a transport method. > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I don't know--thats' the part that's amazing. I wonder if that had something to do with the other kids in the institution. Kids are smart, and by comparing notes, they could figure things out. I wish I'd known sooner, too. Being the golden child for so long, I didn't grow up with the feelings of worthlessness, but I knew that would happen if I strayed too far from my father's idea of an ideal child. Constantly being on eggshells. Even though I knew something was wrong when I moved out at 21, I couldn't accept that it was abuse until only recently, because of the counselors' reactions of OMG when they hear my story, and because of my husband, though he respected my growth and realization process, he kept trying to tell me that YES, it was abuse. Yes, it was outrageous. I just wish there were more help for kids suffering verbal/psychological abuse, so they know they're not crazy, it's their parents. On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:52 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@... > wrote: > > > I've often wished my parents hit me - the thing about the book that leaves > me wondering - is how did she realize she was an abuse victim at only age > 13? I am only just realizing that at (almost) age 36. I think it might be > because of her involvement in the mental health system. Or maybe the world > around her showed her that her parents were wrong - my community told me it > was all my fault and I was bad. > > It's an awesome book. I really couldn't put it down. > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 7:41 AM, Holly Byers <hollymichellebyers@... > >wrote: > > > > Actually...I think I read this before. Every so often I get on a reading > > spree on a particular subject, and more than once that spree was focused > on > > child abuse and mental/emotional/verbal abuse. > > > > Sometimes I wish my fada hit us, because that'd be more believable. We > > might > > have gotten help sooner. > > > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:36 AM, Holly Byers < > hollymichellebyers@... > > >wrote: > > > > > I love the name . My littlest sister is named that, and she's the > one > > > I'm most worried about. Not to say I'm not worried about the other > three, > > > but she was definitely showing mental health problems already at age > > > 7--anorexic tendencies, depression, similar things. > > > > > > I'm also her godmother, due to the age difference I was confirmed right > > > around the time of her baptism (we're about 15 years apart, but I'm > > horrible > > > at math) > > > > > > I might borrow it from the library. Perhaps as encouragement that she > > might > > > be able to make it out in mostly one piece > > > > > > I love a good book recommendation, so thanks for recommending it! > > > > > > Holly > > > > > > > > > On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 8:53 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > > > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. > Of > > >> course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is > > my > > >> name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . > > well > > >> if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > > >> > > >> Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we > can > > >> figuare out a transport method. > > >> > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I forgot to mention in my last post - during my first year of marriage at age 21 (yes I was a child bride, very very very common in the opressive culture I grew up in) my ex mother in law and ex husband were so cruel to me that I often wished my husband would either hit me or cheat on me. I was taught by my parents and surrounding community that these were the only acceptable reasons for leaving a marriage. WOW!!! I grew up with shitty beliefs. What about the emotional abuse he and his mother inflicted on me? Telling me I didn't deserve to work toward a masters degree? Telling me I had no right to express my identity through my clothes, hair or decorations in my home? Getting angry (his mother) if she thought I wore too much makeup (a joke because i'm very subtle and natural with makeup, this was just her way of attacking my femininity). Hating my pets. And my ex mother in law made such a scene at my wedding that I was honest to god afraid to turn my back on her. I thought she would beat me in the head with a brick if I turned around. Wow. And he didn't defend me to her at all - I think he was terrified of her. My parents thought I should just bear it. My friends told me not to talk about it - that it wasn't appropriate. Yeah, I understand wishing someone would hit instead of emotional abuse. I think society sees bruises as proof. I talked to my T a week ago about how my exhusband responded to me - he just withdrew. He would go in another room and avoid me for weeks at a time, never once explaining why he was upset. I would beg him to tell me. The last time he did it, it went on for FOUR MONTHS. It might still be going on now, but I served him with divorce papers at the 4 month mark. T said withdrawal like this is one of the most damaging things a person can do. I did figure out or surmise a few times what kinds of things upset him. It was shitty stuff - like he thought he deserved to have sex with me whenever and wherever the mood struck him. Or that I was having more success at my job than him. Or that I'd said something mild that hurt his fragile ego and manhood (I can't remember an example but this came up all the time). Or I had made food with vegetables that he didn't like (I'm a health nut and he couldn't stand fruits or vegetables). Or I cut my hair too short for his tastes. Stuff like that. On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 7:59 AM, Holly Byers wrote: > I don't know--thats' the part that's amazing. I wonder if that had > something > to do with the other kids in the institution. Kids are smart, and by > comparing notes, they could figure things out. > > I wish I'd known sooner, too. Being the golden child for so long, I didn't > grow up with the feelings of worthlessness, but I knew that would happen if > I strayed too far from my father's idea of an ideal child. Constantly being > on eggshells. > > Even though I knew something was wrong when I moved out at 21, I couldn't > accept that it was abuse until only recently, because of the counselors' > reactions of OMG when they hear my story, and because of my husband, though > he respected my growth and realization process, he kept trying to tell me > that YES, it was abuse. Yes, it was outrageous. > > I just wish there were more help for kids suffering verbal/psychological > abuse, so they know they're not crazy, it's their parents. > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:52 AM, Girlscout Cowboy < > girlscout.cowboy@... > > wrote: > > > > > > > I've often wished my parents hit me - the thing about the book that > leaves > > me wondering - is how did she realize she was an abuse victim at only age > > 13? I am only just realizing that at (almost) age 36. I think it might be > > because of her involvement in the mental health system. Or maybe the > world > > around her showed her that her parents were wrong - my community told me > it > > was all my fault and I was bad. > > > > It's an awesome book. I really couldn't put it down. > > > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 7:41 AM, Holly Byers < > hollymichellebyers@... > > >wrote: > > > > > > > Actually...I think I read this before. Every so often I get on a > reading > > > spree on a particular subject, and more than once that spree was > focused > > on > > > child abuse and mental/emotional/verbal abuse. > > > > > > Sometimes I wish my fada hit us, because that'd be more believable. We > > > might > > > have gotten help sooner. > > > > > > On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:36 AM, Holly Byers < > > hollymichellebyers@... > > > >wrote: > > > > > > > I love the name . My littlest sister is named that, and she's the > > one > > > > I'm most worried about. Not to say I'm not worried about the other > > three, > > > > but she was definitely showing mental health problems already at age > > > > 7--anorexic tendencies, depression, similar things. > > > > > > > > I'm also her godmother, due to the age difference I was confirmed > right > > > > around the time of her baptism (we're about 15 years apart, but I'm > > > horrible > > > > at math) > > > > > > > > I might borrow it from the library. Perhaps as encouragement that she > > > might > > > > be able to make it out in mostly one piece > > > > > > > > I love a good book recommendation, so thanks for recommending it! > > > > > > > > Holly > > > > > > > > > > > > On Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 8:53 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < > > > > girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > > > > > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. > > Of > > > >> course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself > is > > > my > > > >> name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . > . > > > well > > > >> if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > > > >> > > > >> Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we > > can > > > >> figuare out a transport method. > > > >> > > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Physical assault: getting slapped, spanked with a hand, beaten with a belt, (and much, much worse for some) in the guise of " correction " or punishment doesn't necessarily mean that your abuse will be more visible to others and get you rescued earlier. Perhaps it does with low-functioning personality-disordered parents who rage at their child and assault their child in public, or send their child to school with obvious bruises and injuries... but with high-functioning nadas like mine, the physical evidence of the assault is carefully hidden. The reddening of the skin from slapping and spanking fades pretty quickly; the bruises and welts and minor cuts from the belt fade more slowly, and the belt-beatings were all done on our butts and the backs of our thighs where it wouldn't show easily. And we were rarely if ever assaulted when dad was home. I think nada on some level realized that battering her kids wasn't OK, and so she didn't want to let herself really go off on us when dad was home. Besides, when dad was home, all her attention was on him. Dad was more likely to get goaded into a " discussion " (i.e., screaming fight) with nada than we were, when he was home. But the psychological abuse coexisted with the physical abuse and outlasted it by a long-shot. And the psychological abuse, I believe, inflicts more thorough and long-lasting damage. -Annie > > > >> > >> > >> I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of > >> course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my > >> name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well > >> if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > >> > >> Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can > >> figuare out a transport method. > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 ALL children can only believe that the way they are treated at home by their parents is " normal " and " OK " , and that they somehow deserve the " punishments " (i.e., attacks, tortures, neglect) until it goes too far or until the child is somehow exposed to the idea that (or they experience first-hand that) other kids' parents and other adults aren't like that. That is why abusive parenting is such a massive and deep betrayal: its the betrayal of the child's natural, abject, utter innocence. That's the main reason why I think it would make a really big difference to a lot of kids if there were something called " emotional hygiene class " in schools, that are focused on educating kids about what normal, mentally healthy behaviors look like and sound like, compared to what mentally disturbed, abnormal behaviors look like and sound like. If kids learn in school that THIS is what " emotional abuse " sounds like and looks like, and THIS is what " physical abuse " looks like and sounds like, and THIS is what neglect looks and sounds like, and THIS is what bullying looks and sounds like, and THIS is what sexual harassment or inappropriate sexual conduct looks like and sounds like (using age-appropriate and carefully selected examples so as not to be pornography).... AND give examples of emotionally healthy, positive ways to deal with the same issues, for comparison, then, I think that would go a long way in exposing to the victims themselves that what they are experiencing at home is actually abuse, and abuse is abnormal and NOT OK. And that its not their fault, and they have the right to report it. -Annie > > I don't know--thats' the part that's amazing. I wonder if that had something > to do with the other kids in the institution. Kids are smart, and by > comparing notes, they could figure things out. > > I wish I'd known sooner, too. Being the golden child for so long, I didn't > grow up with the feelings of worthlessness, but I knew that would happen if > I strayed too far from my father's idea of an ideal child. Constantly being > on eggshells. > > Even though I knew something was wrong when I moved out at 21, I couldn't > accept that it was abuse until only recently, because of the counselors' > reactions of OMG when they hear my story, and because of my husband, though > he respected my growth and realization process, he kept trying to tell me > that YES, it was abuse. Yes, it was outrageous. > > I just wish there were more help for kids suffering verbal/psychological > abuse, so they know they're not crazy, it's their parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 is my therapist's name. I have also considered changing my name. The family name for me is Emma ...of course, I go by , but if I were going to go ahead and change it (and I may some day), I had picked the name . Becoming I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can figuare out a transport method. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I love the idea of changing too. is beautiful. i love the name , my middle name is something close. I love my first name, but the last name needs to go sooner or later. . . . I'd like to just change it to something totally random - like Bean or Eagle (ha ha sounds Native American) but becoming a family with my boyfriend sounds like it would be easier to explain to the neighbors > > > > is my therapist's name. I have also considered changing my name. The > family name for me is Emma ...of course, I go by , but if I were > going to go ahead and change it (and I may some day), I had picked the name > . > > > > > Becoming > > I picked up a book yesterday written by a teen child abuse survivor. Of > course it suckered me in because the new name she chose for herself is my > name. And I am thinking a lot about ditching my parents name and. . . well > if I am ever ready to marry boyfriend we just might do that.. . . > > Great book I highly recomend it. I'd be willing to loan it out if we can > figuare out a transport method. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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