Great, they tracked me down.

March 6, 2011

Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

into complete PTSD mode.

I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and then

called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no response.

So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

(Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is try

to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada. She

just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

years after moving across the street from nada.

Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for me

on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

answer it.

Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something inside

of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone and

says " it was your grandma " .

So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent 2

letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my boundaries

and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know where

I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

hesitate to give nada the information.

I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER gone

away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there will

be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

March 6, 2011

(((((Justi)))))

Just when you were starting to feel safe... blam! I'm so sorry.

Some states now have " anti stalking " laws, and like a lot of laws those vary

from state to state as well. Might be worth looking up the specifics for your

state.

So...if you haven't already, now is the time to start collecting evidence and

building your case for harassment and stalking. Send nada and/or grandnada

and/or your sister a certified letter (meaning they each have to sign for their

copy) stating very simply and briefly and clearly that you wish no further

contact of any kind, ever again, and any further attempts at contact will be

considered harassment. Keep a copy for your own records, and send a copy to

your lawyer. (Note: you don't have to explain why; you just state " I wish no

further contact. " )

After that, keep copies of any letters, emails or voice messages they send you.

Keep a diary/journal and note if they are following you when you go out, or if

they are doing surveillance of you by walking by or driving by your home. Take

photos of them if they are following you around. When you have a few week's

worth of evidence, then I believe your lawyer can make a case for getting you a

restraining order based on anti-stalking laws.

If someone, even a personality-disordered relative refuses to respect your wish

for no contact, then, you have to go to the next step.

I suggest that being proactive about this will help you to not feel like a

helpless prey, and feel more like a tiger defending her territory. Grrrrr!

-Annie

>

> Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> into complete PTSD mode.

>

> I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and then

> called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no response.

> So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

>

> My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is try

> to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada. She

> just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> years after moving across the street from nada.

>

> Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for me

> on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> answer it.

>

> Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something inside

> of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone and

> says " it was your grandma " .

>

> So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

>

> She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent 2

> letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my boundaries

> and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

>

> I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know where

> I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> hesitate to give nada the information.

>

> I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER gone

> away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

>

> I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there will

> be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

>

March 6, 2011

I've been there Justi when my narc fada tracked me down. It's an awful feeling

to realize that that buffer of safety - thinking they don't know where you are -

is gone. My advice let yourself have a good freakout and then get cold and

rational. Come up with a plan of what you will do if any of them show up at

your door. Maybe if calling is too intense send your grandma a letter telling

her you still wish no relationship and not to contact you again. If you say

nothing odds are she'll keep trying.

Good luck!

>

> Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> into complete PTSD mode.

>

> I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and then

> called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no response.

> So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

>

> My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is try

> to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada. She

> just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> years after moving across the street from nada.

>

> Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for me

> on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> answer it.

>

> Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something inside

> of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone and

> says " it was your grandma " .

>

> So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

>

> She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent 2

> letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my boundaries

> and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

>

> I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know where

> I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> hesitate to give nada the information.

>

> I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER gone

> away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

>

> I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there will

> be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

>

March 6, 2011

Thank you Annie & .

I was just researching PPO in my state. They don't live in the same state.

Grand nada and nada are in 2 different states, and the only person's address

I have is nadas... if she hasn't moved, which I doubt. I don't have step

sister's address either. But hey, if they can track me down on the net, why

can't I track them down? I'm just as smart.

I need to talk to someone who knows the law of all this though before I do

anything, and of course it's Sunday so I have no where to turn. So I need

to calm the fu** down and get my homework/studying done tonight so I can

make phone calls tomorrow. Have school Tues, wed & fri... Anyway...

I do see that most states, including mine, offer free legal assistance to

women who are victims of domestic violence, but, since it's not a

spouse/boyfriend, I'm not sure if they will help me. Plus it is my word

against nada/grandnada's. The only hope I do see is that according to one

sight, even perceived violence & fear can count and I do have a history, but

again... no proof! God this is all so very invalidating. In one fell swoop,

all the work I've done to validate my experiences is completely shot to

hell.

Annie - I like the idea of a certified letter, but again, I don't wish to

procede until I've talked to legal council somehow. But yes, I am trying to

be proactive. I have about 11 tabs open in my web browser right now with

information on getting a PPO in my state. I mean hell, they know where I am

now so no I do NOT mind taking this course of action if I can legally.

I'm so angry. I want to scream, punch the walls, something. How dare

someone give out my fiance's name to these people! How dare they had abusers

their victim! How dare they negate MY RIGHT to have zero contact with

someone. I am an adult and DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE I

DO NOT WANT TO!!! And by God that means abusive nada.

I also have a phone call in to my T. I have an appointment with her Thurs

but asked if she could call me tomorrow. I just don't know where to turn

first. I guess the YWCA in my area helps provide free legal advice for

women in domestic violence situations, but again... we're talking about a

parent & grandparent I haven't spoken to in two years.

But hey, at least I am angry. I AM FEELING ANGER. And I don't know what to

do with it because I hardly ever feel REAL anger. Just trying to breathe

and educate myself.

Thanks again, any advice is greatly aprecieated.

Mia

>

> I've been there Justi when my narc fada tracked me down. It's an awful

> feeling to realize that that buffer of safety - thinking they don't know

> where you are - is gone. My advice let yourself have a good freakout and

> then get cold and rational. Come up with a plan of what you will do if any

> of them show up at your door. Maybe if calling is too intense send your

> grandma a letter telling her you still wish no relationship and not to

> contact you again. If you say nothing odds are she'll keep trying.

>

> Good luck!

>

> >

> > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> > into complete PTSD mode.

> >

> > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> then

> > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> response.

> > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> >

> > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is

> try

> > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada.

> She

> > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> > years after moving across the street from nada.

> >

> > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for

> me

> > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> > answer it.

> >

> > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> inside

> > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone

> and

> > says " it was your grandma " .

> >

> > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> >

> > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent

> 2

> > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> boundaries

> > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> >

> > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> where

> > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > hesitate to give nada the information.

> >

> > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER

> gone

> > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> >

> > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there

> will

> > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> >

March 6, 2011

I just called my local YWCA's 24 hour crisis hotline. I AM ELIGIBLE for

PPO/stalking order, THANK GOD. They gave me a number I can call tomorrow

for free legal advise and can even help me file it over the internet.

I am sharing this information with you on this list because we're all in

similar situations. IF you are being stalked, harassed or feel unsafe

because of your abusive parent/s, get on the net and look up your local

crisis hotline. I know YWCA mostly works with women, but men who have been

abused have rights too. So please, if you find yourself in my shoes, call.

I'll be calling the family justice center tomorrow to go about doing this.

Thank you guys. I feel somewhat better now, but still scared to death.

Ugh.

Mia

> Thank you Annie & .

>

> I was just researching PPO in my state. They don't live in the same state.

> Grand nada and nada are in 2 different states, and the only person's address

> I have is nadas... if she hasn't moved, which I doubt. I don't have step

> sister's address either. But hey, if they can track me down on the net, why

> can't I track them down? I'm just as smart.

>

> I need to talk to someone who knows the law of all this though before I do

> anything, and of course it's Sunday so I have no where to turn. So I need

> to calm the fu** down and get my homework/studying done tonight so I can

> make phone calls tomorrow. Have school Tues, wed & fri... Anyway...

>

> I do see that most states, including mine, offer free legal assistance to

> women who are victims of domestic violence, but, since it's not a

> spouse/boyfriend, I'm not sure if they will help me. Plus it is my word

> against nada/grandnada's. The only hope I do see is that according to one

> sight, even perceived violence & fear can count and I do have a history, but

> again... no proof! God this is all so very invalidating. In one fell swoop,

> all the work I've done to validate my experiences is completely shot to

> hell.

>

> Annie - I like the idea of a certified letter, but again, I don't wish to

> procede until I've talked to legal council somehow. But yes, I am trying to

> be proactive. I have about 11 tabs open in my web browser right now with

> information on getting a PPO in my state. I mean hell, they know where I am

> now so no I do NOT mind taking this course of action if I can legally.

>

> I'm so angry. I want to scream, punch the walls, something. How dare

> someone give out my fiance's name to these people! How dare they had abusers

> their victim! How dare they negate MY RIGHT to have zero contact with

> someone. I am an adult and DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE I

> DO NOT WANT TO!!! And by God that means abusive nada.

>

> I also have a phone call in to my T. I have an appointment with her Thurs

> but asked if she could call me tomorrow. I just don't know where to turn

> first. I guess the YWCA in my area helps provide free legal advice for

> women in domestic violence situations, but again... we're talking about a

> parent & grandparent I haven't spoken to in two years.

>

> But hey, at least I am angry. I AM FEELING ANGER. And I don't know what

> to do with it because I hardly ever feel REAL anger. Just trying to breathe

> and educate myself.

>

> Thanks again, any advice is greatly aprecieated.

>

> Mia

>

> On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 5:30 PM, climberkayak wrote:

>

>>

>> I've been there Justi when my narc fada tracked me down. It's an awful

>> feeling to realize that that buffer of safety - thinking they don't know

>> where you are - is gone. My advice let yourself have a good freakout and

>> then get cold and rational. Come up with a plan of what you will do if any

>> of them show up at your door. Maybe if calling is too intense send your

>> grandma a letter telling her you still wish no relationship and not to

>> contact you again. If you say nothing odds are she'll keep trying.

>>

>> Good luck!

>>

>> >

>> > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

>> > into complete PTSD mode.

>> >

>> > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

>> > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going

>> NC

>> > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

>> then

>> > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

>> response.

>> > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

>> >

>> > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I

>> cannot

>> > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is

>> try

>> > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my

>> grandma

>> > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada.

>> She

>> > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I

>> were

>> > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

>> > years after moving across the street from nada.

>> >

>> > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

>> > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they

>> share

>> > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone

>> I

>> > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for

>> me

>> > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't

>> even

>> > answer it.

>> >

>> > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

>> > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

>> inside

>> > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone

>> and

>> > says " it was your grandma " .

>> >

>> > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

>> > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

>> > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

>> > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

>> >

>> > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said

>> she

>> > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent

>> 2

>> > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will

>> return

>> > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

>> > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

>> boundaries

>> > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

>> >

>> > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

>> where

>> > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

>> > hesitate to give nada the information.

>> >

>> > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

>> > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER

>> gone

>> > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

>> > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

>> >

>> > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

>> > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there

>> will

>> > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

>> >

March 6, 2011

You might want to consider severely restricting or even totally blocking those

you can't trust from your FaceBook account, as well, so you will in effect be

invisible to each other.

Thumb's up for being proactive and planning to consult with a lawyer about what

your options are. And thumb's up for beginning your evidence-collecting.

You're already sounding more empowered and less scared.

I hope you get the restraining order(s) soon.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> > > into complete PTSD mode.

> > >

> > > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> > > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> > > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> > then

> > > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> > response.

> > > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> > >

> > > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> > > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is

> > try

> > > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> > > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada.

> > She

> > > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> > > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> > > years after moving across the street from nada.

> > >

> > > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> > > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> > > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for

> > me

> > > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> > > answer it.

> > >

> > > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> > > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> > inside

> > > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone

> > and

> > > says " it was your grandma " .

> > >

> > > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> > > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> > > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> > > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> > >

> > > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> > > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent

> > 2

> > > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> > > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> > > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> > boundaries

> > > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> > >

> > > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> > where

> > > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > > hesitate to give nada the information.

> > >

> > > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> > > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER

> > gone

> > > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> > > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> > >

> > > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> > > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there

> > will

> > > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> > >

March 6, 2011

Thanks Annie. I have my facebook on lockdown... have had it like that since

I moved out of state because of nada. I've tried on several occasions to

find myself on it and it's damn near impossible. In fact, my best friend

who is like a sister to me finally just made a facebook account and couldn't

find me, have had same situation with people from school. I always have to

end up finding them.

I weeded out my friends list a ton. Only people I consider friends are on

there now. However, I'm still thinking of deleting the account and setting

one up using a pseudonym. The friends who are left would understand my

reasons behind it. And those who would not, well they're not real friends

anyway.

I'd seriously like to smack my step sister. I can't be 100% sure, but going

back to that gut feeling I was talking about in another thread... my gut

says it was her. How dare her. When I call the family justice center

tomorrow I'm going to see who I can file against. Nada for sure, but I

question grandnada & step sister. Then again, since they told me it was

based largely on my perception/fear of violence, I don't see why not. I am

pissed, angry & afraid of all of them. And I'm tired of it! This is MY

LIFE and I have a right to live it free of fear, free of abuse, and to be

free from the past.

Karma is a bitch and I hope she gets them all royally. If anyone deserves

it, it is them and all of our nadas & fadas.

Mia

On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 6:28 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

> You might want to consider severely restricting or even totally blocking

> those you can't trust from your FaceBook account, as well, so you will in

> effect be invisible to each other.

>

> Thumb's up for being proactive and planning to consult with a lawyer about

> what your options are. And thumb's up for beginning your

> evidence-collecting.

>

> You're already sounding more empowered and less scared.

>

> I hope you get the restraining order(s) soon.

>

> -Annie

>

> > > >

> > > > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out &

> go

> > > > into complete PTSD mode.

> > > >

> > > > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused

> to

> > > > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering

> going NC

> > > > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> > > then

> > > > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> > > response.

> > > > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> > > >

> > > > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I

> cannot

> > > > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do

> is

> > > try

> > > > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my

> grandma

> > > > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from

> nada.

> > > She

> > > > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I

> were

> > > > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a

> few

> > > > years after moving across the street from nada.

> > > >

> > > > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > > > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they

> share

> > > > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because

> anyone I

> > > > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls

> for

> > > me

> > > > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't

> even

> > > > answer it.

> > > >

> > > > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I

> over

> > > > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> > > inside

> > > > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the

> phone

> > > and

> > > > says " it was your grandma " .

> > > >

> > > > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying

> monkey)

> > > > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook

> and

> > > > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I

> am

> > > > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> > > >

> > > > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said

> she

> > > > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has

> sent

> > > 2

> > > > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will

> return

> > > > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I

> don't

> > > > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> > > boundaries

> > > > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> > > >

> > > > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> > > where

> > > > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > > > hesitate to give nada the information.

> > > >

> > > > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had

> a

> > > > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has

> NEVER

> > > gone

> > > > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every

> day

> > > > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> > > >

> > > > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and

> tell

> > > > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that

> there

> > > will

> > > > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> > > >

March 6, 2011

Hi Mia,

Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe you (and all of

us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an opportunity to take back

the power your nada still has over you. I think getting the stalking order is

part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a few friends who might be friends

with nada, and since I'm considering changing jobs and moving to another state,

I had to ask one of them in particular to not tell nada anything she might hear.

I explained very shortly about what had happened at Xmas, and my friend was

totally cool. She said if nada asked her anything she would just say she didn't

know anything. Since I have blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my

posts at all, even things I comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a

few high school friends she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to

cull the list again to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able

to keep up with what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want

the word to get out.

I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably should create

a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I think that might be

the safest option for me.

Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the situation

and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went through that last week

when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was all sappy and ridiculous.

March 6, 2011

I understand where you're coming from . I am now wondering just who I

can trust.

Step sister is friends with 2 friends I went to high school with. They were

still on my friends list, but not anymore. But, they're still friends with

other friends I had in high school, so it's a vicious circle. I mean, if I

removed Friend A from my list, and still have friend B on my list, and

Friend A is on B's list... would friend B really stop & think if friend A

asked " hey, can you tell me <information> about <person>? " . See my badly

described point here? I think most people would not hesitate to say " Oh

man, we were all so close in high school! Did you see she's engaged to some

guy named <name> and lives in <state> now? " . I would think twice, most of

us here probably would given our own histories. But the majority still

probably had normal parents and wouldn't think twice! Especially when you

don't advertise that kind of stuff from the past.

Messed up. Just completely messed up. I've kept up with all those crazy

sites like spokeo.com over the years that list your name, address & phone if

it's listed and removed myself as these sites pop up. They are really making

it MUCH too easy for someone to stalk/harass and possibly harm someone.

So yep, now I know they have my address. So now it's time to take action.

I do wonder if I will have a hearing and if they will show up? God, that

will suck but hell yes I would do it. It's my right to protect myself.

SOrry if I sound more discombobulated than usual. I pretty much am.

Mia

>

> Hi Mia,

>

> Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe you (and

> all of us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an opportunity to

> take back the power your nada still has over you. I think getting the

> stalking order is part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a few

> friends who might be friends with nada, and since I'm considering changing

> jobs and moving to another state, I had to ask one of them in particular to

> not tell nada anything she might hear. I explained very shortly about what

> had happened at Xmas, and my friend was totally cool. She said if nada asked

> her anything she would just say she didn't know anything. Since I have

> blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my posts at all, even things I

> comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a few high school friends

> she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to cull the list again

> to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able to keep up with

> what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want the word to

> get out.

>

> I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably should

> create a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I think that

> might be the safest option for me.

>

> Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the

> situation and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went through

> that last week when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was all sappy

> and ridiculous.

>

March 6, 2011

Hi Sweetie, I totally agree with what has already been said about

documenting, filing etc. The one thing I would add is that Randi had a How

To Be NC document that said if they send you stuff, do not send it back.

Because sending it back is a response and is reinforcing to the abuser. So

just set it on fire without opening, it would feel really good too, oh wait

that won't help with documentation. . . .

The other thing I might suggest is that you do something physical to help

you deal with the rage. I saw you go through about 5 stages of grief in

about an hour so maybe act out that stage. I'm sure you have limits since

your surgery. Can you play raquetball, tennis, do martial arts etc or maybe

just a brisk walk?

I'm sorry that happened. I love all the ideas to protect yourself and to

talk to your T. Unfortunately, having my name in the newspaper is what my

whole career is based on --- but then I don't have the aggressive kind of

family. They've left me pretty much alone since I let them know that was

what I wanted.

Sending you hugs and support from Girlscout and you are doing all the right

things.

> I understand where you're coming from . I am now wondering just who

> I

> can trust.

>

> Step sister is friends with 2 friends I went to high school with. They

> were

> still on my friends list, but not anymore. But, they're still friends with

> other friends I had in high school, so it's a vicious circle. I mean, if I

> removed Friend A from my list, and still have friend B on my list, and

> Friend A is on B's list... would friend B really stop & think if friend A

> asked " hey, can you tell me <information> about <person>? " . See my badly

> described point here? I think most people would not hesitate to say " Oh

> man, we were all so close in high school! Did you see she's engaged to

> some

> guy named <name> and lives in <state> now? " . I would think twice, most of

> us here probably would given our own histories. But the majority still

> probably had normal parents and wouldn't think twice! Especially when you

> don't advertise that kind of stuff from the past.

>

> Messed up. Just completely messed up. I've kept up with all those crazy

> sites like spokeo.com over the years that list your name, address & phone

> if

> it's listed and removed myself as these sites pop up. They are really

> making

> it MUCH too easy for someone to stalk/harass and possibly harm someone.

>

> So yep, now I know they have my address. So now it's time to take action.

> I do wonder if I will have a hearing and if they will show up? God, that

> will suck but hell yes I would do it. It's my right to protect myself.

>

> SOrry if I sound more discombobulated than usual. I pretty much am.

>

> Mia

>

> >

> > Hi Mia,

> >

> > Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe you (and

> > all of us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an opportunity

> to

> > take back the power your nada still has over you. I think getting the

> > stalking order is part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a few

> > friends who might be friends with nada, and since I'm considering

> changing

> > jobs and moving to another state, I had to ask one of them in particular

> to

> > not tell nada anything she might hear. I explained very shortly about

> what

> > had happened at Xmas, and my friend was totally cool. She said if nada

> asked

> > her anything she would just say she didn't know anything. Since I have

> > blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my posts at all, even

> things I

> > comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a few high school

> friends

> > she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to cull the list

> again

> > to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able to keep up

> with

> > what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want the word

> to

> > get out.

> >

> > I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably should

> > create a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I think

> that

> > might be the safest option for me.

> >

> > Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the

> > situation and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went

> through

> > that last week when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was all

> sappy

> > and ridiculous.

> >

>

March 6, 2011

Thanks Girlscout. I really have no limitations now since surgery, got a

full release and physically feel very very very good. Did I say very good?

I can see 2011 is going to be a hell of a year... major surgery and now the

abusers track my ass down. Thanks, Karma... what'd I ever do to you?

</sarcasm>

I don't know what I'm going to do. We're getting ready to take fiance's

kids back to their mom's, then maybe grab a bite to eat. It's a bit snowy &

slick outside... most of it melted in the sun today but what's left is

" black ice " ... you can't see it. With my luck, I'd fall & break my neck.

Maybe I'll just do some wii fit when I get home? Still have studying to do.

I was in the middle of getting that done when that phone call came. Then

got into active mode to find out what I can do to try & protect myself.

Grandnada said she has sent 2 letters. I have never gotten them. I " m

really confused by that. If she was calling all people in the phone book

who have my fiance's name, how did she know where to send the letters to?

Just how long have they had my address? And why haven't I ever gotten them?

I thank you for letting me know not to send them back. You/Randy are/is

right... sending it back is a form of communication. If I get any, I guess

I'll hang on to them and file them under " I " for " insane " in my filing

cabinet.

Still documenting my fiance's ex wife's craziness. Now I have to start

documenting my so-called-family's craziness. Shit. Does it ever end?

Thanks again Girlscout & everyone. I apprecieate you all being there &

helping to keep me level headed in a moment of pure panic.

Mia

On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 7:46 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...

> wrote:

>

> Hi Sweetie, I totally agree with what has already been said about

> documenting, filing etc. The one thing I would add is that Randi had a How

> To Be NC document that said if they send you stuff, do not send it back.

> Because sending it back is a response and is reinforcing to the abuser. So

> just set it on fire without opening, it would feel really good too, oh wait

> that won't help with documentation. . . .

>

> The other thing I might suggest is that you do something physical to help

> you deal with the rage. I saw you go through about 5 stages of grief in

> about an hour so maybe act out that stage. I'm sure you have limits

> since

> your surgery. Can you play raquetball, tennis, do martial arts etc or maybe

> just a brisk walk?

>

> I'm sorry that happened. I love all the ideas to protect yourself and to

> talk to your T. Unfortunately, having my name in the newspaper is what my

> whole career is based on --- but then I don't have the aggressive kind of

> family. They've left me pretty much alone since I let them know that was

> what I wanted.

>

> Sending you hugs and support from Girlscout and you are doing all the right

> things.

>

> > I understand where you're coming from . I am now wondering just who

> > I

> > can trust.

> >

> > Step sister is friends with 2 friends I went to high school with. They

> > were

> > still on my friends list, but not anymore. But, they're still friends

> with

> > other friends I had in high school, so it's a vicious circle. I mean, if

> I

> > removed Friend A from my list, and still have friend B on my list, and

> > Friend A is on B's list... would friend B really stop & think if friend A

> > asked " hey, can you tell me <information> about <person>? " . See my badly

> > described point here? I think most people would not hesitate to say " Oh

> > man, we were all so close in high school! Did you see she's engaged to

> > some

> > guy named <name> and lives in <state> now? " . I would think twice, most of

> > us here probably would given our own histories. But the majority still

> > probably had normal parents and wouldn't think twice! Especially when you

> > don't advertise that kind of stuff from the past.

> >

> > Messed up. Just completely messed up. I've kept up with all those crazy

> > sites like spokeo.com over the years that list your name, address &

> phone

> > if

> > it's listed and removed myself as these sites pop up. They are really

> > making

> > it MUCH too easy for someone to stalk/harass and possibly harm someone.

> >

> > So yep, now I know they have my address. So now it's time to take action.

> > I do wonder if I will have a hearing and if they will show up? God, that

> > will suck but hell yes I would do it. It's my right to protect myself.

> >

> > SOrry if I sound more discombobulated than usual. I pretty much am.

> >

> > Mia

> >

> > On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 6:55 PM, afldancer

> wrote:

> >

> > >

> > > Hi Mia,

> > >

> > > Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe you

> (and

> > > all of us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an

> opportunity

> > to

> > > take back the power your nada still has over you. I think getting the

> > > stalking order is part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a few

> > > friends who might be friends with nada, and since I'm considering

> > changing

> > > jobs and moving to another state, I had to ask one of them in

> particular

> > to

> > > not tell nada anything she might hear. I explained very shortly about

> > what

> > > had happened at Xmas, and my friend was totally cool. She said if nada

> > asked

> > > her anything she would just say she didn't know anything. Since I have

> > > blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my posts at all, even

> > things I

> > > comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a few high school

> > friends

> > > she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to cull the list

> > again

> > > to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able to keep up

> > with

> > > what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want the

> word

> > to

> > > get out.

> > >

> > > I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably

> should

> > > create a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I think

> > that

> > > might be the safest option for me.

> > >

> > > Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the

> > > situation and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went

> > through

> > > that last week when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was all

> > sappy

> > > and ridiculous.

> > >

> >

March 6, 2011

Hugs sweetie, I know school is keeping you busy but make sure you take time

to take care of yourself too. I bet 1/2 hour of Wii fit will help a lot. I

find exercise helps me a ton. XOXO

> Thanks Girlscout. I really have no limitations now since surgery, got a

> full release and physically feel very very very good. Did I say very good?

> I can see 2011 is going to be a hell of a year... major surgery and now the

> abusers track my ass down. Thanks, Karma... what'd I ever do to you?

> </sarcasm>

>

> I don't know what I'm going to do. We're getting ready to take fiance's

> kids back to their mom's, then maybe grab a bite to eat. It's a bit snowy

> &

> slick outside... most of it melted in the sun today but what's left is

> " black ice " ... you can't see it. With my luck, I'd fall & break my neck.

>

> Maybe I'll just do some wii fit when I get home? Still have studying to

> do.

> I was in the middle of getting that done when that phone call came. Then

> got into active mode to find out what I can do to try & protect myself.

>

> Grandnada said she has sent 2 letters. I have never gotten them. I " m

> really confused by that. If she was calling all people in the phone book

> who have my fiance's name, how did she know where to send the letters to?

> Just how long have they had my address? And why haven't I ever gotten

> them?

> I thank you for letting me know not to send them back. You/Randy are/is

> right... sending it back is a form of communication. If I get any, I guess

> I'll hang on to them and file them under " I " for " insane " in my filing

> cabinet.

>

> Still documenting my fiance's ex wife's craziness. Now I have to start

> documenting my so-called-family's craziness. Shit. Does it ever end?

>

> Thanks again Girlscout & everyone. I apprecieate you all being there &

> helping to keep me level headed in a moment of pure panic.

>

> Mia

>

> On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 7:46 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

> girlscout.cowboy@...

> > wrote:

>

> >

> > Hi Sweetie, I totally agree with what has already been said about

> > documenting, filing etc. The one thing I would add is that Randi had a

> How

> > To Be NC document that said if they send you stuff, do not send it back.

> > Because sending it back is a response and is reinforcing to the abuser.

> So

> > just set it on fire without opening, it would feel really good too, oh

> wait

> > that won't help with documentation. . . .

> >

> > The other thing I might suggest is that you do something physical to help

> > you deal with the rage. I saw you go through about 5 stages of grief in

> > about an hour so maybe act out that stage. I'm sure you have limits

> > since

> > your surgery. Can you play raquetball, tennis, do martial arts etc or

> maybe

> > just a brisk walk?

> >

> > I'm sorry that happened. I love all the ideas to protect yourself and to

> > talk to your T. Unfortunately, having my name in the newspaper is what my

> > whole career is based on --- but then I don't have the aggressive kind of

> > family. They've left me pretty much alone since I let them know that was

> > what I wanted.

> >

> > Sending you hugs and support from Girlscout and you are doing all the

> right

> > things.

> >

> > > I understand where you're coming from . I am now wondering just

> who

> > > I

> > > can trust.

> > >

> > > Step sister is friends with 2 friends I went to high school with. They

> > > were

> > > still on my friends list, but not anymore. But, they're still friends

> > with

> > > other friends I had in high school, so it's a vicious circle. I mean,

> if

> > I

> > > removed Friend A from my list, and still have friend B on my list, and

> > > Friend A is on B's list... would friend B really stop & think if friend

> A

> > > asked " hey, can you tell me <information> about <person>? " . See my

> badly

> > > described point here? I think most people would not hesitate to say " Oh

> > > man, we were all so close in high school! Did you see she's engaged to

> > > some

> > > guy named <name> and lives in <state> now? " . I would think twice, most

> of

> > > us here probably would given our own histories. But the majority still

> > > probably had normal parents and wouldn't think twice! Especially when

> you

> > > don't advertise that kind of stuff from the past.

> > >

> > > Messed up. Just completely messed up. I've kept up with all those crazy

> > > sites like spokeo.com over the years that list your name, address &

> > phone

> > > if

> > > it's listed and removed myself as these sites pop up. They are really

> > > making

> > > it MUCH too easy for someone to stalk/harass and possibly harm someone.

> > >

> > > So yep, now I know they have my address. So now it's time to take

> action.

> > > I do wonder if I will have a hearing and if they will show up? God,

> that

> > > will suck but hell yes I would do it. It's my right to protect myself.

> > >

> > > SOrry if I sound more discombobulated than usual. I pretty much am.

> > >

> > > Mia

> > >

> > > On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 6:55 PM, afldancer

> > wrote:

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Hi Mia,

> > > >

> > > > Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe you

> > (and

> > > > all of us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an

> > opportunity

> > > to

> > > > take back the power your nada still has over you. I think getting the

> > > > stalking order is part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a few

> > > > friends who might be friends with nada, and since I'm considering

> > > changing

> > > > jobs and moving to another state, I had to ask one of them in

> > particular

> > > to

> > > > not tell nada anything she might hear. I explained very shortly about

> > > what

> > > > had happened at Xmas, and my friend was totally cool. She said if

> nada

> > > asked

> > > > her anything she would just say she didn't know anything. Since I

> have

> > > > blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my posts at all, even

> > > things I

> > > > comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a few high school

> > > friends

> > > > she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to cull the

> list

> > > again

> > > > to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able to keep

> up

> > > with

> > > > what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want the

> > word

> > > to

> > > > get out.

> > > >

> > > > I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably

> > should

> > > > create a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I

> think

> > > that

> > > > might be the safest option for me.

> > > >

> > > > Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the

> > > > situation and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went

> > > through

> > > > that last week when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was all

> > > sappy

> > > > and ridiculous.

> > > >

> > >

March 6, 2011

He took me to dinner. I actually had a margarita. I can't tell you the

last time I had a drink because I'm just not a big drinker, but one was

actually pretty good.

Now I feel vegetative. I think my mind has kinda checked out. I'm here but

not completely. =\ Maybe I'll just go to bed.

Mia

On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 8:24 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...

> wrote:

>

> Hugs sweetie, I know school is keeping you busy but make sure you take time

> to take care of yourself too. I bet 1/2 hour of Wii fit will help a lot. I

> find exercise helps me a ton. XOXO

>

> > Thanks Girlscout. I really have no limitations now since surgery, got a

> > full release and physically feel very very very good. Did I say very

> good?

> > I can see 2011 is going to be a hell of a year... major surgery and now

> the

> > abusers track my ass down. Thanks, Karma... what'd I ever do to you?

> > </sarcasm>

> >

> > I don't know what I'm going to do. We're getting ready to take fiance's

> > kids back to their mom's, then maybe grab a bite to eat. It's a bit snowy

> > &

> > slick outside... most of it melted in the sun today but what's left is

> > " black ice " ... you can't see it. With my luck, I'd fall & break my neck.

> >

> > Maybe I'll just do some wii fit when I get home? Still have studying to

> > do.

> > I was in the middle of getting that done when that phone call came. Then

> > got into active mode to find out what I can do to try & protect myself.

> >

> > Grandnada said she has sent 2 letters. I have never gotten them. I " m

> > really confused by that. If she was calling all people in the phone book

> > who have my fiance's name, how did she know where to send the letters to?

> > Just how long have they had my address? And why haven't I ever gotten

> > them?

> > I thank you for letting me know not to send them back. You/Randy are/is

> > right... sending it back is a form of communication. If I get any, I

> guess

> > I'll hang on to them and file them under " I " for " insane " in my filing

> > cabinet.

> >

> > Still documenting my fiance's ex wife's craziness. Now I have to start

> > documenting my so-called-family's craziness. Shit. Does it ever end?

> >

> > Thanks again Girlscout & everyone. I apprecieate you all being there &

> > helping to keep me level headed in a moment of pure panic.

> >

> > Mia

> >

> > On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 7:46 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

> > girlscout.cowboy@...

> > > wrote:

> >

> > >

> > > Hi Sweetie, I totally agree with what has already been said about

> > > documenting, filing etc. The one thing I would add is that Randi had a

> > How

> > > To Be NC document that said if they send you stuff, do not send it

> back.

> > > Because sending it back is a response and is reinforcing to the abuser.

> > So

> > > just set it on fire without opening, it would feel really good too, oh

> > wait

> > > that won't help with documentation. . . .

> > >

> > > The other thing I might suggest is that you do something physical to

> help

> > > you deal with the rage. I saw you go through about 5 stages of grief in

> > > about an hour so maybe act out that stage. I'm sure you have limits

> > > since

> > > your surgery. Can you play raquetball, tennis, do martial arts etc or

> > maybe

> > > just a brisk walk?

> > >

> > > I'm sorry that happened. I love all the ideas to protect yourself and

> to

> > > talk to your T. Unfortunately, having my name in the newspaper is what

> my

> > > whole career is based on --- but then I don't have the aggressive kind

> of

> > > family. They've left me pretty much alone since I let them know that

> was

> > > what I wanted.

> > >

> > > Sending you hugs and support from Girlscout and you are doing all the

> > right

> > > things.

> > >

> > > > I understand where you're coming from . I am now wondering just

> > who

> > > > I

> > > > can trust.

> > > >

> > > > Step sister is friends with 2 friends I went to high school with.

> They

> > > > were

> > > > still on my friends list, but not anymore. But, they're still friends

> > > with

> > > > other friends I had in high school, so it's a vicious circle. I mean,

> > if

> > > I

> > > > removed Friend A from my list, and still have friend B on my list,

> and

> > > > Friend A is on B's list... would friend B really stop & think if

> friend

> > A

> > > > asked " hey, can you tell me <information> about <person>? " . See my

> > badly

> > > > described point here? I think most people would not hesitate to say

> " Oh

> > > > man, we were all so close in high school! Did you see she's engaged

> to

> > > > some

> > > > guy named <name> and lives in <state> now? " . I would think twice,

> most

> > of

> > > > us here probably would given our own histories. But the majority

> still

> > > > probably had normal parents and wouldn't think twice! Especially when

> > you

> > > > don't advertise that kind of stuff from the past.

> > > >

> > > > Messed up. Just completely messed up. I've kept up with all those

> crazy

> > > > sites like spokeo.com over the years that list your name, address &

> > > phone

> > > > if

> > > > it's listed and removed myself as these sites pop up. They are really

> > > > making

> > > > it MUCH too easy for someone to stalk/harass and possibly harm

> someone.

> > > >

> > > > So yep, now I know they have my address. So now it's time to take

> > action.

> > > > I do wonder if I will have a hearing and if they will show up? God,

> > that

> > > > will suck but hell yes I would do it. It's my right to protect

> myself.

> > > >

> > > > SOrry if I sound more discombobulated than usual. I pretty much am.

> > > >

> > > > Mia

> > > >

> > > > On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 6:55 PM, afldancer

> > > wrote:

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi Mia,

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, this all royally sucks. I can't lie. But I hope that maybe

> you

> > > (and

> > > > > all of us learning from each other) can maybe take this as an

> > > opportunity

> > > > to

> > > > > take back the power your nada still has over you. I think getting

> the

> > > > > stalking order is part of that. Regarding Facebook, I only have a

> few

> > > > > friends who might be friends with nada, and since I'm considering

> > > > changing

> > > > > jobs and moving to another state, I had to ask one of them in

> > > particular

> > > > to

> > > > > not tell nada anything she might hear. I explained very shortly

> about

> > > > what

> > > > > had happened at Xmas, and my friend was totally cool. She said if

> > nada

> > > > asked

> > > > > her anything she would just say she didn't know anything. Since I

> > have

> > > > > blocked nada, she has no way of seeing any of my posts at all, even

> > > > things I

> > > > > comment on mutual friends' walls. There are only a few high school

> > > > friends

> > > > > she might be following, but I think I'm getting ready to cull the

> > list

> > > > again

> > > > > to only people I trust. That sucks because I like being able to

> keep

> > up

> > > > with

> > > > > what my HS friends are doing, but at the same time, I don't want

> the

> > > word

> > > > to

> > > > > get out.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm contemplating what to do with my Facebook friends. I probably

> > > should

> > > > > create a " might talk " list that I can opt out of certain posts. I

> > think

> > > > that

> > > > > might be the safest option for me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Mia, I hope you are able to feel like you are taking control of the

> > > > > situation and not feel like she's in control of everything. I went

> > > > through

> > > > > that last week when she sent me a fucking hallmark card that was

> all

> > > > sappy

> > > > > and ridiculous.

> > > > >

> > > >

March 6, 2011

Justi-How awful for you! This really, really, really sucks. I hate it that you

are having to deal with this stuff.

Not minimizing the horridness of the situation whatsoever . . .

I went NC with fada for about 2 years before starting very limited email

communication with him. He's still just as crazy, only he emails me 2-3 times a

week instead pretending I don't exist like he used to. (I respond once every

two weeks). Now that I've gone through that NC period, I am surprised at how

little his crazy affects me. Where he used to be this all-powerful tyrant that

terrified and triggered me, he's now been reduced to an odd, crazy little

stranger. I can't take him too seriously if I try. I didn't do it on

purpose--it just happened.

While I'm not suggesting it won't affect you if they show up at your door, you

will be amazed at how much the triggers and reactions are reduced. You will be

able to respond with clarity and strength like you've never done before.

Again, this is awful. But it may be a comfort to you to know you've changed

significantly in these last two years. They don't hold NEAR the power they used

to!

I hope they take their monkeys and fly away home, to crazy-land!!!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> into complete PTSD mode.

>

> I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and then

> called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no response.

> So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

>

> My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is try

> to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada. She

> just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> years after moving across the street from nada.

>

> Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for me

> on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> answer it.

>

> Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something inside

> of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone and

> says " it was your grandma " .

>

> So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

>

> She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent 2

> letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my boundaries

> and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

>

> I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know where

> I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> hesitate to give nada the information.

>

> I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER gone

> away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

>

> I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there will

> be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

>

March 6, 2011

Thanks Karla. I admire that you can have a relationship with him. I don't

want one with my nada right now, not sure if I ever will to be honest.

Love what you said though... they can take their monkeys and fly away to

crazy land. That's awesome and made me smile. Ty!

Mia

On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 11:38 PM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

> Justi-How awful for you! This really, really, really sucks. I hate it that

> you are having to deal with this stuff.

>

> Not minimizing the horridness of the situation whatsoever . . .

>

> I went NC with fada for about 2 years before starting very limited email

> communication with him. He's still just as crazy, only he emails me 2-3

> times a week instead pretending I don't exist like he used to. (I respond

> once every two weeks). Now that I've gone through that NC period, I am

> surprised at how little his crazy affects me. Where he used to be this

> all-powerful tyrant that terrified and triggered me, he's now been reduced

> to an odd, crazy little stranger. I can't take him too seriously if I try. I

> didn't do it on purpose--it just happened.

>

> While I'm not suggesting it won't affect you if they show up at your door,

> you will be amazed at how much the triggers and reactions are reduced. You

> will be able to respond with clarity and strength like you've never done

> before.

>

> Again, this is awful. But it may be a comfort to you to know you've changed

> significantly in these last two years. They don't hold NEAR the power they

> used to!

>

> I hope they take their monkeys and fly away home, to crazy-land!!!

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

> >

> > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> > into complete PTSD mode.

> >

> > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> then

> > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> response.

> > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> >

> > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is

> try

> > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada.

> She

> > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> > years after moving across the street from nada.

> >

> > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for

> me

> > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> > answer it.

> >

> > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> inside

> > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone

> and

> > says " it was your grandma " .

> >

> > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> >

> > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent

> 2

> > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> boundaries

> > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> >

> > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> where

> > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > hesitate to give nada the information.

> >

> > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER

> gone

> > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> >

> > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there

> will

> > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> >

March 6, 2011

Mia

You are not the girl you were 2 years ago. You took steps then. Be

strong now. Respond strongly. Use the legal means you have to enforce

it as you feel the need. But I would respond to G nada at once,

without letting her have a way to respond, and tell her very strongly, I

do not want any contact with you or with mom. You are NOT to contact me

or my fiance again.

You might have such a letter sent from an attorney. It carries a bit

more weight sometimes.

Don t curl up into a ball. That is not who you are now.

It s BITCH SLAP time.

Doug

>

> Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out &

go

> into complete PTSD mode.

>

> I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going

NC

> with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

then

> called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

response.

> So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

March 6, 2011

Of course. I hope I didn't sound like I was implying you should have a

relationship with them. I personally think you should use every single (legal)

method necessary to chase them away! And I hope they are so terrified by the

" new " you, they never think of tracking you down again. I was trying to affirm

your certain new-found strength.

I never really had much of a " relationship " with my father. He was more the

tyrannical slave-owner than anything else. I can count less than 8 short, short

& stilted conversations I had with him in my entire growing-up experience. And

yes, my parents are still together. I actually lived with him for 18+ years.

STrange how the power has shifted. Now that I've been NC, he is practically

needy in his attempts to communicate with me.

Like I said--a lot changed in 2 years, and I wasn't even aware it was changing.

I get it--suddenly having them show up would make me wet myself.

Blessings,

Karla

> > >

> > > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out & go

> > > into complete PTSD mode.

> > >

> > > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused to

> > > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering going NC

> > > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> > then

> > > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> > response.

> > > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> > >

> > > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I cannot

> > > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do is

> > try

> > > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my grandma

> > > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from nada.

> > She

> > > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I were

> > > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a few

> > > years after moving across the street from nada.

> > >

> > > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they share

> > > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because anyone I

> > > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls for

> > me

> > > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't even

> > > answer it.

> > >

> > > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I over

> > > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> > inside

> > > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the phone

> > and

> > > says " it was your grandma " .

> > >

> > > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying monkey)

> > > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook and

> > > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I am

> > > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> > >

> > > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said she

> > > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has sent

> > 2

> > > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will return

> > > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I don't

> > > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> > boundaries

> > > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> > >

> > > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> > where

> > > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > > hesitate to give nada the information.

> > >

> > > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had a

> > > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has NEVER

> > gone

> > > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every day

> > > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> > >

> > > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and tell

> > > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that there

> > will

> > > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> > >

March 7, 2011

No, I didn't feel like you were implying that at all! But I do wish there

was a way I could have contact with them. But I'm not at that point and not

sure I ever will be. I just want peace now, and I don't see how that's

possible with nada in my life. I think KOs get it, normals sure wouldn't.

It's not easy to go NC with a parent. You guys DO get it.

No worries Karla. I think I knew right where you were coming from =)

Mia

On Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 2:21 AM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

> Of course. I hope I didn't sound like I was implying you should have a

> relationship with them. I personally think you should use every single

> (legal) method necessary to chase them away! And I hope they are so

> terrified by the " new " you, they never think of tracking you down again. I

> was trying to affirm your certain new-found strength.

>

> I never really had much of a " relationship " with my father. He was more the

> tyrannical slave-owner than anything else. I can count less than 8 short,

> short & stilted conversations I had with him in my entire growing-up

> experience. And yes, my parents are still together. I actually lived with

> him for 18+ years.

>

> STrange how the power has shifted. Now that I've been NC, he is practically

> needy in his attempts to communicate with me.

>

> Like I said--a lot changed in 2 years, and I wasn't even aware it was

> changing.

>

> I get it--suddenly having them show up would make me wet myself.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

> > > >

> > > > Ok, trying not to curl up into a little ball and freak the hell out &

> go

> > > > into complete PTSD mode.

> > > >

> > > > I went NC with nada 2 years ago when I moved here after she refused

> to

> > > > return my phone calls regarding the move. I had been considering

> going NC

> > > > with her before that, and that was the final straw. I emailed her and

> > > then

> > > > called & left messages for her to call me back twice, and got no

> > > response.

> > > > So I moved and haven't spoken to her or her mother since.

> > > >

> > > > My grandmother is likely BPD as well. Though she was good to me, I

> cannot

> > > > (Repeat CANNOT) have a relationship with her because all she will do

> is

> > > try

> > > > to " fix " things between my nada & I. That's what happened when my

> grandma

> > > > moved from out of state to the house right across the street from

> nada.

> > > She

> > > > just wanted to " fix " us. Grandnada is the waif type too and nada & I

> were

> > > > her personal maid/chauffeur/etc. Well she moved back out of state a

> few

> > > > years after moving across the street from nada.

> > > >

> > > > Well now she's tracked me down. She just called the house phone here.

> > > > Fiance & I live with his father, fiance is a junior... so yes, they

> share

> > > > same name. Fiance answered when it rang, I usually don't because

> anyone I

> > > > need to talk to has my cell phone number. The only time anyone calls

> for

> > > me

> > > > on the house phone is when my future step daughter calls. So I don't

> even

> > > > answer it.

> > > >

> > > > Fiance knew something was off when she started asking about me. I

> over

> > > > heard him say " I'm her fiance " and start taking a message. Something

> > > inside

> > > > of me knew it was related to nada. Sure enough he gets off of the

> phone

> > > and

> > > > says " it was your grandma " .

> > > >

> > > > So this means that someone (likely my step sister: nada's flying

> monkey)

> > > > gave them my fiance's name. I say her because she was on my facebook

> and

> > > > could have seen that I had my relationship status set to his name. I

> am

> > > > livid pissed, scared, angry, you name it.

> > > >

> > > > She said she was using my uncle's computer to try & find me. She said

> she

> > > > has been calling all of the people with fiance's name. Said she has

> sent

> > > 2

> > > > letters. I haven't ever gotten any letters and if any come, I will

> return

> > > > them to sender. Fiance said if she calls again he will tell her I

> don't

> > > > want anything to do with them and that if they do not respect my

> > > boundaries

> > > > and show up at our door, the police will be called immediately.

> > > >

> > > > I mentioned here a while ago that I wouldn't put it past them to know

> > > where

> > > > I was or to find me. Well, now they have. I'm sure grandnada won't

> > > > hesitate to give nada the information.

> > > >

> > > > I DO NOT FEEL SAFE ANYMORE. When I first moved here 2 years ago I had

> a

> > > > constant fear of nada showing up at my front door. That fear has

> NEVER

> > > gone

> > > > away completely however it is not on the forefront of my mind every

> day

> > > > anymore. Guess what? Now, it is.

> > > >

> > > > I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her back and

> tell

> > > > her flat out that I do not want a relationship with them and that

> there

> > > will

> > > > be consequences if they show up at my house. I don't know what to do.

> > > >

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Great, they tracked me down.

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